I hear Mom's heels click-clacking on the other side of the house, the sound growing louder by the second. My pulse is pounding in my ear, drowning out the sound of her heels as she turns the corner. It takes less than two seconds for recognition to settle in. "Mr. Carson," she says in only a breath.
"Mrs. Leigh," Raine responds curtly.
"Frederick!" Mom shouts for Dad.
I hear the wheels of his chair roll against the hardwood floor in his office, followed by his door opening. The heels of his dress shoes are almost as loud as Mom's as he stomps heavily toward us. "Yes? Is there a problem, Pamela?"
"Yes, there is," she says.
"No, Dad, there is no problem at all, other than whatever problem you have conjured up, of course," I add in.
As Dad turns the corner, it takes very little time for him to identify Raine. "Mr. Carson," Dad addresses him.
"Freddy!" Raine replies. "How's it hangin’, old man?" This isn't the Raine I know. He's trying to piss Dad off, and it will work.
"I heard you were released from prison this week," Dad says scratching at his chin.
"Three years early on good behavior." Raine’s growing smile screams with sarcasm, knowing exactly what he’s putting Dad through.
I had no idea how long Raine’s sentence was for, since I was forbidden from attending his hearing, and I had no clue he was released early for good behavior. Dad knew I wouldn't have kept my mouth shut if I went to the hearing, and I spent days arguing with him, pleading for him to believe my truth, but as always, Dad wanted nothing to do with the truth.
"Dad, you must trust me. I lied to Raine," I cry out in pain. Tears have always been Dad's weakness with me, but this time, he either thinks I'm faking it or he doesn't care. "I never should have told him I was eighteen. You have to believe me."
"He should have known better," Dad yells back. "You are a child—a minor—and he's a grown man."
"He's twenty-one!" I shout back. "That's hardly an adult. He's just barely able to drink legally, for God's sake."
"I don't care how much you cry and scream, Haven. That man is an animal and a child molester."
"It was my idea to have sex," I tell him. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine saying these words to Dad, but I have to. He must know the truth. He needs to let Raine go. "Why would you do this to me? I love him, Dad."
"You don't know what love is, Haven. Girls like you don't love boys who steal food. You're above that, and you should always keep that in mind."
"Oh my God, you're disgusting. How can you even give me life advice when you stole everything you have? We were those people who had to steal for food. You stole for food and you stole a lot more than that—much more than we needed." This is the first time I've admitted to knowing as much of Dad's secret as I've always known. I've teased with hints that I knew something wasn't right, which worried them into keeping me from most public events, but I guess they never assumed I know as much as I do. Plus, the baffled look on his face tells me my claims are accurate. "How would you like to go to jail for stealing? I have no problem announcing the truth."
"Look, honey, you're upset. I understand. However, making accusations out of anger will only cause more problems. I'm sure the judge will go easy on Raine, being that he’s only twenty-one, but he was wrong, and the act is punishable."
"I am the one who lied. I will tell the judge that. They can throw me in juvie if they have to." I would. I would take his place in a heartbeat because he’s innocent, and I’m not.
"It doesn't work that way, Haven."
"Well, I'm going to the hearing, and I am going to defend Raine. I don't care what you say."
"No, you're not going, and that's the end of the discussion. I will have security there waiting to pull you away if you even try. You are not to be within one hundred feet of that animal. I put a temporary restraining order on Mr. Carson until he is put away."
"You're the only animal here," I yell at him. "I will never forgive you for this. Never! So, I hope it was worth losing the small bit of a relationship you had left with me."
He doesn’t even care. His hands are still relaxed in his pockets, and he’s rocking back and forth on his heels as if he’s chipper and happy that he ruined my life and Raine’s. “If that's what it takes to keep you safe, then so be it. Someday, when you have children, God willing, you will see what a parent goes through to keep a child safe." You’re going to eat those words someday. If I have kids, they will never know the kind of grandfather they have. I’d be too ashamed to put them through that.
"I guess it’s along the same lines of what a parent will go through to keep his crimes a secret," I add in. “You’re disgusting, and I wish you weren’t my father.”
"Go to your room, Haven. Now!" he shouts at me as if I were a ten-year-old child.
"You won't get away with this," is the last thing I said to him.
"What are you doing here?" Dad asks Raine.
I slip my hand into Raine's and clench my fingers around his. "He's with me," I tell him with a raised brow.
"Where the hell is Bennett?" Bennett hasn't gotten to him yet.
"Oh, I don't know, probably screwing Maryanne. That's a thing with them, you know."
Mom walks over and places her arm around my neck. "Bennett cheated on you?" she asks, sounding appalled, or maybe just surprised.
"Yes, and I'm happy he did. It made it a hell of a lot easier to get rid of him."
Mom pulls her arm away to hug herself back into the contentment she's always seeking. "But I thought you loved him?"
"When did I say that?" I ask her, then looking over to Dad as well. "When?"
"I don't know, I just assumed…"
"You two assume an awful lot," I interrupt her.
"Forget about Bennett for a moment, will you, Pamela?" Dad says. "What the hell are you doing here with him, Haven?"
"Him? The man you threw into the trash after I told you I lied to him? After I told you I loved him? After I told you I wanted to go defend him in court? The man you are afraid to be around for a reason we all know—"
"You wanted to defend me in court?" Raine asks. He sounds surprised to hear this, which makes my heart hurt. Does he honestly think I would willingly sit at home while he was thrown into prison for something I caused?
"Of course I did. This asshole wouldn't let me leave the house. He had security surrounding the courthouse too, ready to drag me away the second I showed up. Because…trust me, I tried."
Raine's hand trembles lightly against mine.
"I'm not afraid to be around this—this animal," Dad says, his lip curling with disgust as he looks Raine up and down.
"You should be," Raine corrects him. "There was no debt in my granddad's name. The state's pocket, where this debt was supposed to go, was apparently your wallet. I have proof." Raine doesn’t even blink while saying all of this, and I know he doesn't have proof, but he's playing his cards with a poker face I wouldn't want to go up against.
"Do you now?" Dad asks with unease. "I'd like to see this proof of yours."
Ignoring Dad's request, Raine continues, "I also know about Mr. Baker." This particular statement surprisingly makes dad's face turn pale.
"So, here's what I'm going to do, Frederick. I'm going to give you a week to get your shit together, get out of my house, return every single penny you owe me, or—"
Thinking quickly, I interrupt and add my own threat to the mix. "I will announce my statement to this town, publicly. Then, I will give them details that couldn't possibly be made up. Lastly, I will tell them where we lived before we suddenly acquired the largest house in this upper-class town after being just days away from filing for bankruptcy." The pain I just caused him is clearer than a cloudless day, and I'm having trouble seeing Dad for the man he once was.
I wish I could remember him—the man who struggled to put food on the table; the man who was tired after a long day at work and only wanted me to sit on his lap and fall asleep while we watched sta
tic TV; the man who would take me fishing every weekend with stale bread attached to our homemade fishing poles; the man who taught me to toss stones into the pond in such a way that they would dance like weightless bubbles along the water's top before soundlessly plummeting toward the sandy bottom; and the man who tucked me in every night and kneeled down beside my bed to say a prayer with me, thanking God for the love we had in our life…because it was all we really needed. That man died when he stole his first dollar.
"How could you do such a heartless thing to your own father?" Dad asks. "Accusing me of this?"
"How could you do such a cruel thing to a helpless child?" I ask him. "What you did to Raine was far worse than what Raine and I did together. At least I consented." I wait for any kind of response, but Dad just appears dumbfounded. "You violated him, taking everything he had, and for that, you should have been the one to rot in prison."
Dad's eyes are wide and covered with red veins as reality sets in—knowing, understanding, and now living with the consequence of his stupid actions. "Haven—" he begins, but stops there. I assume he just realized he has no words good enough to follow what I’ve said.
"It wasn't just me you stole from," Raine adds in. "Lenore had given up her life to care for me while she cared for her thirty-year-old disabled daughter who would always need care. You stole from a woman with Down syndrome, and continued to push on with your life, as if you had done nothing wrong, without regard for those whose lives you had ruined."
I'm not sure which of the words spoken in the last five minutes was the straw to break the camel's back, but there are tears in Dad's eyes. This isn't the man he was born to be. He became this monster out of desperation. He allowed desperation to make him do ugly things without regard for others, but those ugly things became a disease that consumed him, rotting all that was good in him, turning him into someone else entirely, and now he is just a shell of the man he once was.
"Give it all back to him, Dad, and pray for forgiveness before it's too late." Mom is looking through Dad with glassy eyes, assumedly debating what he should do. Is there seriously a need to question this?
"Do you love your daughter?" Raine asks.
"Of course we do," Dad answers immediately.
"Did you know she's been sleeping at a motel? Did you know I found her ready to fall asleep on the front steps of The Motel two nights ago? Did you know she's about to become homeless?" Raine's words plunge into the depths of my own heart. I knew this was where I was headed, but I never said those words to myself. This is who I was always meant to be, though—someone who needs to struggle and work hard to survive. I was never supposed to be handed anything.
"That's ridiculous. We would never let that happen," Mom says.
"I would never willingly live here again, knowing this money belongs to a man you put in prison just to cover your tracks," I tell them both. "I would rather be homeless than live as a thief like you two do."
"If I gave you the money you think belongs to you, we'd have nothing," Dad says. "Is that what you want?"
"What is worth more, Mr. Leigh? Your integrity, or your money?" The anger resurfaces within Dad's eyes, understanding he will have to give up one of them, if not both.
"Fine, your mother and I will go live on the street, just like you want," Dad says to me, trying his hand at guilt. Except, that is what I want. It's what they deserve. They're horrible people who should be behind bars or worse.
"There's a difference between you and me, Frederick," Raine says. "I don't need four million dollars to make me happy." Raine looks back and forth between Mom and Dad, apparently making sure his words come across clear to both of them. "I feel sorry for you—your marriage and your family that needed an artificial form of joy to keep you all together."
"Are you saying you aren't threatening me for all of that money?" Dad asks with a glimmer of hope in his voice.
Raine laughs, a laugh I haven't heard before. One that may scare me in any other situation. "Oh, Frederick, I don't mean I'd give you any of the money. However, I would give to those who are less fortunate because that would make me happy. Being such a good friend of my granddad's, I'm sure you know how he felt about charity—seeing as you were his charity."
Dad begins to pace in the small area we all seem confined to. "There are no poor people in this town anymore," Dad says, pausing for a moment. "I am responsible for that. I've done good for this community, and now I'm being made out to be some kind of demon."
Raine scratches at his cheek, creating the appearance of deep thought. "Well, that wouldn't be the case if the taxes were lowered and we reopened the shelter in the center of town. Am I correct?"
"You just want a job back for Lenore? Am I correct?" Dad asks Raine.
"She won't need a job. She will be taken care of," Raine argues.
Dad's eyes widen with sin, and I don't like the look on his face. I want to leave this house and catch my breath that escaped me so many minutes ago. "I'm afraid that isn't necessary, Mr. Carson." Raine's lips fall into a grimace that breaks my heart into a million pieces. Please, no. He said she was like a mother to him. "She passed away last year." Dad doesn't blink as he says this. It's as if he's enjoying the pain that this must be causing Raine. "Don't worry, we allowed her to be buried in the local cemetery. In Sutter." I can hear Raine's breaths growing louder, the redness filling his face is a cause for concern, and I don't know why I'm the only one who is seeing that he should not be pushed even an inch further. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Mr. Carson."
"What did she die of?" Raine asks through gritted teeth.
Dad looks down with only a hint of remorse. "From what I heard, she was sick and couldn’t afford medical care."
Raine runs his fingers through his thick hair and rushes out the door. I need to follow him, but I'm not letting this go that easily. "This isn't over, Dad. You are giving him the money."
"Again, Haven, how could you do this to your own father?" Dad replies. “You don’t even know what you’re getting yourself into right now. I don’t care how old you are, sweetheart, but you should always know I do what’s best for my family. Please, try to understand that as you tread down this rocky terrain.” I have had trouble believing many of the things he said to me over the years, but this, it’s pure bull.
"How could a father do this to a fatherless child? Do you even have a heart?" I ask. "You have a week to get him the money, or I’m taking this public with the proof Raine and I have." Knowing neither of us truly have evidence, I'm testing my own poker face with the assisting fuel of anger raging through my body.
I turn to Mom, refusing to let her off the hook. "You are just as bad as he is. You knew all of this and went along with it." She looks sick, maybe considering the thought of going to prison—what that would do to her perfect little appearance. "You know, we don't choose who we love, and I can appreciate that, even at twenty-three, but what I can't understand is…defending and standing behind criminal behavior for love. Wow. Congratulations to you both; you chose money over everything else. You really deserve each other.” I laugh sardonically, finally understanding the reality of their marriage. “Hasn't anyone ever told you, money doesn't buy happiness or love? It only causes problems. Gosh, it was always just a matter of time before this all caught up with you both."
31
Raine
This is all my fucking fault. One bad decision after another. I should have stayed away from that house all those years ago. Instead, I tempted Frederick. Lenore would have survived if I was around. I would have taken care of her. What about Lauren? The thought makes my insides hurt like they haven't hurt since the day I was taken away.
I’m heading toward the center of town because I need to find Lauren somehow. I don't know what kind of records they have, but I hope someone has information on her whereabouts. "Wait!" Haven calls out. "Where are you going?"
She runs after me, catching up, grabbing hold of my arm, but right now, I’m so numb, I can’t even feel a sense of tou
ch. "Raine," she says through quick breaths. "What I can do?"
"I need to find Lauren," I tell her.
This must be what it feels like to lose a parent. My heart is breaking. The blame, though, adds a whole new layer of pain. Lenore suffered, making this so much worse. Dying with no one to care for you and no resources to care for yourself, let alone your special needs daughter, has to be one of the worst ways to go.
"I'm blaming myself," I tell Haven after not saying a word for the last ten minutes. "But this wasn't my fault."
"It was my dad's," she says.
"Yeah, it was."
Living in a world where I keep running out of people who consider me to be family has brought me to a point where I know what I want in my life. "You know…” I huff with anger. “You know what I want, Haven, I want a bunch of kids. I want a huge family. I don't want to ever feel like this again. Ever." The words feel strange coming from my mouth, but I've thought about them a million times in my adult life. For a long time, I promised myself I would never put a child on this earth in fear of hurting him or her the way I was hurt, but with my confinement, I realized living like that would never bring me any happiness. I know I would never hurt a child in that way. If there's one thing I can do for Granddad, and now Lenore, it’s to right every wrong that was done to me.
"You do?" Haven questions.
"Yeah, that's all I want." It’s all the honesty I can muster, and I’m laying all my cards out on the table in front of us. "I kind of figured it wouldn't be possible while living in poverty, but now I'm seeing that it might just be possible after all." I'm not stopping until I regain what's rightfully mine.
We walk up to the town hall, and I don't pause before walking through the old, worn doors. Immediately greeted by the scent of old books and dust, the orange track lighting guides us in the direction of the town clerk’s office. Regardless of what everyone in this community thinks of me, or that the paper printouts I saw last week with my face and the words “sex offender” tattooed on my forehead are probably lining every bulletin board here, I’m getting what I need.
Raine's Haven Page 25