by Lia Lee
“Sure,” he said.
“Don’t you have work?” I asked. “I mean, I don’t want to put you out.”
“I’ll fix that,” he said and rolled over, taking his phone from the nightstand. He lay in bed next to me with the phone pressed to his ear. I listened to the conversation he had with another ranger, talking about taking the day off. When he hung up, he turned his face to me and grinned.
“Done,” he said.
“Thank you,” I said, smiling. Lee rolled closer and kissed me, wrapping his arms around me and pulling my body against his. He was hard in his boxers, straining and eager. I laughed. I would have loved nothing more than to spend the day with Lee in the sheets, doing all kinds of things to cement our new relationship. But I had to get home to collect my things. Because I worked from home all my equipment was there and I needed to see what I could do for work over the next several months.
I jumped in the shower first while he put on the kettle for coffee. When I was done, I dressed and combed my hair while he showered. When we were both dressed and ready to leave, we drank coffee together, sitting down and talking about the trip. It was almost three hours back to Seattle and I had to pack a few things before we headed back to Packwood.
We climbed into Lee’s truck which was bigger than my car. On the way out of town, we stopped for gas and snacks before we hit the road.
The weather was beautiful. We wound down both windows and Lee cranked up the radio. The playlist for the day was perfect and the wind whipped my hair around my face and tugged at my clothes. When we were on the open road Lee sped up and it was like we were flying. Nothing mattered. Everything that had been bothering me, the constant knot in my stomach since I had found out about the baby, blew away. My troubled past and my uncertain future was something to worry about later. All that mattered was the two of us and the open road before us.
Lee reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine, I looked at him with a smile. He pulled my hand toward his lips and kissed my knuckles. The sun beat down on my face when I turned my head toward the passenger window and I closed my eyes. We drove along, wrapped in the music and the wind and the freedom, and I knew that Lee and I were in this together. He wasn’t going to ditch me. He wasn’t going to ruin things for me.
My mind jumped to Jim, though I hadn’t thought about him in a while. I hadn’t ever gone this many days in a row without thinking about him. Everything about Lee was different than it had been with Jim. Nothing he did or said made me think about the past which was why it had been so easy to leave it all behind.
The thought of Jim made my stomach tighten again. What if Lee turned out to be the same as Jim? I had been crazy about him when I’d met him, too. And look at what he had done to me, look at how my life had turned out because of him.
I pushed the thoughts away and thought about Lee instead. Thinking about Jim and letting him ruin this moment even when he wasn’t here would only give him the power he didn’t deserve. It would only pull me back into the past when the only thing I should be focusing on now was my future with Lee and this baby that was growing inside of me.
This miracle. I put my hand on my stomach.
Who would have thought being bold would have brought me here? Nothing I could have done out on my own would have made me as happy as I was now. I knew the future would be difficult and there was a chance that things would crumble. But if I lived my life from one difficulty to the next I would never have the chance to be in a good space.
And I deserved to be happy.
We finally arrived at Seattle and drove through the city, weaving our way through the tall buildings. Lee was careful as he drove and he looked a little out of place. I could understand how strange it had to be to be in the city when his life was in the mountains.
I directed him to my home. After he parked, we climbed out together and I led him into my place. He looked around and I knew he was adding to his image of me, the same way I had done when he had taken me to his cabin. I tried to see my belongings through a stranger’s eyes and I wondered what he saw here that he hadn’t known about me.
Lee helped me collect my things. I packed up my camera equipment and Lee took it to his truck for me. I put my laptop in its bag and grabbed my external hard drive with my portfolios on it. We emptied the fridge of perishables. I had no idea when I would be back home, but I didn’t want to come here and find a fridge full of rotting food.
While Lee loaded the last things into the truck for me I walked to my bedroom and packed a bag with more clothes and toiletries than my overnight bag had contained. I packed warmer clothes as well in case the evenings were colder.
I stood in front of my closet with my hands on my hips when Lee came in.
“Are you almost ready?” he asked.
“Yeah. I was just thinking, it will be colder by the time I start to show and all my winter clothes are form fitting, so there is no point in bringing these for now..”
Lee walked to my bed and sat down. “So we’ll buy you maternity clothes when the time comes.”
He was right, of course. I was worried about something that would only be a problem, later. But it was crashing down on me a little. Sometimes, I was okay with being pregnant. It was what I’d always wanted. Other times it hit me like a freight train and I couldn’t believe this was where I was in my life. I had given up on having children and had banished all thoughts that related to being a mother. I even avoided the baby clothes section in department stores, and when mothers with children passed me I looked the other direction.
Now, I was going to be one of those mothers and I didn’t always know how to handle it. It hadn’t even been a week since I had found out and I was struggling to wrap my mind around all that was going on.
“What’s bothering you?” Lee asked.
“I don’t always know how I feel about being pregnant,” I said. “I want it but at the same time, I’m terrified.”
“It’s okay to want to be happy.”
I suddenly wanted to cry. How did he know that was what it was about? For so long I hadn’t felt like I was entitled to be happy if I couldn’t give Jim what he wanted. I had felt like a disappointment for so long. I turned back to my closet.
“Hey,” Lee said, and he threw a pillow at me. He did it so gently I was more caught off guard than shaken. I blinked at Lee and he smirked.
I picked up the pillow and walked toward him, playfully hitting him over the head with it. He laughed and grabbed another pillow and a pillow fight broke out in a way I hadn’t had in years. Lee was gentle with me, but he didn’t treat me like I was going to shatter either, as we laughed and threw pillows at each other. When Lee lifted his pillow, he dropped it instead of bringing it down on me and grabbed me around the waist instead, wrestling me to the bed. I squealed and laughed, squirming to get out of his arms.
His arms were pillars of strength and he held me in place without hurting me. When I couldn’t get out I stopped fighting it and looked up at him, panting. His dark eyes were drowning deep when he looked at me. He lowered his lips to mine and our playfulness turned into a tender moment as we lay together on my bed, kissing.
It wasn’t sexually charged. The moment was sweet and caring and we were together, a connection that wasn’t forged from sex or friendship. It was companionship and us being a team that was at the foundation of what we were doing and it felt amazing. We didn’t need to have sex to celebrate the moment, and there was no need for words. All we needed was each other, and we had that.
“We have to get going,” Lee finally said. “We still have the drive back.”
I nodded and he finally let me go. I rolled off the bed and finished my packing, not worried about maternity clothes or my happiness anymore. It would all sort itself out. And with Lee at my side, I was already happy.
I zipped up my bag and Lee took it to the truck for me. When I picked up my phone and handbag from the kitchen counter, I looked around the apartment one last time. I wasn’t leav
ing for good, I knew I would be back, but it felt like we were closing a chapter.
It wasn’t that I was sad about it. It was the best thing that could happen to me. The last couple of years were finally coming to a close. That was a good thing. But I was aware of the moment, aware of the shift in me and in the world all around me. Everything was changing now. I had a feeling that nothing would ever be the same again.
“Are you ready?” Lee asked, when I climbed into the truck.
I knew he was asking if I was ready to get going, but that question was so loaded. Was I ready for the future?
I took a deep breath. “Ready.”
Chapter 21
Lee
I loved having Farrah around the cabin. She hadn’t changed a thing, but the cabin felt more like home than it had ever before. I liked walking into my bathroom and seeing two toothbrushes in the holder above the sink, two towels on the railing and her slippers next to her side of the bed.
Her side.
I loved waking up next to her. Farrah and I still had a long road to walk together as a couple. Even though our relationship was serious and we did it all—from talking to sex—we still knew very little about each other and we were still figuring out our life together. When the baby arrived, everything would change again and that would happen in less than a year, assuming all went well.
But I wanted to go through that journey with her. I wanted to make it work and try everything I could to make it happen.
I had the weekend off and on Saturday, when it was time to head out to the bar for work, Farrah said she wanted to come with me.
“I’d love to help out at the bar,” Farrah said. “I can’t sit in the cabin alone all night, and if Hannah needed extra help, I could sure use every little bit of cash I could make. Either way, I’d love to come.”
I thought about saying no. She was pregnant, after all. But she wasn’t very far along, she wouldn’t show for quite a while, and I understood her need to work and save money. Besides, I wanted to have her at my side. My job at The Pint would be a hundred times more fun if she was with me. So, I agreed.
Farrah and I headed down the mountain in my truck and we parked outside the pub in my usual parking space. I had popped Hannah a text letting her know Farrah was coming with me. My sister hadn’t seen Farrah since she had arrived back in Packwood and I knew she would be eager to see her. Hannah would be more than curious about our relationship now.
When we walked into the pub, Hannah came to Farrah with open arms. She pulled her into a hug and held onto her for longer than was necessary. She had to stand on her toes to reach Farrah for a proper hug, but it was cute to see the two together like that. Sisters, in a way.
“Welcome to the family,” she said with a smile. “How are you feeling?”
She glanced down at Farrah’s stomach to show what she was referring to without singling her out in front of everyone who was already present.
“I’m fine,” Farrah said, blushing. I had told her that I’d spoken to Hannah so she knew what to expect.
“Well, then this is yours,” Hannah said, giving Farrah an apron. Farrah laughed and wrapped it around her waist. She walked with Hannah who explained to her what she needed to do. I watched them to, as Farrah had a determined look on her face, trying to remember everything Hannah told her.
After I was sure Farrah was taken care of, I took my place behind the bar with Dustin and started serving customers. The night was busy, as usual, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off Farrah who moved back and forth between the bar, the kitchen and the tables. She moved with elegance and grace. Hannah flirted as always and Holly had her childlike manner, but everything about Farrah was classy. She stuck out like a sore thumb, making the pub look like a hole in the ground, while she was a queen that belonged somewhere distant and exotic.
“You’re staring,” Hannah said, suddenly standing next to me, and I jumped. I hadn’t seen her come around the bar or stand next to me for however long she had been there. She laughed. “You’re half in love with her already, aren’t you?”
I shook my head, ready to start defending myself, but her question pulled me up short. Was I? I couldn’t say that I was in love with her for sure, but I couldn’t exactly say that I wasn’t, either.
When I didn’t answer Hannah or argue about it, she laughed and nudged me. “Looks like I’m not far from the truth, huh?”
I wasn’t the type to blush, but if I was, Hanna’s words would have gotten to me. When I looked at Farrah again her eyes slid to me and she smiled. It was a smile that tugged at something inside of me. I couldn’t say for sure that I wasn’t in love with her, not at all.
Was it possible for someone to fall in love this fast? I had been drawn to Farrah since the moment I’d met her, but I’d had experience with attraction before. Usually, the initial attraction was very short lived. With Farrah, it seemed different. At this point, I didn’t know if it was because of the baby and deciding to make it work, or if it was all about mind over matter.
Or maybe love at first sight and destiny and all that shit really did exist. I had never come across a fairytale before, but it looked a lot like I was living one right now.
I shook off the thoughts. I could waste my entire night standing here trying to analyze it. I could pull it apart until I didn’t recognize it anymore. It would be better if I got back to pouring beers, watching Farrah, and enjoying myself. I had been right about the kind of night I would have tonight if I brought her with me to work. I enjoyed my time here a hell of a lot more.
Of course, that was true in so many aspects of my life.
We worked until later and finally, Hannah kicked the last drunken group out of the door before closing up for the night. Farrah looked exhausted, but she held out. She didn’t complain or take any more breaks than the rest of us and I admired her for it.
She helped Holly clean the tables, wiping them down one by one and putting up the chairs afterwards. Holly wasn’t very talkative toward Farrah, but it was late and we were all quiet. Hannah had turned down the music enough for us to hear each other, but it was still loud enough that the silence wasn’t awkward.
Dustin left after Hannah paid him as she always did. He kept to himself most of the time. I had worked with him for years and I still knew nothing about him. But he seemed happy to do it this way and we were all happy for him to do what he needed to do as long as he was here to take care of his duties.
When we had taken care of it all, Hannah brought out burgers and fries that had been prepared for us and we picked at our food, laughing about the night. Hannah divided up the tips we had made. I was sure we had made more than usual because of Farrah being with us. Everyone liked her.
“So, how was your first night here?” I asked Farrah.
“It was hard work. I take my hat off to you, Hannah.”
Hannah shrugged. “You get used to being on your feet for a while. Besides, I’m more than willing to socialize and get paid at the same time.”
Farrah chuckled. She had noticed how Hannah flirted with everyone. I had wondered if she would think badly of my sister for it, but she seemed to think Hannah was endearing. There was something about Hannah that was sweet, though. It was why no one seemed to mind that she flirted with every man that came through her doors.
“Well, my night was a lot more fun with you here,” I said to Farrah. She blushed, knowing exactly what I was saying.
“I am not staying here for this. God,” Holly exclaimed. She grabbed her bag and walked toward the door. Before she left, she shot me a dirty look and slammed the door behind her.
“Temper tantrums,” Hannah sniffed.
“What was that all about?” Farrah asked, looking at me.
I laughed. “Holly has had a thing for me since she started working here. I keep fending her off but she can’t take a hint.”
“But she’s so young,” Farrah said. “She looks barely legal.”
“That would be accurate,” Hannah said. “But the h
eart wants what it wants.”
Farrah looked at me. “Really? I mean, I can see why she likes you. She happens to have good taste.”
I grinned. “You know just how to stroke my ego.”
Farrah nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “That you’re not with her shows that you have good taste, too.”
Hannah and I looked at each other and Hannah burst out laughing.
“The claws are coming out,” Hannah said.
Farrah only pulled her shoulders up without responding. It was the first time I had seen anything possessive in her and I had to admit, I really liked it. It was cute that she was serious about me. I wouldn’t go as far as calling it jealousy—for that I would have had to show some kind of interest and Holly was nothing more than a colleague to me. But I liked that Farrah cared about me and cared what other women felt for me. I felt the same about her.
When I glanced at Hannah, she was smiling at the two of us. She winked at me when we made eye contact. She had seen what I had seen and she seemed to like it, too.
We stayed for a while longer, chatting. Now that it was only the three of us, Hannah could ask her questions about the pregnancy. At first, I was worried that Farrah would be uncomfortable. My sister didn’t hold back with the questions, asking them all when I had thought it might be insensitive. But Farrah didn’t look like she felt uncomfortable and after a while, I relaxed.
“What about before?” Hannah asked. “Were you dating?”
Farrah’s face fell. It was the first time she looked like she didn’t like the topic.
“I was in a relationship,” she said softly. “It ended about a year and a half ago. It wasn’t a very healthy one.”
I wanted Hannah to stop but she had noticed Farrah’s reaction, too. She changed the topic and I saw Farrah relax. I wanted to know about her past. I wanted to know who this person was and what he had done to her. But I wanted Farrah to tell me when she was ready. I knew that she would when she was ready, and until then I didn’t want to know.