by Isobel Lucas
"That's fine if you don't want to sing, but I'm going to announce you and the guys are going to start playing. If you don't go along you'll be far more embarrassed than if you tried. Everyone will see you choke. You'll be humiliated. You have a beautiful voice. It's far less horrifying if you just sing the damn song."
"Bitch," I mouthed at her.
"But you love me anyway." Triniti winked, and then spun around, her arms out to the side. She grabbed the mic in one hand. "Thanks to everyone who came out for our first gig. I promise you won't be disappointed."
One hip jutted out to the side and she struck a pose. Catcalls and whistles rose above the raucous cheers. Triniti was born to be a star and I was born to hide in the shadows. I would have to kill her later for putting me on the spot.
As soon as the bass strummed the opening notes, I closed my eyes and lost myself in the haunting music.
Chapter Four
I pounded out the rhythm, driving the song harder and faster. The guitar twanged out, leaving me to tap out the final beats, ending with just my voice on a low G.
The room fell silent. I was too afraid to open my eyes and see them all sitting there, disgust on their faces. I shouldn't have ever thought I had any skill as a drummer, much less a singer-songwriter. Now the cool kids in school would know I sucked.
Then one set of hands started clapping. I opened my right eye just a little, staring into the bright stage lights. I couldn't see anyone other than Triniti, Troy, and Rick.
In a moment, the crowd erupted in crazed applause and screaming. Triniti turned around and squealed, "They love you! Oh my God, Raven, they love you!"
Even though Triniti was hot and totally full of herself, it never stopped her from being happy for anyone else. Her blinding white smile shone brighter than the blue lights beating on me.
A butterfly flittered in my heart, its wings beating into my soul until I wasn't sure I'd be able to breathe again.
"More! More! More!" The chant reverberated through the bar, pounding in time with my heart.
"That's the end of our first set," Triniti breathed into the microphone. The crowd booed even louder and started up their chant again.
Triniti whirled around, her eyes wide. "Tonight you've become a star. Don't forget this moment."
I nodded, still unsure how to absorb it all. My whole life I'd been the quiet one in the corner, hiding behind my veil of black hair. No makeup, no edgy clothes, nothing to differentiate me from the other girls in our Catholic school.
Amidst the cheers, I slipped out the back of the stage, sure that I could do, or be, anything. I could leave behind the little girl I'd been just days before, replaced by this chick who didn't take shit from anyone. The next person to call me Virgin Mary was going to get an earful.
I strode down the dark hall backstage, looking for the dressing room I was sharing with Triniti. A sickly, sweet smell permeated the hallway when a strong arm reached out and grabbed mine, thrusting me up against the wall.
"What kind of shit do you think you're pulling here? I warned you today at school to leave everyone alone. But now you're here, putting them under your spell."
"What are you talking about, you freak?" I struggled against his grasp, but couldn't break free. My bicep throbbed in pain as his fingers dug in deeper. Even in the dark, I knew it was Ian, that guy Triniti warned me about. She was right. He was a total asshole.
"I know what you are, Raven. This little Catholic schoolgirl thing you've got going is a joke. My father warned me years ago you'd be coming. He told me you'd disguise yourself. He said you'd tempt me...”
His other hand brushed my cheek lightly. He leaned in closer, his grip on my arm loosening. His lips sped toward mine. I couldn't even take in a sharp breath before they found their target. Heat spread through my body, from my head to my toes. I couldn't stop myself. I wrapped my arms around him, my lips and body responding to every primal urge. My fingers trailed up and down his back as his tongue darted between my lips.
I groaned, my hands grabbing his ass. It was so firm, so damn perfect. As his hands traveled lower, I remembered I wasn’t wearing any underwear. What would he think? But when his fingers brushed the tops of my hips, I decided I didn’t care.
He pulled out of my grasp, stumbling backward until his back slammed into the wall.
"It isn't possible." He glared at me, back to the jerk who'd accosted me in the hall instead of the guy I’d been ready to inhale.
“What?” Thoroughly confused, I didn’t know whether to lust after him or call the cops.
“You have a soul.” His eyes glowed in the dark, a strange blue color, like the sea before a storm.
“Are you high?” Years of Catholic school and even I didn’t talk about souls in front of total strangers. I tried to see if his pupils were enlarged. I hadn’t smelled anything strange onstage, but I was pretty sure he’d been smoking something illegal.
“You have a soul. It isn’t possible…” He grabbed his head with his hands, rocking back-and-forth on his heels. “I could have killed you. Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah. All we did was make out, which is a mistake I’ll never repeat again.” He was getting weirder by the second, twitching his shoulders up and down. Maybe he had some kind of medical condition. Tourette’s? Triniti would have told me. No, this was something different.
“I have to get out of here.” He grabbed my hand, pulling me to him again. “You’re an enigma, Raven. One I plan on solving.” His thumb stroked along my cheek.
My breath caught in my throat like a trapdoor had just been closed, cutting me off from the very air that kept me alive.
I blinked … and he was gone.
A hand grabbed my arm from behind. I whirled around, expecting Ian, but it was Triniti.
“You look like you just saw a zombie. You okay? Did your first moment of fame freak you out?”
I glanced down the hall, but Triniti and I were alone. One dingy light bulb undulated from a wire, like a lone swing on a windy day. The dim light bounced off the concrete walls giving Triniti’s face a sinister glow.
“No, I’m okay.” For a moment I wondered if I’d imagined the whole thing. Maybe the excitement of my first performance being heralded a success had led to some strange visions. But as I followed Triniti back to the stage, a hint of sweet spiciness hung in the air.
Chapter Five
The next morning at school, I tried to trudge through the halls with my head down like yesterday, but today was different. Now everyone knew me. If they hadn’t been at last night’s performance, they’d heard about it. While not everyone thought I was amazing, they all had an opinion. It was enough to make me an instant star.
“Hey, Raven, great show last night.”
I nodded at the redheaded girl and smiled. I had no idea who she was, or if I’d ever seen her before.
“Come here, love,” Triniti whispered in my ear, her arm thrown around my shoulder, “I have a question to ask you.”
I waved to the girl who’d talked to me and walked away with Triniti. “What’s up?”
“Something happened last night. Something you didn’t tell me about. Now, spill.”
Last night, we went back out and played the final set, then Triniti dropped me off at my house. I didn’t tell her about Ian. It was all so weird.
“Um.” I bit my lip. How did she find out? No one else had seen us.
Triniti sighed and pulled out her iPhone. She swiped her thumb across the screen a few times, and then clicked once. “You’re on You Tube. And you’ve already got over a hundred thousand hits. In one song you not only conquered the school, but you’re taking over the world! Our band is gonna be famous with you as our face!”
“Me?” I shook my head, still surprised at how light it felt after Triniti chopped off all of my hair. My mom hadn’t even seen me, since I got home after she went to bed. She’d left for work before I got up. I wasn’t looking forward to this afternoon. She’d said over and over that she didn’t wa
nt public school to corrupt me. “You’re supposed to be the face of Devastation. Not me.”
“Honey, my face is so boring. I’m hot, but so are a million other girls. You,” she grabbed my chin, “are something special.”
I almost believed her, but I knew no matter how short my hair or how black my eyeliner, I was still the same girl underneath. “I don’t know…”
Triniti laughed and tossed her hair over her shoulder. “It’ll hit you when you least expect it. Fame is a glorious thing, Raven!”
A hip jutted between us, followed by a broad shoulder and a handsome, darkly stubbled face. Impressive for a high school boy. “Excuse me.” He stuck a strong hand out toward me. “I’m Xavier. We haven’t met yet, but I’m fixing that oversight right now.”
I slipped my hand in his, steadying myself on his tight grip. I wasn’t used to attention, especially not from hot guys. “Hi.” A mouse could have said it louder.
Triniti shoved Xavier to the side. His hand jerked away from mine before I could grasp it harder. “Get out of here, loser. Raven’s not interested.”
My eyes grew bigger than the red and orange HBHS devil emblem painted on the wall behind us. Just yesterday she’d been telling me about all the guys I should date and now she was pushing them away?
Xavier held up his hands in the air, backing away as if he was actually concerned about Triniti’s opinion. “Just wanted to introduce myself. Chill, Triniti.”
“Get away from her. Now.” Triniti’s voice took on a sinister tone, one I’d never heard from her before.
Xavier winked at me. “Can’t you let the girl speak for herself?”
“No,” Triniti stepped between us, “not when I know what you want. Go away, Xavier. I mean it.”
He sauntered away, his ass, so perfectly snug in his jeans, bouncing up and down as if it were waving goodbye. I sighed. “What’s wrong with him?” She had to have some kind of explanation.
“Xavier and I used to date. He’s not right for you, trust me. He’d pretend like he loves you, like he thinks you’re the heaven and stars. Then when he realizes you’re not as perfect as you seem, he’ll dump you without a second thought.” Triniti reached up and rubbed the side of her neck. “He broke my heart in a million pieces, Raven. I thought he could save me. I was wrong.”
“Save you? From what?” I had to admit I was curious. The wistfulness in Triniti’s voice was unusual. Bubbly and bouncy were the best words to describe her. Regret and angst weren’t her thing.
“Nothing, it’s not important. Early high school drama and all. I’m so over it.” She wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let him screw you over too. He should have known better than to hit on you while I’m standing here. Asshole.” The light reignited in Triniti’s eyes as she relaxed.
“You’re right, he shouldn’t have,” a familiar voice said from behind us.
I froze under Triniti’s arm. Ian. Oh God, not now. I slowly turned, slipping out from underneath Triniti’s protective embrace.
“You two haven’t met,” Triniti said. “Ian, Raven. Raven, Ian. Now let’s get to class before the bell rings. Wouldn’t want to be late.”
“Since when do you care about being late, Triniti?” Ian asked.
I tried to stare into his eyes without being obvious. They looked normal. Not dilated. The blue part of his eyes didn’t glow like last night. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought he was a perfectly normal teen – one who didn’t indulge in drugs at a bar on teen night.
“I care now. We’re leaving.” Her fingers curled around my arm. She tugged me to the side, but for some reason I resisted. Triniti glared at me. “Come on, Raven. We need to go.”
“Let me go, Triniti.” For just a quick breath I thought she squeezed harder, but then her fingers loosened. I shook out my arm. “What do you need, Ian?”
“I just wanted to apologize to you for last night. I was…”
“Yeah, high, I know.”
He hung his head. “Don’t tell anyone that. If it gets around school that I was hanging out with you backstage…”
“You did what?” Triniti hissed under her breath. “Why didn’t you tell me? I told you to stay away from him!”
“He crept up on me,” I insisted. “He was totally whacked out on something. I don’t know what, but his eyes were glowing and when were making out -”
“You two hooked up?” Triniti’s shrill screech echoed through the halls. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at us.
The blush crept up my neck and onto my face. Ian’s cheeks must have matched mine.
“I was wasted,” Ian said, loud enough for everyone to hear. “I thought you were someone else.”
I didn’t have any air left in my chest. I felt like an empty paper bag, dry, discarded, and useless. So much for the new me.
Before I could gather up the impetus to walk away, Ian blurted out, “Best mistake I’ve ever made.” He tossed his arm around my shoulder, pulled me closer, and kissed me in front of everyone. The angels sang in my ears, drowning out the excited conversation from the other kids around us. His lips nibbled to my ears where he whispered, “I’m so glad you aren’t what I thought you were. Nothing in heaven, or hell, can stop me from wanting you.”
I wanted to feel that stomach flipping sensation I’d always dreamed about, but all I could focus on was one word. What he thought I was, not who? How come the first hot guy who wanted me was so bizarre? If he really did record sex with other girls, like Triniti said yesterday, maybe I should have run in the opposite direction.
I couldn’t. A sweet, spicy scent wrapped its tendrils around my body. It wasn’t the smell of a teen boy who’d bathed in cologne. It was visceral, organic. Ethereal. Something deep inside me agreed. I didn’t care what he was either. I wanted him too.
Chapter Six
I sat in Ian’s Jag after school, my arms snaked around him, exploring every inch of his body with my fingertips. The windows were covered in ice from an early October frost, but quickly thawing out from the steam we were generating. He’d already attempted to unhook my bra more than once. I wasn’t ready for that, especially not in the school parking lot.
My lips peeled away from his, stinging and swollen. “I just met you. What are we doing?”
“What God intended humans to do,” he mumbled into my neck. He reached for my bra again, but I slapped his hand.
“God did not intend sex for horny teens hiding behind a thin layer of ice.” I reached up and swiped my finger across the window, leaving a smudge in its wake.
“We’re conserving our energy for the fight ahead. It takes a lot of muscle to scrape ice off the window.”
“What fight? You’re so weird.”
Ian sat back against the black leather seat, his chest heaving up and down. I wanted so bad to rip the North Face fleece off his body. Instead I clasped my hands in my lap.
“Praying?” he asked.
“Why is everything so biblical with you? Do you think you’re appealing to the side of me that spent all of my life in Catholic school? It’s not sexy and I refuse to play naughty Catholic schoolgirl with you.”
A smirk crept across his face. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job so far.” His hand snaked under my skirt and snapped the bottom edge of my underwear. Just the thought of his fingers so close to the part of me that screamed for him the most sent shivers up my spine.
“Do you always make out with girls you’ve just met?” Triniti had made it very clear to me after lunch that I was just playing right into Ian’s games. According to her, he’d screwed half the girls in school in the backseat of his car. We hadn’t made it back there yet, but the bench seat looked awfully comfortable.
“Actually, no, I don’t.” His face turned serious. “You’re the first.”
A snort slipped between my lips. “That’s not what Triniti said.”
“And you believe Triniti over me because?” Ian rested his hands on the st
eering wheel.
I picked at my nails. It was a bad habit, but it was something I always did when I was nervous, like a puppy that gnawed on everything just to assuage its anxiety. “Triniti’s my friend. Why would she lie?”
“Maybe it’s in her nature. So, no, I’ve never made out with any other girls in this car, or any other motor vehicle. I’ve never brought a girl back to my house. In fact, I’m still a virgin.”
The last one ripped the breath out of my chest like a vacuum on high. “But the videos?”
Ian laughed, slapping the steering wheel with one hand. “What videos?”
“The ones you take when the girls aren’t looking and you text them to your friends?” I had to admit, I felt a bit idiotic. I was accusing him of something I hadn’t even bothered to check out. God, I was such a freaking asshole.
“I think sex videos are kind of against the law. Besides, I promised my father I wouldn’t have sex. So, I won’t.”
“But you’re more than willing to try to take off my bra?” I raised an eyebrow, unsure how committed he was to his so-called promise.
“Do you know there are women all around the world every day who don’t wear bras? Maybe you should consider being one of them. And wearing a white t-shirt. A thin one.”
I rested my palm on his face. “Ian, you are crazy. And we just met. I’m sitting here in your car talking about bras and boobs…”
“I never said anything about boobs, but if you want to talk about them, I’m more than happy to.” His eyes dropped to my chest.
I snapped my fingers in front of his eyes, and then pointed to mine. “Up here.”
“All guys are horny, Raven. The virgins, even more so. The difference is that I’m not ripping off my pants for every girl who gets wet for me. I want something real and it’s hard meeting a girl in high school who’s natural, who acts like herself instead of some shadow of what she thinks is attractive to guys.”