by Cari Quinn
This wasn’t anything but a fling. She’d understood that from their first kiss. She’d planned to lie to Kim long enough to get him out of her system, then she’d go back to her life of birds and work, with the occasional dalliance mixed in for distractionary purposes. So what if distractionary wasn’t a real word. It felt right.
As did getting up and going to talk to Brad, instead of sitting and pouting in cold water.
She rose and dried off with the towel she’d brought into the bathroom. A quick check of her hair in the mirror told her it wasn’t too tangled. Her looks weren’t her priority at the moment anyhow.
Her friend was. Above all, Brad O’Halloran was her friend. And it was past time she started treating him that way.
She wrapped her towel around herself and fluffed her hair, stalling for another full minute before she forced herself over the threshold of his darkened bedroom. He lay on the bed, still naked. The moonlight did intriguing things to the long, lean lines of his body, and she had to swallow hard to keep from tackling him.
“Do you want a towel?” She hated that she sounded tremulous, but he did that to her. None of her usual rules applied when they were together, and she didn’t know which version of herself would show up in his arms. He brought out sides to her she’d never explored—never even guessed were there. Being with him was addictive, and she didn’t know if she’d have to overdose before she found the strength to get into rehab.
“I’m good. Mostly dry now anyway.” He held up a fistful of sheet. “Bed’s wet though.”
“I can try to dry it—”
“You’re not my maid, Sara. Not my mother.”
As much as she wanted to toss back a retort, she knew now wasn’t the time. She’d been the one who’d pressed him on a subject that was obviously still very sore. “I sure hope not, because I think I’d need counseling after that bath we just took.”
He didn’t laugh. Didn’t say anything at all.
Sighing, she crossed the room to him and sat on the edge of the bed, drawing her leg up underneath her. Then she followed instinct and brushed her hand over his soft tufts of damp hair. “I’m sorry, Brad.”
“Yeah.” He cursed under his breath. “Me too. I shouldn’t have gone off like that.”
“I pushed.”
“You didn’t know. And I—” He swore again.
“What?”
“Part of me wishes I hadn’t told you. Because, fuck it all, I know you’ll use that baby shit as an example of why we’re all wrong. Which is stupid. We’re not trying to have kids. Not getting hitched. What we are is so much simpler than that.”
Much to her utter disgust, her eyes filmed yet again. At least in the darkness he couldn’t see her tears. “I know.”
“Do you? I don’t think so.” He sat up and cupped her jaw, his thumb stroking her cheek. “Simpler doesn’t mean less. We’re friends and I trust you, Sara. If all of this ended tomorrow, I know you’d never purposely hurt me.”
No, but accidentally? More than possible. She already had multiple times.
She pressed her forehead against his and traced her fingers over his lips. That they curved into her touch didn’t surprise her. The man gave and gave, and she only saw and thought the worst. When had she become so damn negative?
“I trust you too. No matter what jokes I’ve made about your…history, I trusted you with my body. That’s not something I do lightly.”
“I’m still kind of shocked you did. The condoms were right there.”
“I wanted to live in the moment. To throw off the shackles of responsibility and just be Sara, not damn Doctor Carmichael. I wanted to feel you and know you were feeling all of me.” At his silence, she bit her lip. “Hokey or what?”
“No. Not at all.” He kissed her fingers, and more chips of her heart broke off and tumbled into his hands. “I loved being with you like that. And at the risk of sounding like a dick, I hope to God you want to do it again. Because, seriously? Fucking incredible.”
The awe in his tone made her laugh. He always managed to do that, no matter how uncertain or conflicted she felt. “Yes, it was. I’m protected. We’re protected, so you don’t have to worry that anything could happen, even if I wasn’t s—”
“If you talk about shriveling again, I’m going to take you over my knee for real this time. And you’ll be calling me Doctor by the time we’re through.”
“Actually I was saying I was sure it was the wrong time of my cycle,” she said with a smirk. Already he’d dried up her tears as if they’d never existed. “But okay. I’ll go with what you said.”
Chuckling, he palmed her breast through her towel and murmured against her ear, “No shriveling to be found. Trust me. I saw and touched and tasted and fucked every bit of that delicious pussy, and it’s goddamn perfect.”
The part of her he referenced started to tingle from the memory. “Between the threats and bad language, maybe I’m not the one who needs to be disciplined. Maybe you’re the bad little boy.”
“Thought we clarified I’m not little.”
“Agreed. You are little in no way.”
He laughed and nipped her earlobe. “But if you believe in domestic discipline, I’m happy to be your test case. Only if you wear those sexy as hell glasses and a lab coat. And bring a really big paddle.”
“Jesus. I think my inner child is blushing.”
“No, she’s not. You love it. You’re every bit as bad as I am. That’s why we’re so good together.”
She couldn’t argue, not when he had her nipple between his talented fingers and his tongue was doing insane things to the shell of her ear. She shivered and searched for clarity. “Since you were so forthcoming about your past, you should know I’m an only child.”
“Okay. I trust you’ll explain the significance of sharing that soon.”
“That’s yet another example of why I don’t know how to play well with others. There’s a reason I chose to make my living with birds, you know. I’m better suited to faux rainforests than I am to interacting socially with actual humans.”
“I think we interact well, don’t you?” He rubbed his nose against hers in a gesture more sweet than sexy, and her smile returned. “Especially when we’re not talking. That seems to get us in trouble.”
“Mostly my fault. I—well, I made assumptions about you. Because I thought I knew your type. And while I still don’t think I was altogether wrong, I can acknowledge some room for variation within the sample study.”
“Thank you. I think.” He tugged her close, fitting their damp bodies together like they were made to notch into place. The towel she still wore didn’t shield her skin from the heat of his, and she already ached to feel all of him against her again. Inside her. “What do you say we watch a movie? I ordered a couple of our favorites.”
“What favorites?” When he started to answer, she shook her head. “No, wait. There’s one more thing I want to say. Your wife—your ex, I mean. She was an idiot. You know that, right?”
“Yeah.” His low reply broke her. “I do.”
“She was horrible to lie to you about something so important. And you were right to divorce her, because a lie like that will eat away at the fabric of a relationship.”
Only once she’d heard herself did she truly realize what she’d said. But it was different. Hers wasn’t even a lie exactly, just an avoidance of the truth.
Again he quieted, the soft hiss of his breath against her trembling lips the only sound in the room. “Lies always do that, Sara. Why do you think I hate them so much?”
“This isn’t the same.”
“No. But that doesn’t mean it’s right to keep something from my sister, who clearly has her own life. As we heard on the way up here.” Even the smile in his voice didn’t diminish the tenseness of his hands as he framed her face. “I want to be with you for as long as it’s good between us. Why does it have to be any more complicated than that? You’re the one who’s making this into some big thing the longer
we shut Kim out. We’re all adults here.”
“Maybe the reason things are so easy for you is because you haven’t invested yourself enough. Ever think of that?”
He let his hands fall away from her face. “Oh, here we go again. You’re an adult and I’m just a kid, right?”
“I didn’t say that. I just meant that you’re all about rolling with whatever comes, even when you expect me to lay everything on the line. I’m taking a bigger chance than you are.” Or at least it felt that way, since he’d yet to show her that his feelings for her went beyond deep attraction and friendship. Great building blocks, yes, if she were the type of person who could do things halfway.
She wasn’t. When she opened up the dam inside her, there would be no stopping the flood. How could she take that gamble when he’d yet to give her something substantial to hold on to?
“Easy?” he repeated as if she’d never spoken. “You think it’s easy for me to campaign for you to give us a chance every time I turn around? Especially when I know that my age is only the tip of the damn iceberg of why you don’t see me as long-term material.”
Long-term material. Then her skin chilled at the rest of what he’d said despite the heat from his body. “What are you saying?”
“Who do you usually date, Sara? Doctors, like you. Or lawyers. Or accountants. Men with fancy degrees and money coming out of their asses. What do I have to compete with that? When you met me, I was living with my sister in my mom’s old place. Temporarily, yes, and not for financial reasons. Still counts.” He tugged at her towel, his frustration clear. “Could I move somewhere else? Sure. Does my shop bring in decent money? Absolutely. Will I ever have letters after my name? Never.”
“Do you really think that matters to me?”
His penetrating gaze met hers. “Does it?”
“No. Of course not.” She released a long breath. “Look, I’m not going to say I never wondered if our worlds could mix. But that’s not because I think less of you. You’ve built an incredible business, and you have the kind of tight relationships with your employees that I’m still working on with my coworkers. I don’t draw people in like you do. And well, you know I’ve been way too concerned with what others might think, which just shows I have a lot of growing up of my own to do.” Swallowing hard, she covered his hands with hers. “I’m trying, Brad.”
“Try harder,” he suggested. He rose from the bed and grabbed the remote, settling back beside her without another word.
Yes, she was definitely better with birds.
He’d given her plenty to think about, including how much she was asking of him. Neither of them had made any declarations, and that was probably a good thing. They were still learning to trust each other, and she hadn’t given him much to work with. If she wanted him in her life as more than a friend, she needed to show him that the man he was—without any letters after his name—was more than man enough for her.
No problem. She’d just add that to her growing To Do list.
They watched two movies, Inception and Kill Bill. She loved both, and because he was more considerate than any man should be, he’d remembered that and ordered them for her. He’d even stashed Twizzlers in his nightstand where the condoms she’d once thought he ordered by the case should’ve been.
There was something so comforting about curling up in his bed and snuggling in the flickering light from his big TV, passing a bag of candy back and forth and exchanging the occasional comment about the movie. Something even better about lying together in the deepest, darkest part of the night, arms and legs tangled, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
He kissed every part of her face, from her hairline to her jaw and back again. When their mouths finally touched, he moaned, and the sound reverberated through her like a string strummed on a guitar. Sweetly. Powerfully. He didn’t have to slide inside her then, because he’d already found another way in.
Through her heart.
She woke before dawn to an empty bed. Disappointment came first, followed by curiosity. She slid her hand across the cool sheets and sat up, wondering where he’d gotten off to so early. It wasn’t even light out yet. Maybe he’d gone for a run? He probably figured she wouldn’t be up for a while.
She rolled over on her stomach and spread out on his enormous bed, sighing a little at the scent of his aftershave and the soap they used at the shop. It was some heavy-duty stuff that smelled more like detergent. Clean. Her lashes fluttered and she smiled. She’d just have to get him all dirty again.
Right before her eyes closed she glimpsed the folded note on the nightstand. She snatched it up and squinted to make out his messy writing.
Went to fix your car. I’ll drop it off when I’m done. Get some sleep. XO
“Aw, dammit.” A wave of guilt swept over her, and she gripped the note tighter. She didn’t want him to have to go to all that trouble. But then again, he hadn’t been too impressed with her attempt to drive his truck. He probably wanted to save his baby from more abuse.
And he was beyond sweet too. No arguing that.
Now that she knew he wouldn’t be returning anytime soon, she hauled herself out of bed and into the shower. She took a quick, hot one and dried off, jumping from foot to foot to avoid the cold floor. Old houses were great, but they had their quirks.
Her gaze landed on the candles that had guttered out in their own wax on the back of the sink. Shoot. She must be abandoning all sense entirely, because she’d forgotten all about them, as had Brad. They were lucky they hadn’t burned the house down.
A goofy grin slipped across her face as she padded back into his room. One way or another…
She straightened up as best she could then opened the door. Just as well she’d gotten up early. Now she could return to her own room before Kim was any the wiser.
Or not.
“There you are,” Kim exclaimed, stopping dead in her gimpy flight up the hallway from Sara’s room. She clutched the doll she’d obviously removed from Sara’s bed in her hands. “What the fuck is this all about? I was about to—” Her gaze slipped down Sara’s still-damp body, only partially disguised by the towel she held weakly to her chest. “What the hell are you doing in my brother’s room? Naked?”
Chapter Nine
Brad hit the landing of the stairs in time to hear the voices on the second level. At first he thought the girls were arguing, then he realized it was just Sara talking loud enough to shake the bats from the belfries they didn’t have.
“Oh, that’s your mom’s doll. You know, the one on the rocker. Isn’t she pretty? I love her hair. It’s so silky.”
“Yeah, Sar, the doll’s awesome. Why was she in your bed?” Undecipherable mumbling. Probably swear words, knowing his sister. “And why were you in Brad’s room?”
He gripped the banister and fought his urge to haul his ass upstairs and handle this situation once and for all. Surely Sara would fess up now, since everything was practically out in the open. She couldn’t keep lying when she was obviously caught.
“Oh, I couldn’t sleep in there last night, and I didn’t want you to worry that I’d never come home. You have enough on your mind. How are you feeling? Is your ankle better?”
He knocked his head against the wall. It didn’t diminish his ability to hear Sara’s high, panicked voice. For fuck’s sake. She couldn’t be honest. Instead she had to fabricate these asinine stories and expected him to go along with them. Every time he thought they were closer to her telling Kim they were seeing each other, she pulled some new shit.
Like telling Kim her bird had been mouthy, and Brad had been “out” so she’d used his room.
As much as he kept trying to deny it, it was becoming clear Sara might have another reason for not coming clean. Maybe she was ashamed of him. He wasn’t only younger, he was a mechanic. One that owned his own shop, true, but that would never compare to the men in the circles she belonged to. He didn’t compare, if she only looked at stats on a sheet.
He’d believed she wasn’t that superficial. Perhaps he was wrong.
About a lot of things.
There was no denying he had strong feelings for her. First as a friend, then as a lover. Somehow she’d slipped into the girlfriend role in his mind, and clearly that wasn’t in the cards. If she believed he’d keep lying indefinitely, evidently she hadn’t been paying attention last night. Good—fine, amazing—sex wasn’t worth losing his self-respect. He’d already done that once by marrying a woman he didn’t love for the sake of a child that didn’t exist. Months later, he’d yet to shake the betrayal that came from being played. And the disappointment of losing a child he’d never truly had but had come to love.
Now there was a new disappointment and new lies. Worst of all, he’d been complicit in them. Instead of looking deeper into why Sara wanted to keep things private, he’d taken her at face value. Obviously he hadn’t learned anything from the Darla situation.
At least he knew Sara wouldn’t try to trap him in a relationship. She didn’t want one, not with him.
So much for hoping that she’d swiftly see the idiocy of her plan to hide their relationship behind closed doors. She could say she didn’t want to chance ruining their freewheeling lifestyle in the house, but she’d done that all on her own. He needed to end things now before she ruined their friendship too.
He pushed his hands into the back pockets of his jeans—mainly to keep from punching the wall—and headed upstairs. By the time he reached the top and glimpsed Sara shivering in his doorway, wearing a towel and a grimace, his anger had ignited from simmering to full boil.
“Brad,” she said, her already huge eyes widening. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
Kim turned unsteadily, and he reached out to grab her elbow while she struggled to balance herself. “Yeah, well, you know how it is when you’re doing the walk of shame. Gotta be quiet.” His smile strained his cheeks. “Didn’t expect there to be a party in my doorway either.”
“Walk of shame? I thought you had to fix Sara’s car.” Kim looked back and forth between them, her dark brows fused together. “And I saw your truck in the drive last night.”