“I didn’t even get to say goodbye.”
His arms tightened around her like a warm blanket. “Oh, baby, shhh, your dad would have understood, Susan. Shhh, now, no one that loved you would want you upset like this,” he murmured. He held on tight, rocking her in his warm arms, surprising her with how much comfort he gave her. It tore her up, but she cried. It hurt. Each sob made her stomach ache, but Russell simply held her and whispered reassurances.
Slowly the tears began to hurt less, but her stress increased. How was this happening? God, she couldn’t let her dad go and just, what? Carry on? She struggled with Russell, suddenly feeling trapped in his embrace.
“No, shhh—relax, relax, shhh. Let this soak in, baby. You need to let this settle a bit.”
When he wouldn’t let her go, she stopped trying to push him away. He tucked the sheet over them. Without speaking, he quietly comforted her with his warmth and tenderness. She was so tired of fighting this, of shoving it away to deal with later, and he felt so solid and safe. No one could come near her with Russell here.
“Do you want to sleep a little?” he asked, after a long while of not speaking.
He must think she was some kind of crazy person. She’d left wet marks on his chest. He kissed her forehead and tipped her head up with a finger under her chin. Reluctantly, she met his grey eyes. He was so focused on her, she licked her lips self-consciously.
“How can you look more beautiful after crying? Aren’t women supposed to look like hell after crying?” He sounded so put out she half choked on a laugh. She knew he was trying to lighten the mood, and he did. Using a soft piece of the sheet, he wiped under her eyes and she batted at him.
“That’s a sheet, not a Kleenex.”
He caught her hand in his and erased the inch of distance between them to capture her mouth for a kiss. He didn’t rush the press of his mouth to hers. Instead, he rubbed his lips to hers, gingerly stroking her mouth with his hot tongue, then pulled back to softly suck on her bottom lip. It was devastating. It felt like he was making love to her mouth. As if, little by little, he was taking piece after piece of her heart with each slow stroke of his mouth on hers.
Slowly, he pulled away to stare down at her. “Baby, you can use me as a Kleenex any time. Any time, Susan, you know that, don’t you?” He sounded so sincere, she nodded and pressed her hand to his chest. “Now, let’s get you fed. Maybe I can take you for a small walk, then dinner?”
She choked on a laugh at the enthusiasm in his voice. He made her sound like a puppy. “A small walk? Do I look like a poodle?”
Chuckling, he tugged her to his chest and shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think a poodle… Maybe one of those little Chihuahuas?”
“Oh, you are in for it now, big guy!” Laughing with him, she tickled her fingers down his ribs as lightly and fast as she could. Russell nearly knocked her off the bed with his bigger body when he tried to get away, then came back with a sudden growl and pinned her hands above her head. The brat. So not fair.
“That is so not right! You cheat.”
He blinked, and then laughed so hard his hands loosened enough for her to pull free and pinch him. Instead of it stopping him, he laughed harder.
“Goddamn, you are too much, Sunshine. Cheat? I never cheat. I can’t help it if tackling you down is like restraining a butterfly.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe you just said that!”
“Come on now, you’re tender and hungry. Dinner, woman. Dinner.”
“Dinner? What time is it?” The fun of the moment sizzled out and was replaced by shock. Dinner? She twisted under him and glanced over at the bedside table. It was four o’clock. They’d been in bed all day.
Russell laughed and pressed kisses to her neck.
“Maybe a quick dinner here, then come with me to the ranch. I’ve got to feed the horses and cattle. You can help. Then back here, to bed,” he told her in a husky whisper. “If I didn’t make you too sore.” A roughly callused hand smoothed down to her bottom, cupping her possessively with another rough sound of appreciation. “I can make sure I’m very careful,” he added when she giggled.
“I’m sure you can,” she told him, smiling at his earnest expression while he kneaded her bottom shamelessly. He sported an erection again. His cock strained like a hot brand between them, but he didn’t press her for sex.
“For you? Always. Everything. You know that, too, don’t you?”
“Hmmm…” she hedged. That was a loaded question. Her stomach growled.
Russell slowly smiled. It really was devastating, his smile. It was such an unpractised look, unsure even. Her heart turned over. Had he never had anything to make him happy before? It melted something inside her to think she could make him happy.
“I want to know more about you, too, Russell. I warn you, I want you to share all this stuff.” She waved a hand between them, ignoring his eyebrow quirking up at her. “It can’t just be me spilling my guts; you have to, too.”
When he realised she was serious, he froze and met her eyes. “Sure thing, baby.”
“All right. I’m starved. We can talk while I make us something, but first I need a shower,” she told him quickly, and kissed him, running a light caress up his chest while she did. “Don’t worry, if you cry, you can use me as a Kleenex.”
“Witch. Up you go. We need to feed you if you’re going to keep up with me.”
She shot him a frown for that and stood up, only to groan a little when muscles she’d never really known she’d had before clenched in protest. “Oh!”
Russell gave her a curious look and stood. He was completely naked, but not a bit shy about it. And why would he be? He was stunningly male. So much bigger than her—she was struck by how easily he could break her in two. Well, maybe he already had, she thought, glancing at his impressive package.
“What?”
She felt her face burn, but ignored him. She might as well have raised a red flag at a bull. Immediately, he pulled her to a stop and turned her around. He already wore a worried frown, too. Geez, this was embarrassing.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. A bit tender in places that aren’t normally…on my…radar.”
He froze. It would have been funny, except slowly, over his stunned expression, something very close to pride—and something else—flashed before he caught her frown and coughed into his fist.
“Sorry, Sunshine. Got a little excited, didn’t I?”
If she hadn’t known better, she’d have thought he looked smug. All of a sudden it hit her. Up until today she’d been a virgin. She met his grey eyes, and, yep, Russell Ryland looked proud because he’d been her first.
Well, she didn’t know what to think of that, and the look he was wearing now told her that he didn’t really want her to say much more. He looked a bit guilty, as if she’d caught him gloating. The silly barbarian. Glancing at the sheets, she saw a bit of blood, but not much. Was he going to keep that as a memento? He caught her look and followed it to the sheets.
“Should I throw those in the wash? Cold water, right? I did hurt you, didn’t I?”
Hand on hip, she gave him a look her father used to run from. “No, but are you sure you don’t want to keep them? You know, hang them out over the castle wall or something equally macho?”
He had the good sense to colour a bit, and pull her close for a hug. His grey eyes met hers and she could tell he was fighting a smile.
“I’m not going to answer that. But I won’t deny that I like being the only man that has ever touched you. I can’t lie, and I won’t. You were incredible. Nearly killed me, but still, was I too rough?”
She rolled her eyes. Compared to what she’d been through? That brief, sharp pain had been unexpected, but not horrible. Russell was big, which would have scared her if she hadn’t been in the middle of such a wild, amazing, life-changing orgasm. She felt sore in a wonderful way, maybe stretched or something, but not hurting. Deep inside, she could feel where his thick, h
ard erection had fitted so perfectly. She kinda liked that. Okay, she really liked that. Still, he didn’t have to look like he was a step away from beating on his chest.
“No, but I wasn’t your first. I don’t see why it matters that you were mine.”
He blinked, as if she’d surprised him. Well, she was surprised, too, at the turn this conversation had taken. She hadn’t meant to snap at him, but he’d shocked her with his reaction. She hadn’t expected to feel that odd chill, realising how much he had got out of being her first. She liked him being her first, but she didn’t think it was the same. He’d had others, and, by the sound of it, he’d have more. She was struggling to put this where it belonged because she didn’t have the right tools to understand anything that was going on. And no one to talk to other than Russell about what they’d done. Or what it meant.
“It doesn’t—well, not that way. I mean, if you were with other men before it wouldn’t have mattered, Sunshine. When I found out, yeah, it was pretty intense.” His voice deepened and he tipped her head with his hand, cupping her jaw so she was looking up at him. Kissing her briefly, he managed to dispel her fears, not with evasions or lies, but with his earnest answers and, yes, his closeness.
She had friends who had been played with—what woman didn’t know another that had been hurt by some jerk? Some men were predators like that, using women for sex no matter what lies they had to feed them. Her best friend, Mandy, had left the country because of a man who’d used her and discarded her afterwards. Russell wasn’t like that. She sensed that if she asked what was going on, he’d give her an honest answer. But did she want to know? The little girl in her cried out ‘yes’, but the adult woman wasn’t so sure. Cowardly? Maybe. Or maybe she needed this, needed him, and wasn’t going to press for something she wasn’t even sure she wanted, or worse, that he didn’t.
“I wanted to make it right. And not hurt you. And, yeah, I like that no one has ever touched you. No one has ever touched me the way you do, either, baby. No one. I’ve never let them. And”—he paused, and he grimaced—“no one has wanted to, either. Women want a Navy man for a quickie—for sex, baby, no more.”
Oh. She’d known women chased SEALs. Heck, her dad had had a few wild women come unannounced to their home, even. Military men in general were sought after. But that was there, on a base. This was in the middle of nowhere. And he’d said he’d not been with a woman in seven months. Was he being truthful?
“You’re looking at me in that way you have. It makes me think you don’t believe me,” he said, sounding stern, then sighed and pulled her closer, kissing her deeply enough to make her forget all about what they were discussing. With a frustrated sound he pulled back, looking a bit fierce, too. “Now, listen here, Sunshine, I never lie. Never. If I don’t want to tell you something, I won’t. But I won’t lie. Life doesn’t work that way with me. If I can’t tell you, I won’t. But I won’t lie.” He sounded upset, even a bit angry.
And oddly saying exactly what she’d thought he would.
“Well, good. That’s great to know. You surprised me, Russell. You were looking at me a bit—”
“Possessively?”
Blushing, she hid her face in his big chest. Geez.
“Yep, maybe that,” she admitted. The same moment she said it, she realised they were talking in the nude. Fully, completely nude. Man, oh man. She could feel every inch of Russell’s heavy erection against her stomach. At her words, it had flexed against her. A rush of heat settled low in her abdomen, and her body softened for more sex with Russell.
Russell seemed completely unaware. He nodded earnestly. “I was. I am. It’s new to me. So we’ll have to work on it, I’m sure. Like my language, huh? But I can be educated, honey. Don’t kick me to the kerb yet. Now, come on. Let’s shower and eat before I start wanting more than you can give right now. I know you’re tender. And I know I’m starved. You worked me hard, baby. Come on.”
Pulling her hand, he headed to the bathroom.
She blinked a few times, stunned at his words. Don’t kick me to the kerb yet. Had he known her dad? Or was that a Navy thing, the ‘kick to the kerb’ thing? Or a man thing? He’d been a SEAL, her dad had been a SEAL, and the possibility that he’d known her dad wasn’t entirely out of the question. She tugged on his hand, and he stopped.
“Susan? Shower. Now.”
“Hmph, no orders, Major Ryland.” She gave him a playful caress down his chest and lingered over his erection. How could she not? “And you look more than ready, but I think I might want to wait.”
“That feels damn fine. Shower, please, before I do something I might regret.”
“Regret?”
“Come on, cut me some slack, baby. You go shower, because if I join you we will be doing more. I’ll go call my buddies.”
Kissing his jaw, she glanced up at him. His high cheekbones were flushed and he looked a bit frustrated. “All right. Deal. And remember, I’m paying,” she reiterated, because he was that kind of guy.
He opened his mouth and she kissed him deeply, then raced off to the shower, shutting the door with a squeal when he tried to follow.
“We’ll be talking about that, too.”
She ignored him. He was very cute when he looked so hot and bothered, frustrated and off balance. And somehow that made all her anxiousness and worry lessen. At least she wasn’t the only one so mixed up. Maybe she should keep him a little unsure of himself and see what that could do. After all, a Navy man, especially a SEAL, wasn’t used to being the one not in control of a situation. Maybe he needed to realise she had her own opinions on them. It’d be good for him.
Chapter Ten
Russell could admit to himself, and, heck, probably anyone who knew him would see it, that he was in deep shit with this little bit of a woman. He felt like he’d discovered some new and exciting toy and didn’t want to share. Not even to take her to the ranch to meet Taylor, his nephew. He didn’t want to leave her house. He wanted to keep her in bed and make love all day and night. When had he started thinking of sex as making love?
He knew exactly when.
He wasn’t too certain what to do about that. He had absolutely no idea. Especially walking down a dirt road in Montana with the said reason for his new vocabulary holding his hand. And smiling up at him. Practically skipping next to him.
He was in over his head. And when he started thinking about her, about him and them, he got completely distracted.
Like now. Every time he so much as looked at her, his brain slowed to a crawl. He could barely walk next to her without tripping on his own feet.
He couldn’t quite believe she was here next to him, and how cute she was in her hiking boots, low-cut jeans and snug blue sweater. And that she was holding his hand and walking with him down a road he drove every day. And that only a few hours ago, she’d been crying his name in that breathy little voice while he’d made love to her. He still fought a hard-on, but it was one of those cock-tingling-with-pleasure erections. Probably because he knew within hours he’d be sleeping in her bed. Or not sleeping, he corrected himself hopefully. Even if it was sleeping, he’d be more than satisfied. Holding Susan while she’d taken a nap had been mind-blowing. He couldn’t wait to do it again.
He’d let her sleep at some point, but it might be a while. Unless she was still a bit tender, but there was a lot a man could do and not penetrate a woman. Her mouth. God, the thought of her plump, kissable lips on his cock made him sweat. He’d last about two minutes. He knew it. He’d not let many women do that, not that they’d been lining up, but he’d not had a woman’s lips on him in a long time. Thinking back, he couldn’t even remember his last blow job. Probably before Afghanistan. It was difficult to say, though, because it seemed like every sexual encounter before Susan was a faded blur.
She’d thrown him for a loop all day. Not her openness and eager loving, but being a virgin, for fuck’s sake. And her response to his idiotic behaviour. He couldn’t have stopped it, though. He wasn’t
even sure what had given him away. Maybe his gloating, he thought with a frown. Possessive? Hell, yeah. He was feeling all kinds of possessive. And some other things he didn’t have the ammunition to work with. Like happy. He was practically grinning. And content. Completely content to let her lead him around by his hand…or dick. Didn’t matter. They’d not gone to the ranch because he’d called his buddies and they’d talked for a while, catching up before he’d laid down what he wanted. Easy as pie. They’d be by within the week.
Eagle had called, then, to say he’d fed the horses. He’d chuckled a bit at where Russ was, but he hadn’t been surprised, either. How could he have been? The man had been giving him odd looks for the past week at the erection Russ hadn’t been able to hide. Besides, he’d seen the truck outside her house and was enough of a dog to admit it. Russ had had about enough of his sly attitude within seconds, but had to be thankful that the bastard had fed the horses for him.
Even Eagle’s superior-ass attitude hadn’t taken the grin off Russell’s face for long. Especially when Susan had come out of the bedroom, freshly showered, dressed in her sexy jeans and snug sweater to kiss him sweetly, without even a pause. Then she’d started making them a quick, delicious meal of bacon, omelettes, made-from-scratch biscuits and coffee, all while she chattered away with him and made cooking look like a breeze.
He knew better. He’d tried often enough. She’d not only made it look easy, but seemed to enjoy cooking. And, of course, everything she’d made had been delicious. Even if she’d had to hunt for most of her cooking pans, which he’d thought was odd, though he hadn’t been able to concentrate on how odd while she was bending over, showing him her cute, rounded ass and the pink lace from her panties. A thong. He knew it was a thong. Was the bra matching?
“Russell? How long have you lived here?”
He tightened his hand on hers. She was flushed and pink from the cold and looked beautiful. And happy.
“A while. Will you let your hair go blonde again?” He wanted her blonde. She looked like a blonde, but with dark hair. He would never be able to let her out of his sight as a blonde, but he was beginning to realise he wasn’t letting her out of his sight anyway. He was already plotting how to get her up to the ranch so he wouldn’t have to leave her alone while he went and did a roundup in a few days. Maybe she’d even like to come with him. Crushing that thought, he frowned. No way was he taking her out on a roundup with all those hired hands. They’d have no privacy, and, worse, all those bastards would be checking her cute ass out as much as that little bastard had at Dave’s Hardware.
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