by Ann Carver
Lila placed her hand over her heart. “I’m so sorry, Harper.”
She forced a smile to her friend. “They say hind-sight’s a bitch. It really is. When I left, I vowed to never come back here. I kept in touch with the Mitchell’s, but I only saw them four times a year. I had an excuse to never come here, so they came to see me on each of their birthdays and Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. I should have done more.”
“I’m sure they knew,” Lila said, touching her shoulder in comfort.
“I hope so,” she said as she bit the inside of her cheek so she wouldn’t get emotional. “So, what have you been up to?” she asked, changing the subject.
“Well, I just got back from Cancun with my sister. It was absolutely amazing,” she said with a big smile.
Harper noticed the tan her friend had, but didn’t know if it was real or fake. Lila’s parents were wealthy lawyers. The amount of money they spent on Lila and Lily were astronomical. They were the epitome of gorgeous, blonde twins. They could have been on gum commercials.
“I’m lucky to get out of West Virginia,” she said with a chuckle.
Lila laughed with her as the hunky bartender came back with Harper’s drink. “Here you go, sweet thing,” he said with another wink. He turned toward Lila. “What can I get you, doll?”
Disappointment set in when he called Lila ‘doll.’ He was a guy working his tips. Easy come easy go, she thought. Just because he was hot didn’t mean he was a good guy. But damn, he was hot!
Lila soaked in the attention. “Hey, Jax, I’ll take the usual,” she said with a big pearly smile.
“Sure thing, doll,” he said and walked away.
Harper raised a brow. “The usual? You know him well?”
Lila laughed. “Jax is a male gigolo. He loves woman and doesn’t ever get turned down.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Just look at him. He’s one hundred percent….grrrrr.” She said making a claw with her hand and pawing into the air like a tiger.
Harper looked at him. He was hot, there was no denying that. That alone grabbed her attention, but oddly, she didn’t feel her inside girly parts get all revved up. Maybe they were just rusty, she thought.
She nodded. “Yeah, he’s definitely wet dream material,” she giggled. “Have you two…” Harper prodded for information.
Her friend slumped he shoulders and made a funny face. “No, I don’t think he knows I’m alive.”
The two friends caught up on each other’s lives while Harper continued to order Coke’s and Lila ordered Sex on the Beach. Lila teased Harper relentlessly about drinking Coke, but Harper told her she had to get up early. Not technically a lie. She planned on getting up early so she could sneak out before Joey got home. Lila had also asked if anything was going on between her and Joey, but she squashed that notion, real quick, despite the interesting kiss they had earlier. They laughed about the countless times they’d been wild and on the brink of getting caught as teenagers and then talked about their futures. Harper had less to say about the future. She didn’t know. Right now, was fixing the block house. She’d always lived in the now.
After Joe left the block house, after kissing Harper till he thought he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, he went home and crashed. He figured Harper would be back before he left for work, so to save them from embarrassment, or whatever, he woke early and went to the hardware store. He wandered aimlessly until his grandpa told him he was useless and to go home. He was teasing, of course, but Joe decided to call it a night anyways.
On the way home, he’d began to think he was stupid for avoiding Harper. They were friends. The kiss hadn’t gone any further and Joe was mindful not to let that happen. Ever. He knew he’d have to face her sooner or later, so he’d suck it up and let it be sooner.
That was until he drove by the Dancing Pony and saw her truck there. He hit his hand on the steering wheel. He should just keep driving, he told himself, but he didn’t. He pulled into the parking lot and walked in looking for her.
He found her, sitting at the bar next to Lila, with eyes fixed on Jax. Damnit. He knew Jax. They were friends, in fact, which meant he knew Jax liked women. A lot. Cursing himself, he turned right around and walked out.
With nothing else to do, he drove to work and took out his frustration in the workout room. He bench pressed until his arms were rubber. Then he moved on to the bicycle where he biked until his legs were rubber. It was then he hauled his body to the shower and stood in the hot water until it took the ache away. The body ache, not the heart ache.
What? He wasn’t heart broken. He was just concerned for Harper falling for a guy who was…just like her. It was an awful feeling that hurt him. He wanted so much better for Harper. She’d lived an unhappy life that made her turn toward mindless sex for happiness, but it didn’t work.
“So, let me get this straight. Someone beat the shit out of you and now you’re beating the shit out of yourself? Sounds like you lose all the way around,” Rebecca said as he walked into the station office.
Joe looked at Rebecca sitting at the desk. She was reclined with her hands folded behind her head and her feet up on the desk. He slid her a look and plopped in the leather chair on the opposite side of the room.
She put her feet down and rested her elbows on the table with her arms folded. “The silent treatment. You’re good at that.”
“Only to you,” he huffed.
“You know what your problem is, Joe?” she said a little bit annoyed.
He rolled his eyes. “Enlighten me, oh, smart one.”
She stood and threw the cup of pencils at him. “You can’t let things go. Every chance you get, you have to shove the knife in just a little deeper. I’m glad you got your ass kicked.”
As she walked out of the room, he yelled after her. “Well, maybe it’s hard to get over the fact that you were screwing someone else while you were screwing me!”
He hadn’t meant to say it. Oh sure, it was exactly how he felt about the situation, but he never meant to throw it back in her face. He took his frustration out on Rebeca when he was really mad at himself…and Harper. Harper more.
Rebecca appeared around the corner with her hands on her hips. “I knew you were full of shit when you said you were over it. Let me let you in on a little something, Joe. People screw up. People do the wrong thing, but you know what? You need to accept that and move-the-fuck-on! The pity party’s over, so quit trying to drag it on forever!”
“Rebecca,” he said feeling regret.
“No, I’m tired of your shit. Just when I think we can work with each other, you do something stupid like this. I’m telling Chuck I want to switch shifts.” She was so mad she was shaking. Her fists were clenched at her sides turning her knuckles white.
“Damnit, Rebecca,” he said chasing after her as she turned and walked away. He caught up to her quickly and caught her arm. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucked up right now that I’m taking it out on the people closest to me. Really, I’m sorry. I totally understand if you want to switch shifts, but I don’t want you too.” He really didn’t. Yeah, the hurt and anger was real, but she was great at her job and they worked great with each other.
Staring him down, her chest rose and fell with deep breaths. “Are you going to get-the-fuck over it?” she huffed at him.
He held his hand up like a boy scout. “I promise. I’m taking my problems out on you when they should really be on…” he started but didn’t finish.
Rebecca raised a brow to him. “You don’t take your frustration out on anyone but yourself. Not Bobby and I swear, if you take it out on Harper, even if she’s the reason, I’ll personally cut your dick off and give it to her in a satin box with a pretty, purple bow. Do you understand me?” Her eyes were dark and serious as she pointed a finger within inches of his face.
Both eyes rose on his face as he swallowed. “Yup, understood,” he said as he pictured the horrific scene of violence.
She shook her head
and as she walked away and said, “Stupid men.”
Joe walked outside to clear his head. He knew he had to check himself, not because Rebecca threatened to cut his beloved part off, but because he’d drive himself insane if he didn’t. Harper was never going to change and as her friend, he had to accept it. If he didn’t, he’d lose a life-long friend and he wasn’t willing to do that.
The night had been surprising slow for a Saturday night. On most weekend nights, another county called them for back-up, but not tonight. He and Rebecca didn’t talk much throughout the night. He knew it’d be awkward for the night, but things would get better. In between the only two calls they had, they cleaned the station and played a game of Skip-Bo, which he let Rebecca win to make up for his asinine behavior.
When his shift ended, he asked Rebecca if she was going to switch shifts. She shrugged a cold shoulder but a moment later she smiled at him. They were going to be fine. He drove home wondering if he’d find Harper passed out. Or worse yet, not home at all if she’d gone home with Jax or anyone else. He didn’t worry about another guy being with her in his apartment. He knew Harper would never do that.
Surprisingly, her truck was in the lot. He walked up the stairs and reluctantly went in. Harper was asleep on the couch, which tugged at his heart. He’d made her feel like she had to sleep on the couch instead of the bed.
She didn’t have her earbuds in. Instead, the music was freely filling the room. The words didn’t make sense to him. Dropping something like it was hot? She listened to some strange shit, he thought.
He was hoping she was just sleeping instead of passed out drunk. The room was undisturbed, which was a good sign she hadn’t stumbled around drunk. His eyes fell on her suitcase in the corner. Always a wanderer. She’d never felt at home. He knew. They’d talked about it many times.
Feeling the exhaustion, he took a shower and then climbed into bed. He fluffed his pillow and closed his eyes. Minutes later, he turned, fluffed his pillow once again closing his eyes. Restless again, he tossed and turned for the next half an hour growing angry at the fact he couldn’t fall asleep.
He knew why. In the short time Harper had stayed with him, she’d slept tight up against him every night. He couldn’t sleep without her now, so he got out of bed and walked into the living room. She was still asleep and the music rang out something about down with O.P.P…whatever the hell that meant.
“Harper,” he said nudging her shoulder.
She shifted but didn’t fully wake. “Hm?”
“Let’s go to bed,” he said quietly nudging her shoulder again.
She groaned. “I’m too tired to move,” she said in a sleepy voice.
“Did you drink too much?” he asked, afraid of the answer.
She shook her head. “Didn’t drink,” she said half asleep.
And, with that, he scooped her up in his arms and carried her to his bed.
Chapter Nine
Early the following morning, Harper woke snuggled up to Joey. She’d never woken with the same guy this many times. It was nice. It made her wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship. But she knew that was silly thinking. She didn’t have it in her to love another person. How could she when she didn’t know what love was?
She wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of the bed, so she stayed until Joey stirred. His breathing wasn’t as deep as it had been and then she heard him rub his hand across his day-old stubble of a beard. She moved him along by rubbing his arm and resting her cheek on his shoulder.
“Good morning, sleepy-head,” she said softly to him. “I tried staying up for you this morning, but I obviously didn’t make it.”
His body stilled. “Why were you waiting up for me?”
She lifted herself off him and rested on her elbow. “So you could tell me why you were in a fight and why you kissed me,” she said still rubbing his arm.
“Shit,” he mumbled as he turned over and faced her. “I had a disagreement with Bobby, a coworker. As far as the kiss. I guess it was an apology. It was easier to show you than say the words. I hope you didn’t read more into it.”
Here she was thinking it was nice what they had going on. Almost a relationship without the messy love stuff. His words stung a little, but she tried not to show it. “I didn’t. I was just curious. I hope you and your coworker have patched things up.” She withdrew her hand from his arm and leaned further away from him.
“We did,” he said not giving a hint into any more of the situation.
Harper lifted the covers and began to climb out of bed when Joe caught her arm. “Harper, I love you as a friend. You know that, right?”
Putting on an act, she replied, “Of course. What else would we be?”
Escaping his grip, she went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet, trying to get a grip on her medical condition. The medical condition that was her heart in the depths of hell of her gut. She didn’t like the feeling. She’d never felt it before and never wanted to feel it again. Who’d ever want to be in love if this is what it felt like.
Then she shook her head as if she were crazy. She didn’t know what love felt like, so it must be something else. Maybe Joey was just telling her he wanted a rumble in the sheets and figured telling her he wouldn’t fall in love would ease her mind. It’d been a long time, she could do a rumble in the sheets.
Making her way to the living room, to get clothes, she was intercepted by Joey. There was no way around him. He was blocking the hallway with his broad shoulder and feet spread in a macho-man stance. Arms folded over his chest he stared her down.
She didn’t look at him. “I…um, need to get to my suitcase to get some…um, clothes,” she said looking from side to side as she pointed a finger and wiggled it toward the living room.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
She looked up at him as if he were crazy. “Yeah, I’m always bright as a star,” she said smart-mouthed. “I should be asking you,” she quipped back quickly as she pointed to his face.
The mirage of colors around his eyes included red, yellow, purple and hints of blue and orange. The mark along his jaw was mostly hidden by the stubble, but the bright red was clear when you got close enough. He looked a mess, and yet, strong as an ox, even after getting his ass kicked.
“I’m not talking about me,” he said, annoyed with her.
“Okay, I am though,” she said stubbornly.
A smile cracked at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, you’re okay. Stubborn as usual.” He stepped closer to her and engulfed her in his arms, giving her a giant bear hug.
Her arms were pinned at her sides but that didn’t stop her from struggling anyways. “Let go of me,” she said loudly as she laughed. “You’re crushing me!” He wasn’t of course.
Finally putting her down, he tugged on her hair. “Your clothes aren’t in the living room,” he said with a smile.
She rolled her eyes at him and asked, “Where are they then? Are you playing games with me, Joey?” She knew he hated being called Joey. That’s why she called him it.
He slid her a look. “Joe. And, no, I’m not playing games. You’re not a guest here, Harper. You’re not a wanderer. This is your home until you finish the block house. I don’t use much of the closet, so you can use it. Suitcase is on the bed,” he said pointing with his thumb toward his bedroom.
Harper wasn’t sure how much heart stuff she could handle. Joey had been nice to her plenty of times without making her feel funny. It had to be the year without sex. Lack of sex obviously does some messed up shit to a person.
“Um, what if you want to have someone…you know, over?” she said giving a strained look. He was a man. Men have needs and Joey might want to have a woman over.”
Joey didn’t give much into the way we were thinking. “There’s no one,” he said flatly.
“That doesn’t mean there won’t be someone in the near future,” she said quietly.
He let out a sigh. “Harper, there won’t be someone in the near future,�
� he said determined.
“But you never know,” she persisted.
Running his hands through his hair, like he was stressed, he said, “I do know. There isn’t going to be anyone, Harper. Besides, I’d never do that. Just like you’d never bring a guy here, right?”
The thought of bringing a man to Joe’s place was preposterous. She’d never stoop so low. “I’d never do that, Joey. I’m a lot of things, but I’m not the type of slut that’d bring guys to your place.”
Joe grabbed Harper’s shoulders and shook them lightly. “Don’t call yourself a slut. I hate that. Do you hear me? It’s not allowed. You’re a beautiful star…my shining star.”
Harper hated that he complimented her way beyond realistic. Though it was nice once in a while. Maybe. “Okay, I’ll be your shining star,” she said with a smile. She put her head down and rested it on his chest so he couldn’t see her face. After a brief moment, without looking at him, she patted his arm and walked into the bedroom. “I hope you don’t have a lot of stuff in there,” she said full of sass, diverting her emotions.
She heard him laugh as she went into the bedroom to rearrange the closet. Flipping through her music, she settled on “Summertime” by DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince. It was an old-school song, but her foster parents had watched The Fresh Prince of Belair all the time. While they loved the show, Harper loved Will Smith’s quirky personality and his music.
It didn’t take long to move Joey’s clothes to one side. There were only four shirts and a suit. She’d never seen him in a suit and wondered what he’d look like. The thought quickly left as “Intergalactic” by the Beastie Boys came on. She turned it up then began putting her clothes into the closet moving like a robot and singing along with it.
Joey walked into the kitchen to make breakfast, having a pity party for himself. At first, he thought Harper had been upset when he told her he loved her as a friend, but he’d been mistaken because she quickly replied that she knew it. He told himself to shake it off. He didn’t need to go there. They were great at friends.