by J. F. Smith
Brian screamed at Matt, blood running across his mouth and all over his hands, “You fucking cunt! You deserve this jerk!”
Bret and Jim started laughing quietly, thrilled to see Matt really put Brian in his place once and for all. Brian and his boyfriend stormed off and Matt put his arms back around Travis and said, “God, I hope I do!”
“Look at you, defending your man!” said Travis. “I feel safer just knowing I’ve got a bad-ass motherfucker like you here next to me!”
The inside joke wasn’t lost on Matt one bit. He said, “Really?”
Travis cocked an eyebrow at Matt and said, “No. You hit like a queer, you know? We’re going to have to work on that.”
Matt laughed. “You think Colorado’d teach me how to fight, Trav?”
“Be careful what you ask for. How do you think Petey’d react if you asked him to man you up?”
Matt laughed even more when he thought about what Petey would become if he was set loose on that kind of a life mission with his gay brother.
Matt buried his face in Travis’ chest and pulled him tight, so happy to have him back, safe and sound once again. There was nothing in the world that made him feel like he did when Travis came back to him. Without him, everything felt a little off, about to spin out of control at any moment. When he was there, with Matt, everything felt solid and grounded. Travis kissed Matt’s head, brushing his lips affectionately across the soft kitten-fuzz there. Travis had mentioned at one point how much he liked how it felt, so Matt had kept the buzz cut that he had gotten on the Iwo Jima.
Travis glanced over Matt’s shoulder at Bret and Jim, finally nodding hello to the two of them.
Bret was in a feisty mood, though, and wasn’t ready to let Travis off the hook so easily. “Nice of you to show up. I guess you were off on one of your mysterious disappearances, pulling relief janitor duties on some ship in dock in San Diego while playing grab-ass with the gay guys who can’t wait to get their hands in some Navy guy’s pants. Good for you.”
Matt had had enough of people picking at Travis, though. He said, some heat definitely in his voice, “Hey Bret, that’s totally not…”
“I’ve watched you put up with this kind of shit once before, Matt,” hissed Bret. “I don’t want to watch it again! Don’t you fucking make me watch this all over again!”
Matt looked to Jim for a little support, but could instantly tell Jim felt the same way even if he was going to let Bret be the one spelling it out. Matt felt a little helpless. He knew they were trying to look out for him, but they just didn’t understand.
He didn’t know what to do.
There was an awkward minute of silent tension between all of them. Travis, though, put his hands on Matt’s shoulders and said, “Guys, let’s go outside and talk a little.”
Bret and Jim looked at Travis a little skeptically, and he had to jerk his head in the direction of the enclosed patio area at the club to get Bret and Jim to follow him.
Matt whispered in Travis’ ear as they headed through the crowd to the outdoor bar, “Are you about to come out of the closet? Are you sure you want to do this? You don’t have to do this, Trav.”
“It’s time. I trust these guys. And they’re my friends, too, now. I should treat ‘em like that.” Travis shook his head and looked down at his feet as they made their way through the festive crowd to the outside. He said, almost to himself but Matt caught it, “Just too many secrets on both sides. Too many.”
Matt said, “They’ll start to figure other things out. Stuff that happened. How we met.”
Travis put his arm around Matt’s shoulders and said, “But we won’t be telling them directly. You definitely won’t. I can’t help it if they’re smart and can figure things out a little bit.”
It had turned into an unseasonably cool evening, and so the outdoor bar at Kremlin was not very crowded. It was an enclosed courtyard area, set up with a sleek outdoor firepit that most of the people out there were gathered around while sipping their flavored vodkas and martinis. Travis found an empty table as far away from the rest of the bar crowd as possible and they sat down.
Bret and Jim waited for Travis to say whatever he had to say. Bret’s expression was clearly daring Travis to say anything that might change his mind about him.
“First of all,” began Travis, “I want you to know that, absolutely, positively, I have not and will not cheat on Matt.” His hand was on Matt’s back, but he lowered his head and gave Bret and Jim a stare with his dark eyes that instantly showed how deadly serious he was.
“Matt knows this, but you guys need to know it, too. I don’t want this causing friction between the three of you because you mean too much to Matt for me to let that happen. And… and… you mean too much to me, too. Bret, you and Jim can almost take for granted the kind of friendships that you guys have, but I haven’t had much of a chance for this in my life, and it does mean a lot to me. I don’t blame you for being a little mistrustful of me right now. But… I need your word that you’ll keep this between us.”
Travis gave Jim the pointed stare, his eyes boring into him, looking for any duplicity that might come back to haunt him.
Jim said, “I give you my word, Travis.” Travis was satisfied with this.
He shifted his gaze to Bret. Bret rolled his eyes. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll keep quiet.”
That response was definitely not what Travis was looking for. Travis leaned across the table aggressively at Bret, eyes narrowed to fiery slits. He pounded his fist on the table once to emphasize what he was saying, practically growling his voice was so serious, “No! Not to me. I want you to give Matt your absolute word you’ll keep this to yourself. This isn’t play-acting, Bret.”
Matt watched with interest as Bret actually drew back a little. Travis had always held back around Bret and Jim, and this was probably the first time he had let his more forceful leadership style show through, and it caught Bret off guard. Bret’s mouth pulled down into a frown while he tried to decide if this was all really worth it, or if it was just a pile of bullshit. He finally sighed and said, “Fine. Matt, for you, I promise not to talk about this.”
Travis accepted Bret’s promise this time. He continued to lean over the table and said, “As much as I’d like to be able to talk freely about what I do all the time, I can’t. I’m a platoon lead for SEAL Team 8, US Navy, and so I can’t.”
Bret and Jim stared blankly at Travis for a moment. Whatever they were expecting to hear, it wasn’t this. The silence dragged on, with no one even breathing the entire time.
“Hole. Lee. Shit!” Bret finally said.
Matt asked, not quite believing that this would mean anything to Bret, or maybe even Jim for that matter, “Do you know what a SEAL is, Bret?”
Bret looked at Matt sharply, “Dammit, I’m not a complete airhead, Matt! I told you I spend every week rooting through the hot guys in Soldier Of Fortune magazine. Yes, I know what a fucking SEAL is!”
Bret cocked his head slightly to one side and looked back over at Travis, like he was a museum curiosity out of Ripley’s Believe It Or Not. He said, to no one in particular, “I’m sitting at a table right now with an honest to god US Navy SEAL.”
Jim was looking at Travis with the same odd expression as well, his mouth hanging open slightly. He added, “A gay Navy SEAL. A gay Navy SEAL that’s dating our best friend.”
“Jesus H. Chrysler!” exclaimed Bret.
Matt watched them closely. Bret’s mind had stopped with the fact that Travis was a SEAL, but Matt could immediately tell that Jim’s mind was already beyond that. He could see the wheels turning furiously in his mind, putting two and two together.
Matt asked, “Jim? Do you understand?”
Jim nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off of Travis, “I’m beginning to. I mean, I get the SEAL part. I’m just figuring out the rest of how this fits together. It’s starting to make sense.”
Bret looked at Jim, confused and unhappy that there was something he was missing
. “How the rest of what fits together?”
Jim looked at Matt with concern. “I’ll talk to you later about it, Bret. Matt and Travis can’t talk about it and I’m not putting them in that position.”
Bret looked impatient. He didn’t like being the only one left out of the loop suddenly. He started to verbally poke at Jim to get him to talk, but Jim just said, “Seriously, Bret! Later!”
Bret gave up and asked Matt, “So, all these other Navy buddies of yours? They’re SEALs too?”
Matt looked to Travis to see how he wanted to answer and Travis nodded.
Bret lit up a little. “Shit, this is awesome! Are they all gay? Can I meet them?”
Travis looked panicked, but Matt shut this down quickly. “No, Bret! They’re not. And they don’t know about Travis. This isn’t some joke. I mean it, Bret!”
The disappointment in Bret was palpable. He sank down in his chair. “Fine. You take the one good one for yourself and leave me and Jim empty handed.”
Travis relaxed and even managed to smile at Bret.
Matt put his hand on the back of Travis’ neck and said, “This is why Travis goes away. These guys get into some seriously dangerous stuff. Classified stuff. They can’t talk about it most of the time, not even to me.”
Jim looked like he didn’t know how to act around Travis all of a sudden. Finding out what Travis really did in the Navy, thinking through what that implied about how he and Matt met given Matt’s abduction, and the now-clear seriousness of it almost stole the words from him. He turned red and couldn’t look Travis in the eye for a moment. Finally, Jim admitted, “Ok, it makes so much more sense now. Travis, man, I’m sorry I ever doubted you. It seems so obvious now. Really, man, I am sorry I ever doubted you.”
Travis reached across the table and grabbed Jim’s hand, trying to reassure him that he was still the same person. He said, “Thanks, Jim.”
Bret looked physically pained. “Fuck! Here’s that sincerity shit again. I’m sorry, too, Travis.”
Travis smiled and said, “Thanks, Chiliburger.”
Bret added, “Not as sorry as I am that Matt got to you first instead of me, but I am sorry. I hate you, Matt. I really hate you!”
Matt grinned, happy to have Bret back to normal.
Travis pushed back from the table and said, “I hope you guys don’t mind, but I’m taking this one home since we’ve got some catching up to do.”
They got up to leave, and Travis turned to Bret and gave him a hug and kiss, lifting him up off the ground and spinning him around once, giving Bret a huge thrill. He turned to Jim and gave him a hug and a kiss as well, plus a playful slap on his ass. Jim held onto Travis for just a second longer and Matt saw him whisper something in Travis’ ear.
Travis smiled warmly, winked at Jim and said, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Bret shook his head and said to Matt, “I can’t believe you get to take that home! You fucking lucky bastard!”
“It’s Memorial Day. I’ve got to show our armed forces just how much I appreciate them,” said Matt through a dirty grin.
Travis hooked a few fingers in the waistband of Matt’s jeans and pulled at him. “C’mon, Cornhole, I can’t wait to get you home.”
As they walked out, Matt couldn’t stand the curiosity prickling his skin any longer. “What did Jim whisper to you?”
“He said, ‘Thanks for getting Matt home safely.’”
As soon as the two of them left the bar and stepped out onto the sidewalk outside, the cool night air around them, Travis grabbed Matt and pulled him tight against him.
He said to Matt, “Have I told you how good it is to have you to come back to?”
Matt couldn’t help but blush a little and grin a lot. “Every single time you come back!”
Matt studied Travis, whose off-balance smile and bullet-hole dark eyes were trained on him and dancing. It came to a head – worrying about Travis all week, watching Brian pick at him, watching Bret pick at him, all of it. Before he knew what was happening and before he could stop himself, his mouth opened and the words fell out.
“I love you, Trav.”
Matt immediately winced inwardly. It was too early, even if it was what he felt. He was going to make Travis uncomfortable. Put him in an awkward position. Who knew what danger he had been in for over a week now, and here he was, dumping this on Travis suddenly, too. He wanted to take it back, and at the same time yell it out louder for everyone to know how he felt about this amazing man in front of him.
Travis flashed his eyes upwards once and said to Matt, with the voice that sounded like distant whispered thunder, “Look up!”
Chapter 34 – An Almost Imperceptible Distance
“How’s your dad doing? You haven’t said much about him lately.”
“Open ‘em up.”
“What about Keith? How’s he handling things?” asked Matt.
“Open your eyes, dummy.”
Matt paused before trying a different approach. “This was a bad one this time, wasn’t it? It was a dangerous mission, right? I can tell, you know.”
Matt heard the firm and gentle command come from behind him. “Eyes open, Matt.”
“Bret and Jim asked about coming to visit again. They want to come see you surf.”
Matt scrunched up his face at the silence that followed, only the sound of lapping water reaching his ears for a moment. He was being unfair with Travis now.
The voice behind him was softer this time, “Please, Matt.”
Matt shouldn’t have made the comment about Bret and Jim. He knew that Travis felt guilty for not being comfortable having the two of them come visit him in Virginia Beach. Travis had gotten rather attached to both of them, and now that they finally understood Travis better, all of their initial doubts about him had evaporated like mist in the morning. Matt knew that Travis struggled with keeping the two major aspects of his life separate, and the certain sacrifices he made in the process. He felt lucky he got to spend time with Travis the way he did, but his relationship with the entire team made it easier for him to be a public part of Travis’ life. And it had made it harder, too, since it had to appear to be only a friendship, like he had with the rest of the team. But a little was better than none, and Matt was thankful for that.
Matt couldn’t leave his statement about Bret and Jim hanging out there like that. He couldn’t use something like that against Travis, even flippantly.
Matt said, his eyes still tightly shut, “But you know what they’re really after, Trav. Bret just wants to see you with your shirt off. You can do that in Richmond.”
Travis was distracted now, and it took a few seconds before he grunted a “Hmm...” in reply.
Matt sat a moment longer. “Ok, my eyes are open now. Happy?” he fibbed.
There was some shuffling behind Matt, rocking him and making him clutch harder to the handles next to where he was sitting.
The voice came again, right next to his ear this time, sing-songing to him, “You’re lyyyyyying, Matty… You’re a shitty liiiiiiarrrrr…”
That voice was so low that Matt almost felt the vibrations travel through him instead of actually hearing the words. He felt the slightest tickle of Travis’ ramshackle beard against his ear, feeling like a crackle of electricity between them. God, how Matt loved the sound of that voice. It drove him crazy, even when it was calling him a shitty liar. A shiver literally ran up his spine at the sensation.
Matt felt Travis’ thick arms snake under his own and around his chest from behind, followed by the rough beard pressing up against the side of his face.
Travis whispered, “I’ve got you, Matt. Nothing can happen. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
Matt gritted his teeth and opened his eyes. If it weren’t for the arms around him, he would probably be freaking out. Even with them, his heart clenched in his chest tightly.
He looked around and couldn’t see any land anywhere. None. It was like dry land didn’t exist anymore.
There was only the tiny CRRC they were in and an infinite amount of ocean spreading out from them in all directions.
Matt’s breathing started to get faster and shallower, until he felt Travis behind him again, gripping him tighter. Travis said, “Shhh, Matt… It’s ok. Relax. I’ve got you. You’re perfectly safe. Just relax.”
Travis rubbed his lips across Matt’s ear, just above his life vest, biting and kissing him lightly there, reassuring him that he was safe.
Matt said, “You didn’t warn me we were coming out this far. It’s getting late. How do you know where land is? What if we go back in the wrong direction? Are we going to run out of gas? We don’t even have a radio in this thing, do we? Are there sharks out here?”
Travis started to say something, but Matt tensed up and cut in, “It’s hurricane season. What if there’s a hurricane?”
“It’s only about 7pm, Matt. And you see where the sun’s getting low? That’s west. Not even I can miss the western coast of the entire United States of America as long as we follow the sun.”
Matt looked back at Travis, who was grinning at him through two weeks’ worth of rather wild beard growth. Matt had gone straight to the base to meet up with Travis, who had just barely gotten back from a two-week mission and was still wearing his cammie pants and a tan t-shirt. No lifejacket at all. He envied how completely comfortable Travis was near, around, in, and under the water.
Travis said, “Sheesh. I am in the Navy, you know? Give me a little credit.”
Travis’ dark eyes studied Matt and said, “Give me your hands and turn around and face me.”