by Daniel Ruth
“It’s because we’re more real than you,” I stated majestically.
Stella snorted in amusement and slapped the side of my leg with her glowing stick. “Give the poor girl a real answer. It’s a fair question.”
“Okay!” I said, twitching my foot to fend off the attack. “Remember how I told you about the firmament? Spells, power, and concepts live on this underpinning of reality. Souls, spirits or whatever humans call them return to it when the creatures die and it is this memory or image that is called upon when someone is resurrected.”
“That’s not how you described your circle.”
“That’s not really resurrection,” I said, waving my hand in dismissal. “Anyway, supernatural entities and creatures of magic are closer to this primal layer of reality than your basic mortals. Due to this tie, you could say we are more ‘real’ and our actions have more weight on the mundane.”
“That is a horribly elitist way to describe it,” Stella criticized.
“And yet, fairly accurate.”
“There’s more to it than that,” the girl objected. “Otherwise Faramond wouldn’t have been able to knock you through five buildings.”
I glared at Stella in betrayal. Obviously, she had been telling embarrassing stories about me behind my back. “There are methods to empower humans and items with energy. On a conceptual level, it connects them closer to the firmament.”
“So what do we do now?” Beth asked.
“We keep going. The woods aren’t thick enough to slow us that much. Frankly, Cinnamon is almost the ultimate off road creature that I can think of. Unicorns are almost half goat when it comes to nimbleness.” This was remarkable, considering the stiffness that Matt still suffered after being settled into his own body.
“It will take a little longer to reach the city,” Stella said. “But we aren’t in a particular hurry.”
“True. This might actually be a stroke of luck,” I added cheerfully. The others looked at me balefully. “No really. I’ve been reading the journal of the boy from the caravan...”
“What boy?”
“Apparently, the caravan was a guard detail to bring a noble’s son to the school for enrollment.”
“Oh, that’s so sad,” Stella interjected. “I wish I could have brought Faramond and killed that thing!”
“Yes, very tragic,” I hurriedly agreed before she could segue into some tirade about vengeance. “But we can take advantage of this. I could easily take the shape of the boy. You could be the nanny and Beth can be my whipping boy... er, girl.”
“What!” shrieked the elf. “Do I look like a nanny? No one would buy that story. Obviously, I am the mysterious and exotic protector guard.”
“What’s a whipping boy?” Beth asked, tapping away at her wrist terminal. “Hey! That’s not funny! That’s barbaric!” Beth squealed as the definition was displayed.
“How about playmate,” I offered. Admittedly, the journal was more descriptive of the writer’s actual nanny and whipping boy but I could adapt. It’s not like the school would know the details. The surviving documents were enough for admission but didn’t really go into particulars. “I may be able to get you into the school too. The papers are fairly vague. Stella can be my elf guard.”
“I am not a damn elf!”
“Give me a break!” I wheedled. “They aren’t going to have a clue what a álfar is. An elf is common enough not to be questioned and still has the exotic flair.”
“I am willing to explain it to them.”
“But then you just come across as a racist bit... er... individual,” I complained. “Besides, no one cares!”
“I thought it was interesting,” ventured Beth.
“No. One. Cares!”
“Why do we even have to bring in the race issue?” Beth offered again.
“I think they’ll notice,” Stella snorted, gently touching her ears.
“That’s actually an excellent point,” I nodded, cheering up. “Let them think what they want. Do you honestly care what a few humans think? We don’t have to bring it up at all. Let’s rise above those petty assumptions.” Beth gave me a thumbs up from behind the elf’s back. Obviously, she had gotten over her indignation over the hydra trying to kill us. I waited with some trepidation to hear her response.
“Fine. I can be the bigger person,” Stella replied reluctantly. “I will be your unnamed guard.” I opened my mouth to deny that she had to be unnamed. After a moment, I shrugged. I may as well stop while I was ahead. “But what are you going to wear?”
“Huh, what’s wrong with tweed?” I asked, puzzled.
“She’s got a point,” the little girl chimed in. “If you’re going to change your size to my height, you’re going to look like you mugged your teacher.”
I looked at my clothes again. Although I had tried not to stretch it too badly in the fight, it still was torn at several seams. My wounded arm had healed minutes after I had been hit, however, the sleeve was almost torn off and dried blood caked it. “You have a spell to get rid of dirt, right?”
Stella wordlessly looked at the torn sleeve and ripped seams and let out an exasperated sigh. “Do you have an extra robe in that pocket,” I asked hopefully.
“A robe?” questioned Beth. “Isn’t it a bit of a stretch that some random magic school has everyone wear robes? Seems a bit stereotypical.”
Stella fidgeted uncomfortably. “Well, it’s true it’s a bit overdone. But he’s likely right. Wizards generally love those things more than Irishmen love kilts.”
“Irish love kilts? I thought that was the Scottish.”
“No. I said more than the Irish love kilts.”
“Great!” I inserted before the conversation could devolve further. “I can borrow one of your extra robes...”
“You have wizard robes?” Beth eagerly asked.
“Robes are robes.”
“This is a dress,” I stated flatly five minutes later.
“Don’t be silly. I’m wearing a dress,” Stella demonstrated by a quick twirl in her gown, next to the campfire. By some miracle, the flaring hem didn’t catch on fire. “That is just my extra robe. I use it for rituals and the odd girls’ night out.”
“It has frills,” I retorted, gesturing to the bunched up hem.
“That’s just the design. It’s simply a generic robe. Stop complaining.”
“Are these doilies on the sleeve,” I asked waving the lace on the sleeves in front of her.
“It’s just some decorative extras,” Stella said dismissively. “Lean over a bit, I want to fluff your hair a bit.”
“This is so great,” cooed Beth. “It’s just like having a sister.”
“Wait a minute!” I growled, slapping the elf’s hand away from my head. “I’m pretending to be a spoiled noble child, not her sister.”
“We won’t know anything about the local styles until we get to the cities,” Beth responded defensively. “There have been plenty of time periods that the men wore styles that we now consider feminine.”
“That would be true, but I actually saw what the young master was wearing. There was no lace involved.” I started to gently tug at the sleeves, trying to remove the lace without tearing the sleeve.
“What about lipstick?”
“No! There was no lipstick either!” I teleported to the other side of the fire to escape the grasping hands. “I am not your dress up doll. Let’s keep this simple.” Frankly, it was bad enough I was almost swimming in the robe. However, I did like the turquoise color and the silken texture. Stella said it was woven from arctic spiders.
“Well, it is a bit large for you. I’m not a mage so I can’t resize it with a spell.”
“That’s fine. If you have a needle and thread I can take it in.”
“You... you sew?” Stella seemed taken aback by the discovery.
“Racial memory,” I shrugged as I started to think about where to take it in. “I cook and can play several instruments, including the lute.”
/> “But you’re a...” the elf seemed to have a hard time thinking of me with a domestic side.
“Yeah, my ancestors were a bit eclectic in their interests. I don’t judge.” I took the sewing kit she handed me. “I haven’t really practiced or developed it so it may take a few tries to get it right.”
“My poor robes.”
A day later we made it through the trees and brambles only slightly mussed. Apparently, unicorns are true pioneer animals. We simply followed behind and aside from a few stops to nibble some sweet leaves we avoided ditches, ravines, and bears. My rumbling stomach missed the bears.
In front of us was a cobblestone road. A clear sign of civilization. The militia of a hundred men marching towards us was also a sign of civilization, albeit one much less welcome.
“Halt!” shouted the one in the lead. He must have been the officer in charge based on the shininess of his armor. Also, he was the only one on a horse. “State your identity and business.”
“Thank goodness we’re finally safe,” I squeaked in a high pitched tone. Maybe a little too high, I think I saw the front row wince in pain. Lowering my tone a smidge I continued. “We were attacked by a hydra! My entire retinue was killed except for my childhood friend here.”
“Well now, that must be the beast we’re here to drive off. I take it you ran off when it started to eat your companions,” he growled judgmentally.
“I’m ten years old, you old fart,” I spat back in dismay. “Did you expect me to pull out my sword and cut off its three heads by myself?”
“Of course not, lad. I was speaking of the woman at your side,” retorted the man.
“Oh. I see. She’s just some nameless wanderer who found us in the forest and I have since put on retainer.” Stella glowered at me but did not contradict me.
“I don’t suppose you have any papers,” the man said with a glare.
“As a matter of fact, I do,” I imperiously pulled my folder from sleeves and handed it to him. He dourly opened it up and examined it. I saw his eyes light up about halfway down.
“Ah, young lord, I didn’t realize you were a duke,” he stood at attention. Or at least a bit straighter. I was a duke? I hadn’t seen that in the documents. Maybe it was part of the name. Or the seal. I bet it was the on the insignia. “According to this, you are due in Gildorn in three days for your induction into the royal academy.”
“Three days,” I started. That’s tight timing. I was also concerned about the ‘royal academy’. Hopefully, it was the correct school. “How far a walk is it?”
“Just a day on a horse. If you double up with the young miss you shouldn’t have a problem.” I looked over at the unicorn. It glared back at me. I could have sworn I heard it growl.
“Say I wanted to walk and take in the sights,” I said as I turned back to the officer.
“It’ll be tight. Two and a half days at least, maybe three,” he offered cheerfully. Apparently, he was trying to make up for his gaff at calling me a coward. “You don’t want to be late for the royal academy. It's full of young lords and ladies and they don’t give a damn about titles, especially titles from outside the country. They’ll give you a good whipping if you're late.”
The more I talked to him the more I wondered how he knew where I was from. It certainly wasn’t written on the papers I recovered. “Surely they’ll make an exception for a poor boy all on his own, who barely survived a vicious hydra?”
“Not at all, lad. They may even make an example out of you if they find out you had a horse and didn’t use it,” he added solemnly. “Best hop on your mount and head out.”
Wow, this royal academy place was sucking already and I hadn’t even gotten there. Hopefully, the Runic Glyph school was separate and I could trade enrollment. Jeremy would kill me if I got his sister whipped for real.
“Well, thanks. I guess,” I replied sullenly. “Are you going to fight the hydra?” If they were, then they were going to all die. A hundred normal infantry wouldn’t even scratch a hydra.
“Oh hell no, sir,” he said with a laugh. “We have a dozen war mages on the way and another company bringing ten lightning cannons. We’re just clearing the road for them since they couldn’t requisition a flying barge.”
“Oh, good to know,” I nodded. “I saw one of the heads spitting lightning, so you should know your cannons won’t have their full effect.”
“Really?” he scowled in thought. “That’s good to know. You’re a smart one. You’ll do well at the academy, assuming you get there on time. What were the other heads? Did you see?”
“Fire and acid. I’d stick with enchanted cannonballs or non-matter,” I added helpfully. I was actually surprised that they had an odd word for antimatter. Still the very fact I could say the word in their language meant they had the concept.
“My, your father trained you well,” he grimaced as he thought of the hurdles ahead of him. “I’ll let the mage captain know. Good day.”
As they passed by, I turned to Stella, “Nameless guard, let’s go find a horse or two. I don’t feel like having Beth whipped.”
Stella glared at me, “You can’t call me ‘nameless guard’. You sound like an idiot.”
“You are the one that came up with the name,” I gave a long suffering sigh.
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Shall I just call you ‘nameless’?” I offered.
“Just call me nameless,” she said in exasperation. I looked at her in confusion. It took me a moment to realize my instinctive ability to understand languages had tricked me. She had actually said the Norse word ‘nienn nefna’. It meant literally ‘no name’.
“Okay, now you sound like an idiot to anyone that has a translation medallion,” I replied. “Let’s go with Nonefna. Language bastardization works better as names.”
“Fine,” she huffed.
“Guys,” Beth leaned over her unicorn to get closer to us and whispered. “I can’t understand a word you're saying.”
Stella and I looked at each other. “I completely forgot about this,” I said, making an effort to speak English.
“Not a problem,” Stella waved a soothing hand towards Beth. “I have something in here that should work.”
“Why? What’s going on?” the girl asked.
“Well,” I started awkwardly, fiddling with my hem. “Stella and I both instinctively understand all languages. We also tend to reply in the language of the person talking to us.”
“How do you do that?” Beth asked wide eyed. “I could so use that on my tests. If I actually took them anymore...”
“Well, it’s either inherited knowledge or our close connection to the firmament.”
“How does being closer to the fundamental layer of reality help you speak languages?”
“Remember, it’s also the place where souls, spirits, concepts and all that other stuff lay. As long as someone knows a language the information is available for people like us to tap in. It’s also a really common spell.”
“What if a machine was programmed to create a language from scratch? Would you still be able to understand it?”
I stared at Beth. That would be an excellent experiment. Except for the part where AIs are outlawed and have a tendency to kill all squishy mortal things. “Let’s table that question for later.”
“I vote for the information being stored in the firmament. Speaking as someone that has no helpful inherited knowledge,” Stella interjected. She paused a moment, before pulling out a necklace. “Got it! I knew I had a medallion in there. Put this on and you’ll be able to speak and understand languages.”
“Can I borrow this when we get back to Earth?”
“No,” I flatly stated.
“See, even Derek doesn’t want you cheating in school.”
I snorted derisively at Stella. “Right. Anyway your next lesson with me will be enhancing your memory. It’s a little energy intensive to learn an entire language, but it’s a vital skill.”
“Then how come you didn’t teach it earlier?” Beth asked.
“Not being killed is an even more vital skill. Keep working on the shield. I’ll go over the basics at whatever inn we stop at tonight.”
Chapter 20
The town we had stumbled upon was actually a fairly large one. It had all the typical things that all such things had. This included inns, shops, restaurants, libraries, militias, and beggars. The libraries were a nice feature but the homeless people trying to steal my wrist terminal was less so.
“Go away,” I hissed angrily, slapping away another set of grabbing hands. If I hadn’t been pretending to be a ten-year-old human, I simply would have sent him flying. “Go steal from the people glaring at you over there!” I was pointing to the militiaman who was walking towards the ragged fellow. He didn’t take my advice and took off running, with the armored fellow close at his feet.
“What will they do if they catch him,” Beth asked with a frown. I shrugged.
“I am sure they will give him a stern talking to,” Stella replied with a smile.
“I bet they will,” I muttered. “Stella, could you go find a carriage to rent or buy. We need to get to the school within two days or they might whip our little friend.”
“We’re going in a carriage? That sounds like fun,” Beth interjected gleefully before pausing. “Who is getting whipped?”
“No one is getting whipped,” snapped Stella, glaring at me again. “Why can’t you get the carriage?”
“Well, first of all, you have the bottomless pockets. Unless they want circle or ward components, I don’t have anything to trade. Second, well look at me,” I gestured at myself. “Not only am I young but you’re supposed to be my retainer. Now go retain.”
“What are you going to be doing?” she asked with a pout. “Going to that library we passed?”
“As fun as that would be, no.” I glanced down the main street to a spire rising into the sky. “No, I need to pay my respects to the gods.”
“But there are no gods here,” the elf said. “There aren’t even any demons.”