“Nick,” I rasp. “Please.”
He bites my lip. “Say it,” he growls. “I want to hear you say it.”
I’d do anything he asks if it meant he’d fuck me. “I need you.” I whimper as his fingertip brushes over my nipple. “I—want you,” I gasp, squeezing my legs tighter around him.
Nick yanks me from the wall and walks us to his bedroom. He drops me onto the bed, appraising me, like I’m a prize he’s won, watching me writhe with wanting as he pulls away. He tugs his shirt over his head then unbuttons his shorts. “There’s no going back,” he says. It’s a warning, but I’m not sure if it’s for me or himself.
Every doubt is gone. Every fear is a fading memory. “I don’t want to go back.” The chill without him against me makes me tremble, and I run my hands down my body. Nothing matters before this. “I never want to go back.”
Nick pulls a condom from the bedside table, and I struggle to keep my eyes open in my anticipation. I feel the bed move and Nick climbs over me. “Look at me,” he says. His voice is a distant, alluring rumble, pulling me to him.
I open my eyes, lost in the wild green and brown that stare back at me.
He kisses me again, more gently than I expect, and I memorize this. This feeling. This elation and levity. When he finally eases himself inside me, the weight of the last ten years disperses, and I’m completely undone.
Forty-One
Nick
Lying in bed, with Bethany in my arms, is the most surreal feeling I’ve ever had. She’s not the girl of my past or the girl of my dreams. She’s Bethany. She’s real. And if the past couple hours are any indication, she’s mine. The thought makes me hard all over again.
Her chest rises and falls in soft breaths beside me as she blinks lazily up at the ceiling, her fingertips trailing my arm wrapped around her middle. Her skin is so supple and warm, and I can’t keep my hands and mouth off her.
Kissing her shoulder, I sit up on my elbow and peer down at her delicate profile. She blinks slowly. The ruddiness of her cheeks, the sated gleam in her eyes, and the way her hair sprawls out over my sheets is my doing. She looks happy and sated, and I revel in the sight of her.
“How long do you think we could hide out in here before people come looking for us?” I ask.
She smiles, a genuine smile that makes me consider holding her hostage so that she never has to worry about anything ever again. “If I’m not home to get Jesse to school tomorrow, my mom will freak.”
I nuzzle into her neck, breathing her in. “That’s too bad. I was hoping we could play hooky tomorrow.”
She chuckles softly. “I wish. We have to report in about our project progress tomorrow.”
I grumble. “Professor Murray is the last thing I want to be thinking about right now.”
She cups the side of my face with the palm of her hand, and I immediately relax. “At least I’ll get to see you,” she says, surprising me. Her soft expression falters. “I should go soon. It’s getting late, and I’m already going to get the third degree.”
I sigh, watching the shadows creep into her eyes. “Your parents suck.”
“You have no idea.” She laughs, partly amused, and presses her lips against mine. She holds our kiss, inhales before she breaks away and rests her forehead against mine. “I’m going to move out soon,” she says. “I don’t know when, but . . . soon.”
“And leave Jesse?”
She shrugs. “I won’t be gone forever.” Her eyes meet mine and I see the pain in them, a pain I know I can’t fix, no matter how badly I want to. “I need to get out of there though.” She kisses me this time and whimpers against my mouth.
I want to joke that my persistence finally paid off but this—us—is too big for jokes. I can feel it in the words she doesn’t speak. Instead of saying anything, I kiss her back, letting my lips linger this time, savoring her. We lie in each other’s arms a little while longer before she turns around in the sheets to face me fully.
“What happens now?” she whispers.
I kiss her nose and flash her a wolfish grin. “Well . . . I have a few things in mind.”
“I meant what happens with us?” she clarifies with a laugh, then she sits up, the sheet falling from her body.
I groan and bite the back of my hand. “Are you serious right now?”
Bethany peers down at the bikini discarded on the floor, like she’s decided it’s time to get dressed.
“First of all,” I grab her wrist and pull her back down to me, earning a giggle I’ve never heard from her before. “I’m never letting you go; you’re mine now,” I tell her. “I mean that in the least creepy way possible.” But I do mean it. Now that I’ve seen a glimpse of what’s possible between us, I can’t ever let her go. She’s the one I want. She’s the one I’ve always wanted.
“What is it?” she asks, concern creasing her brow.
I reprise my smiles and give her a wink. “Just working out the timeline for a quickie after class tomorrow.” I bite playfully at her neck, provoking another giggle that makes my heart soar.
Forty-Two
Bethany
It’s eleven when I finally force myself to go home. Though the porch light is on, all the lights are off in the house, which is a relief. I don’t think I could handle my parents right now, not while I’m still high on the whirlwind the past few hours have been.
Quietly, I open the door and step inside. As expected, the house is silent, save for the ticking of the wall clock, and I divest my bags in the living room as quietly as I can. Although my mind is more still than usual, my body feels boneless, encouraging an irrepressible smile. It all still feels like a dream, and I can’t remember why I’d been so scared to take the leap with Nick. He’s different than Mike, I’ve always known that, even if doubt has inched its way in one too many times. Now, though, I feel it in every fiber of my being. Being with Nick is right.
Desperate to chug some water down before I collapse on my bed, I flick the kitchen light on to find my mom standing at the island. I clasp my hand over my mouth to stifle a scream. “Oh my God,” I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut. “You scared the shit out of me.”
“Where have you been?” She’s scowling and doesn’t mince words.
“I’ve been at Nick’s. We were working on our project, and I fell asleep.”
“More lies?” she seethes.
I blanch. It might not be the whole truth this time, but I’ve been nothing but honest until now. “Excuse me?”
“You may think I’m an absentee mother, Bethany, but I’m not blind. I know what the walk of shame looks like.” Her words are like acid around my heart. “I defend you to your father and you do this?”
“Do what?” Even if she knows about Nick, I can’t see her being so angry about it. She’s petrifying—even in the middle of the night her hair is perfect and her disappointment drips off each and every syllable. I’ve never seen her so angry with me.
“Did you forget something today?”
I shake my head, dread clawing at me as I try to remember. “No—”
“You were supposed to pick Jesse up from the movie theater—his friends left and he was waiting there, alone and scared out of his mind for over an hour. How could you do that to him?”
“But, I didn’t—”
“It took me all night to get him to calm down. What the hell was so important that you couldn’t even answer your phone? Him?”
My chest tightens. “It’s off,” I realize. “My phone’s off . . .” My mind is swirling. If I had been drinking, I might think I was intoxicated. It all feels unreal. “I checked the calendar yesterday—it wasn’t on the calendar.” I rush over to it to find it’s written in, but I know it wasn’t there the last time I checked. “I didn’t know I was supposed to pick him up.”
“Well, you were, and this time you get to tell him why you forgot about him and didn’t pick up his nineteen calls.” She shakes her head.
“I was with Nick, yes,” I say, my voice shaking. It feels like t
he world is cold and rushing in around me, and I can’t catch my breath. I would never forget about Jesse. I would never disappoint him. “It’s not like that, though.”
“So, you’re not sleeping with Nick?” I don’t want to lie, but I can’t bring myself to say yes. She shakes her head. “Never mind, I already know the answer.” She seethes the words, like I’m disgusting to her, and it tears at my heart.
My mom grabs an empty glass from the counter and walks to the sink to rinse it out.
“Why do you say it like that?” I ask, hating the hurt in my voice.
“Because your father is right,” she bites out. “This is Mike, all over again.”
“Nick is nothing like him—”
“Only this time, your brother gets the shit end, too.”
“Stop using Jesse to make your point,” I grind out. “I’m nothing like you and Dad. Jesse knows he can count on me.”
Her eyes widen and her nostrils flare, but I refuse to be lumped into the same category with her. “I have never forgotten him before.”
“I didn’t either! It was one misunderstanding. I didn’t know I was supposed to pick him up. If you would communicate better and not leave last minute notes on the calendar, I would have shown up.”
“And your phone? Are you blaming that on me too?”
“I had my phone off for one afternoon.”
She shakes her head like she can’t stand the sight of me and it fuels my anger.
“I wanted one day for myself—you’re acting like I’ve ruined Jesse’s life.”
“No, but you’re on the path to ruining yours.”
I gape at her, at a complete loss. How has it escalated to this? I don’t see her logic. I don’t understand what she and my father are so worried about. “You both act like I’m incapable of being a level-headed adult, like I couldn’t possibly have a boyfriend and maintain a semblance of responsibility. Mike was almost four years ago—I was in high school. It’s time to get over it already.”
She takes a step closer. “Get over it? You barely graduated high school because of him. You lied—you never went to class. God only knows what trouble you and Anna Marie got into. I half expected you’d come home pregnant. So, you don’t get to tell me I’m overreacting when I’ve seen first-hand how thoughtless and reckless you can be when it comes to your infatuations.”
“Thoughtless?” I breathe. “Infatuations?” I walk to my bag on the couch, pull out my journal, and toss it onto the counter. “Reading material, in case you care to know how thoughtless I’ve been over the past ten years—how infatuated I am with Nick,” I say, tears dripping from between my lashes. “Since I’m such a disappointment to you and Dad, consider me a burden you no longer have to bear.”
I turn for the stairs. I don’t know if she picks up the journal or if she even plans to read it—I’m not sure I even really want her to—but it’s all I have left of myself to give her, and I’m out of ideas about how to get through to them.
By the time my bags are packed with as much as I can carry, I hurry for the door and I don’t look back.
Forty-Three
Nick
I’m practically walking on sunshine when I get to school Monday morning. I wasn’t sure I could sleep after Bethany left, but I was out like a light until my alarm went off at seven. I have no idea how this morning’s class will go, but I know I won’t be able to take my eyes off her, differently than before.
Heading toward class with fifteen minutes to spare, I figure a trip to the vending machine will be a good time-filler. When I see knotted blonde hair and the black and purple messenger bag I’ve stared at a dozen times, sitting on the bench, I walk over to Bethany, unable to resist my excitement.
“You came early,” I say, plopping down beside her. She startles and jumps, and when she peers up at me her eyes are red and puffy, like she’s been crying. I hadn’t been expecting that.
Bethany pulls her ear buds out one by one and blinks at me.
“What’s wrong?” I brush a strand of hair from her face. “What happened?”
She wipes at her eyes and shrugs. “I’m fine. Just tired. I got in a fight with my mom last night.”
About me. That’s the first thing I think of. “About what?”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter, but I stayed at Anna Marie’s. She said I can stay with her for as long as I need. I just . . . I can’t be at home anymore.”
“Does Jesse know?”
She pulls the sleeves of her shirt down over her hands and swallows thickly. “I told him when I picked him up for school this morning. It’s not like I won’t be around anymore, I’ll still pick him up for school and stuff. He didn’t have much to say, but I think he understands.”
Although I’ve never met Bethany’s parents, I’ve known since middle school that I didn’t like them. “I’m glad you left,” I admit. “You can always come to my place.”
“Thank you.” Bethany smiles weakly and takes my hand, splaying our fingers together.
“You could’ve at least called me, you know?”
She nods. “I needed some girl time.” Bethany tries to downplay it all, but this is a big deal for her, leaving home, and I’m worried what this is really doing to her. “Besides, I don’t want my shit to be your shit. Not yet, anyway.”
“But I care about you, Bethany, and that means I’ll happily take on your shit too.”
She laughs but I’m serious. “Speaking of bullshit,” she says, and finally looks at me. “How are things with your parents?” Her eyes search mine, like she’s not sure it’s her business, but I would tell her anything. “I’ve been wanting to ask, but didn’t want to pry.”
“So, I got to pry, so now it’s your turn?” I wink at her and heave out a weighted sigh. Glancing around the quad, I search my feelings. The anger’s only simmering. The hurt is still there, but maybe that’s disappointment. Or, are they the same thing sometimes? “I don’t know.” I sigh again, trying to recall exactly where things were left. “For now, the farce continues. I thought they were pretending for me, but I guess it’s not only that. I think they’re lost. We’re having another family dinner next week, which is going to be weird as fuck, but it is what it is.” I pause. “I’m more worried about what I’m going to do after graduation. Now that I’ve decided I don’t want to be an architect, I don’t really have a direction.”
“So, you’re certain about that, huh?”
“I’m certain,” I tell her easily. “It’s been a damned waste of time and money, and I hate thinking about it, but I haven’t been interested for a while now. I just wanted to make my dad happy. Now it all feels wrong, so . . .”
We sit in silence, my thoughts drifting to possible futures as Bethany sits quietly beside me.
“Everything is skewed when your eyes are wide open,” she says. “I’ve had this story in my head that I couldn’t leave my brother for so long, I don’t even know why anymore. That I couldn’t have my own place and go to school—that moving out was near impossible—but people do it all the time. Nothing is black and white.”
“True,” I concede.
Bethany groans. “I hate the gray areas though, too.”
“Until this year, my life has always been ‘white’ and my friends have always lived in the gray. Now, they’re the ones that are grounded and know who they are. They’ve already been through their shit. I’m the one that’s lost.”
Bethany laces her fingers with mine. I appreciate that we can be together like this now, comfortable and easy.
“Me, too,” she says. “We can be lost together.”
Grateful, I smile at her words and lean in for a soft peck on her lips. “Yeah,” I say, begrudgingly, “but we should probably at least find our way to class.”
Forty-Four
Bethany
As I’m putting the clean towels away in the supply closet, I hear the front door bell chime, and I head out to the counter. I’m grateful to see it’s Anna Marie come to relieve me.
“How’s it going?” she asks. “Is it as dead this evening, as I expected?”
“Yep, I’m afraid so.” I lift the appointment book up for her to see the blank time slots. “I did book a few sessions for tomorrow.”
“That’s promising.” She stashes her purse behind the counter. “Thanks for covering a few hours for me today.”
“Yeah, sure, it’s the least I can do since you’ve let me crash at your place the past couple days.”
“I have an extra room, it’s no big deal. I’m just glad you got out of there.”
“Yeah, me too.” I give her a sidelong look and when she meets my gaze, her cheeks are rosy.
“What?” she asks sheepishly.
“How was your make-out session with Bobby?”
Anna rolls her eyes. “It was a study session,” she says. “We were studying.”
I raise my eyebrows, biting back a smile.
“Fine,” she finally admits. “How did you know?”
“Well, for starters, you guys don’t have any of the same classes. You’re a business major, and Bobby’s doing the bare minimum to keep his hockey scholarship. Therefore, you were not studying. Not to mention, I know you guys have been hooking up.”
She smacks my arm. “No, we have not.”
I gape at her. “Why are you lying again?”
“I’m not lying, I just—”
“You just what?”
“I’m trying not to get my hopes up. He’s hot and sweet and funny . . . He’s a mechanic and can work on my car when it breaks down—and trust me, it’s on its last leg.”
I shake my head, surprised to hear the unbridled adoration in her voice. “You really like him, huh?”
Her full, perfectly shimmering lips pull into a giant smile. “Yeah, a little.”
“Ha. I think more like a lot.”
Anna giggles, and I smile with elation for her. She’s been one of us ‘lost girls’ for a while now, scared to commit after a Mike-esque boyfriend broke her heart, hence her partying and playing the field. Bobby seems like a good one, though, and I’m happy for her.
Told You So_A Saratoga Falls Love Story Page 23