by Emma Hamm
It was a good thing that she had managed to come out from the cave. But she couldn’t go rushing into dangerous situations without letting anyone know. She could die doing something like this. Ruric would not know. The goblins would not know. She might not even know before she hit the ground.
There were too many things that could happen to her that he could not control. Ruric was a goblin that liked control. He wanted to know everything that she was doing at all times, and it was reassuring to know that she was in his cave.
That was likely not the best thing to say to her when he found her.
The woman was pigheaded and arrogant. That much he understood. Ruric dropped down onto the stone at the bottom of the crevice hard. Ankles and knees protesting, he straightened and shook the globe at his waist. Even goblins needed extra light this far in the depths.
“Foolish woman.” He said angrily, picking his way through the stones that made the floor jagged. “Do you always have to make decisions on your own? Did you learn nothing from past mistakes?”
He continued to mutter until he found the entrance to the “secret” cave. No longer secret, as it appeared others had known about Ruric’s safe haven. This place had always been special to him. When he was upset as a child, Ruric had made his way down here. The quiet had calmed his soul.
If he wasn’t so angry, he would have appreciated that this place had become sacred to her as well.
His broad shoulders squeezed through the crevice that opened into the small cave. He could hear the water that ran through the center. The burble echoed slightly as the sound bounced off smooth walls. The bioluminescent algae glowed in streaks all around him where her hands had lingered.
They always entered this cave as though it had a heart that beat. Their hands would stroke the stone alive around them before they would settle at the stream. The water was cold but they had never been able to keep themselves from the gentle eddies and swirls.
He could see her silhouette from where he stood. The soft outline of her body that was so different from his kind. He had once thought that they would never be compatible. Now the memories of the time they had together were always close to the surface of his mind.
Ruric could almost taste her on his tongue. He remembered every moment when his claws had touched her skin. He remembered every soft word and barking laughter that had made his ears ring.
“Jane.”
He had meant to yell at her. His voice should have been like the harsh crack of stone against stone. She had been foolish and made him worry. Instead, his voice was hesitant. There was a fragility to this moment that he could not stand to break. Her shoulders were curved in delicate arches toward her chest and her spine arched in a line that begged to be touched.
She shifted only slightly, her head turning until he could see the delicate dips and valleys of her face. “I came down here to be alone Ruric.”
“You are always alone. You have not left the cave for weeks.” He replied to her quietly.
“I do not feel alone there.”
He could hear the soft swish of her feet in the water, followed by the burst of light as she stirred the algae there. His memory would always be of her like this. She was a bright creature sent to him by the sun who refused to be swallowed by darkness.
The urge to fight with her drifted away. “Jane.” He stepped towards her. “We cannot keep doing this, bright one.”
“I’m not sure what we’re doing anymore, Ruric.”
“Jane, let me see your face.” He could not read human expressions well, but he had always found it easier to speak with her when he could see her.
She shook her head. “This isn’t right.”
“You have been forgiven.” Slowly, he approached her. Somehow it felt very much like she was some kind of wild animal he needed to treat with care. She would run from him if he did not force her to stay still.
“There is nothing to forgive. I did not want for any of this to happen Ruric. I never wished for people to die.” He wouldn’t have heard her say anything if he hadn’t been listening so hard. “I don’t know how to say that any more clearly.”
He reached her side and settled himself onto the stones beside her. He did not know what to say, so he remained silent. His large form dwarfed hers, yet Ruric felt as though he was more uncomfortable than her.
“How did we ever think this was going to work?” Tension seemed to ease out of her until she was left nearly limp. “You kill my kind. I am a slave to your people.”
If she had said those words a month ago, he would have had a very different answer for her. He would have said she was correct, however they both had a duty to fulfill. They were tasked with a job. They had no choice in the matter.
Now, things were different. He knew her courage and her kindness. He knew how to read the thoughts that flashed behind her eyes and every whorl of her fingerprint. She had become a part of him in a very short amount of time.
“Why does any of that matter? I know I how I feel about you.”
“Because there is nowhere to go from here, Ruric.” The words caught in her throat. “You think I am a liar and I will always see blood on your hands.”
“My hands hold no blood on them. They are clean.” He said quietly as he slowly raised his hand.
When she did not flinch from him, Ruric gently ran his hand through her hair. He had missed touching her so much. The strands of hair felt like the finest silk his people could ever make. The golden color was nothing short of remarkable. His claw slid through the length until it caught on the tie at the base of her braid. The sharp edge snagged on the thin material and ripped through it.
“I cannot close my eyes without seeing you holding a knife above kneeling humans.”
His claws raked through her hair, freeing it from the confines of her braid. “It was not the same as before.”
“That changes nothing.”
Gently, he tugged on the strands of her hair. Her head tilted backwards and her gaze finally met his. Ruric stooped to press his lips gently against her forehead. “I looked into their eyes and I saw you there. You are changing the way I see the world, bright one.”
“Changing the way you see does not change your actions.”
Frustrated, he pressed his forehead against hers firmly. “I was doing my duty. I must be strong for my people, and that includes putting down the humans that are no longer useful.”
“And there is the problem.” She tried to sit up, though his hand held her in place. “Your people will always want to kill mine.”
“They do not want to kill you.” He said firmly, finally putting his hands on her waist so that he could tug her towards him. He had missed feeling her warmth against him. She was allowing his touch for the time being and he was going to enjoy it. “I have not touched you in a month. I have not heard your voice speak in anything other than anger for the same amount of time. If I can forgive you for your choices, you who made a fool of me, then surely you can forgive me.”
“I cannot.”
Her words made him freeze. He leaned back to look at her and smoothed his thumb over the wrinkles on her brow. They remained no matter how hard he tried to rub them from her skin. “Why?”
“I am no different than the men you killed.” She said quietly. “The same blood runs in my veins. I refuse to be treated so well when they are treated like animals.”
He shook his head at her. “You are female.”
“And where I come from that means nothing.” Jane could see she was getting nowhere with this argument. “Humans are one and the same Ruric. Male, female, there is no difference.”
“Jane.” He said quietly, his hands holding her face gently. He was losing control of the situation. “We will fix this together.”
She shook her head. “How can I live by your side when I know I am only treated so well because I am female?”
She did not understand that he loved her for everything she had become. He loved her for the grace of her body and the
quick wit of her mind. He loved her for the beauty she found in the caves she had been forced to live in.
He loved her for everything she was and would be, not because she was human.
“You must prove to them that you are worthy to return to the tribe. All will be well.” Ruric finally managed to say.
Her hand raised to touch his cheek. Ruric had not realized how much he had come to rely on such simple contact. Her skin had smoothed since the first time she had touched him. Then her palm had been decorated by callouses and showing the signs of hard labor. Now her hands were as smooth as a river stone.
Ruric could not decide which touch he liked better.
“I do not know if I want to be part of the tribe anymore.” Jane said. “I fear there is nothing but heartbreak and judgement in our future.”
He slowly nodded. “I fear the same.”
They held each other then. He allowed himself to feel for the moment that she had missed him as well. That perhaps she had desired his touch in the same way that he desired hers. Not for any physical fulfillment but for peace of mind.
Both remained quiet and still in the slowly dimming light. Their thoughts were wild but none were voiced. Their future together was unstable at best.
2
Jane took a deep breath as she stood at the opening to their cave. Stepping foot outside the walls felt as though she was escaping from a prison. They did not want her wandering on her own, nor did they really want to see her.
However, this was her home. Ruric had emphasized that to her. He had said that the goblins were her people as well as his own. A mistake could not change that. Jane had given up on telling him that she hadn’t done anything wrong. There were only so many times she could shout the facts into an ear that could not hear her.
He understood that she would continue saying that she was innocent. Whether or not she let the humans out at this point was irrelevant. They had gotten out. She had been there. If she had cut the chains herself or simply stood by and allowed the chains to be broken didn’t matter anymore. She was guilty by being in the same room. She was guilty because she was human.
It certainly wasn’t fair. Even he could see that, though he could not believe her words. Jane refused to lower herself to begging for forgiveness. She had done nothing wrong. Silence became her weapon, and Ruric was finding it was a very sharp blade.
Her silence allowed her to contemplate what her life had become. The longer she was underground, the weaker she became. Her body craved the sun. Jane didn’t know whether it was an illness or depression that made her wish to sleep for hours on end.
She didn’t want to go home. She did not miss the sands or the heat that used to blister the skin on her arms and neck. But she did miss the sun. Not the midday sun that burned, but the rays at the end of the day when everything started to cool down. She missed the bright splashes of pink and red that would streak the clouds.
In a way, she was homesick. She did not long for her tent or the hollow faced people who lived around the mines. She missed the bright specks of memory that burst in her mind when she thought of home. The laughter of children as they raced passed her. The grit of warm sand between her toes. The rare feeling of rain upon her face.
Slowly she had begun to feel as though she was rotting away in the darkness. The shiny new quality of a species she had never seen was wearing off. The unusual lights and strange sights became every day.
Even worse, Jane lost her love of the place as she hid herself away from her own reality.
She had to get outside. She couldn’t remain in this cave for a moment longer or she would burst free from her skin. The cave that had once felt like a home had now become her tomb.
Her foot hovered above the ground to leave, but she lingered in the darkness.
Ruric would be angry with her if she left again. He had made it clear last time that she should not be outside without him. Yet he said as well that the other goblins did not hate her.
“Contradictions and lies.” She muttered to herself.
Still her foot hovered above the ground.
“Get on with it, Penderghast.” Taking a step outside a cave shouldn’t have been that hard.
Jane couldn’t bring herself to do it. She didn’t want to cause ripples in an already tense relationship. Even more so, she was afraid. Jane didn’t know what the other goblins would do if they found her.
Rocks skittered as something moved in the darkness outside the cave. Her instant reaction was to flinch back, but she brought herself to the door again. Whether the goblins now hated her or not, Jane had done nothing wrong. Her pride could not allow the goblins to know she was frightened of them.
A slim leg stepped into the bubble of light that surrounded her. A frayed loincloth and spindly arms completed the wide eyed vision of the small boy that stood before her. His ears were too large for his head and his face was mostly eyes.
She pressed a hand against her chest. “You startled me.”
Of course, the child couldn’t understand her. He did not know her language. None of them did.
Jane wished in that moment that she could be frustrated with them. She wished that she could grow angry that they could not lower themselves to learn her language. Except she did not know theirs either.
The boy’s head cocked to the side as he stared at her. His hands raised and motioned across his neck, gesturing towards her and raising his palms in question.
She knew what he was asking. The question was likely being asked by every goblin in this cave system.
Had she really done it.
For a moment she didn’t move. It was the first time any goblin other than Ruric had asked her what had happened. She didn’t know how to answer.
Of course she knew the truth. Jane was the only one who knew the truth. She had not cut those chains. She had not meant for the massacre or the blood that had streaked the cave walls for days afterwards.
Slowly, she shook her head. She told the truth to the boy even though it was likely he would not believe her. The real story was a hard knot in the base of her stomach that she wanted to vomit free. Yet this boy could not understand her. It was likely he wouldn’t want to believe her even if he could.
The boy took another step closer to her, his widened pupils contracting only the smallest amount as he drew closer to the light. It seemed as though they were both holding their breath as their eyes met. He was silent as he moved, and she was frozen.
He reached out to touch her hand. He wasn’t afraid of her nor did he seem to condemn her for the things that she had done.
Jane reached out a hand for him to take. He turned it over, looking at the soft skin of her palms and the blunt nails at the ends of her fingers. Jane could see the emotions playing across his face.
He thought she was odd. They all thought she was odd and yet they were fascinated with the differences between them.
She jumped when his nails trailed down the palm of her hand. A small smile was startled out of her as the light touch tickled.
“Don’t do that.” She said on a small chuckle. “It tickles.”
An answering smile flashed upon the boy’s face before he held her hand firmly. He turned then, pulling her with him.
“I don’t know what you want.” Jane said as he yanked her out of the cave.
Her heels dug into the ground. She had wanted to leave the cave, but not in this way. She hadn’t wanted to be dragged out of her tomb, nor had she wanted to be forced to leave its sanctuary.
“Wait. Hang on.” She said, but still attempted to keep her voice quiet. She didn’t need another goblin finding her attempting to break free from a child. Jane had no idea what they would think of that.
The boy continued to drag her. Though he did not understand her language, Jane knew very well that he could understand her distressed tone. He simply didn’t seem to care.
Eventually, she stopped struggling. They were upon one of the most dangerous ledges in this underground world. The go
blins were certainly stronger than her, but she doubted one of their children could catch her if she were to tumble off the edge.
“Listen.” She said quietly. “I don’t know what you’re trying to get me to do. It would be helpful if you didn’t drag me and somehow indicated what we were doing.”
The boy flashed a mischievous grin over his shoulder. A few final tugs and the boy led her directly to crevice in the stone walls around them.
Only then did he pause. His hands fluttered in the air, alternating between pointing at her, the crevice, and gracefully wiggling his fingers in the air.
Jane had no idea what he was trying to tell her.
“I’m sorry.” She said while shaking her head. “I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.”
It was one of the few crevices she and Ruric had not explored. In fact, she had not been to this section of the cave system. There was less light here. Algae did not seem to grow upon the walls.
She reached out to touch the cool stone. Instead of the usual flare of light, this stone remained hard and immovable. The change was reassuring in some strange way. Not everything Below was entirely different.
“Why did you bring me here?” She asked the boy.
He shrugged at her words, but then pointed once more at the crevice.
“Do you want me to climb?”
The thought was strange. Jane couldn’t fathom why a goblin would be telling her to climb into a crevice without having bad intentions. But this was a boy in front of her, a child.
He smiled again. His sharp teeth seemed to glint all the more brightly in the light of her blue globe. Those teeth no longer made her flinch.
“You’re not going to push me off a cliff on the other side of this crevice are you?”
He only blinked at her.
“Right.” She nodded firmly. “You understand nothing I’m saying.”
Jane sighed and turned to look back at the crevice. Her hands plunked firmly onto her hips as she attempted to push away the anxiety that bloomed within her chest. She could do this. This wasn’t the first time she had gone climbing in these caves.