by Shealy James
“Michael!” I yelled more forcefully than necessary, but that noise had to go.
“What? What?” he came running in the room, alarmed by my scream. It was only then that I realized he wasn’t in bed with me, and I briefly wondered if the man ever slept before the abominable noise started again.
“Answer your phone before I drop it from the roof of your building.”
He took two long strides and grabbed his phone. “Yeah?” he answered without looking at the screen. I always checked to see who was calling. You never knew what crazies would get your number. Ha. That’s rich coming from me.
Michael listened for a second before he hung up and threw his phone back on the bed, rushing to get dressed. “Amy’s in labor. I have to go to the hospital.”
“Okay. I’ll come with you.”
“It could be hours. Why don’t you stay here, and I’ll come get you when the baby is here?”
“And do what? I’m not sitting in your apartment all day. I can come with you and meet this baby, or I can head to the VA to work.” I was not sitting around. If Jameson tried to get me in a public place like the VA, he was in for a rude awakening. I’d made friends with all the security guards there. Not only was I naturally friendly, but I also knew the first two people you make friends with in a building were the custodians and the security. There was no way Jameson would get to me there, but I highly doubted Michael felt the same way considering he had watched Jameson grab me from right outside that building. I didn’t know he was coming after me then. The son of a gun didn’t have the luxury of surprise anymore.
We faced off for a moment before Michael gave in to me. He knew I wouldn’t sit around all day, and he didn’t want me out there (meaning anywhere outside of his apartment) by myself, no matter how brave I was feeling. Michael would get along great with Daddy and Seth. They all thought a woman needed a man to take care of them. There was nothing a .38 special, a little pepper spray, or high heels couldn’t take care of in my mind. Jameson would be stupid to lay a hand on me again, but after my freak-out yesterday, I knew Michael wouldn’t see things my way.
“Fine. Get dressed. You’re coming to the hospital, but you’re staying where I can see you at all times.”
“Yes, sir. I’ll do whatever you say, boss man,” I joked.
Michael didn’t appreciate my humor at a time like this. “Sarah, don’t. I think it’s a terrible idea for you to be anywhere where he could get to you. Hospitals aren’t exactly safe.”
I wondered why he thought that considering there were hundreds, no, thousands of people in a hospital at any given time, not to mention the security personnel. I figured it wasn’t in my best interest to argue with the macho man who currently thought he was in charge of me. We would have to rectify that soon, but not today. I was getting to meet a new member of the human race, a tiny baby. Nothing was sweeter than a baby.
You know what wasn’t sweet? The waiting room. It was overcrowded and uncomfortable. We were there until she delivered the baby just after nine that night. We took turns going to back to see Amy, but there came a point where she was in so much pain that we confined ourselves to the waiting room. Note to self: Get a planned c-section. Better yet—adopt.
Joseph Phillip Fowler was a ten-pound baby who was just about the cutest thing I had ever seen. He was so squishy and adorable with his tiny toes and fingers. We were all in love with the little fellow who they were planning to call JP. The shortened name suited the little dark-haired newborn perfectly.
I always knew a man holding a baby could make a woman’s ovaries scream. Watching Phil cradle his son from his position in his wheelchair about broke me, but Michael holding a baby was something else entirely. As much as I had wanted to cuddle JP all night, seeing Michael with him for five seconds was enough to make me want to start making babies right there in Amy’s hospital room. I contained myself, but I couldn’t say I didn’t consider it, though.
Spending the day at the hospital made me forget about everything. It was the perfect distraction. I didn’t think about transcribing the interviews I had left. I forgot all about the data entry and analysis I had to do for my research project. The insanity with Jameson never once crossed my mind, and Dr. Wright was a distant memory as we awaited JP’s arrival. It was a nice mental break, although I didn’t know if Amy felt the same way most of the day.
By the time Michael and I were back at his apartment, I still had a little residual swooning from the whole man holding a baby business, so I made sure to seduce him as soon as we walked in the door…to the building. I was sure he didn’t mind, though. It didn’t seem like it when he was shouting my name anyway.
Michael’s annoying ringtone woke us again early the next morning. I didn’t know what it was with people calling at all hours of the morning when I was getting such little sleep, but I was making it my mission in life to change his flipping ringtone.
Michael wasn’t much happier with the racket than I was. He groaned as he peeled his body from mine to grab the obnoxious little noisemaker. “Yeah,” he answered gruffly as a warning to whoever was on the other end. After a second, his body went rigid then shot straight up leaving me undeniably curious. “What? Where?” He listened for a moment more then agreed to meet someone later before hanging up the phone.
He didn’t even bother to tell me what was going on before he was out of the bed and heading for the shower. I heard the water running, and I was still sitting in the tangled sheets thinking WTF?
“Uhm, Michael?” I called out.
He came back in the room, so I had the chance to ask what was going on as he approached me with a devilish grin on his face.
“Oh, right,” he said like he had forgotten I was there. It was not the best feeling in the world, I could honestly admit. “They picked him up near the school. Jameson,” Michael said as if I didn’t know who he was. “That was Captain Thompson. He said they have Jameson in custody and are taking a statement from him now.”
“What?”
“They arrested the son of a bitch.”
“The police have Jameson?” Please note – I’m not a moron. I was in shock.
“They have him, Sarah.”
“Are they going to keep him?”
“I’m sure he has to go to court, but he’s locked up for now. Captain Thompson said something about a psych eval, but I don’t know how long that takes.”
“But he’s locked up?” I asked one more time.
“He’s with the men in blue.”
“So, where are you going?”
“We are going to the station to get your phone and to sign off on our statements. Then we are going to speak with Dr. Wright, your professor, not the sister.”
He wrapped his strong arms around me and lifted me over his shoulder like I weighed nothing. I squealed when my stomach dropped from the surprise change in position then again when he guided my body under the hot spray of the shower. I liked this side of Michael. The very serious military man had a fun side that only came out when the timing was right.
Once I slid down his now wet body, and my feet were on the tiled floor of the shower, he held my face in his hands and said, “You’re safe now, but I hope that doesn’t mean I have to wake up without you from now on.”
We were going to have a moment. I could feel it coming, so of course, I made a joke. “Did you think I was only here for your heroics?”
“I didn’t really give you a choice.” Michael remained serious.
“Oh, I always had a choice, but even with my awful history with men, I always wanted to be here with you. I’m the kind of girl who can easily find a man who will do, but you’re something special, Sergeant.” In light of the good news and relief I was feeling, I decided to go for it, to lay my cards out on the table. “I feel things with you that I have never felt before. I feel things for you that I don’t even recognize. It makes me realize how silly I have been to think I felt something significant before now because nothing has compared to how I feel w
hen I’m with you.” It might be too early to say these kinds of things out loud, but it was better to know before the L-word. I had already learned that lesson once or twice before. If he can’t take it, he might not be the man for me, either.
He closed his eyes, and his forehead dropped to rest on mine. “I thought I was crazy for feeling what I do for you. I may not have the words like you, but you should know that you mean something to me, something significant. I certainly haven’t figured it all out yet, but I know I need you in my life.” The water continued to run over us, leaving us standing in our most vulnerable state surrounded by only steam and the silence. We had already said what we needed to say. Now we had to face the day. At that moment, I felt like I could take on anything.
Eighteen
Michael
Jameson was admitted to a mental health facility in the city for an involuntary psychiatric hold. He would be there for seventy-two hours at which time he would be facing assault and harassment charges for what he did to Sarah, not to mention Captain Thompson was still gunning for information on the other open cases connected to the bastard. His lawyer was trying to work a deal with the district attorney to have him placed into the Ritz Carlton of loony bins with Dr. Linda Wright instead of a state run facility. The police and DA didn’t really seem on board with that plan. I didn’t care where he was as long as he couldn’t get to Sarah, but I appreciated Captain Thompson keeping us up to date on the progress of the case.
I could tell that she breathed easier with him gone. She threw herself into her work and classes again, and Dr. Wright was suddenly very helpful with her schoolwork. Sarah guessed he felt guilty about forcing them to work on the study or not doing enough when she reported the first assault. I figured he wanted to make sure he had one successful grad student, considering the last one was a huge flop.
It also helped that Seth stopped threatening to tell their father what kind of trouble Sarah found in New York. She was much happier when she wasn’t constantly worried her “daddy was going to show up in a pick-up truck and drive her straight back to the farm.” Her words, not mine, but you should have heard the sweet little accent that came out when she talked about Alabama.
By Christmas, we were a real couple who went on dates and hung out with friends. Jay knew he never had a chance and even told me that he was happy for me when I threatened to kick his ass if he ever pulled shit like that again. Moretti and Phil knew better than to harass me about my relationship with Sarah. Everyone seemed to accept us as we were, and everything was right in the world.
I even started sleeping, really sleeping, next to her at night when I hadn’t had a nightmare in several days. I wasn’t sure if it was only things with Sarah or that I was also building a car from the ground up, which was one of my favorite things to do, but it was like one night I was worried about falling asleep and the next I wasn’t. I wasn’t dumb enough to think they wouldn’t come back, but when Sarah would laugh at one of my lame jokes or smile the second I walked through the door, I’d forget everything but her. She made me feel like the king of the world.
The day before she flew home to Alabama for a few days with her family, I caught her sulking as she traced circles up and down my happy trail, making me insane. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?”
I felt the deep breath she let out across my chest. It certainly didn’t help things for me. “I wish you would come home with me for Christmas. My Aunt Linda would be totally inappropriate with you. My Aunt Rose will bake you anything you could ever want. My mama would be your best friend, and Daddy would sit at the dinner table holding his shotgun.” See? King of the world. She can’t live without me.
“While that was quite the sales pitch, I can’t. I haven’t missed Christmas with the guys since we’ve been back. I also have dinner with Joe’s family and his daughters who flirt shamelessly with me.”
Her hand froze. “You would rather go flirt with Joe’s daughters than spend a weekend with me down south?”
I laughed at her indignant pout. “You jealous?”
“No!”
“Sure. You’ve got guilt written all over your pretty face.” She huffed then started climbing out of the bed apparently not in the mood for teasing. “Where are you going? You know I was joking. His daughters are all boring and unattractive. Their attempts at flirting are laughable at best,” I pleaded as she zipped her dress and pulled a long sweater, hiding her beautiful body once again.
“I’m not jealous. I have to go finish my presentation for tomorrow morning. I have a meeting with Dr. Wright beforehand. The graduate student research seminar could help me get the right professors on my dissertation committee.”
By the time she was sliding her feet into her boots, I had realized she was seriously upset. I didn’t know what I said, but she wasn’t about to leave upset. The fact we never fought was one of my favorite things about her. She was usually so easygoing.
I climbed out of the bed and pulled on my boxers before chasing her to the kitchen where she was packing up her laptop. “What are you doing?”
She looked at me like I was stupid. “Going home. I have work to do.”
“Why can’t you work here?”
“I need some space, Michael. I need to go home.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.” I stopped her. “Talk to me. You’re not leaving to work. You’re leaving because you’re mad, and I don’t know why. I know it’s not about Joe’s daughters, so what’s going on?”
Her head dropped against my chest. “I need to think.”
“About?”
“Everything.”
“Be more specific.”
“Whatever this is between us, it’s temporary, isn’t it? Sure, I feel more for you than I thought I could, but in the long run, what does it matter? I’m just a small-town girl from Alabama, who found herself caught up in the big city.”
“And I’m just a soldier who can’t even get in a car without having a panic attack. What’s your point? I know we’re different. That’s the beauty of New York. We’re all different.”
She didn’t like my answer. Making light of whatever was going on wasn’t helping my case any. “It just seems that everything was easier between us when we thought Jameson could potentially hurt me. Now, I realize that our lives may not entwine the way they should for a serious relationship. And I realize it may be too early to consider this a serious relationship, but I already have serious feelings. I would be heading for serious heartbreak if we continue on this path. After everything I’ve been through…” She didn’t finish that last sentence, but I understood what she meant.
“You’re ending things?” This was coming out of nowhere so you can imagine my shock, and yes, resentment that she was even having these kinds of thoughts when fifteen minutes ago everything between us was perfect.
“No… I don’t know. I told you, I need time to think, to get my head on straight.”
I felt a pain in my chest similar to the beginning of a panic attack. Anger was rising in me, and I was clenching my fists trying to keep it under control. “All this because I don’t want to miss Christmas with my friends, the people who have been my family since I enlisted, since my family gave up on me. I don’t see what the big deal is. ”
“It’s not even about Christmas. I knew you had plans. I just started thinking…What happens when…This has to do…” She shook her head obviously frustrated. “This has to do with the fact that no matter what we want, our lives are so different. I’m tired of temporary. I want someone who will be with me after the dust settles. I don’t want a New York boyfriend, but I’m afraid one day you’re going to tell me that you can’t give me everything and break my heart.”
“I won’t, Sarah. I can’t make promises, but I feel the same about you. You know this, so I don’t understand where this is coming from. I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me.” I stopped myself from saying more. I already sounded pathetic, but she completely threw me for a loop.
“I’m not sayi
ng anything right now, Michael. I told you that I just need time to think. Maybe when I get back things will be clearer. We can revisit this conversation then.”
“I don’t need to revisit anything, Sarah. I know what I want. For the first time ever, I’m in this. You’re the one who needs to decide what you want. I already know I want you. If you want me in Alabama, I’m there. We’ll figure it all out.”
She had tears in her eyes, and it took everything I had not to grab her and hold her until they were gone. “Everything has happened so fast. I keep thinking about what comes next for me. I’m not committed to New York permanently.” There was more that she wasn’t saying, but it was time to take a risk.
“Sarah.” I took her cheeks between my palms. “Go home. Do your thinking. Know that I’m sitting here waiting for you to come back. I’ll be thinking of you every second that you’re gone. When you come to your senses and see that you belong here with me, I’ll be here.”
Then I pressed my lips to hers, reminding her of how great we were together. She opened to me and responded as if it was our last kiss. I didn’t know if it was because she couldn’t stop herself or if it really was goodbye, but I had already bared my soul. I could only hope it didn’t backfire.
Sarah
The conversation didn’t go well with Michael. I didn’t even intend to have a conversation with him, but I kept thinking what if he came home with me? Would we take a motorcycle from the airport? Where would we put our luggage? Or would Seth come get me, and Michael follow on a motorcycle? It was a silly thing to worry about, but I couldn’t help it think about all the times we would need a car. This wasn’t the seventeenth century. Cars were part of our life in most places.
He had been so much better lately. Everything had been great up until I had to ruin it with worrying. Michael was actually sleeping at night without taking the pills that he thought I didn’t know about. He would fall asleep next to me, and when I would wake up at night, he’d be there. It was nice, but I knew it was only a matter of time before the night terrors came back. Then what?