by S. R. Grey
“Adam,” I said, my breath quickening as he undid those last two buttons, “we both know I don’t need rescuing.”
“Oh, I beg to differ,” he murmured darkly.
My top gaped open and Adam pressed his chest to mine, skin to skin. He felt so good that I forgot about Julian sleeping upstairs, forgot about Ami and whatever she was up to. I just wanted Adam, all of Adam.
Arching up, our hips met, and I felt how very ready he was. “I want you, Adam, so much.”
For a moment I didn’t recognize my own lust-filled voice. But then a second of clarity made me say, “I don’t know if this is a good idea, though. What with Julian—”
“I happen to think it’s a great idea,” Adam rasped.
He reached down and grasped the waistband of my pajama bottoms. “Not to mention we have some unfinished business we never got to last night.” And with that he adeptly slid the bottoms—along with my panties—down my legs in one fluid movement.
Mmm, maybe for a moment, I thought.
Adam settled his full weight on me, and I wrapped my legs around him. Our lips met, the kisses sloppy and desperate. My hands explored the hard planes of his toned body, and though I was almost naked, his damn jeans were still on, and getting in the way. Groaning in lust and need, I clumsily sought the zipper, pulling at it until I was able to reach in and feel—Adam moaned—his thick and heavy shaft. “Oh God, Adam.” My words were jumbled and incoherent as he pumped into my hand, jeans sliding lower and lower with each thrust.
Adam’s fingers sought my own heat, and soon they were sliding along folds wet with desire. When his fingers entered me, my body moved and rocked with the frantic rhythm. Skin to skin, dampened with sweat, we twisted and grinded against one another. Raw and primal, this was no act of love. Adam was here to stake his claim, mark his territory. And I was all too willing to submit. Angling my body, I got close enough to rub my wetness against his hard shaft. With a sharp intake of breath, he stilled my hand. “Maddy,” he said, his voice low, his breaths ragged. “Slow down.”
Clarity came to me. Suddenly everything we were doing felt not wrong, but not right either. Feeling a sudden need to cover my nakedness—out of embarrassment or out of guilt, I wasn’t sure—I pushed Adam away from me. He complied, and I buttoned my pajama top, my fingers clumsy as I scanned the floor for the rest of my clothes. Adam, seemingly knowing what I was looking for, handed me my pajama bottoms from the other end of the sofa, the panties still tangled up in the mess of material.
“What were we thinking, Adam?” A lump rose in my throat. Blinking back tears, voice unsteady, I hissed, “God, my ex is just up the stairs. Do you realize how wrong this is?” I sat up and awkwardly tugged my panties and pajama bottoms on.
Adam moved away from me and adjusted himself back into his jeans. Quietly he said, “This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come here tonight.”
“No, you shouldn’t have,” I agreed. “Why did you? Why, Adam?” I’d gotten the tears under control, and now I was angry. “Did you come here to check up on me? Or are you here to make some kind of male territory-bullshit statement?”
Adam didn’t answer at first. But as he finished dressing, he said, “I’m sorry, Maddy. I guess I thought… Whatever I thought, I was wrong. It shouldn’t be like this.” He raked a hand through his already-mussed hair but said nothing more.
“Just go,” I said, disgusted. It was so obvious his reasons for coming here were rooted in nothing more than jealousy.
Adam left, but before he did, he slid the key he’d used to come in off the key ring and tossed it onto my coffee table—all without saying a single word. Whether that meant he was sorry for having broken in or that he wasn’t coming back, I had no idea.
I awoke early the next morning, and though Adam had left hours earlier, his scent—leather and just pure male—was all around me. I hurriedly dressed, throwing on the same leggings, sweater, and Chucks from the night before. Not wanting to revisit the events of last night, I rushed into the kitchen and toasted a couple of bagels, made some coffee, and waited for the inevitability of Julian making his way downstairs.
Just as I was pouring coffee into a cup, I heard a sleepy voice from the doorway, “’Morning, Maddy.”
“Good morning, Julian,” I answered, trying to sound chipper as I kept my back to him and grabbed another cup from the cabinet. Julian yawned, and unable to face him, I softly added, “Did you sleep well?”
“Great, actually,” he answered, thankfully oblivious to what had occurred in the living room.
I took a deep, steadying breath and turned to him. “Coffee?” I tried to smile as I held the steaming cup out to him.
He stepped forward, taking the cup and saying, “Thanks.”
I hesitated and then said, “Julian, you shouldn’t have come all the way across the country to see if I was OK. You could have just called, and I’d have told you everything was fine.”
He leaned against the counter. “Maybe I just needed a reason to see you, Maddy.”
I took a step away to further the distance between us. My emotions were already all over the place. This was the last thing I needed to deal.
I guessed Julian could see it in my face because he said, “You’re seeing somebody, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I nodded, glancing away. “I’m sorry, Julian.”
“Hey, it’s OK,” he said softly, and actually he did sound OK with it. “Is it the guy who was with you at the café?”
I raked my fingers through my hair, much like I’d seen Adam do so many times. “Yeah, that’s him.”
Julian’s eyes, a touch of sadness in them, met mine. “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy.” He took a deep breath. “He’s a lucky man,” he said wistfully on his exhale.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Now, I really felt guilty for messing around with Adam while Julian had slept, blissfully unaware, upstairs. I wondered if he’d be so gracious and understanding if he knew what I had done. Worse yet, Julian probably thought Adam and I were in love. And while there was no doubt in my mind that I loved Adam, I still had no clue if he loved me in return. Just because he’d come here, jealous, to “claim” me with Julian under the same roof did not mean that what he felt for me was love. He was just letting me know that he had access to everything on this island, including me. Hell, he’d even let himself in, using a key I hadn’t even been aware he possessed.
In almost complete silence, things more awkward than before, we finished our coffee, and I drove Julian to the dock. After he was gone, I returned to the cottage.
It was an unseasonably warm day for mid-October, and I felt like I should stay outside, allow the fresh air to clear my jumbled thoughts. Maybe even go for a run. But I was too exhausted, so I lay on the sofa, pulled the quilt over my spent form, and drifted off to a dreamless sleep.
When I finally woke up, it was late afternoon. Some clouds had rolled in, but after a quick peek outside, I found the temperature was still quite mild. I went upstairs, changed into sweats and a T-shirt, then laced up my running shoes, and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. Before leaving the cottage, I checked my cell. No messages from Adam. Not a single one, nothing. Not even after last night. Jerk. He was really starting to piss me off.
Suddenly I snatched the key Adam had tossed onto the coffee table and stomped out the front door. Hurt, angry tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. Fucking bastard. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this kind of a relationship. Maybe Jennifer was right, maybe the powerful Adam Ward was just playing me.
Knowing exactly where I was heading, I started north along the path that led to Adam’s property. Picking up speed with every step, I soon broke into a full run along the trail, branches scraping unmercifully at my bare arms. Tears, previously held back, streaked down my cheeks. Adam’s actions last night played over and over in my head, along with Jennifer’s harsh words. Novelty, my ass. I’d show him.
The ground was wet, and mud splashed up
onto my legs as I pushed myself harder and harder. My own sweat intermingled with the dried sweat from last night that I’d not yet washed away. Sweat that Adam and I had created together.
Finally I reached the end of the path and began to sob. Stumbling forward, I fell to my knees, my hands pressing into the cool earth at the edge of Adam’s driveway. My lungs burned, my mind was muddled, and my heart ached. Everything was finally catching up with me. And I, Maddy Fitch, had reached my breaking point.
The Porsche was parked in the driveway, its presence a cruel taunt. He was home. Why hadn’t he contacted me? Did he care so little?
The rain that had been threatening for the past hour began to fall, and I rocked back on my heels. Running a muddy hand over my tear-streaked face, I pushed away the stray hair that had escaped from my ponytail.
What was I doing here? What was Adam Ward doing to me? I wanted to go to his door and scream at him to give me answers. Fuck the mystery. I wanted—no, I needed to know how he felt about me. And I needed to hear it from him, not through the opinions and conjectures of others.
With the rain falling harder, I got to my feet and marched to the front door. I had no regard for the mess I surely was. If anything, my physical appearance would be an excellent indicator to Adam of the mess I was inside as well.
Hell with the doorbell! I pounded on the door, leaving muddy rivulets in my wake. I watched as they trailed down, though they were quickly blurred by a fresh surge of tears.
Adam opened the door, eyes widening. “Jesus, Maddy! What the fuck happened to you?”
With a sob I collapsed into his arms, muddying his immaculate white T-shirt and faded jeans. He held me upright, blue eyes darkening with concern as he scanned over my body. “What happened? Are you OK?”
I closed my eyes, tired and broken, and pressed the key to the cottage—his key—into his hand. When he looked at me with confusion, I uttered the only words that came to mind, “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Adam.”
Chapter 18
With no hesitation Adam swept me into his capable arms. But when he tried to carry me upstairs, I balked. “No, I want to go home.”
I really meant back home to California, but the cottage would have to suffice for now. So I amended in barely a whisper, “Just take me back to the cottage.”
I thought he’d argue, but surprisingly, Adam just nodded and carried me out to his car. Once buckled in I slumped in the passenger seat, leaning my head against the cool glass of the window. A muddy clump of hair flopped onto my cheek, and I lazily brushed it back. Glancing down at my mud-smeared sweats and rain-soaked T-shirt, I mumbled off-handedly, “I’m sorry I’m getting your car all dirty and wet.”
“That’s a ridiculous thing to say, Madeleine,” Adam retorted dryly as he glared over at me. “Do you really believe I care so little about you that I’d be more concerned with a little mud and rain water?”
I shrugged, and in response Adam peeled out, barreling down his long driveway to the main road. “Unbelievable,” he muttered.
When I failed to respond, he said no more. The rest of the way was all darkening skies, empty road, and silence.
Once we arrived at the cottage, I jumped out and scampered to the door, but then I realized I hadn’t brought my own keys. And I’d given the one Adam had used back to him. So I had no choice but to move aside as Adam approached the door.
He used the key I pressed into his hand back at his house to unlock the door, and I snapped, “You might as well keep that key, although I’m sure you have plenty more, seeing as you have access to everything on this island.”
Pushing past him—and, boy, did he ever look annoyed—I went into the living room and plopped down on the sofa. “The scene of the crime,” I mumbled, loudly enough for him to hear as he followed me into the room.
“Are you done?” Adam asked.
I ignored him and pulled at the sides of the clinging, muddy T-shirt that was sticking annoyingly to my skin. “I can get you a change of clothes from upstairs,” Adam offered, his demeanor softening as he headed over to the sofa.” You really should get out of those wet clothes.”
He knelt down beside me and gently lifted the hem of my shirt, but as he began to tug it up my torso, I stopped him. “No,” I croaked, clumsily smacking his hand away.
“Maddy,” Adam scolded. “Quit behaving like a petulant child. You’re filthy—”
I pulled my shirt back into place and crossed my arms.
“—You make me feel filthy, Adam!” I cried out, choking back a sob. “What are you planning to do? Clean me up so you can keep on playing me? I’m done with being used. I need more.”
I was upset and angry, and I wanted my words to cut to the quick. I glanced up, and Adam’s eyes, for a moment, were pained. But only briefly.
His expression of hurt rapidly morphed to anger. “Stupid girl,” he growled, yanking my shirt unceremoniously over my head, while snapping my bra off in one swift move. I yelped in surprise, covering my bare chest with my arms as I attempted to scoot away from him.
Pulling the quilt from the sofa and wrapping it around me, he pulled me back to him. “I’m not using you,” Adam soothed, stroking my head and sliding my loosened ponytail holder down until my hair cascaded to my shoulders. “I’d never do that to you.”
The tone of his voice hinted more at exasperation than anger, so I relaxed against him. “But you used Lindsey,” I protested.
“Shhh,” he calmed, fingers gently combing through my tangled locks. “Things are different with you. Everything is different with you. Haven’t you realized that by now?” He traced along my cheek with his fingertip, urging me to meet his gaze.
It was at points such as these that I usually caved. But not tonight. I wasn’t going to let him off so easily. Adam was going to have to give me more than this.
“How is it different?” I pressed, breaking away from his captivating eyes and tightening the quilt around my body.
Adam shook his head resignedly. “You know I’ve shared things with you,” he said quietly, “that nobody knows.”
Shamefully I cast my eyes down to my muddy sweats, and Adam continued, “If you could only comprehend the magnitude of my telling you my secrets, you’d already know the answer to your question.”
In my heart I felt the impact of his words. I thought about it. True, a man as shrewd as Adam Ward would not have done such a thing without thoroughly examining the consequences. And if you loved somebody, surely you’d want to share yourself—good and bad—with that person. Right? Did that mean Adam was just as in love with me as I was with him?
Vastly different from the secret crushes we’d had on one another in high school—and even more intense than the undeniable lust we shared—there was a deeper connection developing. Despite everything, or maybe because of everything, it felt as if we were destined to be together. Did he feel it too?
“Why? Why did you tell me your secrets, Adam?” I whispered, staring at an especially prominent streak of mud that had dried on the right knee of the sweats. “Did you let me find those things in your desk?”
Adam’s lips brushed the top of my head, and I looked up. “In business,” he said, “sometimes you have to take a calculated chance. Sometimes the potential reward outweighs the risk.”
“This isn’t business, Adam,” I reminded him.
Adam chuckled humorlessly. “You’re right, it’s not. It’s life, it’s love. And it’s not going to be perfect, Maddy. If we’re really going to make this work, you have to accept that I’m not going to do all the right things, nor say all the right things.” He paused. “But I do know I want to make you happy.”
“Why?” I whispered.
“Because you make me feel something I thought I’d never feel again. So I’m willing to take this chance with you.” His voice faltered somewhat, and then he added in a quiet voice, “Even if it means my ruin.”
Adam stilled, and I held his fiery gaze, filled with raw emotion. What I saw touc
hed my heart. Though I was the one physically half-unclothed beneath the quilt, it was Adam who was emotionally naked and, surprisingly, vulnerable. Not even in confessing his secrets had he let me in like he was doing at this moment. I knew with every fiber of my being that Adam was allowing me to see a part of his soul. It was a part of him to which no one else was privy, that much I was certain. He was sharing something bigger than his secrets; he was sharing his true self with me. And, in that moment, whatever doubt I’d been harboring, regarding his true intensions, dissipated.
Reaching out and tracing the perfection of his features with my fingertips, I found myself in awe. He had never appeared more beautiful than right now. “I’m falling in love with you, Adam,” I admitted, my voice soft.
My words were simple and honest. I was no longer asking for anything in return. But Adam still delivered. He flattened my palm against the light stubble on his cheek and simply said, “You may be falling, but I already fell. I love you, Madeleine Fitch.”
My own eyes filled with tears upon hearing those words from his mouth. I felt foolish for ever having questioned his intentions toward me. “I’m sorry,” I said softly, a single tear trailing down my cheek.
Kissing the stray tear away, Adam said, “I haven’t made this easy, I know. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”
“It’s just been, I don’t know, confusing,” I admitted.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I really am.”
Adam pulled me to him, his lips finding mine. He kissed me, sweetly and tenderly, until I felt him smiling against my mouth. “What?” I asked, pulling back slightly and smiling too.
Adam chuckled. “I was just thinking, since I’m new to this relationship thing, I’m probably going to fuck up…a lot.”
“New to this relationship thing?” I echoed, confused. “But you were with Chelsea for a long time.”
Adam shook his head. “That was a lifetime ago. And, sure, I thought I loved her at one time, but it was never like this.”