by Tricia Lynne
My eyes slipped closed as I savored the sensation, and he bit down on my lip in silent command.
“I need you to see me.” His voice, so rough it sounded like broken glass, so deep it took hold in the darkest part of me. “Wanna look in your eyes so you know I’m the one who has you. No one could take your place, sweetness. No one will ever fit me the way you do. Show me, Avery. Show me your soul….Give me that piece of you.”
I rolled my hips to meet his, filling myself up with each unhurried stroke. Tracing his lips with my finger, I considered those fathomless eyes and gave him the piece he wanted as I felt the pull of our thread strong and clear. “You have it, Declan. You have me. You always had me.”
Declan kissed me, with the kind of passion that imprints on both the heart and soul, and I learned what real passion was with that kiss—lust and love, neither one mutually exclusive, but tied together infinitely in an eternal embrace. With a lump in my throat, I met his emerald green eyes, naked and raw, as he stripped me to my marrow.
He was the reason I found my courage on this trip, the daring to leap and allowing myself to fly. The mettle to be myself and make no apologies for who I was. I knew in that moment, in the same part of my soul that recognized his, that I couldn’t just walk away. That I’d never forgive myself if I didn’t try. All the excuses and backpedaling—it was me trying to protect myself, because admitting to myself that I loved Declan McGinn gave me hope for a future with him.
And it would leave me an empty shell if the bottom dropped out.
I didn’t know how, and couldn’t fathom the logistics, but I would tell him I wanted to try, because our relationship deserved a shot to fly as well.
All inhibition and self-consciousness abandoned, I had never felt more beautiful, desired, pleasured, than I did in that moment. With each heartbeat we shared, I was flawless. I was perfect. “Declan, so close.”
“Jesus,” he grated at the same time, then cupped my jaw as I gripped his nape tight in my palm. With our foreheads pressed together, we found home in each other’s eyes. “I can’t—” His voice was little more than a croak, his muscles corded as his hips arched into mine.
I detonated with a strangled cry. Orgasm tore through me. Every sensation was exaggerated tenfold. Every feeling, physical and emotional, amplified. My body drank his in, pulled him to the deepest place inside both my body and heart while I watched him struggle for breath and strain to hold on as my pleasure tried to swallow us both.
“Avery.” It was said softly as Declan bowed into me, his teeth clenched tight as he throbbed and went over the edge with me. His face contorted, his lips drawn tight over his teeth, his stomach and shoulders trembling as his fingers dug red marks into my hip and fisted my hair.
As I brushed my lips over his, while our orgasms waned, I knew with absolute certainty. As sure as there would always be gravity on Earth…I would always love Declan McGinn.
Settling me into his arms, he pulled the covers over our cooling bodies and hummed a soft melody. One I knew but couldn’t name. “I know I’ve heard that song. What is it?”
He didn’t tell me. “Sleep, Avery….Dream.”
* * *
—
I did dream. Of the big top, again. The setting was the same. The faces and bodies, the music and colors and smells, just as they had been before. Only I stood in the middle of the dais on black platform stilettos and legs encased in fishnets a shoulder’s width apart. My breasts mounded over a black corset, a tailed jacket, a top hat on my head and a riding crop in my hand.
Declan sat on crushed velvet and gilded filigree, his wings towering behind him, as he watched me move around the stage. His smirk, a lot dirty and a little worshipful.
I turned. Throwing my tails out, I sat on the matching chair next to his.
He took my hand in his with a brush of lips against my knuckles.
Chapter 24
Declan
After leaving a note, I slipped out, heading for the pool. There was something about the water that grounded me. Helped me sort through the noise in my head, and that shit had gone haywire all night. The sky glowed with the orange and purple hues of not quite dawn as I slid into the water and pushed off the wall like a bullet.
Last night’s little peek into Avery’s life was a right hook to the jaw I was still staggered from. I didn’t belong, and everyone went out of their way to make sure I knew it. Yet, she’d continued to try and make me feel comfortable.
I swam harder. Punished myself with every stroke and breath. Christ, I felt the weight of the ink on my back as if a demon had its claws in me, and that motherfucker wasn’t letting go.
Avery Barrows was…I cared about that woman more than anyone or anything, but if I told her how deep my feelings went, gave her that power over me? If she walked after that, I might as well hand her the speedball and the same needle my mother used because I’d be just like my old man. Empty, soulless. Mourning the loss of a woman who threw me away.
How would that be any different than the way ye’ll feel when she leaves ye tomorrow?
Fuck. It wouldn’t.
In one short week, she’d managed to become the person I cared about most in the world. I didn’t want to lose that. I loved waking up next to her and riling her up until she spit fire with her words. I loved the workings of her brain and all the layers there were to her.
Yet, I was scared to death that if I told her any of that, and we tried to make a…relationship…work, one day in the not-so-distant future she’d wake up next to me and realize she deserved better. That she was better, and she didn’t need some tattooed thug in her life.
Better to let her go now than go through that later.
Now or later makes no difference, boyo, either way is goin’ ta hurt. Later may be worse, but if ye want her for more than the week, that’s the chance ye hafta take.
I finished the lap and pulled up on the side of the pool, breathing hard. “Fuck. It’s the chance I’ve already taken.” The moment I realized this wasn’t an ordinary fling and chased her back to her room.
Ahh, finally yer gettin’ it through that thick skull, boyo.
I lifted myself out of the pool, dried off, and went back to the room. Sliding into bed, I wrapped her up like she’d blink out of existence.
Later that morning, after a quick breakfast with Jamie and Kat at Café Du Monde, Jamie and I went to sound check and left Avery and Kat to pack up.
To fucking pack. So they could leave.
At breakfast, everything I felt, I saw reflected on Jamie’s face, and as a result, sound check an hour later was a total clusterfuck. We got started late because Shaun was running behind after the babysitter didn’t show, then Jamie thought he’d fuck with the set list, even though we hadn’t rehearsed the songs he wanted to play. Matt was in a mood because he was a little girl with PMS, and I sang everything flat because my mind was on Avery leaving.
The whole thing was goddamn ear torture, and we didn’t so much as finish as get booted off the stage by a sound tech.
“What the fuck was that? You two need to get your shit together,” Matt spewed as we hit the dressing room.
“Oh, fuck you, Matt,” Jamie and I said in unison.
Jamie turned to the drummer. “I can’t hit my mark for the solo in ‘Illusion’ if you’re either a half beat behind or ahead, now can I? Make up your fucking mind, shithead.”
I stuck a finger in Jamie’s chest. “It wasn’t him, Buffy. It was you.”
“Says the dude who couldn’t hit a C chord if it followed him into the boxing ring. Whatever, man. I’m outta here.” Jamie rolled his eyes, yanked open the door.
“He needs to talk this shit out. You both do.” Shaun got up and followed Jamie.
“Twin fucking hurricanes,” Matt mumbled with a shake of his head. “We all know what’s wron
g with you two. Avery is…D, if you let her walk without puttin’ your cock on the table?” He lifted an eyebrow. “You’re not only stupid, you’re not the man I thought you were.”
Elbows on my knees, I dropped my head into my hands. “Will you guys get off my dick?”
“I love you, Declan, but you let her get away and I won’t have any issues telling her you’re not the only one who wants her.”
That brought my head up. My shoulders tensed, I narrowed my eyes to slits. “Flirting is one thing, but you move on her and I will cut your nuts off and put them in a jar on my desk, motherfucker.”
He shook his head. Pulled the door open. “Then get off your ass and do something about it, dickhead.”
Chapter 25
Avery
My hair air dried in wild waves while I pulled on my skinny jeans, well-worn and ripped up in all the right places. My black, skull T-shirt fell off one shoulder, giving a peak of my lace bra. With the skull earrings, my Vans, a bit of makeup—heavy on the liner and mascara—I slid into the outrageously priced leather moto jacket Kat forced me to buy at threat of bloodshed. I tucked necessities into the breast pocket and went to meet her.
She was waiting in the lobby, creating a spectacle with her mere presence. She looked every bit the runway model, wearing sky-high heels and skintight black denim that showcased her long legs, and curvy hips and ass. Her strategically cut-up T-shirt said “Super-Model” in big block letters.
She looked me over. “Perfect, sweetie. Even the Vans are cute.”
The House of Blues in the French Quarter was small as music venues went, but that was the appeal. The concerts weren’t about watching a jumbotron from section DD, row 43, seat 9 while ant figures scurried around onstage.
The entrance looked like a psycho gingerbread man threw up on the front porch of any shotgun house you could find in Tremé. The decor was a true reflection of New Orleans style, from the ramshackle wood and old shutters used to make the stage, to the dueling bars and private courtyard hidden away. The floor inside was standing room only and probably accommodated a thousand people at most. There were balconies with reserved seating, where we had tickets, but we wanted to be in the pit up against the stage.
We grabbed a bite in the restaurant and went to see the guys before they went on. Declan and Matthias were sharing one of the dressing rooms reserved for BlackSmith; Shaun and Jamie had the other. I knocked on the door and Mattie yanked it open; his eyes flared briefly before he slipped past me without so much as a hello.
“Hey, sweet, did you guys eat? There’s some stuff in the—Jesus, you look hot.” Declan’s eyes wandered over me and the hair on my arms stood up despite the leather. “Damn.” Pulling me in by the waist, he kissed me thoroughly kicking the door shut behind.
“Mmmm, thank you for that.” I grinned. “Mattie lit out of here. Everything okay?”
Declan rubbed his face. “I don’t know what his problem is. He’s got an attitude lately like somebody’s been trying to rail him with a cactus.”
I leaned into his chest, stifling the laugh. “Hmm. I’m sure I’ll see him after. I didn’t think I’d get to see anyone but you tomorrow. I wanted to tell everyone goodbye tonight.”
He ran a hand over his face, blew out a heavy breath. “Yeah, about that. I’ve got something planned after the show. I’ll need a shower and I’ve gotta spend some time with the bands, but don’t wander off. We’re gone first chance I get.” The bit of uneasiness was most un-Declan-like.
“Okay,” I said, deciding to be patient for once. Whatever it was, I didn’t want to make it worse. I had all night to drop my little bomb.
Declan slipped off a plain black T-shirt swapping it for a green Guinness T-shirt with the sleeves cut out, and the armholes gaping down his sides. Jesus, the man was sex on a silver platter. Declan buffet, table for one. With his back to me, he slid a studded belt into black pants and I wrapped my arms around his waist, running my hands under the shirt.
“Avery,” he said, warning in his tone.
Ha. Like he could warn me off.
“I can’t keep my hands off you, baby. Not that I’m trying.” I rimmed his pants with my index finger. A quick flick and I had them undone. Reaching inside, I palmed his length, finding him half-hard. I loved how quickly he got hard for me, only the barest thought of sex with me giving rise to the beast. I ran my fingers along the sensitive underside and his head fell back. A moan escaped his lips in a rare show of defeat.
Fuck, yes! I was in control and was going to take full advantage. “You were hard before I touched you, weren’t you?” I said with a sinister chuckle as I stroked him root to tip.
He swallowed. “Mmhmm.”
My sex was already starting to slicken. “Shit, I knew I should have worn panties.”
“Fuck, that feels go—no panties?” He reached over his head, pulled the shirt off with one deft move. “I need to be inside you. Now.”
A loud bang on the door startled me. I tried to pull away, but he caught my wrist and held it where it was.
“Five minutes, Declan!”
“Piss off!” he growled. His chin against his chest, he stared down his abdomen as I moved my hand hilt to tip, squeezing just the way he liked. “Not enough time.”
“Well.” I pulled away, circling to face him. “I can’t send you onstage like this, now can I?”
He cocked his head and grinned with that sexy swagger that was all Declan. “Got something in mind?”
“Bet your sweet ass. I did this.” I tapped the tip of his cock with my index finger. “I can undo it.”
“No, you can’t. It’s a perpetual state when you’re around.” I pushed at his hips and he moved back without a fight, slipping his tongue between my lips along the way as he leaned against the back of the armchair.
This was going to have to be some world-class head. I dropped to a squat and gave the thick crown a lollipop lick while he watched.
“Shit, Avery.”
Without further preamble, I pulled him into my mouth, all the way to the back of my throat. His stomach clenched tight as he let out a low-pitched groan and I ran my nails down his abdomen none too gently. God, I loved when he made that sound. He fisted my hair as I slid my hands over his hips, set a quick tempo with my mouth, and met his eyes.
“So fucking pretty.”
I hummed my approval and was rewarded with, “Oh, shi—” on a sharp inhale. “Touch yourself, sweetness. I wanna see you get off while you suck my cock.”
I pulled away long enough to unzip my jeans and push my hand inside. I was slick and swollen. It wouldn’t take much effort. I licked my lips and went back to work.
“Christ, woman. So good at this. I’m already close,” he stuttered. “The most incredible mouth. I love seeing your lips wrapped around me.”
God that wicked mouth of his. I hollowed my cheeks as I drew him into the back of my throat. Once. Twice. I swallowed as I palmed his balls with a soft tug.
“Oh, fuck.” His breathing turned ragged and I moaned around him as I came. Grasping the base, I squeezed, worked my throat over his swollen head. When Declan jerked forward unintentionally, I nearly gagged.
Then he exploded into my throat in salty, sweet ropes, his shaft jerking against my tongue as he trembled with the force of his orgasm. While I still had him in my mouth, he grabbed my shoulders and yanked me to my feet, burying his tongue between my lips.
He would taste himself on my tongue. Damn if that didn’t do it for me, but I stepped back, righting my clothes.
“Nuh-huh, baby. You’re due onstage. No preshow dressing room bang for you.”
“Jesus. I haven’t come that fast since high school.” He grinned. “I had a thing for Mrs. Jacobs and her gym shorts. Oh wait.” He tucked his softening shaft into his pants and slipped his shirt o
n. “Not true. That night in the courtyard.” His smile grew as he hooked a hand around my waist. “I tried everything to stop thinking about you, but that fucking hard-on wouldn’t go away. I rubbed one out tangled in the sheets in about a nanosecond.”
“Oh, wish I could have seen that.” I turned my lips up in a self-satisfied smirk as someone pounded on the door again.
“We’re about to be announced, assface!”
Declan smirked. “I’ve got no control when I’m with you. Not of myself, and definitely not of you.” He kissed me as the door popped open and Jamie gave him a what the fuck look. “Yeah, I’m ready,” he said, then turned and left.
Kat leaned against the doorjamb, looking me over. “Why, you little hooker.” She wore a huge grin. I flipped her off. “C’mon, hussy, Jamie got us a bouncer to put us down front in the pit.”
True to her word, a huge guy escorted us down the side-stage stairs and made a hole for us on the floor. Then he hovered. Bet that came from Jamie, too. The guys were just getting into the first song when Declan found us in the crowd and winked. Yep, should have worn panties.
BlackSmith did all original stuff with heavy baselines and unreal guitar riffs. Jamie’s fingers flew over the fretboard with inhuman speed as sweat sheened his forehead. Mattie was buried in darkness. Even under the bright stage rig bathing him in multi-colored lights, he was totally lost in his dark hole. Shaun didn’t move around much but smiled like he was playing lullabies for his son, not heavy metal.
And Declan was spellbinding. Man, woman, monkey—it didn’t matter. You couldn’t fight his pull. By the fourth song, he was soaked with sweat, his shirt plastered to his chest, as heavy beads ran down his face and he growled into the mic about the illusions of control. He hammered out the rhythm guitar and sang with his heart and soul about clinging to threads and losing his head. Between the fourth and fifth songs, he peeled his shirt off. Women went crazy and the tits came out. My hackles went up, but then he walked to the edge of the stage and pointed down at me.