by Anna Antonia
I focused on the other me, seeing how perfect the other Killian looked with his hands on her.
“Tell me, Lucy.”
I blushed. Stupid blushes. Except it wasn’t so stupid, now that the flawless makeup covered up enough to minimize the damage.
“Yes.”
“Good girl.” Killian squeezed my shoulders once more and then stood to his full height. “She’s finished?”
“Done and ready to take on the town.” Lanita went to help me up when Killian waved her off.
“I have her.”
Killian tucked my arm in his. Already it felt familiar. Perfect.
“Thank you all for your work today. Make sure you add a healthy tip to the bill, Lanita.”
“Of course.”
We made it to the door when Killian tossed over his shoulder, “Wrap the emerald green, that black sheath, and the Alexander McQueen boots. Thanks, Lanita.”
I squeezed his arm, but he only winked and then whisked me out of the room. “Get ready, Miss Martin, because I’m about to change your worldview tonight. Promise.”
27
KILLIAN
I wanted to show Lucy off to the entire city. Take out a billboard. Put her on every magazine cover. Build her a temple and put her on the pedestal she deserved.
Truly, Lucy was so damned gorgeous it took everything in me not to stare at her openmouthed and drooling.
Admittedly, I didn’t actually show any of this to Lucy so my ego was safe. Enough.
I kept her hand in mine during the entire ride over. Not once did she try to pull away. She felt the rightness between us, so there was no need for words.
Now here we were, seated at one of those overhyped eateries oozing with privilege and exclusivity. This was my natural setting, but being here with Lucy cast a light on how empty and shallow it truly was.
Not because Lucy pointed it out. She was all dignified and kind. No, it was because I’d never enjoyed myself nearly as much as I did in the last half hour.
Appetizers were prosciutto and figs, crostini with pork and red cabbage, and potato pancakes with gravlax and dill. Delicious for me and comical to watch Lucy stare at the artfully displayed dishes with suspicion and dismay.
“Try it.”
“You first.”
Taking a bite of the prosciutto, I gestured to her. “Your turn.”
Lucy eyed it like I was offering her something I picked up off the ground. “What is it again?”
“Meat. Figs. Food.”
My adorable Lucy continued to stare. Leaning across the small table, I crooned, “It’s good. I promise.” When she still didn’t eat, I sweetened the deal. “You take a bite for me and I’ll give you a freebie.”
“A freebie?”
“Ask me a question and the answer is yours.”
Information. Just the currency she recognized. Lucy’s teeth took the tiniest of bites. It would appear I didn’t create favorable terms.
Appear.
Looking rather proud of herself, Lucy pounced. “What’s your favorite thing about working at King Cosmetics?”
Any other woman and I’d know she would’ve expected me to say, “You.”
But this was Lucy. She wanted the truth.
The words didn’t spill out. I didn’t have an easy answer.
“The factory.”
“Why?”
“You got your question, Lucy, and your answer.”
“Two words isn’t an answer.”
“It was more than your itty-bitty bite.”
Had her.
“My turn. Tell me something you’ve never told anyone else before.”
Lucy looked down and to the left. “I’m not in the habit of sharing secrets.”
“Who’s talking secrets?” Me, obviously. “I don’t care what it is just as long as it belongs to me.”
She touched her chin before placing her hand on the table. “I don’t like ketchup.”
“How can that be true? Everyone loves ketchup.”
“That’s why I’ve never told a soul outside of my family.”
As far as confessions went…not that impressive. As far as feeling that I’d entered her circle…extremely impressive.
“What about you, Killian?”
“What about me?”
My God, her lips! I’d needle and tease her all night just to see them curl into a delicious rose pout.
“I don’t like one-way streets.”
Leaning back in my seat, I presented all that was relaxed and borderline uncaring. Lies.
“Never promised you a secret in return.”
Lucy turned away with a huff. “True. Next time I’ll read the fine print.”
“See? I’ve taught you a lesson that keeps on giving.” I nudged her with my foot, waiting until she glowered at me. “Give me something better.”
“Ha! No way.”
“That’s hardly a secret, Lucy. After all, other people know.”
“Check the fine print, Killian. You never said it had to be dark.”
“Check your fine print, Lucy. I asked for a secret—something no one else knows. Ketchup doesn’t count.”
Oh, I stymied her.
Lucy’s sense of fair play wouldn’t allow her to dismiss the validity of my words. She was honorable to a fault. Unlike me.
“There’s nothing, really.”
“Now I don't believe that one bit, Lucy. You look like the kind of woman who is full of secrets.”
This made her obviously uncomfortable. Why? Her fingertip drew circles on the table, as if her hand couldn’t stay still. Interesting.
“Well?” I drawled.
“I’m not full of secrets. Honest.”
I waited her out. The silence growing between us would serve me better than any series of words I might apply. Eventually, Lucy’s finger stopped drawing. She looked up at me, a universe unfolding within her coal black gaze.
“I will never sleep with a man until I'm married.”
Unblinking, I stared at her. The words twisted and turned in my mind. She could not have been serious. Either that or she was quite cunning.
Considering her goddess status, I leaned towards the second.
“How could that possibly be a secret? You probably told that to 100 guys.”
Lucy’s perfectly made-up brows snapped into a fearsome frown. Her tone sliced my skin to ribbons. “You better watch your mouth, Killian. I don't know about the women you hang around with, but I'm not one of them.”
I laughed, devilish as ever. “What's got your panties in a bunch?”
“100 guys? Really?”
“200?”
I felt something small, pointy, and hard dig into my shin. She kicked me. How delicious.
“Keep your feet to yourself, Lucy, unless you want me to do something about it.”
“Apologize.”
“Apologize for what?”
“Apologize for basically calling me a slut.”
“If I was going to call you a slut, I’d just say it. I typically don't leave room for question, Lucy.”
I was ready when she kicked again. Catching her ankle, I relished the annoyed breath she released. I allowed us both the luxury of my thumb stroking her.
“Apologize.”
Lucy’s voice sounded a pitch or two higher than usual. Divine.
“No. I'm not apologizing for something I didn't do. I do that enough just by breathing.”
Ah, there it was. Worry, concern, even a shade of guilt. Wonderful. I could always count on dear little Lucy having more heart than self-preservation.
Besides, I wanted to understand what really got her so upset. I wasn't calling her a slut. I had absolutely zero room to criticize or judge considering my rather checkered background. But a woman as beautiful as Lucy could not walk this planet and be alone.
It was impossible.
And yes, I suffered the lash of jealousy sharper than I would’ve liked. It didn’t take much imagination to know I’d be possessive of h
er—if she were mine.
I just couldn’t believe her secret. Celibacy. Why would anyone take on that mantle of unnecessary suffering?
“You’re making that up.”
Lucy growled, “No, I’m not. I haven’t told anyone that other than you. And now I regret even saying anything at all.” The mutinous set on her lips defied me to call her a liar.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
She wiggled her foot once. I merely continued stroking her ankle.
“Purity until marriage. Why?”
“Because.” She shifted about in her chair, looking like a sulky teenager all of a sudden.
“Why are you telling me this? Of all the secrets you could’ve possibly shared with me, why this one?’
“You asked for a secret and now you’re complaining about the one you got? Beggars shouldn’t be choosers.”
I smirked. “Beggar? Not in this lifetime. Now answer my question.”
“There’s nothing to say. That’s my truth, that’s how I want to live, and that’s all there is to it.”
“No, no. Are you warning me off, little Lucy?”
“If that’s how you’re taking it then that’s a you problem.”
I released her foot. The heel clanged against the table leg. Ignoring the hiss masquerading as my name, I drove in with “That is what you’re doing.”
Lucy shrugged. “If you think so.”
Regarding her, I found myself perturbed and amazed. “Do you think fucking is dirty?”
“Keep your voice down!”
“Do you?”
“No. I don’t know. I haven’t done it, remember?”
The hell?
“You didn’t tell me that at all, Lucy.”
She crossed and re-crossed her arms. “Thought it was kinda obvious.”
“It wasn’t.”
This bit of news cast a different light on things. I felt unsure and it wasn’t a feeling I courted. Darkness took advantage.
I could be her first. Her only.
That right there? That felt fucking glorious. Right in the way that left no room for doubt. Which meant it was all wrong in my world.
Possession meant permanence.
Permanence meant vulnerability.
Vulnerability meant ruination.
What are you thinking? Have you lost your mind?
I couldn’t hide my disgust. Of course, Lucy saw it and of course, she misinterpreted the reason.
“And this is why you shouldn’t ask for truths you’re not ready to hear. Thank you for the appetizer.”
I snapped my attention back to Lucy. “Where do you think you’re going? Sit down.”
She grimaced, as if trying to smile but failing miserably. “We’re not in the office and I don’t have to humor you.” Lucy sailed by me and headed straight for the door.
“Goddammit.” Flinging my cloth napkin onto the table, I easily caught up to her. “We’re not done.”
“Yeah, we are.”
Several diners looked our way. A few of them reached for their phones. Damn those nosy bastards straight to hell!
“Fine.”
I didn’t bother to wait for the staff. My card was on file. They’d know who to charge.
Placing a hand on Lucy’s back, I kept pace with her. It probably looked more like we couldn’t wait to find a soft bed rather than Lucy was royally pissed and trying to outrun me without looking like it.
We got outside, but instead of heading straight to the limo, Lucy kept walking. Always walking away!
“Wait a minute, Lucy! Dammit!”
“No!”
She sliced across the pavement, a spitball of hellfire and rage who had no intention of slowing down.
Fuck!
“Jorge, we’re taking a walk. Meet us eight blocks down in thirty minutes.” When Jorge didn’t tip his hat, I snapped, “I’ll call you if there’s trouble. We’ll be fine.”
“It’s dark.”
“Obviously.” Lucy’s head got swallowed up by the crowd.
“You know the rules.”
Damn Jorge and Grandfather!
“Yes, I do. Follow along if you must, but I’m not getting in the car just yet. Deal with it.”
“Mr. Killian—”
“¡Ya basta! I don’t have time for this, Jorge. Look out the fucking window and you’ll see me the whole way. I’m not leaving off this street, all right? You’ll keep your word to Gramps and no one will know any different.”
With that, I took off after Lucy, amazed at how much ground she covered in the time it took me to get Jorge to do his damn job.
“Lucy! I will not keep running after you!”
Lie. It was all I’d done since I first heard her sweet voice and saw her perfect ass.
Apparently, she believed me because Lucy jerked to a halt. Her shoulders rose and dropped as if she’d taken a deep breath. She pivoted violently. “What was the point of all this?”
“Dinner.”
“No. This.” She gestured up and down her body. “Did you dress me up because you thought you were going to take off my clothes tonight?”
Damn… I should’ve felt the tiniest bit of shame. I didn’t. I imagined the luxury of unwrapping her right now.
“Just tell the truth, Killian.”
“Yes.”
28
LUCY
I knew it. Of course, I knew it.
He was a man. I was a woman. Sex was always on the table.
But it hurt.
I felt like a fool because for one second I thought Killian meant everything he said at his penthouse. All my talk about kindness and thinking he got me…what a joke.
“You dress me up, feed me, and then I’d go home with you because I owed you something. Do I have the right of it?”
Killian put his hands in his pockets. His lazy slouch said he didn’t have a care in the world. “No.”
“Tell me how I’m wrong.”
“What difference does it make? You’ve already made up your mind.”
“I want to know.”
“What do you want me to say, Lucy? Do you want me to deny it? I won’t. I want to sleep with you. Of course, I do. You’re beautiful and sexy. What man wouldn’t want you?”
Disappointment caved in all my expectations.
“I should’ve known you weren’t being nice.”
“I’m never nice.”
“Well, I finally believe you.”
Killian’s jaw popped. “Why’d you ask me to lunch?”
“Because I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t believe you. You asked me to lunch because everything between us is all wrong.”
I crossed my arms. “It didn’t have to be.”
“Sure it did. We were all wrong as soon as you started working for my grandfather.”
“You’ll never forgive me for it, will you?”
“Why should I?”
Why indeed? Nothing I said or did could erase why I was in his life. Worse? I couldn’t blame him. I used to hold grudges for a lot less. But my compassion eroded beneath hurt feelings.
Beauty was dangerous and Killian was the most dangerous of all. Why? Because he made me think I could be like everyone else. That my past could be forgotten, buried as if it never existed.
“There was no point to today. Ice cream, Lanita, dinner—none of it mattered.”
Killian took a step closer. “I wouldn’t say that.”
“What would you say then?”
“I’d say it doesn’t matter how any of this started. We’re here now. Together. That’s the way I want it. And I know it’s what you want too.”
My heartbeat drowned out the nighttime hum. With those words, we were the only two people in the city now.
“Because you want to sleep with me.”
“I’m not going to apologize for finding you desirable, Lucy. I don’t feel shame in sex.” He shrug
ged, looking at me as if I was the one with the problem.
Killian didn’t know shit about my past and that was how it was going to stay.
“Lucky you.”
He snapped to attention. “Something did happen then.”
“No. Look, it’s not important. All I’m saying is you’re right. I asked you to lunch…dinner…because I wanted to know what changed between us. We’d gotten closer and then you shut me out.”
“And you want to fix it.”
Another step. Just a few more and he’d be close enough to touch. I looked away, fisting my hands because they knew exactly how wide his shoulders were and how soft his hair felt.
“Yes.”
“How is walking out on me fixing anything?”
“It doesn’t.”
“You’re warning me off. Why? There’s attraction between us and if you deny it, I’ll know you for a liar too.” His voice softened, coaxing me to prove him right. “Go on. Deny it if you can.”
I bit the inside of my cheek. The sharp pain cleared all my denials. “You know I can’t.”
“Yes, I know, but do you?”
One more step, bigger than the rest. He was right in front of me. Killian’s regard was like the sun coaxing a flower to bloom. I couldn’t fight instinct or keep myself from leaning into the palm cupping my cheek.
“Killian, I’m not like the other women you’ve been with. Sex matters to me.”
“And marriage somehow makes it matter.”
“You’re insulting me.”
“I’m not. Lucy, exchanging vows doesn’t mean it’ll last forever. It just makes things more traumatic when it finally comes to an end.”
“Just because you hold a bad view of marriage doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”
“Really? Did happily-ever-after come for your parents? Because it sure as hell didn’t come for mine.”
Killian’s claws scored true. They cut me open, tearing black memories free. My dad yelling at my mom, punching holes in the wall while she threw dishes at him. Money and the lack of it shattering my family apart until the only person left was me.
My mom never wanted to marry my dad. She only did it because she got pregnant with me. But somehow her reluctance turned into love, a deep, destructive kind that ended up killing her.
No, marriage wasn’t a cure-all but it was the only defense I had against the common warfare between men and women. I wasn’t going to let anyone use me. Or treat me like a whore.