by Stacey Nash
An electronic school slate sits in the center of the desk. I pick it up, touch the screen, and a message appears: Hello, Joshua. I smile. Perfect.
Moving to a chaise lounge similar to mine, only green, I sink onto it to wait. Twirling my thumbs and glancing at the door fills the time slowly. Time drags. Finally, I hear footsteps down the corridor that sound to be moving in this direction. My heart hammers my ribs as they draw closer, then stop. Crap, crap, crap, what if it’s not him? I suck my breath in, and sink to the ground behind the chair. It could be him though, and he’ll see me on the floor like an idiot. I jump back up and perch on the edge of the chair trying to act normal.
The footsteps start again, this time moving away. No, don’t go.
I sink back into the chair, slouching against it. This is ridiculous. I can’t risk getting caught. I have to think of something. Oops the writing desk’s still open, not the best way to avoid getting caught.
I cross the room to slide it closed and as I pull the hutch down, my hand brushes the slate.
Yes. That’s it.
His slate’s identical to mine so, knowing exactly how it works, I touch the screen, awakening the greeting message again. I tap the note pad icon, but before I write a single letter, I slowly pull my finger away. My thoughts blur into indecision because really, this isn’t the best idea. They could monitor the machine’s use. I gently place it back on the desk, searching for something else, something a little less traceable. A pile of paper on a small shelf catches my eye. Perfect.
Taking a single piece and grabbing a charcoal pencil, I scrawl:
I need to see you alone. Midnight snack? ~M
I fold the paper in half and slide the desk closed, wondering where would be the best place to leave it. Somewhere he’ll see it but where it won’t be seen if someone comes here before him. I peer around the room but don’t see the right place, so I step into his bedroom. My eyes fall on his perfectly made bed, with the blanket pulled up over the pillows to make it one big smooth green cover.
Yes.
I peel the bedspread back and place the note on the pillow then pull it back over.
When I return to the sitting room, I glance around and the hairs on the nape of my neck rise. But I don’t take the time to think about it, just push the uneasy feeling away and dart out of the room. I tiptoe down the hall with silent urgency, certain I’ve been caught.
The closer I get to my room, the more the feeling lessens and thankfully I make it back without a hitch. I dash through my door, tugging it closed behind me, and sink to the floor.
I did it.
Now it’s time to wait.
Chapter Twenty Four
Mae
I wait and when I’m done waiting, I wait some more. My stomach flutters and I feel like I haven’t eaten since forever, but I don’t go to the kitchen. Not yet. Finally the clock on the wall clicks over to fifteen before midnight. I’m so nervous I’ll get caught sneaking out and also of how Josh will react to what I have to say but then, maybe, he won’t even show. Maybe the note will be enough to make him think I’m crazy.
The door moves just a smidge as I inch it back and poke my head out, peering down the corridor. All clear. I spin the other way. It’s clear too. With bare feet, I pad down the hall and in the direction of the elevator. Still nothing. I fist my hands to stop them shaking, certain someone will catch me but at least if they do I’ll have a good excuse. When dinner came, I turned it away telling rake-lady I wasn’t hungry, I felt sick, which provided me with a reason to go out later. Into the elevator and down to the bottom floor, I creep through the dark hallway, cursing when my hip bumps into the wall. If I had one of those glow baton things Cynnie uses, at least I’d be able to see.
Imagined fingers creep up my back, leaving goose bumps in their wake. I peep behind me. Still, no one there. As I near the kitchen the hairs on my arms rise, and a feeling of unease prickles the spot between my shoulder blades, so I pause at the door and peer into the darkness. The sense deepens. I take a breath telling myself, he won’t be here or maybe he will and I’ll be completely wrong about him.
Oh gosh, gosh, gosh.
I turn to leave and flee back to the safety of my room. Yes, I should run. But … but … but what if he’s here, what if I’m right? I can’t just leave him behind when it’s time to get out.
Stealing courage through a deep breath, I brace myself and say, “Lights.”
The kitchen illuminates.
It’s empty.
I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding and walk into the room, grab a glass and go to the fridge. Opening it, I reach inside and inhale a lungful of cold air, forcing myself to calm down.
“Hungry?”
Squealing, I drop the glass and it shatters into a million pieces on the tiled floor. I spin around and standing in the doorway with one hand tucked in his jeans pocket and the other hanging loosely at his side is Nik, not Josh.
No.
I swallow against the sick feeling rising from my belly and all the way up to my throat. What the heck is he doing here? He raises a brow, clearly waiting for an answer.
“I ah … fell asleep and missed dinner.”
No. Wrong alibi, I was sick. Sick, say sick. I reach for the broom to clean up the broken glass and Nik strolls across to the pantry, pulls open the door and removes a few cans, corn chips and a glass jar, placing them on the bench. As he twists to retrieve the spice rack, I see a red welt along his right cheek. It spans from his temple all the way to his jaw.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“You’re hungry.”
“I …” Frowning, I stop sweeping.
He’s cooking? No.
I need to get him out of here before Josh arrives or I won’t get to speak to him alone. I push the glass into a pile and scoop it up with the dustpan.
Nik grabs a saucepan and empties the cans into it, shakes some spices over, takes a spoon from the top draw and starts stirring.
I swallow the sick taste lingering at the back of my tongue. “I can get something for myself.”
He reaches out, brushing my arm with his fingertips. “It’ll taste better if I make it.” He smiles. It’s kind of creepy and—oh god no—flirty. “Sorry I didn’t cope well with what we found today.”
I brace myself against the counter, slowly pulling my arm away from his touch. Well blow me over, Nik’s apologizing. This must be unheard of. First he was nice, then mean, now he’s so nice it’s just wrong. He tears open the packet of corn chips and upends it into two bowls while I glance to the door then discretely turn my wrist over. 12:15am. Where’s Joshua?
Nik continues to stir the mixture until steam rises from it then spoons some over the chips and tops both with grated cheese. Nachos. My mouth waters at the delicious bean smell but I can’t allow myself to get distracted. I’m here to meet Josh. Closing my eyes and drawing a slow breath, I know I need to get rid of him.
Nik hands me a bowl and picks up the other for himself. “So,” he says, scooping up the bean mixture with a chip. “I was certain you liked my brother.”
I glance to the door. “I do like your brother. He’s a great guy.”
He touches my arm again, pulling my attention back to him. “No, I mean I thought you liked him.”
I drop my attention to the food as my face warms. Of course I blush, I do like Joshua, but I have to push that away and concentrate on Nik. Everything inside me screams LIE. “No.”
A frown crosses his face for a split second before his smile widens. He places his bowl on the bench and steps toward me, so now there’s only a small space between us. Too close, he’s too close. I want to step back but I’m trapped into the corner of the bench with nowhere to go.
“Good.” Satisfaction drips off the word. “You wanted to see me alone.”
Hell no. I glance to the door, my stomach twisting in on itself. Nik must have gotten the note instead. I got the wrong room. Double damn this stupid mess. He places his h
and on the inside of my elbow, his rough thumb brushing the soft muscle on the inside of my upper arm. No, oh no, please no. I need to think and think fast to get myself out of this disaster.
“I … ahh … just wanted to make sure you’re okay after today’s mission. You seemed … umm … really upset.”
I hold my breath hoping he buys it. He leans even closer.
“You’re so kind, Anamae. This is what a partnership is supposed to be about.”
My chest burns with my held breath as I nod. Then something in his face changes, his eyes narrow slightly.
This is another test.
Damn. What am I supposed to do to pass it?
Tensing my arm muscles to hide my nervous tremble, I pick up the bowl, cradling it to me as a barrier between us, only he’s so close that my hand cupping the bowl brushes his chest. Pulling my arm away from his touch, I pick at the food but he plants his palms on the counter, one either side of me, blocking me in. His biceps brush against my shoulders and his breath sullies my cheek. It takes every ounce of self-control to stop myself screaming, ’Get out of my space’. I tense and shift my weight to the other foot.
“Thanks for the nachos,” I say around a mouthful and duck out under his arm.
“Leaving so soon, after being desperate to see me?” He spins around.
“I’m really tired.”
His eyes narrow again and his smile turns stony. “Sure you are. We’ve got the next two days off.”
I pause. No. Freeing myself of his mind game, I walk out of the room and down the corridor to put maximum distance between us as quick as I can. A few steps before I reach the elevator he calls, “Anamae.”
I suck in a sharp breath, stop and turn.
“I know it wasn’t for me.”
Instinct takes over. He’s in on this whole thing. In on making me think I belong. I know that I can’t trust him. I can’t let him suspect I know or they’ll send me back to the hocrei for another mind wipe. “What do you mean?” I edge closer to him.
“The note, I know it was for him.”
A test, this is just a test. I gently bite down on my lip and lean close to his face. A sense of wrongness washes over me, but I have to do this, I have to make him believe. I cradle the bowl one handed and reach out, twining my fingers through his rough calloused ones with my free hand. “I don’t know what you mean, Nik. I wanted to see you.”
He holds my gaze for a long moment then leans in. His lips snag mine makes my gut flip. It’s so unpleasant I can’t help it. Lips pursed, I step away and I yank my hand back but he squeezes, trapping me in his grip. My hand burns under his assault and I ache to break contact and struggle against him, but I know I mustn’t. I swallow and meet his glower.
“Don’t play games with me, sweetheart. I will always win.”
I pull at my hand again and it snaps free as he releases his hold at the last moment, sending me stumbling backward. I dash into the elevator and punch three over and over. As the doors slide closed, I’m left with an image of his smug smile.
Chapter Twenty Five
Mae
The rest of the night is pure agony. Nik knows I’m not buying his lies, but I’ve got no idea what that means for me. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach tells me it’s not good. I still need to see Joshua, now more desperately than ever. I can’t stay here, not like this, with Nik realizing or at least suspecting I know, because he could do anything about it. How will I get word to Joshua? I scrub my knuckles over my mouth again. Knuckling my lips so many times they feel raw still doesn’t rid the feeling of Nik’s kiss.
The necklace they talked about, I wonder if it’s the same one Manvyke has mentioned before. The rising sun makes me realize I’ve been sitting here for hours and still I’m no closer to an answer. My mind just tumbles round and round. So I drag myself into the bedroom and lie down, feeling as though I’ll never be able to sleep again. My mind won’t stop.
At some point it must though because a hand on my shoulder gently wakes me. I open my eyes to a dark room. “I slept all day?”
“Shh,” someone says.
I look for the face which matches the hushing, and in the darkness see the outline of springy frizz that can only be Cynnie’s hair. I pull myself up. “What is it?”
“Shh.”
Lowering my voice to a hush, I ask, “Why do we have to be quiet?”
“Nik’s sitting outside your door like some kind of guard. I called around a couple of times today, but that stupid woman wouldn’t even let me in the front door. Josh said Nik was there stopping him too, so I had to teleport into your room.”
My stomach clenches. He must know that I know and now I’m a real prisoner. I spring up off the bed, stalking right through the sitting room, and yank the door open. Nik swivels from his place at the end of the hall and passes me a creepy smile.
I don’t smile back, just reef the door closed and head back to Cynnie. “Why the heck is he guarding me?”
She shrugs. “He’s gone weird.”
“He was always weird. I need to see Joshua.”
She nods. “I found out a little about the barrier and why it may have activated around you.”
“You did?”
My stomach unclenches, probably so it can flutter. I glance at the door then peek into the sitting room. The door leading out to the hall is closed and I can’t see him so I pull the one between my bedroom and the sitting room closed too, creating a double barrier between us and him. It still doesn’t feel like enough.
Cynnie whispers, “Dim lights.”
The room is immediately illuminated in a dull light. Finger-combing my hair, I sit on the edge of my bed and Cynnie plops herself on the other end.
“Okay, he shouldn’t be able to hear us,” I say.
“Only those of pure Collective blood can pass through. It works by scanning DNA, detecting if each individual has the genetics that mark them as Collective. If the DNA passes the test then nothing happens and the person can pass through as though the barrier’s not there, but if it doesn’t the barrier solidifies, trapping them.”
“Yeah, you already said that when it happened. But I’ve been thinking, do you think that means—”
“You can’t be Collective.” I already knew that, but Cynnie’s confirmation sets the room spinning. I plant my palms on the bed to hold myself upright. “I have to see Joshua.”
“Anamae.” She looks into my eyes. “He can’t be the same as you. I know deep down you want him to be, but he can’t. I remember him from years ago. He was here, he went to school with me, he was the hot guy all the girls had a crush on—still kind of is. He was cute as Nik, but nice. Really nice.”
I shake my head slowly. There’s something that makes him like me. If he’s Collective … I don’t know what it is, but thinking of him as one of them just sits all kinds of wrong. If he was here, then not … maybe it’s finally time to ask him outright. I trust him.
Blinking, thinking, suddenly clicking, I ask, “Where has he been for the years he wasn’t here?”
“He was living with his aunt at another community. She needed help, but when he reached the final year his father wanted him back here for elite training.”
“So he transferred at the exact same time as me? That’s a bit coincidental, don’t you think?”
She shakes her head again. “Anamae … the barrier let him pass. He’s Collective.”
“There’s something there, Cynnie. It’s so close, like it’s brushing the tip of my tongue. I need to make sense of this but I can’t do it alone and he’s the only person who has even a remote familiarity about them, the only one who may be able to help me piece it together.”
She screws her face up as though she’s thinking. “Leave it with me. If it’s that important, I’ll get you to him or him to you.”
Before I can answer, she flashes out of my room, leaving me perched on the very edge of my bed wondering what plan she’ll come up with and wishing I could do more to help myself. I
have every faith in her ability and I know I can trust her. After several cycles through the same thoughts, I jump to my feet and pace while I wait with no idea how long she’ll be. Maybe she’ll be back any second, maybe it will be tomorrow, maybe next week.
My stomach grumbles wildly. It’s been a long time since the nachos and even then I only had the few mouthfuls I ate in front of Nik. I couldn’t bring myself to eat what he’d prepared, so I dumped the rest on my sitting room table to be cleared at the next meal.
While I’m contemplating my lack of food, Cynnie blinks into my room again. “He’s training with Kalon. I saw them come back from a mission when I left the Iretum chamber to come see you so I just went there. He said to come by when you’re ready.”
“Isn’t it night?” I ask glancing out the dark window.
“It’s only six.”
“Oh.” A wonderful mixture of relief and nervousness courses through me, a million flutters tickling the inside of my stomach. This is finally going to happen. I’m going to see Josh and tell him the truth. Everything I want to say tumbles through my mind as I search for the right words, but I don’t even know where to start.
She holds her hand out, and I give her a questioning look.
“You want to see Josh, then let’s go.”
“Now?”
She pulls an I’m-pretty-clever smile and we both stand. I place my hand in hers and she taps her wrist. We’re porting and this time it’s pleasant. It feels like we’re floating in a soft breeze. Warmth spreads through me. How can the same thing feel so different? With Nik it’s absolutely awful. Our feet thud onto a hard floor. I blink, and the room at the temple comes into focus. Cynnie darts to the computer by the wall, types, then comes back to the red circle, holding her hand out again. “Ready?”