by Gia Riley
Others reps have worked from remote locations all over the world in order to take on the best, most elite clients in the business. Never in a million years did I imagine I’d be one of them. Who wouldn’t want to see the world, to live a life most could only dream of, but I have been content sitting behind my desk for the last couple years, working from nine in the morning until five at night. Sure, there have been late nights from time to time when I have to work around schedules, but for the most part, my job is secure. I can wrap it all up and go home feeling satisfied at the end of each work day.
Noelle spent hours trying to convince me going on the road is the perfect scenario to keep my relationship with Easton while hanging onto a piece of my own identity. She’s right, it is perfect, but I’ve never feared my job before. What if I’m not good enough at what I do? What if I let the band down? What if I disappoint Mr. Cooper?
Like she can read my mind, my phone pings with an incoming text from Noelle. It figures when I need her most, she’s visiting Lane.
Noelle: Stop worrying. Finish packing your shit and go get laid.
No matter what the problem may be, her solution to everything is always sex. In her world, it’s the cure all. Maybe she’s right. I could continue to lie on the couch all day long and still be just as clueless about the future as I am now. I won’t have answers to any of my questions until I get out on the road and experience it for myself. But before I can finish packing, I need coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.
Before I even get the pot, there’s a knock on the door. It’s almost noon, but I haven’t brushed my teeth or showered yet. My hair is in a messy bun on top of my head and my pajamas don’t even match. I’m in no condition for company.
Pretending to not be home doesn’t work when the knocking continues. Creeping slowly to the door, I’m careful not to make any of the loose floor boards squeak. Nothing prepares me for what I find when I look through the peep hole in the door. I’m so surprised I lose my balance and fall into the table next to the door. The keys sitting on the edge fall onto the floor, giving me away.
“Lark? Are you in there?”
“Shit,” I whisper, as I bend down to pick up the fallen keys.
“Are you okay?”
Now that he’s heard me, I have no choice but to open the door, but I keep the chain in place, so he can’t come inside. “What are you doing here?”
He smiles, taking me in from head to toe. His casual perusal of my body makes me want a shower that much more. “Did I wake you up?”
“No, but I had a late night. I’m not really up for visitors.”
“I won’t stay long, but there’s something I need to tell you.”
His timing couldn’t be worse, and while I would rather close the door in his face and pretend he never was here, I have a feeling Lincoln’s not going to leave me alone until he says whatever it is he needs to say. “What do you want?”
“To talk.”
“I think I made it pretty clear what I thought of you the last time we spoke on the beach.”
“Lark, please,” he begs when I don’t open the door back up. “I’m not leaving until you hear me out. Give me ten minutes.”
Worried he’s going to piss off my neighbors, I remove the chain from the door latch and pull it the rest of the way open. His shoulders sag with relief once he sees I’m going to hear him out. “You have five minutes. I have a lot to do today.”
He steps inside and spots all the boxes I have stacked up in the corner of the room. The ones that all need to be filled by the end of today and put into storage. “Are you moving?”
“I guess you could say that.”
“Good, you should have a bigger place. This one is too small for you.”
“Let me guess, your dog that vacations in the Hamptons has a bigger house than I do.”
He cocks his head to the side, looking confused. “I don’t have a dog.”
“Whatever, you’re down to four minutes. Start talking.”
He holds out a bag from Saks Fifth Avenue—a place I’ve never been able to afford to shop. Not if I want to have more than one thing in my wardrobe at a time. “Take it,” he says with a smile on his face.
“What’s this for?”
“Consider it an apology.”
“A real apology is made of words, not materials.”
He waves his hand in the air, dismissing my comment. Instead, he’s focused on the pictures sitting on the mantle above the fireplace. “An apology can be anything, Lark. It’s whatever fits the crime.”
I reach inside the bag and pull out a bikini top. “How does a bathing suit fit your crime?”
“That goes along with the other part of the gift. My stylist picked it out.”
Of course his stylist picked it out. He wouldn’t spend a second of his precious time shopping for the common folk. Not when he could be in Cape Cod on his yacht. “Just tell me what you want, Lincoln. I don’t have time for games right now.”
He turns around with a frame in his hand. It’s a picture of me and Noelle at the beach last year. “You both look smokin’.”
I grab the frame out of his hands. “It’s not porn. Why does everything have to be about looks with you?”
“Because when a woman looks as good as you do, she should be worshipped.”
“I’m not a toy. I don’t want to be someone’s play thing.” Like my mother always told me, know your worth.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Lark. I’m attracted to you—that’s something I can’t help. But I really did come here to tell you how sorry I am. I screwed up.”
“Exactly what are you sorry for?” If I was smart, I would hand him the gift and show him the door, but I’m a glutton for punishment, so I wait for him to explain himself.
“I realized the first night I met Noelle that she wasn’t going to work. Her tattoos, the makeup, and the way she dressed—my mother would have had a royal fit about all of it. There was too much to change and I didn’t have that kind of time. I was pissed until I saw you. You were my answer.”
“Answer to what?”
“You would make my mother happy and solve all my problems. So, I came up with a plan to get you, but things went to shit pretty fast after that—especially for you and me.”
“What are you saying? I’m not completely following.”
He sits on the edge of the couch, his knee bouncing nervously. He can’t even look me in the eyes anymore. “There was no mix-up with the letters. I paid one of the girls at the front desk to type the corrected letters and send them to your rooms. All I had to do was sit back and wait, show up at the right time, and then you’d want me instead of Easton. At least that’s what I thought would happen.”
The entire time he’s speaking, I hear him, but it’s like I’m standing in the middle of a busy intersection, cars and trucks all zipping by me blaring their horns. I can’t pinpoint a single way to escape it, only that if I don’t, I’m going to go insane. There wasn’t a mix-up with The Perfect Match survey. They had it right from the beginning. “I can’t believe this.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that my mother has these expectations that I can’t ever seem to live up to. I was desperate because I didn’t want to go home a failure.”
“Don’t you have a conscience? I could have died in the ocean on a date I never should have been on in the first place. I almost lost Easton because of you. You made Noelle feel like shit!”
He follows me as I sit down on the ottoman, choosing to sit directly in front of me on the couch. He reaches for my hand, but I pull it away from his before he can touch me. “Noelle is a sweet girl. I never meant to hurt her, but I couldn’t be the guy she was looking for.”
“She was there for the right reasons. She wanted to fall in love with the guy of her dreams. You are the biggest piece of shit for messing that up for her. And why? Because she doesn’t fit some perfect mold or ideal your mother thinks is acceptable? Grow a pair, Lincoln.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You said that already. It wasn’t good enough two minutes ago, and it’s not good enough now. You can’t use your money to get what you want, make a mess of things, and then buy forgiveness with expensive gifts.”
He stares at his perfectly shined shoes, probably worth more than the couch he’s sitting on. “It’s the only way I know how to do it.”
“I think it’s time you stopped being your mother’s puppet and start making your own choices. Love isn’t a business deal.”
“It’s not that easy. I wish it were.”
“It is that easy. Maybe she’ll get mad. Maybe she’ll throw a fit like you said, but it’s not her life to live—it’s yours. Think about it, if your mother wasn’t breathing down your neck, would you have treated Noelle differently knowing she was your perfect match?”
He nods his head before staring at the wall. “Yeah, she’s gorgeous. Maybe her style isn’t what I usually go for, but I liked her. I’ve never dated a girl with a sense of humor. It was refreshing.”
“Noelle is amazing. You really missed out.”
“Will you at least take this?” He hands me a white envelope. Another gift I don’t want.
“If it’s a gift, I don’t need it. You said what you had to say.”
“Just open it. Please.”
My hands shake as I peel the flap open. The last envelope I opened threw my life into a tailspin. “A cruise?” I ask, as I hold tickets in my hand.
“I want you and Noelle to go on another cruise. One without me screwing everything up.”
I tuck the tickets back inside the envelope and hand it back to him. “It’s a nice gesture considering what you did, but it’s a shitty apology. You already gave Noelle the best gift she could get—leaving her alone and driving her toward Lane.”
I don’t give him time to respond or ask questions. I simply open the front door, and wait for him to walk through it. He stares at me, uncomfortably, before shuffling toward the door. He stands in front of me, his eyes telling a much different story than what they told on the ship. This version of Lincoln looks defeated and I’m glad. He needs a serious reality check.
“I hope you’ll change your mind about the trip. If you or Noelle ever need anything, call me. I left my number on the mantle.”
“I don’t see that happening. Goodbye, Lincoln.”
He walks into the hallway, but before I close the door, he takes one last look over his shoulder and gives me a sad smile. For the smallest of seconds, I feel sorry for him. That is until I remember why he came to see me in the first place. Until Lincoln learns that money can’t buy happiness, I see him being a very disappointed person.
I become a very disappointed person when I finally get back to my coffee cup and the coffee’s cold. I pop it in the microwave, wondering how I’m ever going to explain the truth to Noelle. That he purposely pushed her away because she didn’t fit some cookie cutter ideal his mother would accept.
There’s never going to be an easy way or perfect time to break her heart, so I pick up my phone while I wait for my coffee to finish reheating. I’m about to press the button to call, but I hesitate. Lincoln should be the one doing this. I don’t want to be the one to tell her she’s not good enough when she’s absolutely everything—especially to me.
“Lark?”
I turn around so fast I bang my head off the cabinet door I never bothered to close. “Shit! What are you doing in my house?” I ask, grabbing my head in pain.
“Are you okay?” Grant rushes over to me, pushing my hand out of the way to inspect my head. “I didn’t mean to scare you. The door was unlocked.”
“Because someone just left. That doesn’t mean you can walk right in like you used to.”
“Who was here?”
“Nobody.” The last thing I’m going to do is explain any of this to him. “Why are you here?”
He avoids answering my question when his eyes spot the boxes. “Are you giving this place up because of me? You love living here. If you need help, I’ll write you a check.”
“Not everything is about you.” For once, I can tell Grant that my choices have absolutely nothing to do with him. What I’m doing is for me. It’s not to get farther away from him. “And why do you guys keep trying to shove your money at me. It doesn’t fix anything!”
“I don’t know who else is giving you money, but if it’s not about us living here together, why else would you give up this place. You talked about it for days when you found it you got it.”
“I’m making some changes, that’s all.”
“I ran into Noelle last night. She said you’re seeing some guy in a band.”
“He’s not some guy. He’s the guy.”
“And you’re moving in with him already? Don’t you think it’s a little fast?”
“Says the guy that couldn’t commit to one woman. But that’s beside the point. You may have crushed me at the time, but I’ve actually learned a really important lesson from you. Time means nothing. It doesn’t matter how long you’re with someone. It doesn’t matter how invested you are or what plans you’ve made. All that matters is that you’re happy. I’m done putting limits and boundaries on my life. I’m done waiting for more when I can have it today.”
“Lark, just because I made a mistake doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You’re still my girl. You’re the one I want to be with.”
I set my mug on the counter and walk into the living room where I continue to box up the novels I’ve been collecting for as long as I can remember. Each one contains a story I fell in love with. They’re stories I have used as an escape when the real world was too much to handle—when fiction was easier to process than reality.
He follows me, watching me for a minute before becoming frustrated. “Will you stop with the books and look at me?”
I don’t stop. It’s been thirteen weeks since I let Grant go, since I let him have what I wasn’t able to give him. I picked myself apart, wondering what made him want her more than me. I came to the conclusion it doesn’t matter what she looks like, where she works, or how she treats Grant. She’s his little bit of fiction—his escape from reality. And I can’t be with someone who needs an escape that doesn’t live in the pages of a book. His escape is much too real.
“Lark, please. I need you to hear me.”
“I hear you loud and clear, Grant. I’ve been listening for so long, but I never actually heard what you were saying until I walked in and saw you with someone else. It was then I realized there’s always been someone else. There will always be someone else.”
“What are you talking about? That’s not true.”
“All those times I called you and you were busy. All those times you had something suddenly come up. All the excuses you made. It was all because you wanted the best of both words—the relationship with the freedom. You finally have it. You got your wish. You’re free to do whatever you want and you won’t be hurting me anymore while you do it.”
“You’re really going to hold this one mistake against me.”
“We both know it was more than one mistake. You may have only gotten caught once, but this is what you do. It’s how you operate. Being with one person for the rest of your life terrifies you.”
He shakes his head, moving a little closer to me. “Being without you is what terrifies me, Lark.”
“If you were so worried about life without me, you wouldn’t have done what you did when you had me. I was yours. I was one hundred percent committed to you for the rest of my life. I opened my home to you, my heart, all of me.”
He closes his eyes and exhales. When he opens them back up, he says, “I’m fighting for you because I love you, Lark. I need you back.”
“There’s nothing to fight for. You already lost me when you decided I wasn’t enough.”
“You are enough. You have been since college. Don’t you remember what it was like back then?”
“A part of me will always care about you, but I’m not the girl you met in coll
ege anymore. I haven’t been for a long time. I’m ready for my happily ever after, Grant, and you can’t give it to me anymore.”
Like I kicked him in the ribs, he leans forward with his head in his hands. “That girl—the one you saw me with. She’s a secretary at work. I don’t even like her. ”
“But she’s a good lay, right? And if your dick’s happy, then you’re happy?”
He lifts his head, his mouth hanging open like he can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth. “Why are you acting like this?”
“How am I acting?”
“Like we didn’t share a life together. Like it’s easy for you to walk away from me.”
“Easy? Do you think it was easy walking in your apartment and seeing you screwing someone else? Do you have any idea how much that hurt me? The way you looked at her. The way she looked at you. I didn’t even recognize you that night, but it didn’t matter because whoever you were, you broke my heart no matter who you were pretending to be. I’ll never trust you again—especially with my heart.”
He stands up and moves to me with a purpose. I’m aware of how close he is, but I don’t dare look at him. Mostly because one look from those eyes and I’ll be transported back to that Halloween night when he was as crucial as my next breath. When I fell in love with him for the very first time.
“Babe, please look at me.” I shake my head, but he doesn’t take no for an answer. With his thumb and index finger, he raises my chin so I have no choice but to see all of him. “I can’t change what I did, but it doesn’t mean I love you any less. You’re my girl. You’re the one I’ll always want.”
“Why’d you do it?” I don’t know why I ask. Maybe I’m caught up in the moment, or maybe I’m simply a glutton for punishment. His answer won’t change how I feel about him, but it might help me understand. And I desperately want to understand.
“Nothing I can say about her will help. It’ll only hurt you more.”
“Try,” I whisper, as tears leak from the corners of my eyes. “Try and tell me why you did it. Was sex with me so bad that you had to go elsewhere? I would have tried other things with you, but you never once made it seem like I wasn’t giving you enough. I didn’t know you were bored, Grant. I didn’t know.” I hate that I’m trying to take some of the blame for our demise. Breaking down in front of him makes me look weak when I’ve already moved on.