by Jeff Gunzel
“I thought becoming a queen was every girl’s dream,” Viola said, a bit stunned by Bella’s admission.
“Many, I’m sure,” Bella replied, shaking her head. “But not I. My desires were nowhere near that ambitious. They were quite simple, really. All I truly wanted was a friend. A real one, someone who understood me. Someone I could trust. Another girl I could tell my most intimate secrets to. But it wasn’t meant to be.” Her eyes went distant. Viola knew that look. She recognized true loneliness when she saw it. “Have you ever felt that way, Viola?”
“Yes,” Viola whispered. Well, of course she had. How many people in the world had been as isolated as she? Some days it didn’t bother her all that much. She would read or clean the house to pass the time. Other times the loneliness became overwhelming. Years of seclusion was an unnatural thing, and she would never wish it on anyone.
“It wasn’t until later in life when I began to think bigger. Friendships hadn’t worked out very well for me, so I looked inward instead to find the strength I sought. I found there to be a sort of freedom in that. Liberating, really. Once I stopped seeking the approval of others, it opened up a whole new world to me.” She leaned in closer to Viola even though no one else was in the room. “I’ll let you in on a little secret, Viola. You don’t even have to be confident to succeed at anything. When I was first asked to join the city council all those years ago, I was scared out of my mind. I knew I had no business being there. I was the least qualified for the job, yet they accepted me anyway.
“Each new opportunity to advance brought with it more doubt, more fear. What if I fail? What if I make the wrong choices? But in the end, I decided I could not hold myself back. With each new challenge I learned to only see opportunity. I learned to accept that I would stumble from time to time. But as long as I kept moving forward, none of that mattered.
“Confidence doesn’t come first. It comes last. If you wait until you are certain of what you’re doing, you will be waiting for the rest of your life. Eventually, my desire for more power was so much stronger than my fear of failure that I hardly recognized that shy little girl anymore. I could send her away forever, and never relieve any of that pain or loneliness ever again.
“I see it in you, you know. I recognize all too well when a person is holding themselves back. There will come a time when you must make a choice. You can either move forward and rise up to your true potential, or walk the safe road and let life happen to you. And believe me, the powers that be don’t care which path you choose. Although I was frightened and uncertain, I made my choice to push forward and never looked back. I would like to think you might do the same someday.”
Bella caught a glimpse of Viola’s upper arm and saw the exposed portion of a burned-in clover. “I’m sure the spiritists could have that mark removed,” she mentioned, a rather quick change of subject. “You needn’t have to live with that. You are no longer their slave, after all.”
Viola rolled up her sleeve and looked at the scar, flexing, making the skin surrounding the puckered design crease. Uneven and discolored, the mark really was an ugly thing. “No, I don’t think I will,” she said, looking at it with some strange level of admiration. “This is a part of me now, a life’s lesson, a memory, call it what you will. Whether I like it or not, it wouldn’t feel right to just have it removed.”
She looked up to met Bella’s eyes. “This is where I’m not so sure I agree with you, Your Highness. I believe our past is what defines us. I might be different now than I was even a year ago, but that doesn’t mean that person was some kind of mistake. I always plan to push forward and evolve, just as you say, but that doesn’t mean I want to forget who I once was.” She gazed over to the corner of the room. Even now she could still see that image of herself, those soft red eyes gazing back at her. It was a part of her past, but she had been forced to let it go. The image sighed back at her, then faded away like smoke.
“Who you once were is nothing to be ashamed of,” Viola continued, shaking her head while blinking away the faded image. Likely it would never return again. “Life is nothing more than a series of mistakes. You learn from them and continue to grow. I wouldn’t even recognize the old me anymore, but I wouldn’t be who I am now without her mistakes. She’ll always be part of me.
“I think the same can be said for you. You overcame all odds and rose up to become one of the most powerful women in the realm. An amazing accomplishment to be sure. But it’s all just part of the same journey. That shy little girl, the one you seem to be so ashamed of, played a large role in who you have become. Where will you be ten years from now? Twenty? I think we can agree that you won’t be the same person. Will you be ashamed of the queen I see sitting here as well? The way I see it, each stage is just another stop along the same path, and I think they’re all equally important.”
Bella just sat and listened, rubbing her fingers along the wooden arm of the couch. Even since they first met she had liked Viola, her innocence, the way she spoke her mind without restraint. It was all so refreshing.
Realizing Bella was just looking at her while she rambled, Viola closed her mouth and drew in on herself, suddenly very embarrassed. Who was she to speak her thoughts so freely to a queen, to question her no less? Humiliated, she wanted to get up and run from the room.
“You are wise beyond your years,” Bella said, admiring her chatting partner’s ability to speak her mind, even in the presence of royalty. It was refreshing, really. Having spent years surrounded by yes-men had inflated her ego. Always agreeing, telling her exactly what she wanted to hear, had done nothing but weaken her ability to think critically. This was exactly what she wanted, to surround herself with honest people who weren’t afraid to tell her what they really thought. People like Viola. “And stubborn,” she added. “Stubborn like your brother.”
“What?” Viola gasped, not even sure she’d heard correctly.
“That’s right,” Bella confirmed. “I knew your brother—quite well, actually. And I daresay you’re both as stubborn as mules.”
“If that is so, then you also know what he has become,” Viola said, her voice suddenly soft and dangerous.
Bella nodded, allowing the ensuing silence to hang in the air for a time. “Jarlen has lost his way,” she admitted. “He wasn’t always this way. I had hoped that a man such as he would choose a different path. In the end, however, I suppose we all have our limits. Years in the pit, being treated like something that was subhuman—well, that would push anybody over the edge. Still, I know there is good in him. No matter what, I still cling to hope that he may one day see—” A pained look crossed her face, her distant eyes focused on nothing.
Viola had little real-world experience in reading people, but her female’s instincts could sense Bella’s thoughts as clear as a bell. Even with no detail or explanation, it was so obvious to her.
“You’re in love with him,” Viola said.
“What? I...no,” Bella chirped, completely caught off guard by the accusation. With a jerk she turned to look at Viola. There was no hint of judgment in Viola’s eyes, but she did not look away, either. Struggling to maintain eye contact, Bella sighed and was the first to look away. “Perhaps...there was a time...” she mumbled. It was odd seeing her squirm like this. Viola could only assume that she would have done a much better job staying composed had there been others in the room.
“But that was a lifetime ago,” Bella continued, flipping her hand in the air. Hardly a lifetime ago, but it certainly felt that way to her. Everything in her world was so different now. “Loved? I’m not so sure anymore. Infatuated, perhaps. I didn’t love my husband. That much I knew for certain. Nor did he care much for me, so at least our feelings towards one another were mutual in that regard. Our marriage was a sham, but the ruse was necessary. A king appears weak if he does not take a wife to stand at his side. In turn, a queen simply does not exist without a king. We needed each other, or so I thought.
“But a loveless marriage is no diff
erent than being alone. It’s worse, in fact. And as it turns out, my status, which I worked so hard to achieve, only isolated me further. I was doomed to a sheltered life, but I accepted that. The price for power can be cold and absolute, but I already knew what I was getting into. And then he came into my life...
“If there was ever a man who could understand my loneliness, it was him. Hated, feared, he stood alone in a world that had turned its back on him. He was like no one else I had ever met. Strong, daring, he knew no fear, and I found those qualities to be irresistible. My status meant nothing when dealing with a man who wasn’t even human. His world existed outside of our societal rules. I understood his pain and he knew mine. I suppose we shared a connection and I confused it with love. No matter—that man is gone now, anyway. I’m afraid he has crossed a line which there is no coming back from.”
“He is a traitor,” Viola growled, causing Bella to jump. She had not known Viola for long, but rarely did her words hold such hostility. “He betrayed me, then had me sent to the pit so he could free himself. There is something you must understand. I don’t care if you have feelings for him. I don’t care whether you love him or not. Sooner or later I’m going to kill him, and no one is going to stop me. Not even you.” Viola bowed her head. “Your Highness,” she added.
Feeling a sudden chill, Bella tugged at one of the furs thrown over her shoulder. She cared nothing for Jarlen’s well-being. After all, he had betrayed her as well. It was just that Viola’s personality could be so polarizing at times. She could be shy, timid even, but sweet most of the time. Yet here she was casually talking about murdering her own brother. Bella wondered if she even understood the severity of such a claim. But when she looked into Viola’s eyes, there was no mistaking her intent. Shy and sweet, yes, to an extent. But those eyes had seen death. Her promise was all too real.
“And why would I of all people try to stop you?” Bella asked, raising her eyebrows, the slightest hint of a smile creasing her lips. “When the time is right, I may even help you.” Viola couldn’t help but smile back.
“All in due time, my dear. But that is a conversation for another time. There is something else I would like to share with you. A moment ago, you spoke of love so casually. Tell me, Viola, have you ever been in love?”
Viola stared blankly. It was a question she had wondered herself, especially recently. Funny how she could see it in another woman’s eyes so easily, yet really had no idea when it came to searching her own soul. How does one even define love? She had given her body to a man she hated because it was required of her to do so. That wasn’t love, was it?
Then her thoughts drifted to the one man she couldn’t stop thinking of. With that shaggy blond hair, those light blue eyes and a smile that could melt any girl’s heart, how could she ever stop thinking about him? When she realized she was smiling and Bella was just looking at her, her face flared with heat and she looked away. How many times was she going to make a fool of herself in front of Bella?
“I have,” Bella said, seeing no reason to press Viola for an answer. She didn’t have to. That was the first time she had seen Viola smile that way. “The Moon Mistress has stolen my heart. Rishima has brought me more joy than I ever dreamed possible. Viola, we are to be wedded tomorrow evening. Once we are joined, the two of us will not only share equal power, effectively uniting this region under the rule of both human and spiritist, but it will also be the start of our own journey. We are going to spend the rest of our lives together.
“Viola, I’m not sure of the spiritists’ customs when it comes to marriage, but I do know one thing. Even though I don’t know you as well as I’d like to, as well as I plan to in the coming weeks, I feel as if we share a common bond. Neither of us are from this world, yet it is now our home just the same. Your blessing would mean much to me. Also, if I may be so bold, I would ask that you stand at our wedding tomorrow. It would mean the world to me.”
Viola wiped a tear from her eye. “Of course I will,” she said, her words coming out in a broken squeak. “I would be honored. Bella, I’m so happy for you.” The two women from completely different worlds fell into each other’s arms. Status and race meant nothing here inside this tower, and friendship had no rules.
“Thank you for coming to speak with me,” Bella whispered. “I suppose this little talk was really more for me than it was for you.”
* * *
Viola opened one eye to the sound of her door creaking open. Startled, she sat up with a jolt, but smiled when she saw Salina peek in. “Are you awake?” Salina asked, grinning back. “May I come in?”
Her white hair a tangled mess, Viola leaned back against the wall, happily motioning for her friend to enter. Sneaking in as if she were up to something, Salina closed the door with her foot and tiptoed up to the bed. She was carrying an armful of folded clothes. Instead of her usual blue robe with white slashes, Salina was wearing a fancy white dress. “Here, I brought something.” Salina laid the items on the corner of the bed.
Viola carefully lifted up a blue silk dress. Beneath were a set of small clothes and a pair of black shoes with silver buckles. Eyes wide with excitement, she sprang from the bed and held it up against her body. With a squeal she spun back to face the mirror in the corner. The mirror was old and dusty, but she could still see her reflection well enough. The dress was a perfect fit.
“Do you like it?” Salina asked, peeking up over Viola’s shoulder.
“I love it,” Viola whispered. She knew the simple words didn’t do justice to her true feelings, but it was the only response she could think of. Love it? It’s the greatest gift anyone has ever given me. Viola had always had a set of simple garbs on hand, functional clothes that basically just kept her from walking around naked. She had never owned or even worn anything beautiful before. Beautiful... Such a strange word to be thinking about. What in her life had ever been beautiful before?
“Try it on,” Salina said, ducking down before popping up over her other shoulder. Their shared energy was infectious. Caught up in the moment, both had turned into giddy children. After more giggling and fumbling around, Viola eventually had on the dress and shoes. She stood before the mirror, hardly recognizing the woman staring back at her. But it wasn’t just the gorgeous dress that made her reflection so unrecognizable. It was the confident look on her face. Sure, she smiled a lot when she was nervous, unsure of a situation, or even just genuinely liked the person she was speaking with. But this smile was different. She really felt beautiful, and her glow seemed to fill the room.
“You look beautiful,” Salina said, as if pulling the thought right from Viola’s mind. Somehow, the spoken words made it feel all the more real. Unable to speak, Viola turned and threw her arms around Salina. Not only did she feel pretty in the dress, but it had been a gift from a real friend. “Let me fix your hair,” Salina said, stepping back.
“What, right now?” Viola asked, surprised.
“Why, yes. Viola, everyone is getting ready. The ceremony isn’t going to be held here in the tower. It will be hosted by the humans in Haran. The Moon Mistress presides over all the mountain villages. They are just as much a part of this as we are. So unless we want to get left behind, we better hurry.”
Viola took a seat in front of the mirror while Salina brushed her hair. It was hard to believe how relaxed she felt. No, not just relaxed. Normal. Perhaps for the first time in her life, she felt like a normal girl. Once her hair was brushed and softened, Salina began to braid it. Viola watched her own reflection, her forehead rocking back with each gentle tug. Was this what being a normal girl was supposed to feel like? She could get used to this.
“There,” Salina said, stepping back to admire her work. “Everyone is going to think you’re the one who is getting married.” They heard the stomping of running feet and laughter out in the hall. “Come on. It’s time to go.”
She grabbed Viola by the hand and ran her out into the hall. The mood was festive, spiritists marching through halls with the
ir heads high. Viola had never seen them without their usual blue robes, but today they were all dressed in fancy garments. The men wore black or blue pants with buttoned shirts, while the women wore fine dresses of varying colors. Many of the girls also wore white flowers in their hair.
Like leaves drifting on a river, they seemed to get swept along with the crowd. Soon they exited the tower along with everyone else, and stood on the stone platform where all the giant ravens were saddled and ready to go. Viola was a little apprehensive about riding again, but her excitement was enough to overcome her fear.
Salina stepped one foot into the stirrup, then stopped and turned back to face Viola. “How would you like to do the flying?” she asked, wearing a sheepish grin.
“Oh! No, I can’t,” Viola said, throwing her hands up in the air. The thought of riding one of these things again so soon had her a little shaken. But to fly one!
“Of course you can,” Salina insisted, tugging at the hand of her less-than-willing partner. “It’s not like you can run this bird into the side of a mountain. They’re not stupid.” She held up one of the reins and gave it a shake. “A soft tug one way or the other and the bird will gently veer that direction. See, easy.” She pointed down into the valley below. But whatever she was pointing at was completely hidden within the thick fog. “Haran is only a short distance away. Don’t worry, I’ll be sitting right behind you. Come now, if you’re going to live with the spiritists, you’ll need to start acting like one.” She stepped aside and tapped the stirrup with her finger. It was clear she was not going to take no for an answer.
With a sigh, Viola stepped into the stirrup and swung her other leg up. Other spiritists were taking off all around them, their birds swooping over the edge of the platform before disappearing down into the fog. Salina climbed up from behind. The raven swayed with the added weight, its claws clicking on stone as it sidestepped a few feet. Salina reached around Viola’s waist and shook the reins, hinting that it was time for her to take hold. Tentatively, Viola held the loop with a loose grip.