by Lyra Parish
The problem was that I did trust him. I trusted him too much.
“I really should call my dad and let him know we got the contract signed. He will be pleased. Thank you, Parker. I’m glad you were there. I won’t say I couldn’t have done it without you, but I know it would have been harder. It’s the story of my life, actually.”
“It’s my job to be there for you. No need to thank me. That piece of shit deserves to be sued. If he treats you that way with your attorney present, I can only imagine how he would have acted had I not been there.”
“Exactly the same way. Jason doesn’t care. He thinks he’s invincible.”
“I think I’m invincible as well, but to disrespect you in that manner, to see him guide his hands down your back like you were his, really infuriated me. I have never felt the need to protect someone the way that I wanted to protect you back there. Just the thought of you on your knees with him, it made me so angry that I lost control. I apologize for that. It was unprofessional of me.”
He paused for a long moment. “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Rox.”
A cool chill crept up my spine, and I swallowed down a sip of cold water.
“Jason deserved it.” And I left it at that, because he had, but I couldn’t confront my feelings about everything else that had happened. Parker had protected me like we were more than co-workers. It made me feel beautiful and liked. Though Parker refused to have sex with me, he made sure that no one would hurt or harass me, and somehow that was enough. I was learning that, while sex was great, it wasn’t everything. Who was I kidding? Sex was amazing. I bet sex with Parker would be out of this world. Before I could get lost in the thought of him making sweet passionate love to me, our pizza arrived, and steam rose from the top. It smelled like fresh bread, tomatoes, and cheese. My mouth watered as the waiter set it on the pizza holder. My eyes went big when I saw the size of the monster pizza.
“We are not going to be able to eat all of this,” I said, glancing at Parker over the giant pizza.
“Then we can eat it after the night we are going to share,” he said, his voice dropping low.
I popped an eyebrow up at him. “Huh?”
“That’s right. Hope you’re ready.”
I didn’t know what he was insinuating, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it the entire time we ate. Was he going to give himself to me already? That seemed highly unlikely. Did he have some sort of night planned out for us, like a date? This was all quickly becoming confusing. I repeated in my head, One day at a time. One day at a time. Right? Though I knew that’s what Parker wanted, it was hard not to imagine the future. Where would we be next week, or month, or year? Keeping each other as our best-kept secrets? That seemed unlikely. My father knew me, and he knew exactly how I acted when I liked someone, so he would ask. He would question me every day until he met the fellow. The holidays would be here soon, and I would be expected to bring someone if I were in some sort of committed relationship.
I had to stop this now.
“What are you thinking about?”
I looked up at the sky as we walked out of Lombardi’s. It was blue with white streaks of clouds painted through it. Birds were flying overhead, and I wondered exactly where my life was going. I felt like control was slipping through my fingers and that this dangerous game I was playing would only get more complicated as the days passed.
“You.” I didn’t mean to say that. The word slipped right out of my mouth. But it was the truth.
Parker held the to-go box of pizza in one hand and wrapped his arm around me as he led us down the sidewalk.
“About me how?”
His question made me think deeper. Though it was simple, it made me question myself and my response. I had been thinking about him, about us, about this.
“How long will this last?”
I looked up at him as we walked, and he kept his gaze forward, guiding us through the crowded streets. “As long as you want it to.”
His response held so much behind it. I was in control of this. Maybe I had always been, or maybe he wanted me to think that I was.
“If I wanted it to end right at this moment, would it?” I had to know.
“Yes. I don’t want to pursue someone who isn’t interested in the long term. I’ve already told you, Rox. I’m looking for the woman to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t fuck for the sake of fucking for that fact alone. It would all seem like a waste of my time to, don’t you think? We aren’t getting any younger.”
I felt like I had been blindsided, like the words he’d said earlier didn’t quite connect all of the dots, but just now they did. The lines linked and created the perfect picture. It all made sense. Parker was testing me. Parker was trying to solve me, like he’d said that night outside of my condo. I really was an enigma, and he was trying to figure me out, to see if I was the one meant for him. He may as well put me on a pedestal and tell me to stand there and not move, because I would surely fuck this up somehow. My heart raced and my face went hot. I wasn’t prepared or ready for this sort of scrutiny. Yeah, that control I had vanished. I had never been in control of the path that we were traveling, only whether I wanted it to stop. It all made so much sense.
Parker connected us on several different subways, and I was happy to be walking off the carbs we’d consumed, even though we’d only eaten two pieces each. We made it back to the hotel in record time, or maybe it was just the fact that I’d been lost in my thoughts that had helped move us into hyper-speed mode. Nothing around me mattered when I got like that.
When we stepped into the lobby, I pulled my key from my pocket. “Where’s yours?” I waved the plastic card in the air.
“In my wallet.” His eyes darted back to his ass, and I smiled when we stepped into the elevator.
“It’s in the right pocket,” he said. I slid my hand inside his pocket, only to find that it was empty.
“Your other right.”
I laughed, embarrassed because I had just grabbed Parker’s ass. Though I wasn’t shy in the least, he made me feel that way. Shit.
I pulled his wallet from the pocket. Inside was a picture of a golden retriever with a checkered bandana around his neck, his driver’s license with what looked like a modeling photo, credit cards, and a few hundreds.
“I don’t see your key in here?”
“It’s not in there. I just wanted you to touch my ass, twice.” He laughed, held the pizza with one hand, and pulled it from his front pocket. I shoved his wallet into his open palm and had the urge to kiss that smirk right off of his face. And I would have if the elevator door had not slid open. People filed in, and I pressed my back against the cold wall. I could feel Parker’s eyes locked on mine. The thought of him looking at me like that made my skin tingle and my heart pound. I turned my head to meet his gaze, and it was like all the people who had entered only moments before instantly disappeared. It was just me and him.
We exited, and I walked to the suite at the end of the hall. Parker leaned against the wall and waited for me to step inside. I turned and looked at him and before I could close the door, he placed his palm on it and stepped inside. Parker set the pizza down on the bar top and faced me. The warm glow of the afternoon light streamed in through large windows of the balcony that faced the seaside, and reflected behind him. Damn, he was hot.
“I don’t know how much longer I can take this,” he whispered and then walked to me. Our lips danced in a slow rhythm together. I took a few steps back, and we stumbled onto the leather couch. Parker was on top of me, kissing me, allowing his hands to roam up and down my body. Knowing that I had the control to stop this didn’t mean a thing, because I didn’t want it to. Parker made me feel things that I thought I had been buried long ago; he made me feel. His lips were on my neck, then nibbling on my ear, and I could feel his hardness against my leg.
I pulled away from him and smiled. “Why do you do this to yourself?” My voice dropped low, almost to a whisper.
�
�Why do you?” His hand slipped under my shirt and across my stomach. He grazed his fingertips over my hard nipple, and I gasped. I sat up, until our lips touched again. I wanted him so badly that my skin sang every time he touched me. My body begged for him every time he kissed me.
The realization set in that I never had control.
“Parker,” I whispered between heavy breaths.
His teeth moved across my lip, and he lightly tugged.
“Why don’t you want me?”
He shot up and stared into my eyes. His eyebrows squished together, and his face distorted. “What? Rox. It’s not like that at all. I want you so fucking bad. If you knew the thoughts I have about you … There are nights when I am wide-awake staring at the ceiling because all I can think about is you, your laugh, your smile, how you get that serious look on your face when you work, or how you turn around in your office and stare out the window. It’s the little things you do that you don’t even know you do that drive me crazy.”
Parker positioned himself beside me on the couch and pulled me to his chest. His arm was under my head, holding me close to him, while his other arm was wrapped around my waist. We lay face to face, his body warming me, and that’s when I realized that rule number five had been scratched through like a to-do list. I sat straight up, then stood, smoothing the hair down on my head. Parker sat up as well.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“I have rules, Parker. Rules that I follow, and it seems like we are breaking every single one of them. I don’t cuddle with anyone.”
“You’re telling me that you draw the line at cuddling?” He burst into laughter.
I crossed my arms and pursed my lips. “That’s right. It creates false emotions.”
He stood in front of me. His thumb gently moved down the side of my face. I almost melted into his touch and when my eyes fluttered closed, he whispered across my lips. “Are they really false emotions, or do you want them to be?”
I didn’t say a word.
“I’ll never force you to do something you don’t want to do. I’ll meet you at six, babe.” Parker kissed me on the cheek, then left me breathless and reeling in my own thoughts.
I swallowed as the door closed gently behind him. He wouldn’t force me to do anything I didn’t want to do. I had to respect him for that and respect him for allowing one of my only rules to still stand. Viva la Rule Number Five. I had to admit, it would be easy to lie in his arms and talk life and love, or nothing at all, but if I kept going down this path, it would break my heart to move to New York.
I had to stay strong. I had to stay grounded. I had to make sure nothing else happened between us. The internal battle transformed into a war. What would win? My head or my heart? At the moment, I wasn’t sure which one was stronger.
I called my father to let him know the contract was signed, but I left out the details of Jason’s sexual advances. Dad wanted the paperwork faxed immediately so he would have a copy back in Texas just in case.
“Promise me you’ll have a good time in New York, since all the business is done.”
“I promise.”
“One last thing, Pumpkin. Your mother called.”
Dad got so quiet that I almost thought we’d lost connection.
“Dad?”
“I’m here, honey. She’s coming to visit. She and Roman are getting a divorce, and she wants to move back to the States. Back to Houston, actually.”
“Please tell me you did not tell her it was okay for her to stay with you.”
“I can’t be like that, Rox. She gave me the greatest gift of my life—you. It’s the least I can do. I loved her for a long time, and that will never change. She’s your mother, no matter what she did.”
Love. It really did make people absolutely illogical.
“She abandoned me and moved to Paris. I will never forgive her for that. I never had a mother figure in my life because of her selfish choice. She chose a man over her own daughter, and you, her husband.”
He sighed because he knew I was right.
“Dad, I don’t care if everyone loves her like they love Sandra Bullock. I don’t give a shit if she is here. I don’t want to see her. I have nothing to say to her.”
“You have to have dinner with us when you return.”
“Absolutely not.” My temper raged, my tone was stern, and my volume was steadily climbing.
“Roxane, you will have dinner with your mother and me, and that’s the end of the conversation. She won’t be here until next week.”
“Does Pops know this?” I knew grandpa would be on my side about this.
“He does.”
“And what did he say?”
“He shook his head and told me he didn’t want to hear it.”
“Exactly, and neither do I. I’m an adult, and I can make my own damn choices. I will not be attending dinner with you and that woman. I’m sorry. I will not, and you cannot force me to. End of story, and don’t you dare ask me again.”
“Pumpkin.”
“I love you, Dad. I love you with all of my heart, but I won’t subject myself to that.”
“All right.” He sounded defeated, but I wouldn’t let that change my mind. We said our goodbyes, then I clicked “end” on the call and released a long sigh. I couldn’t believe this.
When I was eight years old, my mother divorced my father for another man, and left me. A few years later, Dad became President of VanBuren Investments. He worked a lot, and I spent most of my afternoons at the office with him, or at Pop and Granny’s house. Dad didn’t believe in babysitters, and I think it was one of the reasons why family had become one of the core values of the firm. I was there every day, doing my homework, chatting on the phone to Stacey about boys, or reading a book on the worn leather couch in his office. I owed Helen nothing, and I refused to call her mom. She hadn’t earned that title, and it was a little too late to try now.
I walked to the balcony and opened the glass doors to allow the city air to stream in. The sun was low in the sky, and it looked like it was hanging by thin string. That was the advantage of being at the top of a high building; one could still see the sun. Car horns echoed on the streets, and I could hear the breeze moving through the buildings below. New York was exhilarating and exciting and while I couldn’t wait to move, the thought of leaving the office that I’d practically grown up in, as well as my father and grandpa, and now Parker, kind of haunted me. I had never been subjected to such a big change. Houston was home. New York was a new life. The thought of that was almost frightening.
I walked back inside and lay back on the cuddling couch. Then unexpectedly, a smile filled my face before I drifted asleep.
***
I woke to light knocking on my door. I peeled my face from the couch and walked to the door. Parker was standing there in a sports jacket, holding a little box in his hands. I rubbed my eyes and smoothed the back of my hair, which I knew was sticking up in weird places. I was barely awake when he handed it to me.
“I should have brought coffee instead,” Parker said with a smile.
I opened the door and allowed him to walk past me, then realized that it was already six.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry. I must have fallen asleep.”
He looked me over and smiled. “We aren’t in any rush. Take your time.”
I closed the door behind him and opened the box. Inside was a solitaire diamond necklace on a platinum chain. My mouth dropped opened. I had no thoughts, no words, then I felt everything at once. Happiness and shock intertwined within me.
“I was in the neighborhood this afternoon and stopped by Tiffany and Co. This one reminded me of you. Simple and elegant, but beautiful.”
“I don’t know what to say. No one has ever bought me diamonds just because.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just hope you like it. If not—”
“I love it. Thank you. It is perfect.” I went to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. His found their way around
my back, and he lifted me in the air as I hugged him.
“I’ll be quick, seriously, like thirty minutes,” I said and sat the necklace on the counter. I didn’t want to put it on before I hopped into the shower, and I would have to make sure to wear something with a low neckline so it could rest against my bare skin.
I closed the bedroom door behind me and opened my closet. By the way Parker was dressed, in nice slacks and a sports coat, I knew I would need to wear something semi-nice. I had the perfect black dress that showed lots of leg, flared at the bottom, fit snugly at the waist, and had a swooping neckline that would display the necklace perfectly. I took the quickest shower, towel dried my hair, then changed into a hunter green lingerie set and slipped the dress over my head. With a few bobby pins, I placed my hair in a messy side bun. After some red lipstick, mascara, and light eye shadow, I was ready. I slipped on my favorite pair of comfortable black high heels that accentuated the muscles in my legs. When I looked in the full-length mirror, I smiled. Everything about the way I looked at the moment was absolutely perfect. If I were a man, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of me. I laughed at the thought of me being a man, then opened the door.
Parker gave me one of those looks that said nothing less than how much he wanted to devour me, and maybe tonight he would.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he said.
And I actually felt beautiful, just by the way he was looking at me.
We walked toward the door and he placed his hand on the small of my back in that gentle way of his. I stopped and turned around. I had almost forgotten something. I pulled the necklace from the jewelry box and handed it to Parker. He looked down at the clasp, then back at me with a little smile on his lips. I turned around, and he gently brushed his fingers on the softness of my neck as he clasped it on. I touched the diamond and turned around.
“How does it look?” I asked.
“Like it was made just for you.” Parker leaned in, and my lips softly met his. When he pushed away, I touched my lips with the tips of my fingers. Each kiss we exchanged held a little more behind it than the previous one, and that scared the shit out of me.