by Tricia Lynne
“Declan, no!” The words exploded from me, but the punch never connected.
Shaun grabbed Declan and whipped him upright, holding him in a full nelson, wheeling him back like a rag doll. “That’s enough, brother. You’ll knock his wires loose you hit him there.”
“Matt thinks he betrayed D,” Jamie said close to my ear.
“It was innocent. We just slept; we spooned, for Christ’s sake. Mattie wouldn’t spoon with a girl he’s screwed.”
“That’s the problem, Avery. Matt doesn’t spoon anyone. Ever.” Matt was heaving on the floor while Declan still struggled against Shaun as Jamie continued. “There’s nothing innocent in the way Matt feels about you, sweetheart. Shit, I think it might have been easier on Declan if it had been just sex. Instead, he believes you have the same kind of feelings for Matt that Matt has for you. The same kind of feelings that Declan has for you.”
Oh, Jesus. I had it all wrong. Matt had feelings for me. Enough to stay the night to make sure I was okay. And Declan thought I felt something beyond friendship because I let him. No matter what I saw in that dressing room, I knew that Declan didn’t care about some random groupie. How many times had men used me to get to Kat? I knew how deep it cut without love being involved. But if he loved me…
No wonder he’d tried to run me off, and fuck if I could blame him for it.
God, I was such an asshole.
“Stay here.” Jamie turned me loose.
He pushed around me and went to Matt, who was slumped and bleeding on the floor. Holding his ribs, he pulled in shallow, ragged breaths. With Jamie’s help, he got to his feet then pushed him away. Shaun still had Declan tied up, veins bulging in his face as his breath sawed in and out.
Matt spit blood on the floor, met Declan eye to eye. “That was all me, brother. She didn’t have anything to do with it. I did it so she can see what you won’t say, asshole.”
“Fuck you,” Declan snarled.
“I love you, D, so I’m gonna tell you what a goddamned idiot you are.” Matt took a couple of labored breaths and winced. “You need to tell her, dickhead. She needs to hear it…and so do you, you stubborn sonofabitch, so you know you’re capable of it.”
Declan stopped struggling and genuinely regarded Matthias. Shaun let him go but stayed close.
“Because, I have no doubt, that she’s completely in love with you. Nobody understands that better than me.”
Declan’s hands landed on his hips; his head slumped forward to stare at the floor.
Matt turned and made his way toward me. I had to resist the urge to smooth his hair from his battered face when he stopped and met my eyes.
“I warned you about that rabbit hole, cher. I told you it was a long way down.” With that, Matt pushed past me and out the back door, Shaun a few steps behind.
* * *
—
With the show over, the crowd began to dwindle and Declan leaned against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. With a tug on her hand, Jamie pulled Kat away. She winked over her shoulder as he led her down the hall.
Seemed everyone was in on it but Declan and me.
With pain and regret in his eyes, Declan’s met mine. Then he peeled away from the wall and walked into the dressing room, leaving the door open in silent invitation.
Uprooting my feet, shaking off the dazed and confused routine, I walked in, shutting the door with a soft click, unsure where to begin. The room wasn’t much. A few metal chairs, a couple of guitar stands, instrument cases. Declan sat in one of the folding chairs, elbows on his knees, sweat sheened on his neck and shoulders in the bare overhead bulb. He looked up from under hooded brows and I knew he’d never forgive himself for hitting Matt.
Without speaking, I put my hands on his shoulders. It felt so good to touch him again. I didn’t think about the fight with Matt, or the argument earlier, even the shit that happened in New Orleans. All that mattered was the heat of his skin against my palms. When he put his hands on my hips pulling me between his legs, the sigh in my soul was an audible release, the thread strong and clear once again.
He leaned his head against my stomach, let me comfort him as I ran my fingers through his hair. We stayed like that for the longest time. Feeling the weight of our decisions, good and bad, taking comfort from each other’s rhythmic breaths.
“He’s right you know. I do love you. I’ll Love You ’Till the End, Declan McGinn.”
Declan glanced up, a trace of relief crawling through the muscles of his shoulders. My poet shook his head. “I didn’t think—I thought you wanted Matt.”
“No, baby, it was never Matt.”
“Christ…Look at me, Avery.” He gestured to the tattoos, the scar on his face as his eyes pleaded with mine. Exhaling long and tired, his whiskey-worn voice came out raw and choked. “I’ve got no business with a woman like you. But a guy like Matt you could introduce to colleagues, take to cocktail parties and shit. He’s the guy next door.” His lips thinned. “I’ve never been that guy, and I never gave a shit about it before you. Never cared about the tattoos, that I didn’t go to college.” He shook his head. “You’d never need to hide Matt.”
“Declan, I’d never need to hide you.” But he wasn’t done.
“That fucking cocktail party, it was so clear that I didn’t belong in your world. That I should leave you to your daylight and stay in the dark. But something in me just refused to let go.” An ache had etched into the lines of his face. Meeting my eyes, he let me in, let me see the perfection and flaws, open and unguarded and as vulnerable as he’d ever been. “When I saw you two, and Matt had obviously stayed, it killed me, but I understood. That girl at the club…One glimpse of you with Matt, and I understood why you ran. I never want to feel pain like that again. I figured that you finally came to the same conclusion I had. You deserve a man who fits where I never will.”
All that time I’d thought Declan was out of my reach. I wasn’t pretty enough, or thin enough, that he’d leave me for greener grass. I was so concerned I’d never be enough for him, that I didn’t see what was right in front of me. Not once had I entertained the idea that Declan thought he wasn’t good enough for me. He was smart, so talented, and funny. He was handsome and generous, dangerous and dark. Beautiful and intimidating, and as essential as the air in my lungs.
Declan
Avery ran her fingers through my hair, brushed the bruise at my temple, and I couldn’t help leaning my weary head against her stomach and relishing the feel of her hands on my skin, and her hips under my palms.
“I didn’t know Matt had those kinds of feelings for me, baby. That night, he stayed because I was hurting and that’s what friends do for each other. But I promise you, I no more had designs on him than he had intentions of developing feelings for me.” She cupped my jaw, tipped my chin until I met her gaze. “It’s you I’m in love with, Declan. It’s only ever been you.
“All this time, I thought I wasn’t worthy of you—I’ll never be 120 pounds, I’ll always prefer Vans to heels, and my words will always cut to the bone when I’m not careful—but, baby, it never occurred to me that you were concerned I could think less of you, because of the way you look. You are the sexiest man I’ve ever had the pleasure to lay eyes on. Perfect—just as you are. I would never trade you for the boy next door. I would never choose Matt.” A beautiful smile graced her beautiful face. “The guy I can’t live without is sitting in front of me, in a dingy club on 6th Street, with the most beautiful tattoos all over his body, the sexiest voice ever to sing a song, and the ability to let me see myself for who I am.”
I looked down; my voice came out choked and barely audible. “You deserve better than me.”
“Declan, look at me.” I did, saw the tears fighting to slip free from her eyes, and I knew I’d fallen into those remarkable gold eyes, never to re-emerge. “I
love you, exactly as you are—exactly as I see you. The light and the dark, the angel and demon, the gentleman and badass. You are everything I never knew I wanted, in this life or the next. We are meant for one another only, and no one else will ever breathe life into the missing part of my soul. The job is yours alone. It’s fated, I think.” She smirked, tugged on my hair.
“You believe in soul mates?” I raised an eyebrow.
“I think sometimes two souls find each other because they’re supposed to be together through the ages. Different lives. Different times. The when and where of it is irrelevant. They will always find their way back to one another.” She brushed a finger over the stubble below my ear as I circled her hips with lazy strokes of my thumbs. “You are the other half of my soul, Declan McGinn. Our connection has always been there. Long before you ever ran into me.”
I grinned, nodded. “I was gonna ask you to stay, you know. That night in NOLA. But I’ll move to Dallas in a heartbeat.”
“Hmm, have sheet music, will travel?”
“Something like that.”
“You told me you guys had sold a few songs. You made it sound like Jamie had all the talent. Why didn’t you tell me you were the writer?”
“I just give words to the music. Jamie’s the real writer.”
She pulled a handful of my hair. “Oww.” I was going to have to shave the shit off just so she’d stop pulling it.
“So exactly how many of your covers did you write?”
I smirked in answer, pulling her a little closer. I couldn’t get close enough.
“Well, as it turns out, I’m currently unemployed. Have laptop, will travel.” Her smile was fox sly.
“What happened?”
“I was done trying to be something I wasn’t to fit in with a bunch of assholes I didn’t even like. Their collective opinions didn’t mean fuck-all when I thought about it.” She chuckled. “When I quit, I told the board that I had the biggest set of balls in the room and they could all go fuck themselves.”
I laughed long and low. That was my woman. I wondered if she’d ever stop shocking me with that mouth—I didn’t think so.
“I’m already licensed in Louisiana. Besides, I fell in love with New Orleans around the same time I fell in love with you.”
I pushed to my feet. “Say it again.” I cupped her jaw.
“I’m in love with you, Declan McGinn.”
Our lips met with more fire than ever before—a kiss born purely of love—and that fast my demon was out of the cage.
“Fuck, I missed everything about this mouth.” With one quick move, I lifted her shirt over her head and met her mouth again. My hands latched onto her hips and pulled tight as I backed her to the dressing room door.
Without unbuttoning them, I slipped a hand into her jeans, and realizing what I’d just done, I pulled up with concern, looking her over. “How much have you lost?”
“A little.” She sniffed.
Lips in a thin line, I leaned my head against the door over her shoulder. “I’m so sorry, sweetness.”
“Are you serious right now? I haven’t been this size, um, ever? And you’re gonna bust my balls while I’m half-naked?”
“If this is what you want, I think you’re beautiful.” I met her look square. “As long as you know that I loved every dip and curve of your body, long before you were this size.”
“Good answer.” She lowered my zipper, pushing her hand inside.
“Jesus,” I hissed. “I haven’t…You saw me flirt with the bartender, but there hasn’t been anyone else.” Because I could never leave them alone for long, I took her lips again, snaked a hand around to unhook her bra before I stepped back. “God, that’s pretty.” I sucked her nipple into my mouth, swirling my tongue over the sensitive peak, unbuttoned her jeans, and slid my fingers along her damp lips. “Fuck, you’re wet. So damn quick to get wet for me.”
“Ditch the boots,” she demanded.
I made quick work of my clothes and palmed my cock with a smile, tugging my lips. “Like what you see, sweet?”
She pushed her panties off with her Vans and pinched her nipple with one hand, pushing her fingers into her drenched pussy with the other. “You like what you see, baby?”
Fuck, she was hot. If I wasn’t careful, I’d come on my hand instead of inside her tight body. “Every fucking inch.”
I pushed her hands over her head and pinned them to the door as I slid my tongue into her mouth with deep strokes meant to claim and bind as teeth bumped and moans were swallowed.
She arched, rubbed her nipples against the hair on my torso.
My cock jumped between us, leaking pre-cum on her belly. Fuck, this woman…
Shifting, I nudged her swollen pussy lips apart and coated my cock with her sweet wetness.
“God, Declan.”
I lifted her and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I reveled in the feel of her body, how she was soft where I was hard, her round ass filling my palm, and strong thighs urging me forward. The coconut and honey taste of her throat on my tongue as I left my mark. “Missed you so fucking much. I was drowning without you.”
Reaching between us, she positioned the head of my cock, and with one thrust, I slid home, my eyes holding hers. Finally, I was whole again, the black receding as whatever the hell it was that bound us together, tripled over in strength and wrapped around us in a protective cocoon.
“I was choking to death, Declan. Fire without oxygen, tides with no moon.”
The base of my cock rasped against her swollen clit with every slow slide up and down. Her pussy tightened on me immediately. “Avery, if you keep doing that…”
“It’s okay, baby. We’ve got all the time in the world.”
Fuck, I was riding the edge, but I wasn’t going over until she did.
She knew it and her grin turned wicked as she said, “Sometime, I’d like to test your theory that I can make you come without ever moving my hips.”
We smiled together and I rolled my pelvis, seating myself so fucking deep. My thrusts got quicker, our mouths parted, lips brushing together as my balls drew up and the tingling started at the base of my spine. Her pussy fluttered around me.
Fuck. Gym socks, Shaun’s ass crack. Slamming my nuts in a desk drawer.
Avery’s husky moan cut through every non-sexy thing I could think of. “Christ, I missed that sound.” I sucked in her bottom lip in like whiskey off an ice cube.
I knew my next thrust hit the spot I was looking for when her head hit the door, and her body tensed all over. Her inner walls pulsed, pulled on my cock with unnerving fucking strength.
Goddammit. Carburetors. Taco Bell. Nickelback.
When Avery bit down on my lip and cried out around it, electricity shot down my spine into my balls and I seated myself to the hilt. A full body shudder wracked me as the orgasm powered through me and my cock jerked for what seemed like hours. “Avery, fuck.”
It took forever to come down.
We were still breathing hard when she said, “Me neither. Slept with anyone else. Another man doesn’t stand a chance after you.”
I kissed her through a lazy smile, brushed my thumb over her cheek. “Thank you for that.”
A worried look crossed her face, and I didn’t like it one bit. “Will you and Matt be okay?”
“Shit, we should call Shaun. Matt’s probably at the hospital.” I stepped back, and set Avery down where she started pulling on clothes right away. I needed to see Matt, make sure he was okay, and we needed to talk. Would we be okay? I hoped so. Though, I didn’t think I’d ever forgive myself for what I’d done. “I felt his ribs give. I…I need to apologize. He…fuck.”
Avery put a hand on my chest, stilling my thoughts. “He’s family.”
“Yeah.” I zi
pped my fly, quickly pulling a T-shirt over my head. BlackSmith was a family in the same way Kat was Avery’s family. “How long do you think it will take Jamie to tell Kat how he feels about her?”
“Oh, I’d guess he did it about twenty minutes ago. The question is, how long will it take Kat to admit she has feelings for him, too?”
“Speaking of feelings, there’s something I need to say.” I pulled her against me, tipped her chin until she met my eyes. “I’ve never said it in my life, sweetness. For the longest time, I didn’t think I was even capable of it. Then you came along, and you’ll never know how sorry I am that I let you leave without telling you.” I leaned my head against hers, and saw her eyes turn glassy. “I love you, Avery Barrows.
“With all that I am.
“Whatever I am, it belongs to you.”
Throat choked on her words, she asked, “What did you wish for in the cemetery?”
I grinned. “Courage. You?”
“Same.”
“I’m gonna marry you, sweetness. You’re gonna be my wife.”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation. “Can I shave your head?”
“Yes,” I answered with a soft laugh.
There was no hesitation.
For mom, who said she always knew I’d be a writer one day. Today’s the day.
“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling what if you fly?”
Erin Hanson
Acknowledgments
Mom, thank you for telling me to put my money where my mouth was, pointing me toward my purpose, and shoving me in the back; you are my sunshine. And Dad, thank you for raising me to be the badass instead of the princess, and always making time when I need to talk. You guys made me both the headstrong little shit that never shies away from a challenge, and the difficult, yet never boring, woman my husband is brave enough to spend his life with. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I love you so much.
To Mike, thank you for shadowing my every step while I searched for myself. You mopped up my blood, sweat, and tears, and gave me the room and time to spread my wings. I know I’m not the easiest person. I’m moody, quick-tempered, stubborn, the occasional know-it-all, and most of all, in love with you, my brave husband.