by Jeannie Moon
If she was ever going to have a relationship, she had to stop letting every little thing scare her off. Josh never promised anything. Yet she acted like she’d been jilted at the altar. Awesome. In truth, she was embarrassed. Embarrassed about the way she acted with him, about her writing...
She hated that he was right. No one would take her work seriously unless she did. Why didn’t she tell the world what she was doing? Why did she care what people thought?
She stopped in her favorite Starbucks, the one with the adorable barista named Zack, who worked full time while he was going to NYU to get his MFA. He was nice and always took time to chat while he made her drink. He’d asked her out a couple of times in the past, but she’d been too nervous, so she always said no.
But when she walked in, Caroline didn’t see him and her heart sank a little. She loved talking to Zack and was hoping that seeing him today might help her feel better. Like she wasn’t a complete failure at life. She walked to the counter to order and figured a mocha frappucino with lots of whipped cream could only improve her mood. When her drink was ready she took it to one of the tables outside and figured it was as good a time as any to start reading the book she’d just downloaded.
Maybe this feeling of failure with Josh was what Caroline had been avoiding all these years. She hated that she didn’t know how to separate her feelings from her actions. That she’d let Josh get to her.
“Caroline?”
She looked up and there stood cute Zack. The sun was behind him and he looked like an angel sent to mend her wounded heart. Then a pretty red-haired woman stepped next to him, and Caroline faced the fact that even in her daydreams, life had pretty much hit the skids.
They conversed for a few more minutes and she found out the woman was his new girlfriend and that she had just sold a series of three young adult novels to a big publisher. The buzz was that one was going to be optioned for a movie. Of course it was. The woman had a genuinely nice guy, she looked like a super model, and her career was soaring. Caroline couldn’t get assigned to a decent consulting project because of stalker Mark. And she was so turned around by a guy she couldn’t think straight.
Pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes, Caroline wondered when she was going to get her break.
“Hey! I thought you were on Long Island today!”
When she opened her eyes she saw Tessa approaching. She was weighed down with shopping bags, which meant one of two things was at play. Either she over-bought and half of the haul would go back, or she’d gotten a bonus at work and was splurging for a reason. She saw at least three shoe boxes among what Tessa was carrying, and it made her wonder how many shoes a woman really needed.
Caroline loved shoes, but it was a religious experience for Tessa. Fortunately, their apartment had two big bedrooms with big closets. Tessa had one entire closet in her room for shoes.
Standing and tossing her cup in the trash, Caroline took one of her friend’s packages.
“So why are you sitting at a Starbucks on this lovely day looking like you lost your best friend? Weren’t you having dinner at your sister’s house?”
“I was, but Meg decided I don’t need to run my own life. It was ugly, then Josh came in and I came back to the city. I just didn’t need it, you know?”
Tessa’s eyebrows shot up at the mention of Josh’s name. Unlike Caroline’s family, Tessa knew the whole story about Josh. The whole story. She’d heard all of it over banana pancakes.
“I hear you. Sounds like you had a very Maneri afternoon. It wouldn’t be a Sunday if someone wasn’t pissed off.”
Of course, Tessa was exaggerating. She had this big, amazing, loud Italian family that Caroline always dreamed of. It wasn’t the fighting. She could handle a fight. It was being made to feel like a second-class citizen, like she was their responsibility. Or worse, being treated like a child.
“I don’t know. I really don’t want to see them for a while.”
“You don’t mean that.”
It wouldn’t be forever, but Caroline was done with the fights and the judgments. She really just wanted to be left alone.
The sunlight was a bit of natural happiness as the rays danced through the trees, dappling the sidewalk around them. Her neighborhood really was perfect for her. At least something was.
“What happened with Josh?”
She told Tessa about being scared to death when he’d come in the night before and she told her about Summer. “I get that we’re not anything to each other, but I don’t know. It bothered me when I saw him with her, and then later there he was, reading over my shoulder.”
“So he went out with someone else and then got to read some of your hot stuff?”
“Pretty much. That’s it in a nutshell.” Caroline stopped and turned. “But he was so sweet, you know. He was sorry and then he touched me...”
“Uh-oh. And today he was protective and understanding?”
“Yup. The bastard.”
Tessa giggled. “I could not get over the picture you showed me. He’s the hottest man I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Good Lord.”
“Well gorgeous or not, it’s all in the past.”
“It sucks.”
“Does it ever get easier?” Caroline asked.
“I’ll let you know.”
***
Today had been a disaster. As Josh sat in his office, he kept seeing Caroline’s face as she raged at her mother and sister, at him, and he couldn’t help thinking about his role in the mess. Logically, he knew this had been brewing among the Rossi women for a while, but he felt responsible, like the catalyst.
What was supposed to be a nice, quiet afternoon had turned into power struggle between people he really cared about.
Josh stared at the site report he and Caroline had talked about the day before. He’d written some notes in the margin and left a voice mail for his secretary, telling her that he needed a meeting with his father and the investors about the property. Then he’d talk to the engineering firm about doing additional tests. That meant he would probably be in the same room with Mark the asshole. He hoped he had the opportunity to make Mark as uncomfortable as he had made Caroline.
Caroline.
He’d found the business card she’d left for him. On the back she’d written a simple message.
I’m sorry. I will always help you. Call if you need me. C.
It made Josh see that he wasn’t nearly as mad as he thought he was. Watching her walk out of the house today triggered some revelations about himself. Revelations about how he treated women and the unspoken expectations he might have. Looking at his cell phone contact list, he knew exactly which name to press if he wanted sex. Sure, he always included a concert, some pretentious gallery opening or dinner at the latest hot restaurant, but he knew who to call. Who would be ready and willing. He’d give the woman a reason to dress up, the opportunity to be seen, and Josh knew she’d be very happy to take him to her bed to their mutual satisfaction.
Just like Summer expected when they’d gone out.
He’d never promised a relationship with any woman he dated, and over the last ten years he never even had to ask for sex. Ever. The expectation was understood on both sides. Without a doubt, his partners were always happy when he called again.
And now Josh felt like the biggest shit on planet Earth. Fucking perfect.
His guitar sat on a stand in the corner and, grabbing it, he sat on the couch, right where Caroline had been the morning before. Picking at the strings, he hoped the music would drown out the noise in his head, but so far it wasn’t doing him any good.
Caroline hadn’t played games; she laid it right out there. And Josh wasn’t used to her brand of honesty. It flew in the face of everything he’d learned growing up and in business.
It was rare people surprised him. Josh had a pretty good sense of who someone was
within a few minutes. With men and women he met through work, a handshake told him a lot. With women he dated, conversations revealed certain things. The bedroom revealed others.
Caroline may not have liked her work, but she was good at it and she was going to give clients her best. The few minutes they’d spoken about his project told him she was light years ahead of the people already working on that team.
The other piece of it all wasn’t what he expected. The sex. The sex had put his emotions in a vise grip and he didn’t know what to do about that. Being in bed with a woman had always been about release. Mutual satisfaction. There was never anything invested other than getting naked and having a few mind-blowing orgasms. But with Caroline, everything had been put out there.
The fact that she’d been untouched still weighed on him a little. What really got him wasn’t that she was tentative or shy; she was anything but. She was hot, curious, and willing to try things. She’d touched him looking for his approval. He could hear her voice in his head asking him if she was doing something right, telling him if he was. It was incredible to be with someone so open, so brave.
Someone so much fun.
It had been fun, too. When they went back to bed the second time, they’d laughed and played and Josh had never been there before. He didn’t laugh in bed. He got down and dirty, but he didn’t laugh. Caroline had opened a new door and he didn’t know if he ever wanted to go back to the other way again.
He’d been missing that intimacy and he thought he was okay with it. But Josh wasn’t an idiot. If he liked something, if something felt good, he knew there was probably some price for it.
Most of the time, getting good sex meant he had to put up with dull chatter about the New York social scene. With Caroline it meant opening up, being honest and risking attachment. And Josh didn’t think he was ready for that.
The thing was, it was possible it was already too late. He felt different. He wanted to see her, talk to her, touch her, and while one half of his brain was telling him to let it go, the other half told him he couldn’t. He needed to see her. He needed to be with her again.
Josh was hoping that maybe this was a phase. Some kind of endorphin rush that he’d be able to work through. He might just need to get Caroline out of his system. He could take her out and see how that went. If nothing else, he could talk about the project, and then see if the attraction was there or if the other night was just a one-time thing.
He’d work it through and get everything between them under control.
Control. Right. If he’d learned anything it was that Caroline was not about control. On the surface, maybe she was. But on the inside, she was about the rush. The emotion. And for the life of him, he couldn’t understand how her family didn’t see all that passion. All that emotion.
He didn’t understand how they couldn’t know her.
And he didn’t know how to handle the fact that he wanted to know her better.
Chapter 7
Caroline was in her bed, under her covers, trying to forget about the drama at her sister’s house today. To keep her mind off the noise in her head, she decided to tweak a scene that she didn’t know if she could fix.
Honestly, she didn’t know if she could fix anything about this book, much less about her life.
God, she had to get over herself.
The soft buzz from her cell surprised her. Looking at the display she saw it was her sister, and Caroline really didn’t want to answer. But knowing her sister, Meg would just keep calling.
Laughing a little, because her sister never gave up on anything, Caroline slid her finger across the screen.
“Hello?”
“Don’t hang up. I’m sorry.” The words burst out so quickly Caroline almost didn’t catch them. But then it sunk in.
Meg apologized. Caroline could count on one hand the number of times that had happened, and while it wasn’t very gracious, it felt like she’d won.
“Thanks,” she said quietly. “I appreciate that.”
“I shouldn’t have butted in about your life and I shouldn’t pick on your writing. I guess it’s just hard for me because I don’t feel like we’re close at all, Carly, and that’s all I want.” Meg drew a breath. “That’s why I snipe at you anytime I find out something new.”
Carly. That’s what her sister had called her when they were young, and Caroline felt the lump form in her throat. “I need you and Mom to trust me. I’m not stupid.”
“Oh, I know that. So does Mom. We just worry, and before you say anything, I know we shouldn’t. I guess when we lost Dad, it sort of seemed like you took it even harder than us, and we’ve been overprotective since.”
This was the most contrite Meg had ever been. What had happened after she left?
“I should feel lucky that people do worry about me.” That was the truth. A lot of her friends felt pretty abandoned by their families. That was never Caroline’s problem. “But don’t second-guess me all the time, okay?”
“I’ll try not to. If I do, tell me to shut up.”
Caroline laughed. “Okay. Just remember you asked for it.”
The sisters laughed and Caroline felt her stomach settle. Things were far from perfect, but were families ever perfect?
“So, ah...” Meg began, “do you want to tell me what’s up with you and Josh?”
Shit. “What do you mean?” Oh, she can’t know; he wouldn’t have told them, would he?
“Caroline, after you left, he came into the kitchen and defended you. Like he seriously told me off.”
“He did?” Caroline’s heart started racing. He went to bat for her? Caroline never would have expected him to stick up for her. Never.
“He did. He told us how smart you are and how capable and how we should mind our own business. He even told me to butt out when I mentioned your sex life.”
“My sex life? Are you kidding me?” There was some humiliation right there. It was amazing, really. If there was a line, Meg found a way to cross it.
“Well, your boyfriend told me it was none of my business.”
“He’s not my boyfriend. And it isn’t your business.”
“I get that.” Meg hesitated. “I think he likes you, Caroline. Are you sure nothing happened?”
“Am I sure? I think I’d know if anything happened.” Evade! Caroline already felt perspiration forming on her brow. She couldn’t lie. Caroline was a crappy liar. If Meg had asked the question in person she would have folded instantly.
“Okay, okay, don’t get defensive.”
“We’re friends. That’s all.” Was he a friend? That could be considered a truth, even though she told him they weren’t. Would turning into a puddle of goo when he touched her make them friends? A stretch, but she was willing to go there. “We understand each other.”
There was silence on the line and Caroline was trying to anticipate what Meg might say next. “Meg? You still there?”
“Uh-huh. I’m just wondering how much you two understand each other.” She giggled.
Great, the bitch was giggling. Giggling. “Meg, I’m going to hang up now. I’m working. And I won’t be mocked.”
“I’m not mocking you.” More laughter.
“Stop it! Yes, you are.”
“Okay, maybe a little. Let’s meet for dinner this week. I want to hear all about your writing.”
That stunned her. Now it was Caroline’s turn to go quiet.
“You do?” She forgave her sister for the giggles almost immediately.
“I do, and there won’t be any mocking,” Meg said. “I’ll call you in a couple of days. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Night, Carly.”
***
Josh walked down the short hallway and stopped just short of the office suite where his father was holding court. Campbell Holdings was a well established and respected
private equity firm, although lately Josh didn’t know how the reputation held up. It was true that any investment harbored some sort of risk, and venture capitalists were putting their money into more high-risk projects than anyone, but the firm didn’t need to be reckless.
And that’s what Will Campbell was doing—playing fast and loose with this development project and everyone’s money.
Deep down, Josh wasn’t surprised.
He’d always given his parents the benefit of the doubt. Unlike his siblings, Josh hadn’t had a burning desire to separate himself from his nuclear family. He’d always prided himself on being loyal and thought that was a good trait. Unfortunately, it alienated him from Jason and his sister, Grace, and it was only when Grace and her husband were killed in a car wreck that his parents’ true colors, and their motives, became clear.
When they made a ruthless attempt to get custody of his niece Molly, including falsifying court documents, Josh woke up and saw the kind of people he was protecting.
He still didn’t know how his father didn’t end up in jail after that. But getting away with it only made his father more arrogant, more bold, and it made Josh wonder what he was going to try next. There was nothing worse than being in business with someone who felt untouchable. Except maybe when that person was a relative.
Josh had a pretty substantial stake in the firm because his grandfather had left it to him years before. That was Josh’s driving motivation. His grandfather trusted him, and the more Josh thought about it, he wondered if Grandpa knew he couldn’t leave the things in Will’s hands.
There’d been some creative accounting under his father’s leadership, and with every high-risk project Josh worried about the financial fallout. Would this development be the one that drove the firm into the ground? He couldn’t let it happen, and now armed with Caroline’s take on the site assessment he could make sure his father didn’t do something truly stupid, unethical, or both.
Josh held the site assessment. The very one that Caroline told him wasn’t complete, and he now had to go into a meeting and tell his father, two investors, and the architect that the engineering firm had dropped the ball. It wouldn’t be easy; in fact, he expected a lot of resistance, especially since he was fairly sure Dad was the one who told the engineers to cut corners. The investors trusted his father, and that was Will Campbell’s strength. He was charming and he could get anyone to do anything.