by Kara Kelley
“Keep up the crazy driving and you won’t have to worry about closing time.” His words made her shiver and her eyes well up.
The officer’s face fell instantly at the sight of her distress. Her uncle’s death was too fresh to hear stuff like that and she was beyond done with the horrid day.
She had never gotten a ticket in her life, and certainly wouldn’t cry to get out of one, but here she was with tears pooling, embarrassingly in front of the officer with puppy-dog brown eyes and a scar on his lip that made him look slightly rugged. Nothing like Drew though. His kind of rugged was not slight—in fact, if it didn’t jump right out and smack you then you were blind or dead. And there, I’ve come full circle.
Addi wiped under her eyes and sniffed. “Sorry. It’s been a long day.”
“No, I’m sorry. That was incredibly insensitive.”
She sniffed again and blinked away the excess water in her lids.
“It’s okay. I’m just overwhelmed.” She handed over her license and registration. “Can we just get this over with?”
“Uh, yeah.”
She let her head fall against the steering wheel and listened to him walk away wondering what Drew thought about her absence. Was he concerned or pissed off? She sat back and groaned.
When the officer returned, he was wearing a solemn expression.
“I’m so sorry about Ray, Addi. He was special to a lot of people. Me included. He’ll be missed.” He took off his hat and Addi did a double take as he handed her documents back.
“Thanks,” Addi said and looked closer at him. He rubbed a hand through his dark blond hair and shook his head.
“I suppose you might not remember me.” He fiddled with the brim of his hat. “I was one of the Tonalonka boys.”
She nodded. There were a lot of men that were once Tonalonka boys. That’s what Uncle Ray’s camp did; it turned troubled or lost boys into competent men. With all the skills they learned—canoeing, swimming, setting up camp, wilderness survival and working with others—they gained confidence and trust in their capabilities and other’s.
“I was there the summer you were. I was a leader then, but I’d been going to the camp for years.” He chuckled. “All of us leaders had a crush on you.”
Addi’s eyes widened. She was an antisocial, chubby sixteen-year-old who wore sundresses and pigtail braids. She had her nose in a book most of the time. As far as she remembered most of the boys teased her. She shifted in her seat, looking at his blond hair and brown eyes anew. She did remember him. She swallowed hard.
“I’m sorry. I don’t remember,” she lied.
“Carter? Carter Learner?” he prompted and she shook her head. He looked disappointed, but tried to hide it with a smile. “Come on. Follow me. I’ll get you to the funeral home. The Douglas Brothers?”
Addi nodded, relieved that she wouldn’t get lost again, but as soon as she turned the ignition, the car made a click-click-click sound and didn’t turn over. She groaned again, feeling frustration build to an almost breaking point.
Carter pulled his squad car up beside hers, lowering his passenger window.
“Won’t start?” He smiled sweetly, showing his dimple. “Get in. I’ll have someone come tow it to the shop in town.”
“Thanks, Officer. I appreciate that.” But her gut turned at the thought.
“Please call me Carter.”
She blinked, recalling their time at camp. Carter had been there the day she’d fallen from the cliff. The day Drew had saved her life. And although he hadn’t been responsible for her fall, he had made a bet with her that made her skin crawl. After that day he’d tried to make amends but she had never let him. That kid was all grown up now though and a cop. She wasn’t going to turn away the help he was nice enough to offer over some teenage hormone-induced bet.
She pulled out her phone as he opened the door to his squad car for her. She sent Steven and Daniel a quick text and listened to another voice message from her father. “Are you coming home soon? The meals you froze are gone and my favorite pants are in the laundry. Some guy from the cell phone company keeps calling too.” There was no goodbye or end to the message at all. No, ‘how are you?’ nothing. Did he even remember she was there to bury his older brother?
The drive wasn’t long, but Carter managed to ask a lot of questions—ones she was too tired and too overwhelmed to answer with more than a word or two, so she was relieved when they pulled into a parking lot.
There was no motorcycle in the lot and a big man in leather, whom she had mixed feelings about, wasn’t standing at the door with his arms crossed either. On the one hand, she didn’t want to face his interrogation on her lengthy travel time, but she also didn’t want to face what was behind the big double doors alone. When Carter’s radio chirped a call from dispatch, she left him to attend to it.
He got out just after her. She appreciated his help but she didn’t want him there any more than she wanted to be picking out a coffin for her uncle. God, it was all too much. She turned to tell Carter she’d be fine, but he was walking toward a bright blue Fiesta in the back of the lot.
When Addi entered the funeral home, all the air seemed to deflate from her lungs. Her nose tingled and her eyes stung. Weakness crawled up her limbs to her core. It was suddenly real and as Ray’s only capable relative there was no one else to step in.
Uncle Ray’s gone. Her legs buckled and luckily there was a chair to fall back into. How did you pick a casket for a man who’d hated to be indoors—hated being cooped up, needed to watch the sunrise every morning? How did you bury the only person in your family who remembered your birthday, loved popcorn with mac and cheese powder on it, and wore his socks inside out because the seam annoyed him just like you?
“You’ve done this before,” she told herself aloud. “You can do it again.” She’d had to do it when she was a teenager for her mom. Hell, she’d had to do worse. She had to make the decision to end life support. The memory hit her hard. Her father’s voice was as clear in her mind as it had been that day years ago.
“She’s your mother. It’s your decision.” Addi’s father looked odd, unshaven with his gray-streaked hair mussed, and although his stare was always distant, now it was vacant as well. Being out of his office and away from the house was unusual for him, and it made him seem frail, but it wasn’t every day your wife was in the hospital hooked up to life support.
“What if I make the wrong decision, Dad?”
“Then you live with it—we live with it.” He sighed. “That’s life, Addianna.” Seeing him looking at his watch, she felt the pressure on her chest triple. “Let’s not waste the doctor’s time now.”
She’d known with how active her mother had been, she wouldn’t have wanted to live in a bed hooked up to machines, but God, she hadn’t wanted to let her go. The doctor had said even if a miracle occurred and she eventually healed enough to live without life support, she’d still have had full paralysis.
“You can’t escape your life, a husband and kid, for fun and adventure when you’re stuck in a bed or wheelchair unable to even scratch your own nose.” She didn’t say it aloud, but thought it. Maybe she’d finally get her mother’s attention then. Shame flooded her at the thought. Terrible shame. And she sat at her mother’s bedside, took her hand, and nodded to her father and the doctor.
The memory she’d dragged up had been intended to make her feel stronger, but instead she trembled more. It had taken seven long minutes for her mother to become starved of oxygen and die. Had Uncle Ray suffered? She should have been there with him. She should have taken him up on his offer to run the camp with him years ago. He hadn’t deserved to be alone.
He hadn’t been. He’d had Drew.
“Miss?” A tall, slim man in a dark suit with his hands folded neatly in front of him entered the room silently. “Miss Moore? Addianna?” His glasses were too low on his large and slightly crooked nose, and he smelled of something strong and overpowering. Her breathing quickened, and the
scent suffocated her. She gulped breaths faster in hopes of getting fresh air until she was hyperventilating again. She nodded and held up a finger while she bent forward, leaning an elbow on her knee for support.
“I’ll get you some water.” The man bowed slightly, and his comb-over didn’t budge. His eyes, gray and beady, looked both sympathetic and slightly panicked as he glanced at the doors. It made her even more anxious. Shouldn’t a man in his position be used to this? She couldn’t be the first person to have a grief-induced panic attack at the funeral home.
“Baby girl?” Drew strode in through the double doors, his thick, muscled thighs moving with purpose toward her. She was instantly relieved. His blue eyes pierced hers when she looked up, and although they were concerned, they held no panic. Drew was completely in control. Crooked Nose followed, hovering. Drew turned, suddenly looking annoyed. “Come on, honey.” His gentle voice made her lip wobble, and he tried to help her up.
“That’s it, gorgeous.” He wrapped his arm around her back to assist her to stand, but she didn’t have the strength. Her chest was so heavy, she was sure there was a concrete block on it—each breath harder and harder to draw in. God, she just needed to catch her breath. Drew grabbed her behind the knees and scooped her into his strong arms.
“Tuck into me, baby girl. I’ve got you.” As soon as they were alone, he sat on the sofa and adjusted her comfortably on his lap. He didn’t speak for a few minutes, just held her, massaging her neck and rubbing her back soothingly. Her breathing steadied, following the lead of his slow, sure touch. She sniffed into his shoulder, not sure if she could hold back the tears battering against her lids any longer.
“Let it out, sweetheart. Holding it in is ripping you up.” With his permission, she let out a low trailing whimper and buried her face deeper into his neck. Once Addi started, she couldn’t stop and her shoulders began to shake with racking sobs. “That’s it, baby girl, that’s it. Get rid of it.”
The door opened and Colin whispered, “There’s someone here who came with Miss Moore.”
“Excuse me?” Drew moved Addi gently over to the corner of the couch, kissed her head, and stood.
“What are you doing here?” Drew said in a low, angry tone. It sounded like the quiet warning growl of a Rottweiler or wolf.
Addi blinked and glanced up to see Carter in the doorway. She wiped away her tears quickly and cleared her throat.
“I brought Addi here. I was just in the parking lot dealing with this one.” He thumbed over his shoulder at a pretty red-haired woman. Who was she?
Drew looked at Addi with knitted brows a moment before looking back at the cop.
“I’ll bring Addi home when she’s finished here. You can go and take her with you.” His tone wasn’t pleasant or helpful and the last three words were said with tight lips and clenched jaw. He clearly didn’t like Carter, but he despised the woman.
“I think Addi would rather ride home in a police car than on the back of an ex-con’s bike.” His voice was hard and just as full of dislike as Drew’s, but Addi still heard a tinge of nervousness in it.
Addi looked between the three. Carter might not like Drew, but he was afraid of him. The redhead’s eyes were lit with excitement as she eyed the two men and Drew’s jaw twitched. His arms were tightly crossed, but he didn’t say anything else. If looks could kill…
“What’s going on?” Addi asked as Drew cracked his neck with a quick twist and rolled his shoulders.
“Addi, this is Rebecca Snow, a tabloid reporter, who’s been up my ass asking for an interview on Ray since the news of his death went public.” His eyes narrowed on the redhead. “I’ve asked repeatedly for her to respect our need for privacy and time to grieve, so when she showed up here I confronted her with a little more verbal force. Colin was kind enough to call the cops.”
“Oh,” she answered, eyeing the woman who looked petulant next to Carter. “I agree with Fitz, we’d appreciate some privacy and time, Miss Snow.” Rebecca’s eyes shot to hers.
“It’ll be respectful, Addi and it wouldn’t be for the tabloids. I’d be sending it to The Sun.”
Drew growled, but Addi rose and went to his side, reaching for his hand. His immediately swallowed hers. “I give you points for eagerness and persistence, Miss Snow, but I need to bury my uncle. Give us our space, I can’t promise I’ll want to talk to you later either, but I can promise that I won’t be speaking to any other reporters.” Addi’s eyes found Carter’s and he nodded.
“I’ll make sure she doesn’t bother you.”
“Thanks, Carter.” Addi sniffed embarrassingly, and plucked a tissue from a box on the side table, wiping her nose quickly. “And don’t worry about me. Fitz and I are going to the same place. I’ll be fine getting home.” She didn’t know why she said it. She did not want to ride on the back of a motorcycle, but she also felt loyal to Drew. Her heart glugged faster as she looked up at him. “He’s helping me with Uncle Ray’s arrangements.” She straightened herself, gathering her strength. “He and Ray were really close.”
Again, the redhead’s eyes widened in some sort of thrill and her head cocked slightly.
“Besides, you look like you have something else to do,” Drew added tersely. Carter looked at the woman beside him with disdain.
“Right. Listen, we’ll get together soon, okay, Addi? Talk about old times?”
“I wouldn’t think you’d want to remind her of old times, Lerner.” Drew’s voice was steely, causing Addi to shiver.
“Oh, I think there’s some old times she might need to remember,” Carter said, his face smug. He took a step forward and Drew stood taller. Drew’s mouth curved into a brutal sort of snarl.
Drew dropped Addi’s hand and took three giant steps toward Carter. Carter worked his Adam’s apple but stood his ground. Addi cleared her throat. “I have no issues with my memory, guys.”
“You do remember me then?” He looked at Addi, his mouth widening in a smile. She nodded. He shifted his eyes to Drew and he lost his smile. “And him? You remember what he did?”
She looked at Drew. She did. She remembered quite vividly how he broke her heart and her uncle’s. “Yes, I do.” She swallowed. “But we’re all adults now and in case you’ve forgotten, Carter, we’re standing in a funeral home.”
“Right.” He hung his head a moment before looking back at her with remorse.
“Honey, again please accept my condolences on your loss.” Drew stepped in front of Addi and she blinked up at his back. Why was he acting like a jealous boyfriend?
Addi peeked around Drew. Carter look irritated, but the redhead was the one Addi was interested in. She was as happy as a cat with a canary. Addi could practically visualize the feathers sticking out of her mouth.
“Hey, you ready?” Drew said gently, pulling Addi’s assessing eyes from the redhead and putting his back to the others. He placed his hands on her shoulders. They were warm in the cool, dark room. He looked over his back at the others watching until they left, before looking at her. Colin had been hovering quietly but stepped forward then.
“We’ll go to the back and discuss all of the options first, Miss Moore. I can show you several caskets we have on display or if you’d prefer cremation…” Drew’s look had Colin closing his mouth.
“If you’re not ready, we can wait.” Addi tilted her head up to look at Drew and his brows rose in question. Her mind was stuck on how their relationship had ended ten years before.
He bent his knees and crouched until they were eye to eye. “Baby girl? You okay? I can take you home and we can do this tomorrow.”
Addi’s stomach fluttered. She wanted nothing more than to dive into his arms for support again, but dammit, she couldn’t do that. She wasn’t anyone’s fragile little girl in need of handholding. Screw that!
She shook her head both to clear it and to answer his question, and then stepped toward the door. She had never been anyone’s baby girl and she didn’t plan on changing that. She’d had to take care o
f herself for as long as she could remember, except when she was with Uncle Ray, but now he was gone. There was no one to rely on but herself.
It was dumb to lean on Drew. She’d learned her lesson before. He wasn’t the kind of man who stuck around. Letting him take care of her was just a momentary weakness. She’d be fine once she’d taken care of Uncle Ray, had something to eat, and had some sleep.
“No, I can do this.” Addi strode to Colin’s side and turned back. “Alone.” And walked out of the room behind Colin, trying to put his quickly hidden injured look out of her mind.
* * *
She’d expected him to be gone when she was finished, and she was holding herself together well until the moment she saw him. He looked up from his spot on the sofa, a foam cup in his hand, and for a full thirty seconds examined her face, searching it, as if he needed to reassure himself she was okay. That broke her.
She’d been heartless telling him she could do it alone. Heartless and selfish and rude. He was close to Uncle Ray too.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice shook from emotion and embarrassment. “I shouldn’t have dismissed you like that. Actually, I shouldn’t have been an ass.” She looked at the floor. “You were being nice and taking care of me and I was being a jerk.” She looked up, her eyes filling with tears once again.
Drew shrugged, standing up. “Hey, he was your uncle and you haven’t seen me in ten years.” He held out his hand, she took it and he yanked her close, tucking her in for a squeeze before positioning her beneath his arm. His head dipped down and his free hand tipped her chin up.
“For now you get to be snarky.” He narrowed his eyes. “And late. Where were you, little one?”
“I do?” His mouth came closer to her.
“Yes. You’re grieving.” Her eyes found his lips. They were sensual and soft, bordered by dark facial hair, and calling to hers. “Where?”
“I got lost and the rental broke down.”