“We haven’t even really got to talk about your trip back home. You were helplessly thrown into this mess the minute you got off the plane. How did it go with meeting your dad?
I want to know all about it. The grocery store can wait.” Staying seated was a challenge for her. Uncomfortable shackles bore indentions on her skin. “Darren, I don’t really want to talk about it right now. It wasn’t what you think. He died two years ago and it turns out my mother was the reason I never saw him. I’m just tired of playing the whole tragedy out in my mind. Can we not talk about it right now?”
“I’m sorry to hear that, baby. How terrible. And now me? It sounds like you are the one who needs the bed rest and consoling. Come and lay down beside me. I just want to feel you close to me.”
“I would love nothing more, but I have to go and get these things done.” She stroked his hand and leaned in for a peck on his hairline. Luckily, they took off his mummy-like bandage and replaced it with a large square Band-Aid. “I won’t be long. Do you need anything before I go?”
“Only for you to come back as soon as you can. I’m still waiting for ‘us’ time.”
She knew what that meant. A little groping, a lot of kissing, more touching, and some heavy talking about the future. Thank goodness the cast provided some obstacle for the first couple of items.
“I know. I’ll be quick.”
“You are going to be able to stay with me, right? I mean every night, for a while, at least? I don’t know if I can manage showers and normal walking without assistance?”
“Of course. But the nurse did mention home care. Maybe someone could stay with you in the day while I’m at work. You know, with the time off last week, I don’t think I could manage more days off. Then I could help in the nights. Either way, we’ll get it taken care of.”
“Sure, baby. I don’t want you to lose your job. I guess I’m just hoping to see some of your lotions and girl things hanging out in the bathroom. And maybe a few negligees draped over the chairs and at the foot of the bed.” The smile was that of a child hoping for a good summer vacation after school was over.
“Darren, I’m going to stay and help you. I’m not moving in.”
He fell back on his pillow. “Elise, you’re killing me. I thought we were making strides. The talk about exchanging vows in Vegas. I’ve waited a week to see you and I barely made it through it. What’s it going to take for you to stop dodging the next practical step with us. I’m in love with you and want you here with me all the time. Not just when the nurse signs off that it’s your turn to take over.”
The sun’s position in the sky was changing. It was slipping downward as the minutes ticked by. Elise watched out the window and searched for something to say to him. Kentucky had changed her mind about the next step with Darren. Ben had changed her mind. It wasn’t going to be easy skirting the topic of forever all the time. It was like baking a cake without having any intention of frosting it. You either enjoyed the egg yolk, flour, and oil or you didn’t and only dreamed of the sugary icing. Unfortunately, she wasn’t offering the topping at this point.
“Let me go and get the things you need. I’ll be back and we can spend some time together. We’ll lay in bed and watch a movie or something.”
He sat quietly, shaking his head. She knew he was tired of her game. Playing hard to get was one thing, but it had turned out to be terminal with her. A plan of escape or a plan of acceptance had to be thought of, and fast, before he unleashed that monster rock in the brown envelope. It wasn’t fair to keep him in the dark for much longer.
Dusk was tucking in around the city as she finished up the errands and made it back to his house. She had called to ask if he wanted dinner, and takeout from their favorite Italian restaurant was decided on. It took two trips back and forth to her car to bring it all inside, once she made it back to his house. She put away the cold things before going in the bedroom and helping him up. The nap he had helped his state of frustration with her.
“I’ll sit you on the sofa and prop your leg up, so that you can eat.” The cast was cumbersome and stretched from his hip to below his knee.
He kissed her as she laid him back on the cushion. “I’m sorry about what I said before you left. It’s amazing that you are taking such good care of me. I don’t know why I try to ruin it all the time with commitment talk. I’m just so insecure with our relationship. I don’t want to be. I know you love me.”
She smiled and began bustling around, pulling prescriptions out, glasses from the cabinets, and food from the containers. It was going to be a challenge with conversation, as the relationship end of it always floated to the topic.
“Here, take your pain medicine first.” She handed him a pill with a glass of water.
“I love you,” he said tenderly, taking it from her hand. “Darren, I know you do. I hope you get better really fast.”
He swallowed it and waited with a smile until she took his food to him. She continued putting the groceries away while he started nibbling on his dinner.
“Are you going to join me?” he yelled from the living room to the kitchen.
“I’ll be right there.”
It took a couple more minutes for her to sit on a chair opposite of him and begin eating. The noodles in her dish had gotten cold. Her stomach was in knots, anyway, while she sat wondering what this meant to their relationship. Darren would have a lot of time on his hands with not working. Now his plan to trap her would have even more of his attention.
“I called Stacy at the hospital. She said they could send someone over Monday in the day to help you.”
“That’s fine. And a little awkward. I just need help getting up and down.”
“And your meals, Darren. You need more help than you think. I’ll get off work early so it’s not that uncomfortable.”
He finished his meal and sat the plate on the center coffee table. A long moan left his body as he lay back. The painkiller would soon work its magic and he’d probably drift off to sleep. She might want to get him back to bed before it happened.
“Let’s get you up. I don’t think I can manage a sleeping two-hundred-pound patient.” She had stacked her uneaten dinner plate on top of his and stood beside him.
“Do you think I could grab a shower before bed? I feel a little dirty from the whole crash. Nurse Betty’s sponge bath at the hospital left much to be done.”
“Sure, I guess.” The words were there without the thoughts that went with them. Exposure of body parts, weirdness of helping, and so much more. When was that cast coming off?
He hobbled back with her aid and they stood in the over-sized bathroom. She slipped off the jersey shorts he had on. He wouldn’t get to wear underwear until the cast came off sometime next month. Lucky for him. She tried not to look in that region as she helped pull his shirt over his head. His beard changed his look, matching his wanting eyes for her. She started the water and held on to him with one arm.
“Care to join me?” he said with raised eyebrows.
“This is going to be tricky enough with my clothes still on. Now, lean on me and try to put your one leg inside the shower.” She wrapped a towel around his hurt leg and hung it outside the flow of the water. “Here is your washcloth. Just do whatever and let me know when you’re done.”
He tried earnestly to bathe himself without assistance. A few times the heavy cast threw off his balance. Elise caught him each time, getting a little damp from the gesture. It wasn’t long before he finished and she turned the knobs off.
She waited to help him hop to the rug and dry him off. It was a good thing he wasn’t modest about being naked in front of her. After she dried him off, she found another pair of boxers that fit over his cast and a shirt. He jumped back into the bedroom and semi-fell back on the bed.
“This completely sucks,” he declared with aggravation.
“What?”
“The first thing I want to do with you is make love to you in my shower, not have you hold my casted leg
while I sponge off.” He reached for her. “Come here and let’s pretend this enormous kill-joy isn’t riding the other tenth of the bed. We can do this, right?”
No doubt he wasn’t talking about a Netflix movie and popcorn. And she couldn’t see sleeping with two different men within the same forty-eight-hour time frame as acceptable to anyone other than prostitutes. Perhaps another painkiller would have been wiser. For her.
“Darren, I’ve got to go clean up dinner. Just relax for a minute. I’ll be right back.”
“Did you pack something pretty to wear tonight?” Anticipation danced in his eyes.
“I didn’t have a chance to go back home. I’ll just grab one of your tee-shirts and sleep in it, if you don’t mind.”
“Elise, you didn’t go home and pack? I would have hoped you had done that rather than the grocery store. I need you here, not milk and juice.”
“Darren, please don’t. I’ll be right back. Rest, please.”
Before he could pitch any more fits, she walked out and went back to the living room. She laid on the couch to take a breath. Was there nothing more on his mind than her moving in? And if there wasn’t, she had to address it quickly to avoid running away from him altogether.
She must have fallen asleep because when she woke up, the room was completely dark. She felt for the lamp and clicked it on. Tiptoeing back to the room, she was quiet not to wake up Darren. Too tired to clean up the mess, she unfolded the blanket back on her side, slipped off her pants and lay down. She didn’t wake up until the next morning.
Elise counted the days when she opened her eyes, hoping it was Monday and she could return to work. The place where she knew what to do. No one was there that she had to run from, and she could live life in the open. Not on the emotional lam of her personal affairs. But it was Sunday. The day of rest. She imagined Kentucky and the church where her sister would congregate during the morning hours. And Ben. Would he attend church today? Would he ask God to just release him from Elise and her web of hurt and destruction to his life?
Darren pulled her closer to him, kissing her hair. “Good morning, sweetheart. I waited for you last night. I must have fallen asleep.”
“I did too. It’s okay, maybe we can catch a movie today.”
“Do you have any plans? Are you going to leave and go somewhere?”
Was this a trick question? She thought about it. “No, not really. Oh, yes. Actually I do have to go home to shower and change. Was there somewhere else that I’m forgetting? Do you need something at the store? Tell me and I’ll pick it up on my way back.”
“No. Just don’t forget to bring your things back here. It can’t be wonderful traveling back and forth to shower and get ready. And could you bring my case and hospital bag over here before you go?”
His request pierced her like an arrow, right between the eyes. Elise got up slowly from the bed and stared at the bag, knowing exactly what was inside it. Seeing it again, with x-ray vision. It was time for distraction and diversion. Had a calorie counter been invented yet for dodging situations of commitment? She probably burned at the very least three thousand a day, four thousand on the nights she stayed over.
“Do you have to go to the bathroom? I can help you up and get you some breakfast before I go.”
“That would be nice. Let me scoot over so it’s easier to lift me.” He got closer to the edge of the bed. “It’s a good thing I went on that diet last month. You would have to lift a few extra pounds if I didn’t.”
Elise helped him with his morning ritual and took a muffin with juice in the room for his breakfast. The daylight screamed to get inside the room, and she opened all the shades, feeling guilty that he was stuck at home.
“I know it’s difficult, but I can drive you somewhere. Don’t you want to get out of this house and go for a ride? I hate to think you can’t go anywhere.”
He laughed and nearly choked on the last bite of his sweet pastry. “Are you kidding me? I can’t even manage to pee without help. Going anywhere would take a lot more than I’ve got to give today. Being strung up between your backseat and front dashboard is not something I want to do for leisure. But thanks for thinking about me, hon.”
“Do you want a pill before I leave? Is your pain bad?” She folded back the blankets neatly and put her pants on that were lying on the floor.
“My pain isn’t bad when you’re around. So, maybe I should take a few.” He watched her play nurse around the room.
“I won’t be long, Darren,” she said, handing him the pill with a fresh glass of water.
“Don’t forget to bring back your things. I’m not going to want you to leave again.”
Inside, Elise’s nerves were suffering their own mini-earthquakes. Never leave again? Is this what obligation felt like? Jail? She looked at him lying helplessly on the bed. His handsome looks certainly weren’t taken with the car crash. The wave he made in her hormones when his tongue played with hers, before moving lower and then sucking on her neck, hadn’t changed. But her heart wasn’t there anymore. It never made the flight back to California with her. It had disappeared somewhere in Kentucky. The reason for the mishap was probably getting ready for church, right then.
“I’ll make sure I bring my outfit for tomorrow, Darren. And an extra-large bottle of lotion to sit on the bed stand. Anything else, dear?”
He patted the bed beside him. She walked cautiously over and sat down. His fingers streamed up and down her naked arm.
“That beautiful white nightgown I gave you before you went back home. Can you bring that for tonight?”
The muscles in her throat constricted, forcing her to keep what little saliva she had, inside her mouth. Who exactly was she cheating on, now? Ben, if she made love to Darren? But Darren was her boyfriend. But Ben was her true love. Crap, it was over with Ben. What was she thinking? In order to have something with someone you had to actually commit to them. Had she? Committed to either one?
“I think it’s still in the dirty laundry. How about if I bring back the one with the high collar and long sleeves.” She busted out laughing and stood up to leave. He took her hand before she got away.
“Baby, I don’t care if you wear a suit of armor tonight. As long as it has a point of entry, consider it removed by nightfall. I’ve waited too long for you.”
Duly noted. He had been patient. Letting him make love to her, however awkward it might be with an immovable leg in between them, would constitute moving forward. She just wasn’t sure that was the direction she wanted to move with him.
“I’ll be back in a little bit. Keep the phone by you. I’ll call about lunch.” She handed him the remote from the bed stand and left.
Elise didn’t remember any of the stoplights on the way back to her house. In fact, when she pulled in her driveway, she was kind of amazed how she had made it there. Fragmented thoughts about everyone and everything scattered in her mind. Ben, Darren, Diane Newton, her mother. The whole cast of misfits were there, each one wearing a number of priority. She didn’t feel like the time with her step-mother was finished. A call to her had to be made, for some reason.
If her home had arms, Elise would have embraced it the moment she opened the door. The air seemed cleaner there, with no problems to choke her, only the ones she let inside when she thought about it for too long. She sat down on her inviting love seat and made a few calls. The first one was to Melanie.
“Hey, girl, what’s up?”
“Hey, Elise. I’m glad you called. I’m just pulling into church. Is everything all right?”
Elise imagined the white church with the tall azaleas flanking both sides of the entry steps. The older ladies donning their amazingly old fashioned hats for the service. And the children trying to pull away from their parents before being carted off to Sunday school in the basement.
What a wonderful thought.
“Yeah, I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“You’re not homesick, are you? For this place?”
�
��No.” That seemed preposterous a week ago, but now it was undecided. “I just wanted to check on everyone. Well, I mean you and the kids.”
“Hold on a sec. I’ve got to tell the kids to behave.” Elise waited while Melanie gave the routine talk about no running, no screaming and to hold Jacob’s hand through the parking lot. After she heard the car doors slam, she interrogated her sister.
“Um, did I just hear you say to go inside with Jacob?”
“Yes, can you believe it? Our first church service together as a couple. I’m freaking out a bit. He’s so wonderful, Elise. I think I’m in love. It’s different this time.”
“That’s great, Mel. You better get in there before they arrest him for abducting your children. I’m happy for you.” Elise caught herself smiling at the notion her sister had found happiness.
“Thanks, sister. I miss you, you know? Are you sure everything is all right with you? Ben has been acting strange.”
“How so? I mean, yes, I’m doing fine. Darren is doing fine. He’s going to be getting his cast off in a few weeks and we are just fine.”
“Was that two or three fines, Elise? I know something’s going on with you. I want to call you later and talk. I have to run now, though. The men are shutting the doors for service to start.”
“Okay, bye, Mel. Have a good day.”
She pressed the end button on her phone and suffocated her head in the sofa pillow. Why had her body made it back safely to California but her mind and soul remained back in Kentucky?
She searched her phone directory on the internet for Diane Newton in Clarksville, Tennessee. For some reason, she felt the unwavering need to call her. She held her breath as she waited for the nice lady to pick up the other end of the call.
“Hello.”
The answer came too quick. Elise didn’t have time to rehearse what she was going to say. “Uh, Mrs. Newton?”
The Kentucky Cure Page 20