Broken Survivor

by Jennifer Labelle

  “You actually believe in ghosts?” He looked at her weird, as if she’d grown a third eyeball.

  “I don’t know, but I’d like to believe that our loved ones can come back sometime and check up on us every now and again. Wouldn’t you?”

  “I never thought about it, but I can honestly say I think ghosts and shit are a bunch of hooey.” He continued folding the clothes and placing them in piles.

  “Yeah, well, I hope someone comes back one day to haunt you,” she teased. “Don’t knock somebody else’s spirituality because you don’t believe in it. That’s just wrong.”

  “Okay, okay, I’ll zip it.” He put his right index finger and thumb together, brought them to his lips, and faked zipping his mouth up.

  “Oh, you’re adorable.” She snickered, and for the next few minutes remained peacefully silent while doing their task.

  “Mommmy!”

  Both she and Zander jumped when Ashton screamed at the top of his lungs, terrified. Her heart raced as if it were about to leap from her chest, and they both struggled frantically to get to the door. But their little man beat them to it and almost knocked her over when he jumped into her arms, quivering form head to toe and crying.

  “What’s the matter, buddy?” He was getting to heavy for her, so she placed him on the bed and looked at her husband with wide eyes.

  “It’s Red Nanny. I don’t like her anymore.”

  Uh, what?

  “Who are you talking about?” His father knelt beside him with her so they could look into his face and give him their undivided attention. This was unlike him, and they’d never seen him this scared before.

  Ashton grabbed his neck and started to breath heavier. “Nanny, she’s red, and I don’t want to play with her anymore.” He pointed to the empty doorway as if she stood there. “She’s got a big boo-boo right here.” He squeezed his throat tighter. “And stuff is coming out of it. Somebody hurt her, Dad. And she wants me to go with her.” His big brown eyes, much like his father’s, turned to look in her direction. They were puffy and wet. It broke her heart, and at the same time she got goose bumps again everywhere. This was nuts.

  “Come here.” Holly pulled him into a hug and began to rock him. “You’re not going anywhere, Ash. Mom and Dad are here and you’re safe. Is she here now, honey?”

  “Yeah, over there.” He pointed behind her.

  “Okay, so I’ll take care of it since it’s my mom, but please know that she was a good person and would never hurt you. You know that, right?”

  He reluctantly nodded before she turned to face the spot he’d said she was in. “Mom, you’re scaring Ashton, and it’s time to go back to the light in heaven. We love you, but he’s not going anywhere, and playtime is over.”

  “She’s leaving.” He got up and they followed him to the front door. “Mom, you did it!” He ran to the living room window and pulled open the drape, so she joined him.

  “Good-bye, Mom.” She blew a kiss, because hey, you never know, and unexpectedly jumped when Zander crept up behind them.

  “Now I have to admit, that was fucking freaky.”

  “Language, please,” she scolded, and finally their son began to giggle again.

  ***

  October 22, evening

  They had just finished making love, and he was already snoring wicked loud next to her. Was it normal to feel pain like this? She didn’t think so but wasn’t about to wake him up until she knew for sure if it was real labor. He had work in the morning. Maybe it’s nothing and I need to go to the bathroom?

  Holly waddled down the hallway, feeling very much like the blimp she looked like, and spent the next hour on the toilet with no success. It was time to get him up.

  “Wake up, honey, you need to get up.” She shook him, and her beloved groaned before he rolled over to ignore her. “Okay, Zander, this isn’t funny. I think it’s time. Did you hear me?” Her voice raised another notch. “I’m in labor.” This time she smacked his butt and he grunted. Crazy, stubborn, lazy fool, I’m about to have his baby, and he’s ignoring me.

  It only took a minute. One second he was passed out, and the next he sat up in a rush when her words registered. “What? Are you sure?” He jumped out of bed and ran for the phone to call Jasper and his wife over to watch Ashton.

  “Yesss,” she hissed and hunched over when a particularly strong contraction hit. “We should get going real soon.”

  Thankfully, his brother arrived about five minutes after he called them. It only took another ten minutes or so to get to triage, and a few minutes more to confirm and register for the delivery. Her new room was a little different from the last. The bed faced a different direction, and it seemed a bit smaller. Not that she cared much. “When can I get an epidural?”

  Zander walked back in as she asked her doctor. “We’ve only been here forty-five minutes, Hol, I’m sure we’ve got lots of time.”

  “I’ll have to disagree,” the doctor said. “When I last checked, you were close to nine centimeters dilated, and I imagine you’ll be pushing soon.”

  Well, fuck me! Come on, kid, give Momma a break here. What’s the rush?

  “Big mouth,” she growled, because at that moment her water broke and she could already feel him coming. Another contraction hit, and she pushed with all of her might. “Argh!”

  “You’re doing well, give me another good one.”

  She took a deep breath and pushed so hard she could feel her face flame. This natural shit hurt like a bitch.

  “I can see his head, babe. He’s got more dark hair than Ashton did.”

  “Gah!” She kept at it and could feel her infant slowly sliding out. Once the shoulders passed it was one more, and five minutes after starting, a brand-new cry filled the room.

  “He’s got a good set of lungs.” Zander laughed and bent down to give her a kiss while they checked their baby out.

  “I’m so tired. How is he?”

  “He’s doing great, Mommy.” A nurse handed her a small bundle and laid him on her chest. “He’s a healthy six pounds, eleven ounces. Do you have a name?”

  “Not yet.” She smiled when a tiny hand clasped her finger and tried to suck on it. Suddenly nobody mattered but this adorable piece of heaven on earth. “Do you have any ideas?”

  “I figured I got to name Ashton, so this time I’d let you pick.” She looked up when Zander shrugged, and her heart expanded with ever-growing love.

  “I was thinking Nolan Richard, after your dad.”

  “Nolan Richard Harrison?” He tested the name for himself and smiled. “I love it almost as much as I love you.”

  Two days early at 4:10 a.m., their little bundle decided he couldn’t wait any longer to arrive. He did a number on Mommy, but the most important thing was that he arrived healthy and happy to expand their loving family. Holly had gone from having everything to absolutely nothing and now to having it all. They were blessed with two incredible sons.

  “Ditto.”

  ***

  August of 2007

  “Aw shit, babe, I was so into it I forgot the condom.” Zander ran his hands through his thinning hair as if worried.

  “That’s okay, I doubt I’ll get pregnant anyway. I don’t think I’m ovulating, and look how long it took us to conceive Nolan. We’ve been careful every other time, and I’m on the pill, remember?”

  “Thank fucking God. Can you imagine having a third one so close to the second? He’s only seven months old, for Christ’s sakes.”

  “Well, I doubt it. It’s a one-shot deal, so don’t worry about it.”

  ***

  Boy was she ever wrong. She remembered that night clearly, it was that good. The week before she was sick as a dog and had to take special antibiotics. The kids were in bed and Zander was feeling frisky. He surprised her after she threw a load of laundry into the wash and took her right there on the table downstairs. It turned out that the antibiotics might have interfered with the birth control she was taking, and now she stood alo
ne in the bathroom staring at another pregnancy test, with Hubby Dearest none the wiser. Nolan was down for a nap, and Ashton was at a play date across the street.

  “Here goes nothing.”

  After peeing on the stick she left it on the counter and fled, too afraid to look. For five minutes she continually paced and chewed on her nails. Come on, Hol, pull up those big-girl panties again and look already. It is what it is. Too late to take it back now.

  Without thinking further she opened the door, took a deep breath, and saw the result with mixed emotions. It was positive and unplanned. Feeling excited, and happy, she also was a little worried to spill the beans. How would Zander take it? She’d soon find out.

  The phone rang, startling her, and she dropped the test before running into the other room to answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe, whatcha doing?”

  “Uh, nothing, why?”

  “No reason. Can’t a man call and check on his family while he’s at work? What’s Nolan up to?”

  “He’s napping.” She cleared her throat.

  “What about Ash? How was his morning?”

  “He was good.”

  “Is everything okay? You sound funny.”

  “Do I?” Her voice went squeaky before she cleared her throat. “I’m a little stressed, I guess.”

  “About?”

  “You promise you won’t get mad?” She cringed. This was Zander, for Christ’s sake. Why was she so nervous?

  “Uh-oh.” He chuckled. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

  “I hope not, but here goes, because you asked for it.” She sighed. “You remember that one-shot deal?”

  “Y-yeah, why?”

  “Well, those antibiotics tampered with the effects of my pill, and I’m late, and I’ve got symptoms…”

  “Oh fuck me, no way,” he interrupted, but she continued on to get it out there.

  “Yeah, that’s pretty much what went down already. I took a test today, and it looks like you’re going to be a daddy for a third time.”

  “C-come again?”

  “I’m pregnant, Zander. Knocked up, preggo, got a bun in the oven…”

  “Yeah, I heard you. We’ll talk when I get home.” Click!

  She stared at the receiver in shock, because for the first time ever he’d actually hung up on her.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “How was your day?”

  “Not great.” He gave her a pointed stare.

  “Wanna to talk about it?” His feelings had to get out at some point, and she was a bit taken aback by his attitude.

  “No.” He brushed by her when his boots were off and went into the kitchen to the cheers of “Dad!” from Ashton. She watched him bend down and give both boys a kiss.

  “We’ll have to at one point, you know?”

  “Are you keeping it?” he asked, and her eyes bulged in surprise.

  “It?” Okay, now she was starting to get mad. “Um, yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

  “Because I thought we already discussed it. Nolan is still a baby himself, for Christ’s sake. Can we really afford another one right now?”

  “It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” Her raised voice caught the attention of her oldest, so she lowered it. “I didn’t plan this either, but it’s obviously meant to be.”

  “Right,” he snorted, and before he could say any more, the damn phone rang again, interrupting them. Zander reached for it.

  “Hello!”

  Still angry, she watched him through narrow eyes as he gripped the phone tightly. Whoever was on the other end, the conversation was a short one, and she could see his frustration dissipate and turn into a look of shock and then into one of worry when he hung up.

  “What’s the matter?” She took a step forward out of concern.

  “T-that was my mother. My dad had a heart attack, and they just got to the hospital. She’s a wreck. I gotta go.” His hands lifted and his fingers landed on his temples to massage them before he made a move to leave.

  “Of course. Give her my love.”

  He nodded and hurried to put on his shoes.

  “And Zander?”

  “What?” He turned around to look at her, gripping the open door tightly.

  “I’m sorry about your dad.”

  “Yeah, thanks!” She flinched when the door slammed shut, and her heart sank. If it wasn’t one thing it was another. Poor Richard.

  “Hey, where is Dad going?” Ashton stood beside her in confusion.

  “Me-mere needed him for something, but he’ll be back later.” She shuffled his hair. “Are you hungry?”

  He nodded. “What’s a heart attack?”

  “It’s when you’re heart gets sick, honey. Why?” She bit her lip to keep from crying.

  “So Pappy’s sick?” His big brown eyes stared at her and he waited for an answer.

  “Yes, I guess he is.” Good God, she loved her inquisitive child.

  “Can you give him some medicine to get better?”

  “No, Ashton, not this time.” She let out an unexpected laugh and guided him back to the kitchen. It was laugh or cry, and she didn’t want to do the latter in front of him. “I would if I could, honey. But you know what might help? Maybe tonight we could send out a prayer for him before bed.”

  “Okay, Mom, if it’ll make him get better, I’ll pray real hard.” He ran to the fridge to grab a juice box.

  “I’m sure Pappy and your dad would appreciate that very much.” She turned to the counter to grab two plates and quickly wiped the tear that slipped out. “Supper will be ready in just a minute.”

  After the kids were fed and bathed, Nolan fell asleep quickly and she cuddled with Ashton in her room while they watched TV. It was lights-out for the two of them shortly after, and Zander was still not back. She tossed and turned most of the night with worry because of it.

  ***

  Holly stood against the kitchen counter and took a sip of her morning orange juice. The sun had just finish rising, casting rays of yellow and orange in the clear sky, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. It looked as though it might be a warm, beautiful day, unlike the storm brewing inside of her. She wondered how Richard was and thought about Skye, the family, and her husband.

  What was his problem anyway? It wasn’t like him.

  Last time she’d checked, Zander was still sleeping soundly on the couch, and she didn’t know anything about the night before. They had a lot to talk about, but clearly it wasn’t the time. Having her father-in-law well again should be his number one priority. In the meantime, she’d be taking care of herself for the unborn child she carried and of course for her boys, who were her everything.

  “A penny for your thoughts?”

  She looked into the familiar, comforting brown eyes she’d learned to love long ago and shrugged. “I was just thinking about your parents.” And the other stuff you’re being an ass about. “How’s your dad doing?”

  “Not good, but he’s stable.” He reached up to grab a mug, started the kettle for coffee, and stood beside her. “They did some testing while I was there, and they want to put a stent inside a couple of his blocked arteries to open them up. Surgery is tomorrow morning, I think.”

  “Okay, so I’ll give Chrystal a call to see if she can watch the kids for a couple hours, and I’ll go with you then.”

  He nodded, and she lost his eye contact when the kettle shrilled.

  “Ash sent a prayer for him before he went to bed.”

  “That’s my boy.” He gave her a half-smile, fixed his drink, and turned to leave. “I took the next couple of days off from work, so I’m gonna shower and probably head back for most of the day. I’ll see you later?” He stopped to look back at her.

  “I’m taking the kids to the park this afternoon, but otherwise, we’ll be here.” Call if you need me. “Hey.”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  *** />
  The hospital had an inauspicious feel to it today with the neutral décor, the sterile scents, people walking in and out, and not to mention the sickness lingering from the patients admitted, and death. Speaking of which, a frail-looking woman passed by with a face mask and a bandana hiding her bald head. The poor woman was thin, gray-looking, and you could clearly tell she was losing her strength while family members wheeled her away in the other direction.

  Holly shuddered. The only good thing about the place was the maternity ward, where life and new beginnings began. She rubbed her belly and looked Zander’s way. He was still pretty quiet, and she could tell everyone noticed the tension between them, or maybe she was just being paranoid.

  This time they sat in a larger waiting room with various other families, because the minor operation would only take a couple of hours, and then he’d be in recovery. If all went well, Richard would be able to leave the next day.

  “Is everything all right?”

  “Peachy, thanks!” She gave her mother-in-law a hug. “How are you doing?”

  “Better now that I know he’ll be coming home. It was pretty scary.”

  “I bet.” Holly bit her lip, chanced a look in Zander’s direction again, and caught him staring. It didn’t last long before the contact was broken, and he started talking to Sebastien.

  “So what’s going on with you and Alex?”

  “Perceptive.” She sighed. “I’m not sure, really. It started with a bad day, I guess. Things he didn’t want to hear, and he was really worried about his father too. So I’d say it’s a combination of everything that’s getting to him. He hasn’t been very talkative, so you might want to ask him yourself.”

  “Well, whatever it is, I’m sure you’ll both figure it out. At least Richard will be well soon, so that’s off the list.” Skye patted her hand and got up to push her son out of his seat beside his brother so he had no choice but to sit with her instead of across from her.

  You clever old lady, you. “You must be feeling relieved, huh?” she asked him.