‘Well, I won’t,’ Tom said easily. ‘I think you and Sally are great together. You think alike, you don’t have to talk—I was like that with Fliss. You can tell a lot from working with a person, and we just clicked. I think you two are the same.’
‘We are—at work. It remains to be seen if we are in our private lives—but, then, the chance to have one would be good.’
Tom snorted and rested his head back. ‘Take advantage of the flat, if you want. We aren’t going to judge you, but you’d be amazed how you can manage to work around the kids. How do you think we ended up with two more? I was going to have a vasectomy, but oddly I don’t fancy any more surgery just at the moment.’
‘Funny, that,’ Jack said with a grin, and then for the first time gave some thought to the question of birth control. It hadn’t even occurred to him that he could get Sal pregnant, but he’d rather assumed she had some kind of contraceptive regime in place, as she’d been until so recently a married woman.
But what if she didn’t? What if they’d both just overlooked it?
‘So tell me,’ Tom asked quietly. ‘What exactly did that little bastard do to me?’
Jack forced himself to focus. ‘He was very tidy, actually. The blade went into the fifth intercostal space, and nicked your pulmonary artery.’
‘How close to my heart?’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t want to know.’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘He shaved the pericardium.’
‘So—close, then. Did I have a massive haemothorax?’
‘No. You were hosing blood.’
Tom managed to laugh—just about. ‘Right. OK. Well, I suppose I asked. What about my lung?’
‘Remarkably little damage. You’d get worse from a broken rib.’
Tom nodded thoughtfully and closed his eyes, and Jack stood up. ‘You’re looking bushed. I’m going home. Well, to your home, I suppose.’
‘Give it my love,’ he said wearily. ‘I can’t wait to get back there. It’s so noisy in here.’
Jack laughed and patted his shoulder. ‘You stay here as long as you can. It was a riot there today.’
‘But it’s a different sort of noise. It’s kids being happy. I can do that. I just want to be home.’
Jack could understand that. He was looking forward to getting home himself.
Or the nearest thing he had to a home these days.
He’d moved into the Whittakers’ flat partly because of being there to help Fliss out and partly because he’d felt he’d been in the way at Patrick and Annie’s. Not only that, with Sal and Annie being such close friends, there was a bit of a conflict of interests there, and as he’d said to Tom, Patrick didn’t seem to trust him to take care of Sal, and that hurt.
Not that they weren’t doing it for all the right reasons, and he loved them for caring so much about her, but he found having to justify his every breath a bit like hard work and it was great to be able to kick off his shoes, put his feet up on the coffee-table and watch what he wanted on the television.
Of course, if he was going to be around for long, he ought to look for a proper place to stay—rent a house or something—just until he’d resolved how this was going to work with Sally.
And if he was lucky—well, he didn’t like to think about that too much, not at this stage, because it seemed like tempting fate. He knew what he wanted, but getting it was a whole different ball game, and he had a feeling it could easily end in a no-score draw.
He walked out of the surgical unit and straight into Patrick. ‘Talk of the devil,’ he said lightly. ‘I was just telling Tom you’ve been giving me a hard time.’
Patrick’s eyes shadowed with distress. ‘I have, haven’t I? Annie gave me an earful this morning about it. I’m sorry. I was busy thinking about Sally, and I totally lost sight of what you must be going through.’
Jack nodded, looking down, kicking the floor gently with his toe. ‘It’s the fact that you don’t trust me to look after her that hurts,’he said, his voice suddenly choked, and with a muttered curse Patrick reached out and squeezed his shoulder hard.
‘I’m sorry. You must be going through hell, and I didn’t even think of your side. Does he know yet?’
‘No, but we’ll get there,’ he said. ‘Somehow.’ He swallowed hard and kicked the floor again. Damn. He wasn’t going to cry.
‘If there’s anything we can do…’
‘I’ll let you know.’
‘And you didn’t have to move out, you know. You’re always welcome. You can come back at any time.’
He looked up and gave his friend a wry smile. ‘It’s OK. I think I’m going to find a bigger place anyway once Tom comes home—somewhere I can have the boys to stay maybe.’
Patrick cocked his head on one side and frowned. ‘But—I thought you wanted to be with Sally?’
He gave a strangled laugh. ‘Oh, I do—but what I want and what I’ll get may not be the same thing, and I’m not banking on it. Life’s taught me not to take anything for granted.’
‘Lord, you have grown up.’
Jack smiled. ‘It was about time.’
‘Welcome back!’
‘Really? Tom’s at death’s door, Al’s wandering around with his hand in a support, about as much use as a chocolate teapot, and you reckon I’m welcome?’ Matt Jordan snorted softly, and Sally shook her head and hugged the big Canadian.
‘It’s good to see you.’
‘Ditto.’ He stood back and looked at her, his head cocked on one side. ‘Look, I’m sorry about you and David.’
‘Ah. You heard.’
‘I did—Tom told me last week, before he got himself stabbed. So are you OK?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, not sure whether it was true or not. Bit of a curate’s egg—good in parts. That would have been the honest answer. ‘Um—we’ve got a locum, by the way, so it’s not as grim as it could be.’
‘Yeah, Jack Logan. I heard about him from Tom as well. Patrick’s best man. He was a lucky find—and I gather he’s an old friend of yours?’
‘Um, yes,’ she began, but just then Jack strolled round the corner, stethoscope slung round his neck, cuffs turned back to show off his tanned, hair-strewn wrists, and she couldn’t stop her smile. Matt raised an eyebrow and chuckled softly.
‘Your friend, huh? OK.’ He held out his hand and raised his voice a little. ‘You must be Jack. I’m Matt.’
‘Hi. Good to meet you. Morning, gorgeous.’
‘Morning,’ she said, trying to squash the smile, but she could do nothing about the touch of colour that warmed her cheeks, and Matt missed nothing. Damn. ‘I’ll leave you two to get to know each other,’ she said, and made herself walk away.
She didn’t want to. She wanted to stay with Jack.
For the rest of her life, if she was honest, but it was too soon, and she had to sort out the children first. And be utterly certain of his motives.
She found Angie, still wearing an ankle support but much better now a week down the road, and begged for Triage. Nice and busy, and away from Jack, but Angie shook her head.
‘I thought I’d do it. Had a bit of a silly weekend in the garden as it was so gorgeous, and my ankle’s playing up. Do you mind? You can choose cubicles or majors.’
On Monday morning? She chose majors. Cubicles would be nothing but sunburn and hayfever and sporting injuries from the weekend. At least majors might be interesting.
Obviously it wasn’t only her mind that worked that way, because when she went to meet the first ambulance that came in, Jack was at her side.
‘You’ve caught the sun,’ he said, smiling at her. ‘You look positively healthy.’
‘You mean my nose is red.’
‘No, I mean you look beautiful,’ he replied softly, and turned his attention to the ambulance that was backing up to the doors. ‘I wonder if this one’s got cataplexy.’
‘Well, you’re just lucky I’m here with you,’ she said lightly, and his smile was gentle
.
‘Oh, don’t I know it,’ he murmured.
Then the doors opened, and all hell broke loose.
It was a busy day—the start of a busy week—and Sally found herself rushing around both at work and at home. She had Abby and Michael again on Tuesday, and while Ben took Abby down the garden and showed her an earwig’s nest, Michael and Alex went into the study and did some research on the internet for Alex’s homework.
They were in there for ages, and she stuck her head round the door at one point and found they weren’t even looking at the screen.
‘Hey, come on, you two, if you’ve finished come out of there and go in the garden. It’s a lovely evening and it seems a shame to be shut up inside.’
They came, but from then on Alex seemed unusually quiet.
That troubled her, when she had time to think about it. Why? What had they found on the internet?
Porn?
She felt cold at the thought. Surely not? They were far too young to be thinking about things like that. On Thursday evening, when Alex was still a little withdrawn, she went into the study and checked the log on the computer to see which sites they’d been accessing, and found nothing dubious at all.
They could have picked up a link, she thought, but there was no evidence, so she shut the computer down and was just about to leave the room when the phone rang.
‘Sally, it’s me,’ David said. ‘I’ve had a thing through from the court and they want information I haven’t got. You might find it in the filing cabinet, in the file with all the birth certificates and things.’
She turned towards the filing cabinet and then noticed the file was lying on the desk. ‘Oh—I’ve got it. We must have left it out last week. What did you want to know?’
She didn’t hear his answer. She didn’t hear or see anything except the roaring in her ears, because there, lying on the top where they most certainly hadn’t left it, was Alex’s birth certificate, with Ben’s right underneath. They were both out of the envelopes, both open, shoved hastily back into the pocket folder.
‘David, I think we’ve got a problem,’ she said, nausea rising in her throat. ‘Did you leave the children’s birth certificates out of their envelopes in the top of the folder?’
‘No. We looked at them for the information, then put them away. Why?’
‘Because they’re out and at the top. I think when Alex and Michael were in here checking something on the internet, they may have looked at them.’
David swore softly. ‘Want me to come over?’
‘Maybe. I don’t know. But I think we’re going to have to tell him soon. Maybe even tonight, but I’d rather leave it till the weekend when we’ve all got more time to talk.’
She saw Jack drawing up outside and waved to him through the window. ‘Look, Jack’s here. I’ll tell him about this, and we’ll see if Alex says anything. I might be jumping to conclusions, but he’s been a bit quiet all week.’
‘Call me if you need me. You know I’ll come.’
‘OK.’
She shut the folder, went to the front door and outside, hugging her arms, although it was far from cold.
Jack shut the car door and turned to her with a grin, bouncing a new football on his foot, but one look at her face and his grin faded, the ball rolling forgotten into the flower-bed.
‘What is it?’
‘I think he knows David isn’t his father.’
Jack felt a chill run through him. Sal quickly filled him in about her suspicions, and he closed his eyes, trying to slow his thundering heart.
‘So this is it?’
‘Could be. Come on, I don’t want to talk outside, but I wanted to warn you. We’ll go into the kitchen.’
She led him in, and Ben came running up, grinning, and hugged Jack round the waist. ‘Hiya!’ he said cheerfully, and Jack put an arm round his shoulders and hugged him back.
‘Hiya, young ‘un. You all right?’
‘Mmm. There’s an earwig nest—come and see.’
‘Later. I could do with a drink, and your mum and I need to have a talk.’
‘Work again?’ Ben said, wrinkling his nose, and Jack gave him a grin that felt slightly off-kilter and nodded. He ran off, and she shut the door and turned to Jack.
‘We have to do this,’ she said. ‘I know it’s time, but—how? There are so many unknowns. He’ll need to see you, and you’ll need to see him, but God knows where you’ll be—’
‘Here,’ he cut in. ‘I’ll be right here.’
‘For ever? What about work commitments? You can’t be sure. And he needs to know, needs to have some certainty. I mean, already for birthdays and Christmas and things he’s going to be split two ways. I don’t think I can cope with it being three.’
She broke off, tears spilling down her cheeks, and he tried to hold her but she turned away, swiping the tears from her face and pulling herself together visibly. ‘Don’t touch me, Jack. I can hardly—’
‘It doesn’t need to be three,’ he said, gripping the back of a chair to stop him from reaching for her. ‘I’ve been thinking. It was something Tom said the other day about having a vasectomy because they’d got so many kids, and I suddenly thought, I know it hasn’t been many times, but we haven’t used any contraception, and I don’t know if we needed to, but if we did needed to and we didn’t, and there’s a baby, how would I feel? And the answer is overjoyed, because I can’t think of anything I want more than to have children with you—your boys and any others that come along.
‘And it’s not just to be with Alex. I know he’s my son, and I know at some point we’re going to have to deal with this, but at the bottom of it all is the fact that I love you, that I’ve always loved you, that I’ve never stopped loving you, and I should have been with you for the last ten years. And I know it’s difficult, and I don’t want to rush things because the boys have only just lost David, but I love them already, Sal. And I love you. And I can’t walk away from this—not this time.’
His eyes filled, and he broke off and blinked. ‘Don’t ask me to go. I can’t. I’ve missed nine years of Alex’s life, and ten years of ours, and I don’t want to miss another minute.’
His voice cracked, and she turned to him.
‘So what are you suggesting?’ she asked warily.
‘Marriage—what else? I’m asking you to marry me, Sal. Come live with me and be my love. And the rest will sort itself out, because all of us love the children. I know Alex is mine and so he’s somehow closer to my heart, but Ben’s so like you, and such a great kid, how could I not love him, too?’
‘And David?’
‘David’s Alex’s dad. I know that, my love. He always will be. He’s the man who brought him up, the man he’s called his father. I wouldn’t expect either of them to give that up. I know how it feels. I’ll never get over losing Chloe to Greg, and I don’t think she will. So, no, David doesn’t need to feel threatened by my presence in your life, far from it. But I need to be with you, and I need to be with my son.’
His voice cracked again, and he stopped and sucked in air, forcing his breathing to slow. Sal, say something, he pleaded silently, but when the voice came, it wasn’t hers, it was Alex’s, from behind him, in the doorway.
‘Are you my father?’
Oh, lord. He felt the blood drain from his head, felt a cold sweat break out as his heart picked up speed, and he turned and looked his son in the eye while Sal stood there, hand hovering near her mouth, rooted to the spot.
He searched the guarded young face, the vulnerable eyes, the mouth that was set in a grim line, hanging on, and he wanted to weep for him.
‘Yes,’ he said gruffly. ‘I’m your father—your natural father.’
‘So why aren’t you on my birth certificate? I said if there wasn’t anybody on it, then I couldn’t have a father, but Michael said that was stupid, everybody has a father, even if they don’t live with them. He said maybe Mum didn’t know who it was.’
There was a gasp of denia
l from beside Jack, but he didn’t look round. He couldn’t take his eyes off his son. ‘She knew. She just couldn’t tell me, because I’d gone away and she didn’t know how to find me. And you can only put it down when the person isn’t there if you’re married to him. And we weren’t married.’
Alex’s eyes flicked to his mother. ‘Is that true?’
‘Yes,’ she said unsteadily. ‘Yes, it’s true.’
‘So Dad’s not my dad?’
‘Yes, he is,’ Jack put in swiftly. ‘And he always will be, but he’s not related to you. There’s a difference between a father and a dad. There shouldn’t be, in an ideal world, but sometimes there is, and the man who brings you up, who cares for you and loves you and answers all your endless questions and wipes your bottom when you’re little and listens to you read and teaches you to ride a bike—that man’s your dad. And he always will be.’
‘But didn’t you want to do that?’
Jack felt the tears scald his cheeks, but there was nothing he could do about it, so he did the next best thing and ignored it. ‘Oh, yes,’ he said softly. ‘I would have given everything to be that man for you, but I didn’t know you were alive. If I had, wild horses wouldn’t have kept me away from you.’
‘You’re crying.’
‘Because it breaks my heart,’ Jack said honestly. And then, fearing rejection but unable to stand the look on his son’s face, he opened his arms and waited. ‘Come here,’ he said softly, and after a moment’s hesitation Alex took one step, then another, and then ran into his arms.
Sally couldn’t see.
The tears were streaming down her cheeks, Alex was sobbing in Jack’s arms, and she didn’t think he was hanging on too well either. And then David walked in.
‘David,’ she said, and Alex lifted his head and turned, and ran to him.
‘Dad!’ he said, and David swept him up into his arms and hugged him hard without a word.
Then Ben wandered in, took one look at them all and dropped the beetle in his hand. ‘What’s going on?’
Jack just looked at her, and she went over to him, to the man she loved, slipped her hand into his and said, ‘Jack’s just asked me to marry him, and I’ve said yes.’
His Very Own Wife and Child Page 15