Sharp pain struck through my right elbow, as it was the first point to make contact with concrete. A deep groan left my lips, and a similar noise came from his mouth as his body landed. In response to the pain, my body turned off my fresh wound, and just as a fluke of nature, he moved the same time I did. Our foreheads banged off one another. We both cussed and tried to grab our foreheads, our hands then hitting one another’s.
This was one of those situations if I hadn’t been in personally, I wouldn’t believe it actually had happened. Only so many things happened out of coincidence. It was like we both were trying to move the same body parts at the same time, only we were too close to do so. I gave up and rolled away from him, just realizing how close we were. His voice was one I recognized, but his face unfamiliar, at least parts of it. His light brown eyes that were full of too much excitement screamed an informal invite of familiarity and his lips weren’t any stranger to my own. He was the dark knight.
“Shit. You’re him,” I breathlessly said, my lungs suddenly forgetting how to function. I cupped my right elbow in my palm, rubbing it a little to try to regain feeling. Although I wasn’t sure why I wanted it to. As soon as the numbness wore off, I was in for one hell of an ache. Anything else was out of the question, considering I’d tried to be a hero tonight.
“I’m him?” He laughed, licking his own wounds as he rubbed his left hip and shifted his weight to his right momentarily before sitting up entirely.
“Blue,” he coughed, his eyes widening and then lazily sliding over my body as I stood.
“What is it with people in this town calling me Blue?”
“People?” He arched an eyebrow and scooted to the curb, keeping his eyes on me.
“Yeah. Some guy called me ‘Blue’ right after you did,” I explained, not really sure if I wanted to tell him, but felt like I didn’t have a choice. I’d already opened my mouth and hated when people left me hanging. It was then as he took in my answer that I really noticed him. His jawline was strong, the kind of line you saw on an actor’s outline, and his mouth sat perfectly in the middle. His bottom lip was indented a little, just enough to make him have the “pouty lips” everyone raved about. The few freckles spotted along the bridge of his nose were what caused my breath to further catch in my chest.
Not only was his wallet in between my mattress and box spring, but the doubts I had while looking at it weren’t at all warranted. I wanted the ID I’d hidden to be my Cal. I told myself it wouldn’t be. I’d never been so happy to be wrong.
“Cal!” I screamed, ignoring the pain as it returned, throbbing through my elbow, and tackled him into a hug. Again, we both fell to the concrete, but this time, he was on bottom. What happened next was something I’d like to blame on hormones or being drunk, but neither was responsible for my actions. I was so happy to see the person I never thought I’d see again that I did something I’d never done to anyone. Before my thoughts and the fogginess of happiness had a chance to clear, I kissed him. What I didn’t plan was for him to kiss me back.
We allowed ourselves to get lost in the moment, letting the past whirlwind into the future. Eventually, we’d both be swept away because we weren’t the type of people to idly standby and let things happen around us, if our past was any testament. Some willingly dug their nails into the ground and held on for dear life, praying the storm would pass. As my lips pushed against his, whispering a million unspoken questions and his tongue silently answered with empty lies, it was clear we weren’t those people. We were the storm chasers. The ones that would only be sated by flying directly into the eye of the storm, fighting for our place amongst the havoc of the world. At least for me that’s how it was. It’s what I knew.
Honestly, I had no earthly clue what drove him now…or ever really, but currently his reason wasn’t high on my list of priorities.
He bit my lip again, and fear shook through my already on edge body. I didn’t know what I wanted to happen next, but I needed my head to clear. He was so close, his chest heaving outward as mine caved in, gasping for air that was near impossible. I straightened my back and let reality sink into my bones.
Confusion was the first thing to take over my mind, and then doubt stretched its nasty arms in my mind, and without a fight, conquered my body. If he knew who I was the first time we reconnected, in the graveyard, why didn’t he say anything? Perhaps the memories I clung to of us as kids meant more to me than they did to him. When I felt like the best thing to do was give up, he’d been the person who brightened my fading pieces. As much as I hated to admit that, it was the truth. I’d stuffed those memories into deep portions of my subconscious and only allowed myself to revisit them when it was absolutely necessary. I didn’t want to remember the times we’d shared because they were braided into such tragedy it was hard to let myself enjoy the happy parts.
Without another thought, my hand smacked against his cheek, shocking both of us. I didn’t plan to smack him, and definitely didn’t mean to. It was like my brain took a vacation, and my body was running strictly on hormones. Again, I hated hormones. Once again, they were assholes.
He smirked and cupped my hand in his. “I deserved that, huh?” He linked his fingers in mine, and although I wanted to pull away from him, the desire to do the opposite was stronger. I’d missed him for eight years. To have him here, actually in front of me, I didn’t know how to act. I was beyond pissed he didn’t tell me who he was that night. I wasn’t sure what game he was playing. Yet, in the next thought, my body flooded with relief. Just like that, it didn’t matter what amount of time had elapsed since we’d seen one another, my body finally released years of tension.
“You sure as hell did,” I snapped untangling myself from him, and he smirked in response. “I’m keeping your wallet as payback.”
He laughed and shrugged, licking his lips. His eyes raked over my body as I stood to put some distance between us. “As long as you don’t stand me up again, I don’t care.”
My eyes bulged a little in disbelief. What was he talking about? I picked at the cuticle on my thumb with my second fingernail as nervousness crept into my mind. No matter how happy I thought I was to come across him, I really didn’t know who he was now. Not that I really ever had time to truly get to know him. I think I just liked the idea of having someone close at one point in my life. It made things seem less lonely. Sure, I had Mar, but I didn’t tell her everything, and I was pretty sure she didn’t treat our conversations like confessional either.
“Stood you up?” I questioned him, backing away. My heels met the concrete berm on the opposite side of the bridge, almost causing me to lose my balance, but I caught myself. “Why did you have on a ski mask, and what was with all the clothes in the movie theater?” My mouth seemed to be moving faster than my brain could filter what I wanted to come out. The words just kept flowing. “And for another matter, why didn’t you ask me for your wallet in the graveyard? Surely you recognized me. Didn’t you?” My voice faded as doubt stole the air from my lungs. My eyes burned with tears, and I wasn’t even sure which emotion was the culprit of the cause. Fear? Happiness? Anger? I had no earthly clue. All I was sure of was I hated it.
He got to his feet and held his hands upward and gritted his teeth. “The sweaters, scarves, and hats were to cover our ass from getting in trouble for the absolutely epic senior prank I was helping my brother with.” He took a step toward me and hesitated before taking another. “I wasn’t sure it was you. Okay?” His gruff voice came out shaky and unsteady.
“Oh,” I admitted, staring at the night’s sky, telling myself not to cry. He was the only person, other than Mom, who had ever seen me cry, and I didn’t intend to let him ever see it again. Disappointment clawed up my throat and set up camp there, and my breathing slowed as I fought to swallow. I took another step backward to keep the distance between us.
“I wanted it to be, Jaci. I did. But I’ve dreamed what you would look like. I prayed you’d still be as beautiful as you’ve always been. You ha
ve to understand,” he offered the beginning of an explanation and took a few more steps closer to where I stood. This time, I didn’t move. Instead, I stood in place, letting him close the space remaining between us. Hearing him speak the name I’d cherished since the day he’d given it to me froze me.
“I’ve dreamed of the day we’d meet again. For a while, I saw your face everywhere, and every damn time it wasn’t you, it hurt. So, I gave up.” He ran his hand through his dark hair and inhaled sharply. “I never thought it would happen, so having you in front of me then…and now, it’s unbelievable.” He shrugged his shoulders again and sighed.
“Maybe I should have told you who I was. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Who knows?” The corners of his mouth pulled into a sexy smirk, and I tried to remind myself I was pissed at him moments ago. I wasn’t what you would consider an avid reader, but I’d flipped enough pages to know this moment was page-worthy.
“What can I say? I’m selfish. Besides, you smacked me, so in my book, that makes us equal. Right?” He smiled as his light brown eyes pleaded for my forgiveness and he stuck his shaky fingers in his pockets.
I could hold a grudge better than most people, but with him, I really didn’t feel like there was a reason to. Especially given his point. I did smack him…right after I kissed him. My cheeks heated with embarrassment as soon as I remembered our lips had been together moments ago, but it wasn’t from embarrassment, or maybe it was. I really had no clue. “So, Calvary, huh?” I mused, filling the growing silence between us, and turned to walk toward home, knowing I wouldn’t be finishing my run tonight. Silently, I hoped he’d follow, but didn’t hold my breath. Given our track record thus far, we tended to meet and leave each other in the oddest of situations.
“Yep,” he simply answered, following my lead and meeting my easy stride.
“As in call in the calvary?” I asked, trying to suppress the smile sneaking onto my lips.
“Ha. No.” He laughed, shaking his head and biting his bottom lip. “Everybody thinks that. It’s actually the mountain from the Bible. You know, Jesus Christ and the whole shebang? My dad was preaching the Good Book when I was born, so he decided his firstborn should bare a biblical name.”
I couldn’t stop my eyebrows as they arched in amazement. In that moment, I thought back to the days we’d spent together in the psych hospital, trying to remember what he’d told me his dad had done when we were kids. Maybe he’d changed professions. Most people changed a few times in their life, I thought. I wasn’t sure. “His words, not mine,” he answered my unspoken question.
Despite how hard I tried to force my brain to remember what he’d said his dad did, I couldn’t. I just recalled him saying his dad was a smart man and me not questioning it. Call me a cat, but curiosity got the better of me, and even though I thought it might be best not to pry, I did anyway.
“Hmmm. What does he do now?”
“That’s a story for another time. Enough about me, Blue. How about you? What have you been up to since we were kids?” He swung his arm over my shoulders and let his hand leisurely rest on my upper arm.
I took the diversion he threw at me as his way of saying “butt out” and filled him in on the past eight years with as few details as possible. Nothing too mind-blowing had really happened anyway. Stopping mid-sentence, I registered what he’d just called me.
“You’re the second. Well, first…” I corrected myself as I continued to talk. “Anyway, you’re one of two people that’s called me ‘Blue’. Is there a rarity of blue-eyed girls in this town or what?” I asked him, trying to make sense of the nickname that seemed to be catching on with the guys of the town.
It was difficult to be around someone you never thought you’d see again. When you never planned to see someone again, it was easy to make declarations and hold that person above everyone else. Now, my ghost had caught up with me and I was scared to death he wouldn’t be who I needed him to be. Somehow, though, it was easy to dial back my nerves to a comfortable vibe and just be me…as long as I didn’t think about how close we were. Every time I did, I regretted it. Instantly, the amount of anxiety I had the previous time seemed incomparable to the current one, so I just forced myself to stare at the road ahead of us.
“Two?” His feet stopped moving, and my body jerked a little as a result of his abrupt halt.
“Yes, you and the white…I mean, Dax.” I bit my lip, hoping he didn’t catch my mistake.
“White Dax, huh?” He laughed, and then a scowl quickly replaced his laughter. “I’ve heard him called a lot of things, but White Dax is a new one,” he said, his lips pursing together in thought.
“You know him?” I asked, taking a step, but not sure if he would continue the walk or not. I really hoped Cal kept walking because the longer we stood still, the more time was allowed for positives and negatives to dance in my head. I wanted to kiss him again because I’d be a fool not to, but he was quick to bounce back from it all, so maybe he wasn’t blown away as I had been.
“Know him? Well, yeah, you could say I know the asshole.” He kind of laughed, not offering any more of an explanation and letting his feet step with mine. Dax hadn’t seemed like an asshole, per se. He seemed competitive and determined, but otherwise, asshole wasn’t a word I’d chosen to describe him.
“By the way, I owe you a bottle,” he teased, nudging me with his shoulders and jolting out of my own head and self-doubt.
“You drank my…” I stopped, trying to think of the phrase he used. “Less than hygienic whiskey?” I joked, but a twinge of frustration sparked, knowing I didn’t know when I could replace it, but welcoming the distraction with open arms. I needed something to derail me from the self-inflicted crash that was about to happen.
“Like I said, you stood me up, so I made other plans.”
That was the second time he’d said that, and when I asked him the first time about it, he’d dodged to answer it. Pressing my luck, which was usually nonexistent, I asked him again, “What do you mean? Stood you up?”
The sexy smirk returned to his lips, and I shook my head to keep my focus, knowing if I didn’t it was hard to tell what would come out of my mouth next. Confusion was by far winning my body over any other emotion, but happiness was in a close second. The majority of my life I’d only entertained the idea of him, telling myself one day we’d meet again, but often when you said that, you never believed it. It was something people told everyone else to comfort them.
“I figured when I said tomorrow’s on you that you’d come back the next night.”
“I didn’t know it was you. Plus, you took a gun from me and had on a ski mask. What person in their right mind—”
“You didn’t run away from me, and don’t forget where we met. A psych ward, Jaci. A psych ward,” he interrupted me with memories I guess he thought someone could forget. I hadn’t. Maybe I’d forgotten a few details, like what he’d said his dad used to do, but I definitely didn’t need reminding that we’d both been lied to and locked in a room claiming to be a classroom.
“I couldn’t forget, even if I tried, Cal,” I retorted, knowing how many times I’d tried and been unsuccessful. I wanted to tell him it was all a sham and I was only in there for my “protection,” but I didn’t. The reality that he might not be as trustworthy as I’d hoped sank in. Technically, I didn’t know much about him at all. I had no reason to question what he said, but I also had no reason to believe him.
“Yeah, me either,” he said with a hint of sadness to his tone.
“This is me.” I broke through the awkward silence that had settled between us as we approached my house.
“Nice,” he mused as he took in our quaint house. We both knew it wasn’t much, but with it just being Mom and me, we didn’t really need anything bigger.
“I’ll get my wallet later,” he called to me as I started up the walk. He didn’t follow me. I didn’t know if I wanted him to or not. When we were little, I used to do things to annoy him, and now it seemed as if it was
inverted. There were so many things I wanted to ask him, but as much as I wanted us to remain the same over the years, it was impossible. I could sense the change between us, even if I wasn’t sure what it was exactly. Time had a way of changing people. I’d just wished we had remained untouched. We hadn’t.
“Jaci?” His deep voice unknowingly soothed some of my doubts just by being heard.
“Yes, Cal?” I all but whispered, not able to force out any more sound around all of the uncertainty swimming in my head.
“Will you put my license on your windowsill?”
“Sure,” I replied and tried my best to hide the disappointment in my voice as I unlocked my door and went in without looking back to him.
Mom was asleep with her laptop beside her, so I moved it off the bed and to her nightstand and plugged it in. She had a tendency to do this and then bash herself in the morning for it because she lost part of her manuscript when her computer died. Hopefully, this would prevent that.
Once I flipped on my light and dug out Cal’s wallet, which was a lot farther back and harder to get to than I thought it would be, I unlocked my window and put his whole wallet on the windowsill.
“Thanks, Jaci.” His voice came from somewhere in the night, and I jumped.
“Shit! Don’t do that!” I yelled and was quick to smack my hand over my mouth. If Mom woke up, we’d both regret him being here.
“Goodnight.” He laughed, palming his wallet and pushing it into the back pocket of his jeans for safe keeping.
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