by Diane Moody
“See, I thought I was losing my mind. I thought if I could just have some time to myself, time to think through everything, I would be all right. But I wasn’t. I came up here to get a fresh sense of what my life was all about. But that didn’t happen. All of that ‘stuff’ was still there, hovering over my head.
“Then I got angry. I kept asking why? Why was this happening to me? All I ever wanted was to be a good wife to David, and a good mother to my children. Why was all the rest of it such a stumbling block to my life? Why couldn’t I handle it? Why was I giving up on David instead of fighting for him? Where was my backbone! I’d completely lost sight of everything that was right and good in my life.
“But now I see! It took coming here to this cabin—and you—and all of this for me to see the truth!”
“Annie, I have no clue what you’re talking about. You’ve lost me.”
She smiled, taking his hand in hers. “That’s just it—you were lost! Don’t you see? The same thing was happening in your life. Maybe the circumstances were different, but in your own way, you were stumbling all over your life just like I was. You said yourself that your life was ruined. Your marriage was ruined. Your career was ruined. Why? Because you tried to do it all your own way. You called all your own shots—” She stopped mid-sentence as a thought occurred to her . . . “—and got shot in the process!”
“Very funny. But what’s that got to do—”
“It’s got everything to do with it. Look, regardless of whose fault any of it was, the bottom line is that your life was a total disaster. Admit it! But you knew the answer, even though you didn’t know you knew the answer.”
He stared at her, blinking. “You’re not making any sense.”
She could tell his patience was wearing thin.
Say it, Annie. Tell him.
“You said it yourself. You said that unless a miracle came along, you were a dead man.”
His eyes narrowed, daring her to continue.
“Michael,” she whispered. “This is your miracle. And you were right about something else. None of this was by chance! It could never have happened by mere coincidence. You—me—here . . . together after all these years? What are the odds? It wasn’t some obscure second chance at a long-lost relationship. We weren’t brought here to rekindle a romance from way back when. We’re here—now. You and me. Holed up in this cabin, snowed in, out of touch with the rest of the world. Why? For this very moment. This is your miracle.”
He grabbed her shoulders. “ANNIE! Stop talking in circles! I. Don’t. Understand!”
“But I do! That’s just it! God had to yank me out of my pity party and out of my worn-out routine and drag me up this mountain in the middle of nowhere. He had to let me pour my heart out to Him and spill out all that venom and anger and hurt and frustration—because He needed me. It was His way to prepare me for something extraordinary.”
“For WHAT?”
“He wants to use me. Like . . . like a life raft. For you, Michael.” She looked deeply into his eyes, searching for some light of understanding. A tenderness so pure filled her with a love that astounded her.
A very different kind of love.
“Michael Dean, you showed up here shot up like a piece of Swiss cheese. Dumped on my doorstep half-dead. You are completely at my mercy. And finally, finally, I have a chance to tell you about Someone who totally turned my life around. Someone who has all the answers, all the miracles, all the hope you or I could ever need.
“Oh Michael, if only you knew. All those years ago, you broke my heart. But instead of bitterness, I’ve carried a secret heartache that had nothing to do with how you left me. Because God changed my life. He gave me a new slate to start all over. But deep inside, my heart has always ached that I never had a chance to share Him with you. Over the years, whenever you crossed my mind—if I heard our song on the radio or saw you playing ball on TV—I prayed for you, asking God somehow, some way, to get through to you. To love you like He’s loved me.
“Don’t you see? All that emptiness you feel? It’s because God made each of us with a place in our hearts just for Him. But He didn’t force himself on us. He designed it to be ‘by invitation only.’ We have to want Him to be a part of our lives. And He wants desperately to be invited in. But even when we ignore Him or reject Him, He doesn’t give up on us.
“And it’s so simple. All we have to do is ask. Ask Him to forgive us for screwing up our lives, for leaving him out of the picture, and for all the wrongs we’ve committed in the process. Then we only have to believe He’s who He says He is. He’s God! And He gave His Son to provide a way for us to come to Him. It’s all about forgiveness, don’t you see?”
“No, Annie. It isn’t that simple. You don’t understand. You have no idea what kind of person I’ve become. You don’t know—”
“But that’s just it. We’ve all made mistakes. We’ve all made messes of our lives in one way or another. And that’s the whole point. We’ve tried to fill that void in our lives that was made just for Him. And we can’t do that with anything else but Him. All the while He waits for us, and waits and waits, until we come to the end of the rope and realize we have no place else to turn but to Him.
“Yes, Michael. It really is that simple.”
Tears filled his eyes despite the confusion she saw there. She knew a fierce and mighty battle raged behind those eyes.
She spoke urgently, barely above a whisper. “You’ve been in the driver’s seat your whole life, and look where it got you. Just hand the keys over to Hhim. He wants so much for you to hand over those keys because He wants you. Let go, Michael. Give Him your life. He can make it whole and pure and good like it’s never been before.”
She searched his eyes for an answer. There was only one question left to ask. “What have you got to lose?”
He closed his eyes, his chin trembling. Now was his moment of truth. She too closed her eyes, praying for God’s peace and presence to overwhelm him and lead him out of the darkness forever.
She didn’t know how long they remained that way. Finally, she heard him take a deep breath and felt him gently rub her hand. She looked up, his face familiar but now strangely different. Even the look in his eyes was different.
And for now, that was enough.
CHAPTER 37
Pueblo, Colorado
At the Pueblo Memorial Airport, the sleek white jet descended for landing. Nearly invisible in the heavy snowfall, the blinking lights on the aircraft flashed rapidly as though begging for assistance. The pilot of the jet had ignored the warnings from his radio. He wasn’t daunted by a few flakes of snow. He had been instructed to land the plane regardless of the conditions on the tarmac. And land he would, paid generously for the effort.
The runway had been cleared sometime earlier, though a fresh layer of snow already covered it again. Fortunate for any renegade pilots, the salt trucks had prevented the pavement from icing. Still, the pilot cautiously touched down, careful to ease the brakes. It wasn’t a pretty landing as the plane slipped to a stop before the end of the runway then taxied slowly to a hanger.
As the engines whined down, the side door lifted opened. Stair-steps lowered. Two figures quickly descended the steps and hurried into a waiting black Hummer. The large vehicle left immediately, disappearing into the storm before the jet’s engines ever quieted.
Weber Creek, Colorado
Doc Wilkins backed into Williamson’s, kicking snow off his boots. “Bob? MJ? I want to try a run up to Christine’s. Thought I might take Annie some—”
“You know Annie McGregor?”
He turned around and found himself face to face with a teenage boy he’d never seen before.
“Excuse me, I don’t believe we’ve met.” He held out his hand. “I’m Doc Wilkins, and you are?”
“Max McGregor. I’m trying to find my mother, Annie McGregor. You’ve met her? You know where she is?”
Sheriff Patterson joined them. “Doc? You know something about his mo
m?”
“Hold on. Just a minute. I only stopped by to pick up some groceries and—”
“But you said you were going to take something up to Annie.” Max stepped closer. “That’s gotta be my mom. I need to know where she is.”
Doc looked over Max’s shoulder at the sheriff.
Patterson scratched his chin. “The kid drove all the way from Florida. If you know where his mom is, help him out, Doc.”
He hesitated, trying to think. He busied himself cleaning his glasses even though they were spotless. “I know exactly where she is, Max. But how about I go on up there and bring her back here to you?” He turned to leave.
The boy stepped around him, blocking his exit. “No, sir. I’ve come this far. I want you to take me to her. Besides, why wouldn’t you want to take me up there to see my mom?”
Doc stared into the young man’s anxious eyes. Finally, he pulled his gloves back on, and smiled in resignation.
“Then let’s go see your mom, Max.”
CHAPTER 38
Eagle’s Nest
If the weight of the world had lifted off Michael Dean’s shoulders, it paled in comparison to the thrill that washed over Annie McGregor. Never had she felt so overwhelmed with gratitude.
She remembered the words of Romans 8:28 as if the Apostle Paul had crafted them just for her. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose. To think that God had orchestrated all the infinite details that propelled her on this timely search for truth. All the stumbling blocks, lined up for a specific purpose. Every trace of exhaustion, every personal heartache, every emotional drain of her energy had contributed in part toward a divine appointment on this mountain. Even the sting of her humiliating confrontation with Chet Harrison had played a part . . . for such a time as this. If Chet hadn’t crossed the line, she never would have experienced that final straw. That desperate, urgent need to get away from it all.
Annie could never have imagined that God would cross her path with Michael’s again in such an extraordinary way to take care of “unfinished business.” Now, her heart soaring from God’s healing touch, she left Michael alone to his thoughts, busying herself by preparing something for them to eat. After toasting some stale bagels in a skillet on the Coleman stove, she heated water for tea.
“There’s something else we need to talk about.”
Carrying the tray to the coffee table, she set it down and handed him one of the warm mugs. “What’s that?”
He blew on the steaming tea then cleared his voice. “It’s just that . . . well, it seems like . . . uh—”
“Michael, what could possibly be so difficult for you to talk about? After what just happened here this morning?”
“Well, that’s just it. There’s something you need to know. And now, all of a sudden, I know I have to get this out. It has to do with what happened all those years ago.”
She shrugged. “Maybe so, but that’s all history. Just forget about it.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. I was such a fool to ever leave you, Annie. But I had a very valid reason for letting you go.”
“Michael, I don’t really think I want to—”
“Let me talk! And stop interrupting me. You need to hear this whether you want to or not.”
She waited, quite certain she did not.
“It was Christine.”
“What do you mean it was Christine?”
“When you and everyone else went to Hawaii after graduation, I stayed home to play in a semi-pro summer league, remember?”
“Okay. So?”
“Christine stayed home too, remember?”
“Yes, I remember. Her father was dying.”
“And she was going through a tough time,” he continued. “And all of her friends were out of the country. Except me.”
She tilted her head.
“Christine needed a friend. She was alone. She was upset. Especially after her dad died. And . . . well, we became . . . close.”
Silence.
“Close,” he repeated. “As in, intimate.”
She tented her eyebrows, tilting her head to the other side. A long-forgotten impish grin crossed his face. That crooked grin that used to melt her heart.
Not this time.
“Annie, it just happened. It wasn’t planned, we didn’t mean for it to happen—it just did.”
“And you think I need to know this now because . . . ?”
“Because you need to know. Because I’m trying to make a fresh start of my life here. Because in order to do that, I need to start with a clean slate, and there are things you need to know. What else can I say?”
She dropped the bagel that had been dangling from her hand and blew out a lung full of air. “Well, let’s see. For starters, how about ‘I’m sorry’? We were together for four years, Michael. I left town for a few days and you bedded my best friend? How could you! Her father was dying, for heaven’s sake! And you took advantage of her at a time like that? What kind of animal are you?”
She jumped up, the plate on her lap crashing to the floor. “Great. Just great.” Ignoring the mess, she hopped over to the fireplace, angrily warming her hands. “I can’t believe it. How could you be so heartless? How could you even think of being so heartless? And then, you turn around and dump me without so much as a single word of explanation?” She tossed the words over her shoulder like guided missiles. “You didn’t even have the decency to at least be honest with me—after all those years together? It’s unspeakable, Michael. How dare you. How dare you!”
“It would have been too much for you, Annie, and you know it! The last thing I wanted was to hurt you!”
“Well, it’s a little late for that now because you most certainly did hurt me!” She wrapped her arms around herself, a sharp sob stealing her breath. “You broke my heart, Michael, and you know it.”
Silence hung for seconds between them. But the spell was broken with the wild tapping of a heavy branch against the roof. Her shoulders slumped. She exhaled in defeat, a quiet moan in its wake.
“This is so typical,” she finally whispered, realizing what had happened. She turned, peeking over her shoulder at him. A sad smile pulled across her lips. “So typical. One minute we’re standing at the very throne of God as he’s holding his arms open wide to greet you—and the next minute we’re at each other’s throats. It’s so ridiculously predictable.”
She collected the pieces of broken stoneware off the floor. “The enemy can’t stand the fact that you’ve given your life to the Lord, Michael. He won’t stand for it. So he does whatever he can to steal the joy of that decision. Even with a silly argument about ancient history like this.”
“But I had to tell you.”
“I suppose. I’m just amused by the timing of it and the way I over-reacted.”
“Come here.” He reached out his hand to her. She put the broken pieces on the tray and sat back down in the chair adjacent to him.
“I don’t know much about that sort of stuff—about the ‘enemy’ or Satan or any of that. But I’m not finished. Let me say what I have to say so we can put this behind us and be done with it. Deal?”
“Deal.”
“There’s more to this and it’s time you knew. When you all got back from Hawaii, if you’ll remember, Christine was gone.”
“I know. She went to New York to work on her master’s degree while she interned for that big agency.”
“Yes and no. The degree came later. She left because she was pregnant.”
The air vanished from her lungs. He held her hand tight, refusing to let her pull it free.
He went on. “I was so . . . full of myself back then, Annie. I told her I wanted no part of it. In fact, I tried to get her to have an abortion. Even as radical and free-spirited as she was back then, she wouldn’t hear of it. That’s why she left town. She made me promise not to tell a soul. But I knew I could never face you with it anyway.
I may be a lot of things, but I’m an absolute coward when it comes to the emotional stuff. Which is probably no surprise to you.
“And that’s why, when you came back, I had to break it off between us immediately. Only I didn’t have the guts to tell you why.”
She stared at him in disbelief, speechless.
He pressed on. “About a year later she called me. Said she’d had a baby boy. Said she had tried hard to take care of him, tried to be a good mother, but she just couldn’t do it. She wanted something better for him. She was hoping I might volunteer to raise him, but naturally that didn’t happen. My career was just taking off. No way I was gonna care for the kid.
“Christine said she figured as much. So she told me she was going to give him up for adoption. She wanted him to have a mother and a father and a real chance at a normal life. Of course I agreed.
“She kept the adoption very private, never gave me too many details, only that she was careful to make sure he was placed in a good home. She went through an attorney—it was all very anonymous. That was her requirement.”
“You never saw him? You’ve never even met your own son?”
“No, I never did, at least not in person.”
Annie studied him through narrowed eyes, trying to understand. Trying to find some trace of sympathy about the whole bizarre situation. The analyses rolled awkwardly through her mind.
“What did you mean ‘not in person’?” she asked.
“Christine sent me pictures of him from time to time. She had some kind of arrangement through her attorney to get pictures of him through the years. At least that’s what she told me. I guess that sounds a little strange.”
Annie nodded. “You could say that, considering neither of you wanted the kid.” She rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it.
“In fact, I noticed an old picture of him in the other room. But Annie, you’ve got to understand, even though we went through this whole thing, we were still friends. It was never the same between us, but even so—we had a bond, obviously. I really cared about Christine. And I still do, believe it or not. I regret that I put her through all that. But then, you know as well as anyone what a jerk I’ve been.”