“How do I know?” she asked seductively.
“I can show you better than I can tell you,” he said as his hands begin to explore every inch of her body.
◊
Detria answered the phone on her desk. It was Stiles.
“Hey, how long have you been here?” he asked.
“Not long. Why? What’s up?”
“I was about to go grab a bite to eat, and I saw your car. You want to join me?”
“Ummm, no, I don’t think so. You go ahead.”
Silence filtered through the phone lines.
“Hello,” Detria said, breaking the moment.
“I’m here. What are you doing that you can’t break away?” he asked with agitation ringing in his voice and dripping onto Detria’s ears. She rolled her eyes up in her head. She was spent from being with Skip all morning. They’d had breakfast in bed too, not to mention the other things they did.
“I have some reports to go over. I need to go through this long list of ministry leaders and see who’s going to be doing what and where this Sunday and Wednesday night. And, I have to see if I’m going to have enough volunteers for the lock in this Friday night for the teenagers. It’s just a lot I have on my plate. And if you don’t want me here all day, then I need to work through lunch. You’ll be complaining about the baby being with Mother Brown too long.”
“Do what you have to do. I’ll talk to you when I get back,” Stiles said abruptly.
“I always do,” she retorted, as her mind filled with bitter thoughts.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, Stiles. Nothing at all. Anyway, enjoy your lunch.” She ended the call before he could say anything else. You were right, Skip, payback is something else. And with that thought, Detria remembered a quote she’d memorized from one of her college lit classes. She didn’t remember who it was by and she didn’t know why she remembered it out of all the quotes and literature passages she had to remember when she was in college, but it was right on the money because it suited how she felt about Stiles. “All the old knives that have rusted in my back, I drive in yours.”
24
“I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery.” George Washington
Stiles approached the pulpit after the choir finished their second song. “Turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter five, and verse thirty-three,” he directed the congregation. “Reading from the New King James version, it reads,, Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Detria hoped no one saw her cringe. What was Stiles doing? She’d listened to him practicing his sermon in his study the night before, and the night before that, and she hadn’t heard him say one thing about loving your wife and the wife respecting her husband. Did he know something, or suspect something? Surely he didn’t. But before she completely dismissed the thought, she quickly turned her head and her eyes locked in on Skip who was seated behind the sound booth live streaming the church service.
“There are three things you should devote yourself to in your marriage. And this works for those of you who aren't married but you're in a relationship. First, be friends. Enjoy one another. Hang out with each other. Spend time together. Establish and nurture your friendship. The Bible says in Ecclesiastes chapter four verses nine through twelve.” Stiles looked down at his Bible. “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Have a bond of friendship.
“Next, be committed to each other. Don’t be ready to throw in the towel every time you have an argument or disagreement. Marriage is a commitment. We run to the divorce courts quick, fast and in a hurry every time we don’t agree with something, every time we get mad about stuff that doesn’t really matter over the course of a relationship. That’s why you need to pray seriously, seek God before you choose your mate. Make sure he’s the man God has sent you. Men, make sure she’s the woman God has designed for you to be with.
Matthew chapter five verses thirty-one and thirty-two says, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
Detria was clearly agitated, but managed to keep her emotions in check. No way would she ever let the members of Holy Rock see her sweat. She had to keep it all together. She looked directly into Stiles’ eyes hoping to see some sign that would alert her to what he could have been thinking. There was none. He was preaching just as hard and with fervor like he always did. There were times during the twenty minute sermon when their eyes connected, but it was only for mere seconds. Clearly, this was one of those sermons that Stiles would walk away saying, “That message today was from God to me.”
There were times when after having spent long hours studying and researching for a sermon, he would get up on Sunday morning and tell her that the Holy Spirit lead him to preach about something totally different.
The more Stiles preached, the more Detria felt convicted for her adulterous acts. And to think, her mother-in-law had done the same thing. What was it about the Graham men that caused their women to stray? Stiles may not have been a Graham by blood, but still the apple still hadn’t fallen too far from the tree.
Detria continued to listen. She was guilty, guilty as sin, but she already knew that once the sermon was over, nothing in her life was going to change. She was going to keep seeing Skip until, well she didn’t know how long she was going to see him. But there was no way she would stop until Stiles showed her a different side of him. He had to want to change, realize that he needed to change.
He was too controlling of her and he wanted her to be one of those barefoot and pregnant women. Detria didn’t want that. Baby Audrey was enough, and if he thought she was going to lay up and have baby after baby while he ran around parading behind his role of pastor, then he had another thing coming. Plus, she liked Skip. She liked what they had together, even though it was sordid and adulterous on her part. She wasn’t perfect. Nobody was perfect. She had her faults and her shortcomings, but she was a good woman but Stiles didn’t seem to see that, or he didn’t want to see it. She didn’t know which one it was, and with each day that passed, she began to care less about his thoughts.
She wouldn’t be stupid and wind up getting busted like Audrey did, God rest her soul. Detria felt like she was far too clever for that. She covered her tracks well. Plus, Skip was the kind of man who knew how to keep his mouth shut. He didn’t like drama. She laughed out loud before she realized it when she thought about what he said the last time they were in bed together a few days before, “I’m a lover, not a fighter.” She hurriedly stifled her laugh by placing her hand over her mouth. The lady next to her looked at her and smiled. Detria patted the woman’s hand and smiled back. If only she knew.
After church services ended, Stiles and Detria went to lunch at Olive Garden. It was one of the times that they enjoyed each other’s company. There was no arguing, fussing or fighting. Detria didn’t know if it was because they didn’t have Baby Audrey with them or if it was just one of those times they actually had a good time for the sake of having a good time. Mother Brown had asked to keep Baby Audrey so she could take her to her three year old grandbaby’s birthday party. It was a welcomed relief for Detria.
“So, you changed your sermon, huh?” she inquired between taking stabs at her garden salad.
“The Holy Spirit led me in a different direction this morning. I wasn’t at ease about preaching the sermon I’d prepared. I have t
o be obedient to God. When I accepted my calling to the ministry, I promised God that I would be his humble servant. Part of that includes listening to Him and obeying Him.”
“I didn’t say anything was wrong with it, it just took me a little bit by surprise. I didn’t know if you were slick trying to talk about our marriage or not.” Detria swallowed a forkful of salad and followed it up by taking a swallow of her Skinny Pomegranate Limetta. She loved the mixture of lime, lemon and pomegranate mixed with sparkling water and fresh sliced fruit.
“Don’t be so paranoid, Detria,” Stiles said and put a hefty portion of his eggplant parmigiana into his mouth. “Unless you have a reason to be,” he said with a raised eyebrow.
“Why would I have a reason to be paranoid? All I was thinking about was how we’ve had our share of rifts lately. I have to admit, it’s been hard. Still is, Stiles. Our marriage is far from perfect.”
“That’s because we’ve had a lot going on in our lives. These past three years have been tough. Audrey died, Pastor’s health concerns, your miscarriage, your pregnancy, Francesca being diagnosed with AIDS. You name it and it seems like it’s affected us in some way. And I’m sorry to say that it’s mostly had a negative effect on me and I let it spill out into our marriage.” Stiles took another forkful of food. “Now this latest round of adversity has really hit home.”
“I still can’t believe it. Have you talked to Pastor lately? Seems like it’s been over a month since I’ve seen him at Holy Rock. I should have called him, or taken the baby to see him, but I’ve been so busy. And he hasn’t called to check on her, which is really surprising.
“Well, he’s fine if you’re worried about him.”
“I was getting worried, because there was a time nothing could keep him away from his beloved Holy Rock.”
Stiles nodded. “Yea, I know, but that’s his decision. Skip told me just the other day that he saw Pastor at Kroger. He was with what’s her name?”
“Probably Josie,” Detria answered. Skip hadn’t told her that he’d run into Pastor. She dismissed her trivial thought and continued to listen to her husband.
“Yes, that’s who it was. But getting back to what Skip said. He said Pastor told him he had been going to church with his friend, and then Skip said he pointed to Josie and introduced her to him. Guess those two are pretty close,” Stiles said.
“Wonder if she knows what went down between you and him, and Francesca.”
“I doubt it. If he kept his secrets from his own children, I know he’s not about to blurt it to anyone else. At least I wouldn’t think so. But then again, who knows what that man will do. I never thought he’d be the kind of person who would purposely deceive his own family either, but he did.”
“Well, you know what you have to do,” Detria remarked.
Stiles stopped messing around with his food and eyed Detria curiously. “What?” he asked her.
“Forgive him. Plain and simple.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know. I’ve prayed about it, ever since it happened. I called him a few days after that, but I, well, I guess I haven’t truly forgiven him in my heart because I didn’t have one kind word to say to him. On the contrary, I went off on him again.”
“Well, the thing is, you’re not going to be able to move forward if you don’t let it go. And it’s obvious that he forgave Audrey. He stayed with her knowing the child she had wasn’t his. And every time I was around them as a couple, they doted on one another like they were the happiest married couple in the world.”
“You’re right about that. And, who knows, maybe they were. I mean it didn’t seem like he hated her, and she definitely acted like he was the icing on her favorite cake.”
“Exactly, so pray about it some more and do whatever God directs you to do,” Detria advised.
“Thanks,” he told her.
“For what?” she asked him.
“You’ve always been a great listener, and you give good advice.” He immediately went into his spiel. “Look, I know I’m not the easiest guy to love. I know I have some anger issues and probably some control issues too, but I really do want our marriage to work, Detria.”
Detria’s defenses subsided somewhat as she listened. This was the Stiles she’d fallen for. The one who was sensitive and caring. But during their marriage she had begun to see far less of this side of him. It was almost like he had a good twin and an evil twin, and most of the time the evil twin reigned.
“Are you listening to me?” he asked.
“Yes, I’m listening to you. And I want our marriage to work too. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not perfect either. I know you expected me to be more, well more of a stay-at-home type of wife and mother. One who loves to be at home with the kids type of wife, and I wish I could be that person. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong. I love our daughter. And maybe one day we can give her a brother or sister like you want, but even if we do have other children, I still don’t see myself being the house-wifey type. That’s not me. That’s not who I am, Stiles. And if you can’t deal with that, then I don’t know what the future holds for us.”
“I’m going to be honest. I do have some serious concerns when it comes to your, quote unquote,” Stiles said while gesturing with his hands, “unconventional way of motherhood. I thought you would love being at home raising our daughter. And you never told me that you didn’t want to play that role. So I’m sorry for assuming that you would be that kind of wife, that kind of mother.”
Detria did a show of hands. “Hold, up. I’m not putting all the blame on you. After all, a closed mouth doesn’t get fed, so I should have told you in the beginning, even while I was carrying Baby Audrey, that I did not want to sign up for being a full-time housewife and mother. But I didn’t, and so here we are. Almost at a crossroads of sort.”
“But it’s not too late for us to make this work. Or is it?” he looked at Detria.
That would mean breaking things off with Skip. Do I want to do that? Do I really want to have more kids with Stiles? Keep being the First Lady?
Stiles looked disappointed when Detria hesitated.
“No, I…I don’t think it’s too late. I don’t think it’s too late at all,” she said slowly, almost with a tinge of uncertainty ringing in her words.
Stiles reached across the table and caressed her cheek while Detria thought about how she might really have to break things off with Skip if she planned on giving her marriage a real chance to work.
25
“They say that blood is thicker than water. Maybe that's why we battle our own with more energy and gusto than we would ever expend on strangers.” David Assael
Francesca curled up in the center of her bed and wept. The opened letter from the adoption agency was laced with fancy words ladened with nothing but heartbreak for Francesca. They had denied her and Tim. She would never be able to be a mom. She wanted to have that chance so badly, a chance to show a child what being a real mother was supposed to be like. But thanks to her sickness, though the letter didn’t come out and say it, she wouldn’t know what it felt like to hold a child in her arms, or to love a child unconditionally.
Tim had tried to explain to her that they could be surrogate parents to his sisters’ kids, or to the vast array of cousins he had in his family. But that wouldn’t be the same for Francesca. She wanted to hear a child call her mother and Tim father.
“Father, I know I’ve messed up my life. I know I’m the blame for being laid up here with AIDS. I know all of the mistakes and screw-up’s I’ve made. But God, I’ve tried to turn my life around. I’ve tried to be a better person.” Francesca wiped tears from her eyes as she looked upward. “You said you would forgive me if I confessed my sins, and I did. So why, why couldn’t you let me have just one, one child to love? Why do I have to pay for my past over and over again?”
She read the letter several times before balling it up in her fists and throwing it to the other side of the bedroom. She continued to cry until she
had no more tears left. Her conversation with God continued as she questioned the reason for her existence and purpose in life.
◊
“What’s up, Pretty Lady?” Skip asked.
“Skip, how many times do I have to tell you. We can’t see each other anymore. I’m trying to give my marriage a fair shake.”
Detria had called Skip up the day after she and Stiles discussed the state of their marriage. That had been two weeks ago, and Skip was still not cutting her any slack. He was persistent and Detria was slowly succumbing to his pleas though she hadn’t given in to him.
“And I told you, you don’t want to be with Stiles. So why are you making yourself miserable trying? Come on, Detria. One last time. Meet me one last time, baby. And I promise, if you’ll just do this one thing for me, I won’t bother you again. I’ll speak to you when I see you, do what I can to help you around the church, whatever I have to do, but I won’t bother you about me and you again. Just say you’ll meet me.”
Detria listened to him pleading with her on the other end of the telephone line. He sounded so sincere. And she didn’t want to admit it to him, but she missed him. She missed him a lot. Skip had been emailing her, texting her and pulling her to the side at Holy Rock every chance he got. She couldn’t hold back any longer.
“Okay, but I’m telling you, this is going to be it. We can’t do this anymore.”
“Okay, baby. Meet me at our spot at say, two, two-thirty?”
“Two-thirty will be better. I have to go over some paperwork for the children’s ministry and check my emails and stuff too. And I have to see if Mother Brown can watch Audrey.”
My Sister My Momma My Wife Page 17