Sam laughs softly, nodding his head. “You certainly did. Now, why don’t you let me be the know-it-all tonight and tell you to crawl out of that bottle of bourbon while you can still walk and go home. Things are different for you now, Luc. If Lia is pregnant, that will be different, as well. Your past only defines you if you let it.”
I reluctantly push my glass aside, knowing he’s right. I can’t keep making Lia pay for Cassie’s sins; she has already paid far too much in her life for other people’s mistakes. I signal for the bill from my still-overly-friendly bartender and turn back to Sam. “Thanks for the talk and for wasting your evening in a bar with me.”
“It’s fine. Cindy’s doing something with her church group tonight, so I had nothing but time on my hands. I might have possibly been doing a final drive-by of your apartment when Lia called, so I was in the area.”
I knew Sam was keeping an eye out for Lia so that doesn’t surprise me, but his casual referral to Cindy does. Of course, I know there was something going on between them; I’m not blind. However, neither has ever come out and admitted it as he just has. “So, you and Cindy, huh…?”
He doesn’t look the slightest bit uncomfortable as he says easily, “Of course. Don’t even try to act surprised; it’s not as if it’s exactly a secret. Cindy just didn’t want to advertise the fact at the office. Personally, I couldn’t care less. Life’s too short to spend time pretending. I’d marry that woman tomorrow if she’d only say yes.”
Now I’m floored. I didn’t know things were quite that serious between them. I’m not sure I’m ready for a world in which I might walk in on Sam and Cindy getting hot and heavy. Cindy thrives on being professional, even more so than is warranted most of the time, so surely she would never subject me to that. “I’m happy for you,” I say honestly. “Cindy is a hell of a woman, and I know I don’t have to threaten you to treat her right.”
Before he can answer, the bartender arrives with my check. “Here ya go, sugar.” She leans closer to me, rubbing a tit against my hand. I see Sam smirking from the corner of my eye. He’s enjoying this far too much. Most of the women he’s seen throw themselves at me over the years are horny socialites; the eager bartender is something a bit new. “I get off at midnight. Why don’t I meet you somewhere?”
I sign the check as quickly as I can, leaving her a hefty tip. Hell, I’d double it just to get her to leave me alone. “Er…I don’t think so.” When she still doesn’t look discouraged I throw out, “I’ve got a girlfriend.”
She leans closer, running a hand over my chest. “Doesn’t matter to me, sugar. I have a boyfriend, too. We have an open relationship, so it’s all good. If your girlfriend looks anything like you do, then bring her along. I’m not shy, and I have no problem sharing.” I push abruptly back from the bar, causing her hand to fall away. Holy fuck, she’s staring at my crotch now as if trying to imagine the size of my cock. Yeah, baby, keep looking because I have no interest whatsoever in what you’ve got to offer.
I grab Sam’s arm and usher him toward the door, weaving slightly on my feet. The alcohol I’ve consumed is hitting me hard, but I’m ready to get the hell out of here. “Fuck,” I roar as we make it to the sidewalk. “That bitch was crazy!”
“Oh, come on,” Sam laughs, looking like the whole incident was hilarious. “I seem to recall you and Aidan having some interesting…gatherings over the years. That girl was probably tame compared to what you two have done.”
I find myself doing something that happens rarely: feeling embarrassed. Sam has been my driver forever, so of course he’s picked me up on some of my drunken evenings. I’ve been far from a monk over the years and one-night stands were always my preferred way to fuck. Aidan and I had on occasion shared a woman…or several. It’s not something I did on a regular basis, but it happened; more so in the immediate years after Cassie than in the last several. I finally settled more into exclusive fucking such as with Laurie. One woman for a few months at a time. As I gained money and power, it became more beneficial to have a woman by my side at social gatherings. It kept the Moniques of the world at bay and provided the added benefit of the illusion of stability to those in the business world. Although a lot of them fuck around, they still tend to look down on those who present themselves as nothing but playboys.
“Leave me alone,” I say as I start to walk away. I can hear him laughing behind me and know he’ll follow me all the way back to the apartment. After walking in silence for a few minutes he says, “You’re pretty drunk, aren’t you?”
I whirl around, which is a big mistake with this much booze sloshing around in my stomach, and almost fall off the sidewalk. Sam quickly grabs my arm, halting my progress. “Thanks for stating the obvious,” I slur. I don’t know what happened, but I didn’t feel nearly this drunk when I was throwing them back in the bar. It’s as if the fresh air has caused the bourbon to go straight to my head. Hell, if Sam weren’t here, I would probably be in a ditch somewhere or worse yet…at Bartender Girl’s mercy. “Why am I so fucking drunk?” I ask myself, but Sam answers anyway.
“I believe because you drank a large amount of liquor in a small amount of time. Just a guess…”
“You know, I hate you sometimes,” I snap as I turn to wobble on. Where in the hell is my apartment? I feel like I’ve been walking around for hours. As I turn another corner, Sam pulls my arm in a different direction.
“We’ve already walked in this circle three times. Wouldn’t you like to actually go home now?” he asks dryly.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I try to stare him down but keep blinking as my eyes blur. “Why didn’t you stop me? I’m dying here, if you haven’t noticed.”
“I was doing it for Lia,” he says from behind me. “I thought the air might help sober you up some, but I don’t think it’s working. We need to move on to just letting you pass out in the bed.”
I feel a wave of emotion hit me at the mention of Lia’s name. What if she’s pregnant? Wasn’t she telling me before I stomped out that she could still get rid of the baby? I try to recall our exact conversation, but the words are fuzzy and truthfully, after her first few words, I heard nothing in my head but pregnant. “I have to talk to her; I have to see her…now.” I pick up my pace, finally recognizing my building in the distance.
Behind me, I hear Sam say, “Slow down, you’re going to bust your…” Just as I trip over a fucking flowerpot in front of the building and go sprawling on my ass. “Dammit, Luc, I told you.” He huffs to a stop next to me with his hands on his hips. He shakes his head in resignation and extends a hand down to me. “You’re not hurt, are you?”
“Only my pride,” I mumble as I get to my feet. In truth, the jarring and unexpected tumble hurt like hell. I’m too old to be falling down drunk; that much is perfectly clear to me. Thankfully, Sam has my door and elevator codes, so I let him handle it. I feel the slight urge to puke as the elevator rises to the top floor. I bolt from the small space as it stops. Sam opens the front door and motions me in.
“Do you need anything else tonight, Luc?” he asks, still looking far too amused at my expense. Maybe I would have been better off in a ditch somewhere, after all. At least then, I wouldn’t know the person laughing at me.
“No, thanks for the help,” I say as I close the door. Fucking good riddance. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen so many of Sam’s teeth. I’ve never hated a smile that much.
I walk slowly toward the bedroom, wondering what I’ll say to Lia, when I notice the light on in the living room. I turn that way and find her huddled in the corner of the couch, sound asleep. She’s curled up tight, as if cold…or upset. She looks impossibly young and beautiful in simple yoga pants and a T-shirt. Lia is a natural beauty. She looks gorgeous makeup-free with her hair in a simple ponytail. She needs no artificial enhancers.
My heart almost pounds out of my chest as I think of her carrying my child. I’m fucking terrified at the idea but also oddly fascinated. I spent most of the time Cassie was p
regnant trying to talk her off one ledge or another. She freaked out when she found out she was pregnant and immediately wanted an abortion. One of the reasons I proposed to her was to try to settle her down. She was so convinced the baby was a mistake and it would ruin her life. In hindsight, maybe she knew more than I did. I couldn’t stand the thought of her aborting my child, so I did my best each day to assure her that I loved her and everything would be wonderful once the baby was born. She just had to hold on for nine months and then I would do everything for her and the baby.
Her doctor had taken her off the bi-polar medication that she’d been taking for years. That was tricky for a month, but she seemed to return to her normal self, which while not pleasant was at least predictable. I should have known when her usual threats stopped and she instead seemed almost blissfully peaceful that something was wrong. Maybe it lulled me into a false sense of security, and I wasn’t as observant as I should have been.
Lia stirs, her eyes blinking open. She gasps as she sees me standing there, looking panicked for a moment before seeming to recognize me. “I’m sorry for frightening you, baby,” I say as I move to her and drop to my knees on the floor in front of the couch. We stare at each other for a long moment. When her nose wrinkles slightly, I can tell she smells the alcohol on me.
“Are you all right?” she asks quietly.
Instead of answering her question, I lean closer to her body and place my head gently on her flat stomach. I feel her breath catch as she freezes. Finally, she relaxes under me and her hand goes to my head, digging into my hair. I moan as she strokes my scalp, giving me comfort even though I’ve been an ass to her tonight. “I’m sorry,” I say, giving her the apology she deserves. I don’t want her to feel as if she needs to keep things from me because I’ll freak out; she doesn’t deserve that from me.
Her hand tightens in my hair, and I wince at the sting but remain silent. “When you left tonight, I was surprised by your reaction. I mean, I know neither of us is ready for a baby, but I wasn’t expecting you to be that upset. I’ll be honest and say that none of this has really seemed real to me until you slammed out the door.”
“Lia…” I begin, wanting to comfort her.
“No, Luc, let me finish please.” I remain quiet while she gathers her thoughts. “We’re probably needlessly upsetting ourselves about something that will not even happen, but it made me think.” Her hand begins moving in my hair once again, as if trying to soothe me as she says, “Luc, I can’t take that pill. This might sound crazy, but all I keep thinking is if I do, then how am I any better than my mother is? According to what I read on the internet, it’s not terminating a pregnancy because one doesn’t even exist at that point. It’s just stopping it from happening.” I grasp her leg, feeling my hand shaking as I listen to her emotional plea for me to understand. She has no idea that I not only understand her turmoil but I feel, it as well. “But…what if they’re wrong? I…I just can’t take that chance, Luc,” she says on a sob. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry because I know you don’t want this.”
“Baby, stop,” I say, pulling her from the couch and into my arms. She is crying into my chest, and it wouldn’t take much more for me to join her. She doesn’t need that now, though. She needs to hear that I understand and agree with her decision. Actually, I’m so fucking grateful that she feels the same as I do that I’m almost weak with relief. “Lia, sweetheart, listen…” I say as I pull back enough to see her face. “Baby, look at me.” She shakes her head, seeming terrified of what I’m going to say. Apparently, my earlier anger is still fresh in her mind. “Please, baby.” Tears run down her cheeks as she finally allows me to tilt her head upwards. “I understand and I agree,” I say softly as I use my thumb to wipe her tears away to no avail.
“You…you do?” She stares up at me as if she can’t believe she’s heard me correctly.
“Yes, I do. Lia…Cassie and I were going to have a baby eight years ago and she…” Fuck, why can’t I get the words out? Lia needs to know why I lost it earlier, but I just can’t tell her the full truth, not tonight. I’m too raw. “She ended his life.” Lia looks at me in something akin to horror. Her tears have stopped as she struggles to understand what I’m saying to her. There is no way she can come up with the true picture, even with the mother she had.
“Oh, Luc,” she whispers, looking as devastated as I feel. “She had an abortion without your consent?” I can’t just completely lie to her, so I pull her close without answering. In a way, that is exactly what Cassie did, only in a much more horrific manner. I don’t know why I find it so difficult to tell Lia the entire story. Maybe because I don’t want to see the pity in her eyes or even worse, I’m afraid she will see that my life is too ugly for her. Giving her pieces of my past is the coward’s way out, but right now, it’s all I’m capable of. She is carrying too much of her own baggage to assume the weight of mine, as well. We both need to be stronger before that happens.
We lay there for a while longer before we go to bed. We don’t make love, but instead we hold on to each other as if by some unspoken truth, we both know there’s a storm coming and tonight is merely the calm before it hits.
Chapter Twelve
Lia
“I need you to have Max come get me out of jail.” I turn sideways on my barstool to look at Lucian. We are having breakfast before he leaves for work. As if sensing my eyes on him, he looks up from his perusal of the morning stock report and arches a brow at me in question.
I hold up my finger, telling him to give me a minute as I ask Rose, “What have you done?” I have a bad feeling she has been continuing her crusade to make Jake pay for screwing around on her. I knew things had been entirely too quiet on that front for the last few days.
“Well…” She lowers her voice before continuing, “I might have used my key to go into his apartment while he wasn’t there and put Bengay in his shampoo and body wash. I might also have replaced all of the water in his refrigerator with white vinegar and I maybe used his iPad while I was there and sent an email to his entire contact list asking for advice on the best sexual positions for men with small penises. I even found a small pecker picture on the internet to attach so people could see the scope of the problem. Oh, and I sewed the pants legs closed on all of his jeans. I would have done more, but his roommate interrupted me…and ratted me out.”
“Oh, my God,” I sputter, causing Lucian too look at me warily. “Rose, have you lost your mind? You just got out of jail, and out of curiosity, how in the world did you sew his pants legs closed?”
“I took my portable sewing machine with me. I was going to sew the holes closed on everything the bastard owned, but I got caught.”
I have no idea why, but the whole thing strikes me as hilarious. I start laughing, falling against the bar and almost upending my plate in my lap. When Lucian moves it out of my reach, I laugh even harder. Picturing my Martha Stewart/Lorena Bobbitt friend going to do evil things to her cheating ex with a tube of Bengay in one hand and a sewing machine in the other is just too much. Only Rose would be threading a needle shortly after breaking and entering. When I finally manage to catch my breath, I ask, “So, um, why do you need Max? Aren’t your parents back in town now?”
“Yeah,” she sighs, “they are, but I don’t want to call them. Daddy will be so disappointed in me.” I’m a little puzzled by her statement since she assured me the last time that her daddy would be proud of her for her violence against Jake’s car.
“I thought you said he would be okay with you getting into trouble if you were doing your whole payback thing?”
“He was fine the last time,” she says, “but he wouldn’t be happy with how I went about continuing my revenge. Daddy believes in meeting your problems and solving them head-on. He would think me weak and silly for doing the stuff I did.”
I give Lucian a WTF shrug of confusion as I say slowly, “So, if you had busted up his apartment with a shovel, he would be proud? But since you didn’t resort to violence,
he would…not be?” I grimace knowing how crazy this conversation must sound to the man sitting next to me.
“That’s right. I wasn’t raised to play around with people. That doesn’t earn respect.”
“Good grief, Rose, who is your father, Hitler?” I ask, only half-joking. He sounds completely insane. Apparently, the man had drilled the whole ‘eye for an eye’ mantra in his daughter from an early age, and he meant it, literally. I bet Jake will seriously rue the day he ever met her before this is over.
“It’s just the way we are,” she says, not seeming to understand my amazement at the whole thing. “So listen, Deputy what’s-his-face over here is telling me my time is up. Can you please call Max and send him down here? He’s not taking my calls.”
“Wait…what? Maybe he’s just busy this morning.”
“He hasn’t been taking my calls since we got hot and heavy in his car. He’s trying to take the moral high ground even though he’s dying to fuck me.” I hear someone in the background, choking out, ‘time’s up.’ “I gotta go. Please have Lucian call him.” The line goes dead and I pull my cellphone away, staring at it as if it holds the answers I desperately need. Has the world gone completely mad? My best friend sure has.
Lucian plucks the phone from my hand and sits patiently, waiting for an explanation. “So…do you think you could ask Max to go to the police station and help Rose out this morning?”
After taking a long sip of his coffee, he says, “Of course. And what shall I tell Max is the problem this time?” His face is a cross between amused and resigned as I drop my head in my hands before repeating what Rose just told me. When I’m finished, he deadpans, “Your friend and her family are fucking nuts.”
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