by Black, T. E.
"Much. Just stand there and look cute. It works for you,” she says with a wink.
I chuckle quietly, picking up where I left off. I kiss her gently this time, savoring every second I can get when it comes to her mouth. Her lips move with mine, and it's the sweetest fucking thing I've ever felt. Women don't normally do this to me. I can turn off my feelings when it comes to chicks I pick up along the way. But I can’t turn off the way Shay Kirby makes me feel. I'm on a bus with a one-way ticket to the beginning and end of the rest of my life. She’s both—the beginning and the end. She's the smoke in the air I breathe. She floats through my body, surrounding me with herself and filling every crack and crevice. She consumes me.
Just as my hands start to wander over her luscious curves, I hear it.
"MOMMY AND TRENT SITTING IN A TREE K - I - S - S - I - N - G. FIRST COMES ..."
We separate, both of us unable to control the laughter falling from our now bruised lips.
"Abby, stop." Shay tries to command, but it doesn't work from her fit of laughter.
Abby keeps singing her song, and I think of how to stop her before Shay and I both lose oxygen.
I step toward Abby quickly, picking her up and tipping her upside down as if I'm a mean kid in school trying to steal her lunch money.
"AHHHH!" she squeals in my hold.
I slide her down onto the floor of the apartment, being careful she doesn't hit her head.
"Go get ready, Miss K-I-S-S-I-N-G," I tease.
She obliges by giving me a captain’s salute and scurrying to her bedroom. She walks inside, shutting the door behind her. Shay’s arms wrap around my waist, and her fingers trace the indentation of my abs. God. Her touch kills me. She nuzzles her face into my back and speaks quietly.
"There's no getting anything by her. You realize she's going to ask me what's going on between us now, right?"
I lace our fingers together, keeping her where she is.
"Then tell her we're working on it, sweetheart. I'm gonna be around now, so ya might as well talk to her about it. I'm not going anywhere, Shay."
She stays still with her face on my back until I feel her nod against me.
"Promise?" she peeps.
“I promise.”
“WHY ARE WE here?" Shay questions from the passenger seat of my truck.
I don't answer her. Instead, I park the truck, letting myself get lost in my head for a few minutes. I need to collect myself before I walk in there.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer almost six months ago, and it's been fucking hard on me. Whenever I come here, I'm high as a damn kite. It's the only way I can see her and not flip the hell out.
My mother is an amazing woman, and she doesn't deserve what she's going through. She's gentle and sincere. She's the one person who has always wanted the best for me, no matter how many times I've fucked up. She's the type of woman who forgives easily because it comes naturally to her. She's a damn angel, living in hell.
Every time I come here out of my mind, I know how much it kills her. She has the biggest smile on her face when I walk through the door, but always frowns when she sees my pinpoint-size pupils. It breaks her damn heart, but I can't fucking help it. It's my coping mechanism for this whole mess. I can't let myself be healthy when she's dying in a place with a ticking time bomb attached to it.
"Trent?" Shay repeats, bidding me to snap out of my thoughts.
Her hand finds mine, which is gripping the steering wheel so damn hard my knuckles are white as a ghost.
"Is someone here you know?" She tries to pry my fingers from the wheel.
She laces our fingers together. I finally turn to look at her. Her expression is a mixture of pain, pity, and love. It's the first time someone has looked at me like that besides my mother. It's angelic.
I nod my head, letting out a deep breath.
"My mom."
She tilts her head to the side slightly, her worried look turning into one of sadness. This was my idea. I wanted Shay to meet my mother. My mom wanted to meet her too. I want her to see I finally found happiness. I want her to see her son has finally figured his shit out.
"I'd love to meet her if that's why you brought me here," she whispers.
I give her hand a small squeeze before starting to unbuckle myself from the driver's seat.
This is it.
It's time to make this real.
We get Abby out of the truck and into the hospital in record time, leaving us standing face to face with my mother’s door. My hands clam up, but Shay holds on to me with ease.
With a new confidence, I knock twice before letting us inside.
"Sweetie! I didn't know you were coming. What a surprise!" My mom smiles from ear to ear, but a coughing fit shoos it away.
I walk toward her, having to let go of Shay.
"It was spur of the moment, Ma," I confide, placing a small kiss on her cheek.
She peeks over my shoulder, her hand flying to her mouth in a gasp.
"Oh my goodness, Trent. Who do we have here?" she coos.
I knew this would happen. I've never let my mom meet a woman before because there was never one I wanted this badly. Also, Abby being here is the icing on the cake for my mother. She always wanted grandkids from Rook and me.
Abby and Shay stand still, hand in hand.
"Hi, Mrs. Wallace. I'm Shay, and this is my daughter, Abby."
My mother's eyes flood with tears, a smile fixed on her lips.
"Ma ..." I urge her to stop with the waterworks.
She's making this awkward as hell. She wipes at her eyes, shooting me a wicked glare.
"Trent Wallace, don't you dare Ma me. This is the first time you've ever brought a woman to meet me, let alone a child. If I want to cry tears of joy, then I will."
Shay laughs, still standing in the doorway, and I roll my eyes.
I walk toward the two, positioning myself between and taking one hand from each of them. The three of us take nervous steps toward the hospital bed until we finally stand in front of the only woman who has ever mattered to me in life.
"Mom, this is Shay Kirby. She's gonna be the woman I marry one day."
Shay sucks in a sharp breath, her palm sweating worse than mine is.
There, I said it. I said what has been running through my mind this entire time. What's the difference at this point? Shay will realize it sooner or later. I hope sooner, but I'll fucking wait.
"And this ...” I say, giving Abby's hand a small tug "… is Abby. She's gonna be your granddaughter one day."
My mom is tearing up again at this point. Her tiny frame shakes with the sobs she's attempting to hold in, and I can see how hard it is for her. She lost more weight than she should’ve during the chemo treatments, and it scares me.
She reaches for Shay and Abby's hands, pulling them both to her for a hug. They both accept my mom's offer, all three of them holding each other.
"I really hope so," my mom says in a soft voice.
M83 – “Midnight City”
TRENT’S MOTHER IS an amazing woman. She may be sick, but she’s so full of life and happiness. We spent hours with her, just talking and laughing while she told Abby and me embarrassing stories about Trent's childhood. It seems Trent and his brother, Rook, used to make her want to pull her hair out. According to her, there was never a dull moment at the Wallace household. I can only imagine.
"She's finally sleeping," Trent confirms, crawling under the covers.
I relented and asked him to stay the night. Abby was pretty much the deciding factor. She kept asking me on the way home if Trent could sleep over. I know she loves him already because he's the father figure she never had. I know for a fact Bruce doesn't joke with her like Trent does. It was the reason I said he could stay. Abby hasn't smiled for anyone except me in a long time. To see her little face light up when she looks at Trent, I can't take it away from her.
Trent's hand finds my waist under the covers, and my pulse starts to race. It beats rhythmically, bl
urring the lines I know we've crossed tonight. When he told his mother he was going to marry me one day, I didn't object or deny it. I stood there, staring at the tears rolling down her face and her contagious smile. It made her so happy to see her son happy. I couldn't tell her I didn't know what would happen with Trent and me. I mean, after all, we both bear secrets that neither of us plans to share. Our secrets are strong enough to rip us apart in the end. The day they’re revealed will be the day everything falls apart. So for now, we don't let the toxicity get to us. We keep it hidden and bask in the feelings of our newfound happiness.
"Did you enjoy our date?" Trent places a kiss on my bare neck.
I roll over to face him, my hands outlining the tattoos painting his chest with color.
"I did. Your mother is wonderful. Although …” My voice trails off.
“Although what?” he retorts as if he knew this was coming.
“You shouldn’t have introduced Abby and me to your mom like that. You don’t know what the future holds for us, Trent. You can’t know if we’re even going to make it …”
Trent’s face freezes in a confused expression as he takes in what I said. But I’m right. He has no idea what’s in store for us. He introduced us to his mom like that without a single hesitation, and it scared the hell out of me. How can he be so sure we’re ready for this?
“Babe, look at me,” he urges, gripping my chin between his fingers. “We’re going to make it, Shay. We’re gonna win any fight thrown at us. I promise ya. And one day, I’m gonna put a ring on ya finger. It may not be right now, but it’s gonna happen. I’ve never lied to my mom once, and I didn’t start tonight.”
He smiles a genuine smile, pulling my body to his. Our bodies conform to one another. His fingers leave ghost kisses on my skin, and mine leaves bruises upon his. We steal kisses, not asking permission as we do so. It's easy, and it feels right.
We touch, we feel, we live in the moment. Before I know what's happening, we collide. A rhythmic gust of wind swirls around our bodies, caging us in and protecting us from what lies on the outside. Nothing can touch us inside our temporary safe haven except the two of us.
Our hands, our mouths, our hearts.
We go through the motions of taking off our clothes. Listening to each other's sounds and cherishing the feeling of having someone else so close, and then he enters me.
We make love.
Oh God, do we make love.
“SO YOU’RE TRYING to tell us that Trent Wallace, the epitome of a playboy, made love to you last night? He was gentle, kind, and considerate? I'll believe it when I see it," Sierra states from across the table.
I needed another lunch with my girls after last night. I needed to get everything off my chest pertaining to Trent and me, and my girls are the ones I decided to tell.
Before I can defend myself, Callie chimes in from her seat. "Shay, we're happy for you, we really are, but Trent doesn't seem like the type who makes love. We just don't want to see you get hurt during whatever this is between the two of you. Mac said he's been acting strange lately, and he knows something is going on. We just want to make sure you and Abby are going to be safe."
I scoff at her. I really don't mean to, but they have no idea who Trent really is. They have no idea that beneath his carefree attitude, he has a damn heart of gold. Not to mention his mother being sick as she is. If they knew the whole story, I can guarantee they wouldn't be sitting here bashing him as if he's scum between their toes.
"Guys, stop. He isn't bad, seriously. I'm telling you the truth. Trent is a good man, and you should see the way he is with Abby. I've never seen him like that before. He acts as if she's his daughter. It's crazy," I try to convince them.
Sierra and Callie laugh as if I've just told them the greatest joke known to man, while Ryleigh sits in her seat, twirling her beer bottle around on the metal patio table. I’m not used to her being quiet. Typically, she puts her two cents in, even when it's not wanted.
"Why are you so damn quiet over there?" I question, raising my brows.
Callie and Sierra shoot their eyes in Ryleigh's direction, all wondering the same thing. "Nothing. Can't I just sit here and not talk for five minutes?" she snaps at us harshly.
Well, apparently something died and crawled up her ass this beautiful afternoon. She's being snippy about the questions we ask, and that's not like her.
Sierra mumbles under her breath, saying something along the lines of “bitch,” but soon after, the conversation is squashed, which means everyone is back on Trent’s and my ass.
"Ya all need to cut Shay some slack, all right? Trent is going through a rough time. He's dealing with shit in his own way," Ryleigh confirms, her tone still harsh.
My eyes bounce quickly. My mind wonders what she knows about Trent. I need to talk to her about it. She and Trent are close, that I do know, but lately, I haven't heard much about the two of them together. It makes me wonder what in the hell is going on.
Ten minutes later, everyone is saying good-bye and I take my chance before I lose it. Sierra and Callie leave together, leaving Ryleigh and me alone.
"I'll see ya later, Shay."
Before she has the chance to walk away from the table, I reach over using my hand to tug her back into her seat.
"Tell me what the hell is going on, Ryleigh."
My voice comes out stern, but my insides ignite with fear.
She shrugs lightly, running her fingers through her blonde hair. Ryleigh is beautiful. Her short blonde hair has grown over the past months, letting the length of it stop right above her chest. She’s tall as hell, slim, and has curves in all the right places. Her boob job is the icing on the cake for her. I swear, if I see her in anything other than a white wife beater, it would be a damn miracle. She wears hardly any makeup and still looks like she walked out of a fucking beauty shop. It's really unfair.
"I have no idea what ya talking about. There's nothing to tell.” She stands from her seat.
Fuck.
I panic.
I panic because I know she holds all the answers for the things I'll never ask Trent. I panic because deep down, my feelings are exploding. They’re crackling, lighting fire and shooting into the sky, creating a variation of colors and design in my body and soul.
So I do it. I ask the one godforsaken question.
"How bad is it?"
Her head swings in my direction, a frown replacing her scowl. She knows the answer, and she's going to tell me before we both walk out of this cafe.
"How bad is it? Ryleigh? I know he's using, and I need to know the truth before I go any deeper into this."
She doesn't answer me. Instead, she turns her head and chews at her nails viciously. I know she doesn't want to break her trust with Trent, but I have a trust with her too. I have a reason I'm asking questions. I have someone else to protect from him besides myself.
"Ryleigh, please think about Abby. I need to know how bad it is. If he can't get sober one day, then I can't bring him into her life any more.” With pleading eyes, I add, “She loves him already, Ryleigh.”
She lets out a long sigh, turning to look me in the eyes. I see the hurt. There are mixed emotions, but the pain is the only one which stands out to me.
This is going to be bad. I can feel it. God, please don’t break my heart.
"He's gonna be pissed at me even more for telling ya, but I'm doing this for Abby. Are we clear?" she starts.
I nod my head, waiting for her to continue. She looks up to the sky, silently seeking for something greater than us all to help her, but it isn't going to work. There’s no helping this conversation.
"Crystal," I reply.
"It's bad, Shay, like really fucking bad."
She confirms my worst fear. My eyes burn before they start to water. My heart stops beating, and my chest constricts under the weight of her answer. This is insane.
I want to love him, but I don't know how to do this if it's going to hurt Abby in the end.
"It
wasn't bad at first, but it's gotten worse since his mom ...." she trails off, looking like she's torn between two people. And she is. So I help her along.
"I know. I met his mom. Well, Abby and I both did. She's wonderful. She's been sick for a while now, right?"
"He took you and Abby to meet her?" she stutters out.
I nod my head, letting her know how real this is getting between Trent and me. If I didn't know it before, I sure as hell know it now. Ryleigh is shocked, and I guess I should be too.
"Yeah."
She clears her throat, stopping the passing waitress to ask for a beer.
Yeah. This is really fucking bad.
"Fuck it. I'm just gonna get this over with. You need to know. He's a mess, Shay. I haven't ever seen him this close to rock bottom. He has no idea what in the hell he's doing! He’s fucking killing himself! I can only do so much for him!" she shouts, causing the other tables to turn and stare.
"Can't we do something? Can't we get him help? It worked for my ex," I suggest.
She lets out a fake laugh, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Been there, tried it. I took him to a meeting, and he was a total asshole to everyone there. I got so fucking mad at him. I left his ass at the diner where we were having lunch. There's no helping him, Shay. If by some chance you think ya can save him, don’t waste your time. Ya can't save him when he won’t save himself."
"And don't tell anyone about this shit. If Mac finds out, he’ll beat the shit out of ya boyfriend. I’m serious. Mac will disown him," she adds.
"He's different with Abby and me,” I whisper, lacing my fingers together on the table.
Ryleigh stands and grabs her leather jacket from the back of the chair. She shakes her head at me the entire time, but she doesn't speak.
"Just let it go, Shay. For Abby's sake, let it go. Please. I’m begging ya. You have a daughter to look out for. I love him. He’s practically my brother, but he's a ticking time bomb at this point. No one can defuse him, not even you. Whatever you think ya have with him, it's not real. He's going to break you and your daughter's hearts if ya keep thinking it will work out in the end. There’s no ending that includes the three of you together in one piece."