‘Yeah.’ His smile was a shadow of its usual self, but at least it appeared. For all of a second. Then he went serious again. ‘Wow.’ He paused. ‘Thanks for telling me.’
She scrunched deeper into the sofa. ‘I don’t like to think about him.’
‘No.’ He’d gone pale again, staring at the low coffee table in front of them, looking too tired to move.
‘I guess you have to decide whether you want anything to do with Patrick,’ she said softly.
Alex shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t want to know him.’
‘That’s OK, Alex.’ She smiled at him a little sadly. ‘You don’t have to.’ She held his hand, her heart aching for the hurt in his. ‘Your phone hasn’t beeped.’ It must be a record.
He jerked. ‘Oh, I turned it off. I’d better check it.’
‘Give it to me.’
Their eyes met. Silently he handed it to her. She didn’t look at it, most certainly didn’t switch it on. She put it on the arm of the sofa.
Two disappointed people. Couldn’t they forget the past for a few hours? Abandon the search for answers? Just breathe and let rest soothe the aches they both had. She reached forward and unlaced his shoes. ‘You’re tired. You need to get some sleep.’
Neither of them had had a decent night’s sleep all week. She took his hand and stood, tugged until he drew his feet in and stood too. She let him up the stairs—past her landing and on up to his bedroom. She undid his tie, his buttons on his shirt, his trousers, slid them from his body. ‘Lie down.’
He got into the bed. ‘I want you to stay.’
‘I am.’ In her pink-pig pjs she joined him.
‘I—’
‘Just go to sleep, Alex.’ She put her arms around him. Hugged him close. Cared for him.
CHAPTER TEN
ALEX didn’t want to move—couldn’t. Way too content. Dani lay beside him, curling into him, warming him more comfortably than the softest wool blanket. And now nothing else did matter. Because just resting together like this was so complete. The questions faded, the need for answers, and the bitterness disappeared the way wisps of clouds did beneath the heat of the sun—just, like, that.
All that he needed right now was right here.
In the early morning he looked across at her. Still asleep, she looked so beautiful. He’d never seen anyone so beautiful. And he wanted to see her happy. He wanted to see her have some fun—and not just that kind of fun. His heart leapt up, somersaulted, and bellyflopped back into his chest. He was interested—in her and everything about her. The caring she’d shown last night had melted something inside him. Her telling him that about her father…he knew that had been hard. He knew how private she was, how protective. But she’d done it because she’d thought it might help him. And it had in more ways than she’d expect. It had made him see clearer—see her clearer. Now he needed to know even more. He needed to know everything—why she was so alone and what she hoped would happen when she found her brother.
He slipped out of bed. First he had to shower and get down to the office so he could make plans. But some of the peace from last night remained in his system. He felt freer somehow—less angsty about Patrick. He couldn’t even think his relaxed state was from fantastic sex—they hadn’t even had sex last night. Sharing a trouble—was it as simple as that? He glanced back to the sweet dreamer in his bed. No. It wasn’t that simple. Not at all.
Alex appeared just before lunchtime, wearing jeans and tee. Dani stared—shouldn’t he be at work?
‘Come on.’ He grinned. ‘We’re bunking.’
She gestured to the pile of letters in the tray on her desk. ‘I can’t.’
‘Cara won’t mind, will you, Cara?’ He magnified the impact of his smile with a wink.
‘Course not. Go on, Dani.’
‘Where are we going?’ she asked as soon as they were out of earshot.
He led her to his car. ‘I realised that you’ve only been in New Zealand a couple of weeks and all you’ve done is work. You haven’t had much fun.’
He was certainly in a play mood. She looked sideways at him—he was a different person from the tired, hurt man she’d seen last night. Now he was all colour and charm again. Her heart lifted and the smile bubbled out of her. ‘So what we are doing?’
‘It’s a surprise.’
Dani felt excitement tingle in her tummy. So much for keeping her life free from getting more complicated. Complicated wasn’t anywhere near enough of a description of her life—especially her feelings now.
‘I brought your jeans and trainers. You might want to get changed.’
She wriggled in the passenger seat of his car, slipping off her skirt, laughing at his all too frequent glances towards her. ‘Concentrate on the road!’
He pulled up near a big sports field. There were a couple of buses already stopped on the side of the road; the sound of people chattering carried through the trees.
‘It’s a rec afternoon for one of the Whistle Fund’s beneficiary schools. They need some help with the kids.’ He sent her an embarrassed kind of glance. ‘Not that great a surprise, I guess. You up for it?’
She looked ahead through the trees to the football fields where orange cones were being set up and kids in trackies and trainers milled in a kind of amorphous mass. ‘Sure, I like exercise.’
‘I know.’ His grin was pure shark.
She turned and went faux school marm on him in retaliation. ‘But aren’t you going to get behind with your work?’
‘I can catch up tonight.’
And he would—the man worked round the clock. ‘Admit it.’ She poked him in the ribs with her finger.
‘What?’
‘You love it. There’s nothing else you enjoy more than your wheeling and dealing. You’re a banking and business geek. And you’d be lost without it.’
His eyes slid sideways. ‘OK, I like it.’
‘No.’ She maintained her authoritarian tone. ‘You love it.’ He did—she’d seen him at work. He was happy there.
‘OK, I love it.’ He sighed and smiled at the same time. ‘But I also like bunking now and then too.’
Yeah, but being the head of the family bank was his natural home—whether he was bloodstock or not. He was good at it too.
They walked over to where the few adults were being sorted by the whistle-wearing coach. ‘Skills and drills first, then games later.’
The kids were broken up into groups of eight and they worked them out—practising passes, forward and back, running games, short drills, team building.
Dani laughed—working her group while surreptitiously watching Alex work his crew just alongside her. His time at his ‘boys’ own outdoors’ school was evident and it was equally clear he must work out a lot still—but then she knew that already.
She wasn’t totally useless herself—she’d enjoyed her self-defence classes and working out at the gym. She might be on the curvy side, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t fit. She jumped up and caught a ball someone accidentally lobbed into the middle of her kids.
‘Good catch,’ Alex murmured. ‘Nice to see a woman who isn’t afraid of balls.’
‘I like playing with them,’ she answered, all soft sass and an oh-so-innocent smile.
He chuckled, shaking his head at their lame innuendo. She giggled too and got on with exercising her group for the best part of an hour—catching his eye too often and sharing that smile.
But the best bit was when the games of touch rugby began. A lightweight version of the thump-you-to-the-ground national sport—only in this you disarmed your opponent with a touch, not a tackle. Dani shouted encouragement to the kids whom she’d helped drill. Another hour slipped by until there was a grand winning team. Alex strolled over to where she was standing, applauding them with her gang.
‘The winners want to play the leaders,’ he said. ‘You keen?’
‘Absolutely.’
Some of the kids weren’t that little and Dani felt her competitive spirit k
ick in. She looked along the field at Alex. They were on the same team. It was a nice feeling.
The game was fast, fun. Early on she got the ball, passed it straight to him and watched him run—all sleek speed and power. The try was easily scored.
The kids stood no chance against him.
At the end of it Dani asked him, ‘You wouldn’t let them win?’
Alex laughed and shook his head. ‘It’s good to learn how to lose. Besides, they wouldn’t respect us if we didn’t play an honest, hard-out game.’
He was right, of course. Except Dani wasn’t sure he’d ever had to learn how to lose. She walked with him to where the coach was looking harassed. Now it was all over, some of the kids were tired and heading towards cranky.
‘We’ll load the shed,’ Alex said. ‘You guys head back. It’ll be easier if Dani and I do it when you’re all gone.’
The coach hesitated for all of half a second. ‘Thanks.’ He immediately started rounding everyone up—ordering them back to the buses.
‘Bye, Alex.’ One of the young players from his group hovered near.
‘See ya.’ Alex grinned and waved before turning to gather more of the gear and head towards the shed.
Dani looked at the young teen, saw how her round eyes swallowed Alex whole, how the colour swept into her cheeks before she turned and ran away. Dani smiled; she knew just how overwhelmed the poor girl felt.
‘I’ll repack the shed, you hand the stuff through to me.’ Alex was already in there.
‘Thanks.’ She didn’t fancy the job of being inside that windowless shack.
They worked quickly—Dani stacking the cones and tossing the balls through to him. It took no time in the space and silence the rowdy kids had left. She waited outside the door while he put the remaining items away.
‘Why do you feel trapped in enclosed spaces?’ he asked from inside the shed. ‘What happened?’
She spun the last ball between her hands. It wasn’t a small space putting her on edge now.
‘Tell me.’ He stuck his head out of the door. ‘Something happened, right? You got a fright some time.’
It was a long time ago and she tried never to think about it. ‘It was nothing. I was an idiot.’
‘What was nothing?’
No one but her mother knew what had happened that day. No one but him, of course. ‘I’m not telling.’
He took the ball from her. ‘Why not?’
‘Because it was nothing.’
‘It obviously was not,’ he said with feeling, tossing the ball home. He shut the door and fixed the padlock, then moved to tower over her. ‘Look, if you don’t tell me, I’ll hold you on the brink of orgasm for so long you won’t be able to walk for three weeks because your body will be so sore from the strain of wanting it, but not getting it.’
She couldn’t help but giggle at that. ‘Sounds great—when do we start?’
‘Tell me.’
Dani sighed. So he wasn’t going to give up. Well, she’d give him the abridged version. ‘I locked myself in a cupboard when I was fourteen. Was stuck in there for ages.’ She forced another laugh—but it was too high-pitched.
‘Why on earth did you do that?’
OK, so here was the not-so-fun part. She hesitated and felt him lean closer to her.
‘Dani…’ A very gentle warning.
‘My mother’s boyfriend came round. She was at work. She used to give her boyfriends a key,’ Dani blurted—sooner said, sooner forgotten. ‘I didn’t like the way he looked at me.’
‘So you hid from him?’
‘He came into the house and called my name—he must have known Mum was at work so I went into my wardrobe. I heard him come into my room. He poked around everything. I was too scared to move. He stayed for ages. Until I couldn’t tell if he was still there or not.’
All she’d been able to hear was the pounding of her heart. And her ears had hurt with the effort she’d had them under—waiting for the tiniest sound, terrified he was lurking just on the other side of the door and was going to smash it open at any moment.
And she’d been right.
‘What happened?’
‘He tried to break down the door.’ Dani flinched, lost back in the memory of it. Barely aware she’d answered.
‘What?’
Heart galloping, she turned to stare at Alex. Her body trembling with remembered shock. ‘He knew I was there. He knew. And he waited and waited and waited until he got sick of waiting. And then he smashed the door.’
Alex swore. ‘What did you do?’
‘At first I couldn’t do anything. I just couldn’t move and I thought he was going to, to…but then the scream came out. I screamed and screamed.’ But that moment—that infinite moment when she’d been unable to make a noise—had been the root of nightmares for years after.
‘Did he get you? Did he hurt you?’
She shook her head. A couple of bruises from a couple of punches was nothing on what she could have suffered. ‘The neighbour came over, she banged on the door and threatened to call the cops. He shoved her out of the way and ran off.’
‘Did you go to the police?’
‘No.’ They’d been too scared for that. ‘We changed the locks. Then we moved. But it wasn’t that long before she gave the key to another one—he was different, of course.’ Dani started to walk across the field. ‘I did those self-defence classes. I got quite good.’ Or she’d thought she had. Fortunately she hadn’t had to test it out.
Alex was quiet. ‘But you still get freaked in small spaces.’
‘Silly, isn’t it?’ She laughed—still too high-pitched. ‘Happened years ago. I should be over it by now. I mean, it was nothing. It wasn’t that bad. What a wimp.’
‘Don’t.’ He took her hand and stopped walking. ‘Don’t try to minimise it.’
Dani shut up at the touch of his fingers on hers, but it took a long time before she could bring herself to look at him.
‘You must have been really scared.’
‘I couldn’t breathe,’ Dani answered almost unconsciously.
‘He was going to hurt you.’ Alex’s face hardened. ‘He did hurt you.’
She shook her head. ‘No. He didn’t.’
‘He did,’ Alex said quietly. ‘Maybe not as bad as he could have, as he wanted to, but he did hurt you.’
She had no answer to that.
‘Your mum had lots of boyfriends.’ Alex stated the obvious.
So? Dani’s hackles rose and she pulled her hand away, instinctively wanting to karate chop him in the neck. Instead she took a second to breathe—and heard the way in which he’d spoken. He wasn’t judging. He wasn’t even asking. It was a plain statement of fact—nothing more. And so she nodded. ‘And every time she thought she’d found the One.’ Then she shook her head. ‘There isn’t a One. She was so naive—such a romantic fool. She let them walk all over her because she thought she loved them and she wanted them to love her. I won’t be such a fool.’
‘Not every guy wants to take advantage, Dani.’
‘No?’ She turned to face him. ‘He was still taking advantage right up ‘til the day she died.’
‘Your dad?’
‘Yeah.’ Always he returned like a damn boomerang. How her mother could take him back time after time she never knew. He was—amongst other things—a convicted fraudster, how could she possibly believe a word he said? But Dani did know why—because she had wanted to believe him too. She’d wanted him to love her—he was her father.
Instead he used them both.
‘You and your mum were close, huh?’
‘For a lot of the time it was just the two of us.’ Those were the best times. When her mother wasn’t bending herself into any shape the new guy wanted—trying to please him, to keep him, to make him love her. She’d never seemed to feel able to just be herself. Because she was loveable. Her mother had been a fun, generous, wonderful woman. But she’d also been co-dependent, believing it was impossible to be happy if
she didn’t have a man.
‘So you decided to have your joy boys rather than relationships? Is that what happened?’
She wrinkled her nose. She should never have made that lot up.
‘How many were there, really?’ He bent to look into her eyes, his own glinting.
‘What is this? You going on Mastermind and your topic of choice is the scintillating life of Dani Russo?’
He chuckled. ‘I’m betting one. Two at the most. Boyfriends.’
‘You think you’re so smart,’ she grumbled. ‘What is it you really want to know, Alex? You think one broke my heart? Put me off men?’
‘Maybe,’ he answered calmly. ‘I want to know who and how.’
‘I haven’t been put off completely,’ she said brazenly. ‘I wouldn’t be sleeping with you if I had.’ She turned and started to run. ‘Race you to the car!’
She had a good head start, but she knew he was fast. As she ran ahead of him the old memories flashed faster than her feet. Yes, she’d had a boyfriend. After almost making it through her teens without becoming a statistic as her mum had, she’d finally fallen for one of the neighbourhood guys—the older brother of another of her employer’s cadets. He’d pursued her so hard and so sweetly—or so she’d believed. Only she’d been determinedly single for so long she hadn’t known she’d become a sport to the gang of them—the ultimate challenge. It had taken him six months of occasional dates, but he’d won a crate of beer for being the one to bed her. He’d bragged and betrayed her intimate secrets.
She’d been such a naive idiot it was embarrassing and she didn’t want to tell Alex a thing about that one. What was she doing going all Oprah-sofa-open anyway? He’d heard more than enough already.
He overtook her in the last five metres to the car—easily striding out, and she knew he’d been holding back to let her think she could win. She leant against the door, trying to catch her breath back. But it was impossible. She couldn’t touch the bottom of this pool they were swimming in anymore. She was way out of her depth. She didn’t want them to just be bed buddies. She didn’t want this ever to end.
So she was just like every other woman who’d slept with him—once bitten, his forever. That was why all his old flames stayed friends with him—because their hope sprang eternal, that he’d go back to them. And she couldn’t blame any of them. Because when he turned his full attentiveness on?
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