“I know nothing about that,” I’m quick to say.
“We don’t either, do we, Baker?” Boone says and looks to his son with an expression that’s neither stern nor condemning.
Baker sits there for at least thirty seconds, and I can see he’s trying hard to decide what to do. Finally, and haltingly too, he says, “Um, I took two. I put them in our bags.”
His voice soft, Boone leans over and whispers, “I’m proud of you, son.” Poor Baker looks like he might cry.
Melina shrugs. “Oh, it’s okay. It just means you won’t get one now as dessert. Dani and I get one apiece, and we saved one for Uncle Brandt. That’s all of them. There aren’t any more.”
“There aren’t more? What? There should be more!” Baker cries out.
Melina gives her head a shake. “Nope. They’re all gone. Dessert―that’s what I was saving them for.”
“I’m sorry,” he whimpers. I watch carefully. Boone could easily reach over and pat him on the shoulder, but he doesn’t, and I know why. He’s doing exactly what Dad would do, letting him feel the consequences of his behavior, and that’s a powerful lesson, even if it’s just for something as silly as cupcakes.
“Well, the good news is, Dani made some brownies, so we have those,” Melina says with a smile, and Baker’s face lights up.
“Miss Dani! That’s awesome! Did you make them from a box?” my little nephew asks.
“Nope. From scratch. I knew the recipe, and Melina had all the ingredients, so it was pretty easy.” I can’t help but wink at Dani. She saved the day.
On the way home, we talk about the afternoon. She fills me in on Melina’s preparations for the baby. “And the nursery is adorable. She did it in shades of pink, yellow, green, and orange. It’s so sunny and bright. That’s a beautiful house.”
“It is. I’d love to have one half as beautiful and half as big. And the woods back there―it’s amazing, babe. I loved being out there today, even though it was pretty obvious that it’s been too long. I’m worn out.”
She gives me a little pout. “I was going to ask if you wanted to stay over.”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to stay over at my place,” I toss back. “It’s a lot more private than having Caleb on the other side of the wall.”
“True.” She’s staring out the window as I drive, and I can tell she’s thinking about it. “Brandt, have you given any thought to making this relationship, um … more secure?”
Is this a trick question? I have to wonder … If I say yes, will she automatically tell me I’m getting too serious? Or is she trying to say something that I’m not getting? I mean, I’m no good at this, so I can’t tell. Think of something safe to say, I tell myself before I answer, “A bit.” Then I wait, but she doesn’t throw me a scrap, so I add, “What did you have in mind?”
“Nothing in particular. I just wondered if you’d given it any thought, that’s all. Because I … Eventually we’ll have to cross that bridge, I would imagine.”
What was she about to say when she changed direction? We’ve reached the parking lot for my apartment building, so I pull into a spot, slip it out of gear, and turn to her. My hand rises to stroke her cheek and I can’t help but look deep into those beautiful eyes. “Dani, I …” Say it, idiot! Say it out loud! Tell her you love her! “I would do anything for you. Anything. All you’d have to do is say the word. You’re the best mistress any submissive could have. Spending time with you … I just can’t spend enough. You’re an amazing woman.”
Her fingers grip my wrist. “Thank you. I’m so lucky to have found you, Panther. You make my whole world brighter.”
You make my whole world brighter. Does that mean I love you? I don’t think so. “Good. I aim to please.” That’s all I can come up with? How ridiculously lame. I’m a real piece of work. “We can go get some of your things later if you want.”
“Sure. It’s early yet. Want to do something? Maybe go to the movies or something?”
That makes me laugh out loud. “If we can agree on one! From what I’ve seen, our tastes in movies vary greatly!”
“That’s true! But surely there’s something we can agree on.” At that, I hold up a finger, then get out, rush around the car, and open her door. “Thank you, Panther. Always the gentleman.” There’s a tender smile on her lips, and it makes me warm all over. Pleasing her, knowing I’ve pleased her, is all I really want. Well, that and sex. Sex is good. I haven’t had enough of it in my lifetime, so I figure this is my chance to make up for lost time, and I can’t think of a single woman I’d rather do that with.
We finally settle on a movie―it’s a psychological thriller about a girl who goes missing and what her mother does to find her―and we decide to eat hot dogs and popcorn at the movies, even though we’ve already had dinner. I mean, we’re grownups. We can do that if we want to.
The drive back to Dani’s is a bit subdued, but I think it’s because we’re both exhausted. “Are you as tired as I am?”
She gives me a huge yawn in return. “I think so.”
“Do you still want to come back to my place?”
That gentle, calm smile is back. “Is it okay if we just sleep?”
“That’s more than okay. I don’t think I could get it up if I had to. I’m beyond worn out.”
“Then yeah, I do. Being in your arms is something I crave, Brandt.”
There it is again. Do you love me? Would you please tell me if you do? This is maddening. Then I think of something. “I’m going to miss you while I’m gone this next week.”
“I’ve been thinking about that myself, and I’ll miss you too. I’m pretty damn fond of you,” she says and reaches over to take my free hand.
I want to scream, Does that mean more? What exactly does that mean? Why can’t I just ask her? Why am I so afraid?
Because I’m afraid if I push too hard, she’ll run, or at least call off the relationship. That can’t happen, not with the way I feel about her.
An hour later, we’re hugged up together in my big bed, her cheek resting on my chest. “You know, I can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday night,” I whisper into her hair.
“Mmm-hmmm. This is nice.” She cuddles even closer to me and a peacefulness falls over me like a big cozy sweater. I want her here in my arms forever.
Forever. That’s a long, long time. But forever will never be long enough for me to be with her. She’s everything I want and need, and the only woman I love.
If I could just work up the courage to say those words, my life would be complete.
* * *
I wake up the next morning to the smell of coffee and her warm body next to mine. “Did you get up, make coffee, and then come back to bed?”
“Is there a problem with that, submissive?” she asks, her voice a bit on the snarky side.
“No, no, Mistress! Not at all. Really, that’s awesome, although I would’ve been glad to do it if you had wakened me. But you know, we should’ve picked up something for breakfast before we came in last night.”
“Let’s just throw our clothes on and go get waffles or something. What do you think?” She’s grinning and looking up at me from under her lashes, and I’m blown away by how beautiful she is, hair a mess and no makeup. The woman is gorgeous.
“I think that’s an excellent idea. You go ahead and I’ll get ready when you’re finished.” I watch as she slides out of my bed, pulls on the clothes she wore yesterday, and disappears into the bathroom to brush her hair and teeth. Once I’m dressed, I do the same, and away we go.
This is a glorious day. It’s the kind of day I dream about. There’s no rush. We have nowhere we have to be. When we get back from breakfast, we both shower and dress, then fall onto the sofa and turn on the TV. At about one, she announces she’s got papers to grade, and she brought her messenger bag with her, so she’ll just sit at the table and work. “Take a nap, Panther. I’ll join you when I’m finished.”
When I wake, it’s about five o’clo
ck and she’s beside me, sound asleep. I almost reach out and touch her, but I don’t want to wake her. My heart aches with the love it holds for her. It’s rich and deep, and it pours out of my soul and consumes me with its fire. If something happened between us and this was over, I don’t know how I’d survive. I want to tell her that, but I don’t know how.
At about six thirty we drive over to the nearest Vietnamese restaurant and have dinner. I order something called banh khot, and Dani goes for traditional pho. The food is delicious and the company is wonderful. We laugh and talk until we’re finished eating, then head back to my apartment.
I notice about halfway there that she’s very quiet. As soon as I’ve parked the car, I turn to her. “Mistress, what’s wrong?”
Her eyebrows are dipping down and inward and the corners of her lips have turned down, but she doesn’t look at me, and that scares me at first. As soon as she tells me what’s on her mind, I’m not worried anymore, at least not about us. “I have to go back to school tomorrow.”
“Look, if you’re scared, don’t go. Take a little more time off. I’m sure your principal would agree to it.”
“No. I have to go back. My class assignment schedule is really screwed up now, and I need to get them back on track. I’m just, you know, nervous. That’s all.”
“I think that’s understandable.” Then I remember something my mother told me a long time ago: Women don’t want you to fix things for them, son. They just want you to listen. That goes against everything I’m feeling, but Mom is, after all, a woman, so she would know. Instead of offering all kinds of advice, I decide to try something different. “What can I do to help? I’ll do anything you ask.”
She slumps just a little and sighs when she turns those beautiful eyes to me. “I don’t know what to say, Brandt. I don’t know of anything anybody can do to help me. I’m just going to have to pull up my big girl panties and deal with it, I guess.”
“You’re not alone, Dani. I’m here. Caleb’s here for you. All of our friends and my family are here for you.”
“You said ‘our’,” she points out.
Oh shit, my brain screams. That didn’t come out right! “Well, yeah. They’re my friends, and they’re your friends too, so they’re our friends, right?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little sensitive right now. I hate being told people are there for me and then finding out when I need them most, they’re nowhere to be found.” There’s this edge of defeat in her voice that I can’t miss, and it tears at my heart.
“Babe, you’re letting yourself be drawn into the fold, and that bunch? They’re going to treat you like they treat everybody else in our little group. I’ve heard all the stories about what Steffen and Clint did to help Olivia. I know what Lucien went through with Rayanna and what Brian had to survive to keep Cirilla alive. These aren’t pussies. These guys, you knock them down, they’ll come up swinging, and every one of them, even Boone, jumped right in when they were needed. You say the word and they’ll all come running, I promise. But I can tell you this.” This is something I don’t want to say to her, but I have to. “Being a Dominatrix is hard in a kink world that doesn’t really think of women that way. These people, they’re willing to accept you regardless your leanings. But if you don’t open up and let them in, they can’t help you. Nobody can. Do you understand what I’m saying? Quit hanging on the fringes. They’re trying to pull you in. Let them.”
“If they’re willing to accept me and my kink, why can’t you believe they’d accept yours?”
Well, shit. I didn’t expect her to throw that back at me. “It’s not that I don’t think they would. Clint, Steffen, Dave, Brian, Lucien, no problem. I mean, Brian knows and he hasn’t treated me a bit differently. But my brothers? My mom and dad? Even my sisters-in-law? I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t be the case. That’s what’s keeping me from coming clean with them.”
“I heard a little bit about what Boone did while they were trying to get Rayanna back. He could’ve been killed, Brandt. Your brother put his life on the line for her, and you think he’d turn his back on you?”
I can tell she doesn’t understand, and I don’t know how to help her understand. “It’s a southern thing, a family thing, an ancestral thing. All the men before me, Dominants. All my brothers, Dominants. My dad, a Dominant. My uncles, Dominants. The idea of any man in the Lawson family being a submissive, well, as far as they’re concerned, that just can’t happen.”
Now she really frowns. “You know it has to happen at some point, right? You’ll have to tell them.”
A sigh. That’s all I’ve got. She just can’t grasp what that would do to me. I nod. “Yeah. I know.” Inside my head I hear, Never. Never, never, never. “But enough about me,” I say to take the attention off myself. “What do you need tonight?”
“Honestly? I know we said we were going to stay here, but I think I need to go home to my own bed. Do you want to come?”
“Of course.” Pass up a chance to hold her in my arms all night long?
Never gonna happen.
* * *
She has to be at school long before I have to be at work, so I put a little plan in motion. As soon as I hear the water turn on in her shower, I head to the kitchen and get everything ready to make French toast. Then I scribble a note and put it in her planner so she’ll find it after she gets to school.
My beautiful Mistress,
Today will be fine. You’ll be fine. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met, and you can do this. If you start to get shaky, talk to another teacher. Talk to the vice-principal or the principal. Call me. Let someone be there for you. I’ll see you this evening after work, I’m sure.
Yours always,
Panther
Cooking away in my lounge pants, a tee, and barefoot, I don’t even hear her come into the kitchen. “Well, well, well! What’s going on in here?”
I’m sure the smile on my face is visible even with my back turned to her. “Looks like I’m cooking, huh?”
“Yes, it does! Can I guess that some of that is for me?”
“You can, and you’d be right. Come on and eat while it’s still hot, baby. You need something to get your day started off right.” I’m busy sliding pieces of French toast onto a platter as I talk, and then I set the platter in the middle of the table. With a flourish, I place the bottle on the table and say, “And syrup. Here ya go.”
“Why, thank you! What time do you have to be at work?”
“I don’t usually go in until nine, so I’ll clean all this up before I leave.”
“No. You’ve made enough to feed a small army. Caleb can warm some up and he can clean up the kitchen. He doesn’t have class until eleven, so he has time.”
It’s tempting to argue with her, but instead I just say, “Yes, Mistress.”
“Now sit down here and eat with me! Oh, this looks so good.” I watch as she pours a thin drizzle of syrup over the golden squares and wish I could be that little piece of toast.
“Thank you, Mistress.” I hold her chair until she’s seated and then help her push it up. “Even if I cooked it, it does smell good.”
She’s already got a big bite in her mouth before I can even get seated, and it does my heart good to see her enjoying something so simple. I’m overwhelmed with a sense of pride, pride that I could give her something so small and watch her enjoy it. “Aren’t you going to take a bite?” she asks as she lifts another forkful.
There’s no suppressing the smile on my face. “I’m just enjoying watching you enjoy it.”
I can’t even get another word out before she reaches over and pats my hand. “Thank you, Panther. I’ve given a lot of thought to what you said last night, and you’re right. I’ve got to start letting people in at some point. I guess it’s just been Caleb and me for so long that I don’t know how.”
Grabbing her hand before she can pull it back, I take it in mine and look into her eyes. “Mistress, you can start by letting me in. I would
never, never hurt you. Never.”
“I know, my sweet submissive. I know.” We sit there for about fifteen seconds, just staring into each other’s eyes, until she says, “Now eat before it gets cold!”
The rest of the meal goes by with chit-chat, and I hope I’m helping to distract her a little. She’s going to have to face the reality of being in the classroom soon enough. For now, she gets a little break from thinking about it.
I’ve been in the office for at least an hour before the feel of her lips on mine from our goodbye kiss fades. I can’t talk to her when she’s in the classroom, not by calling or texting, so I have to wait to see how the day is going, and it’s killing me. By one o’clock I’m almost frantic. When two comes around, I can’t even think straight. It’s almost three before I see her name pop up on my phone’s screen, and I’m breathless when I whisper into the phone, “Please, god, tell me you’re okay.”
That usually strong voice is soft and a little weak. “Are you in the middle of something?”
“I don’t have to be.”
“I’m in the parking lot. Can you come out here?”
She didn’t have to ask―I’m already on the move. “Be down in about five seconds.” I almost break my neck barreling down the stairs, and I’m down the main aisle and out the front door before anybody can ask what’s going on. There’s no time to scan the parking lot before I hear a car horn and turn to find her across the lot at the far edge. I sprint the rest of the way, throw open the door, drop inside, and slam it shut behind me. And when I turn to her, my heart almost stops.
Her tear-stained face very nearly takes me down, and it’s obvious she’s been crying for a while. “Before you ask, I’m okay.”
I don’t wait for an invitation―I lean across the console and wrap my arms around her. It’s terrifying to feel her sob against me. “Oh, baby, what happened? You don’t sound okay.”
“Brandt, it was … Oh, god,” she whispers against my shirt, and she’s shaking so hard that she’s scaring me.
Blissfully Hers: Bliss Series, Book Seven Page 19