by Black, T. E.
I see the red exit sign in my view, and I pick up the pace, slamming my hands on the bar to open the door. The parking lot is dark, except for a few streetlamps placed around it. It's not bright, by any means, so I make a beeline for my car. I hear Trent stumbling outside of the club, following close on my heels. I hear his shoes crushing the rock parking lot underneath them, but I don't stop.
I can't look at him.
"Shay! Wait the fuck up!"
I hear him yelling, but my feet pick up speed instead of slowing down. I need to get away from him. I see my car coming into view in the parking lot, and I curse myself for not getting my purse from the dressing room. Now, I'm going to be stuck with him. No keys means no car.
My feet stop and Trent moves behind me. I feel him on every inch of me. He's a part of me. There's no denying it. He'll always be a fragment of myself in some way or another.
"Shay! Would ya fucking look at me goddammit?" he shouts.
I cringe at the harsh tone of his voice, but I give in to his demands. I turn around. I register the look of pure rage on his face. I almost miss the fact he's high right now, but his eyes give him away the moment they connect with mine.
"Why the fuck do ya work here, Shay?" His voice has accusation laced in it.
I know he thinks I'm a whore. He can't deny it. The look of disgust on his face tells me all I need to know. He's judging me, as I knew he would.
I shove my finger into his chest, pushing hard enough to push him back a step.
"Because I have a fucking daughter to take care of, Trent. You wouldn't know a goddamn thing about it. You have no idea what it's like to take care of someone other than yourself."
He lets out a scoff, a snarl taking over his lips.
"Yeah. Lying and taking off your clothes for a living seems like a real good solution for money."
That's all it takes to push me over the edge. I ball my fist at my side, using all my strength to keep me from knocking him out. I get so close to his face our noses touch, and I snarl back at him with all I have.
“I guess we both lied, Trent, because you’re so fucking high right now that you’re probably seeing six of me! You promised me you were done with that shit! And don't you dare stand there and degrade me as a mother! I did what I had to do for her! You don't get to judge me here! That's not your fucking right anymore!” I scream.
He closes the distance between our bodies as his hand reaches up to grab me and pull me to him. His fingers flex on top of my skin, bruises inevitably forming underneath them. It's painful, but the contact is something I've been longing for. I whimper at the way his eyes watch me. He's on another level of pissed off. He’s angry as hell and high as a kite. It’s not a good combination.
“Trent, you’re hurting me,” I whisper.
He swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob underneath the weight.
“How could ya do this, Shay? How the fuck could ya do this to me?”
My eyes water, the stinging a familiar feeling these days. His eyes morph in front of me, seeing the recognition in them of what’s actually happening. A tear slips from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks in a steady motion.
“I’m so sorry, Trent …”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? Let her the fuck go!” I hear from behind me.
His fingers tighten on my bicep, causing more tears to roll down my face and hit the dirt at my feet. I turn my head seeing Mac and Evan storming toward the two of us, looking as deadly as they come, followed by Gunner, who’s giving me a sympathetic look.
Shit.
I’m praying silently in my head that Mac didn’t hear me say Trent was high, but my hopes fall when he gets close enough to grab Trent by the throat, throwing him into the dirt parking lot where he lies motionless and defeated.
“Ya stupid motherfucker! Are you fucking strung out? You stupid son of a bitch!” Mac yells at Trent as he kneels over the top of him, winding his arm back.
Evan makes a grab to stop Mac, but it happens so fast that he can’t stop it. Mac’s fist connects with Trent’s mouth, blood splattering across the dirt around them. Trent’s groans echo through the still night air, causing goosebumps to break out across my skin. My lungs constrict, creating a stabbing feeling that nearly knocks me to the ground. My tears fall freely now, and my heart stops beating inside my chest. I did this. I screamed it for the world to hear.
“Fuck!” Evan shouts, pacing.
“No!” I scream out, ready to dart toward them.
“Fuck, Mac! Get off him, dammit! Don’t make me get involved in this, ya stupid fuck!” Evan snarls, pulling at Mac.
Gunner grabs a hold of me, pulling me to his chest where I continue to let my feelings show themselves. I try to fight him, but he holds me tight enough to keep me immobile. I twist my arms, pulling at them, begging them to have the strength to break free from Gunner, but it doesn't work. He’s trapped me here to watch a nightmare play out in front of my eyes.
"Shay baby, it's okay. I got you. He won't hurt you anymore. This has to happen. He's my best friend too," Gunner soothes.
I don't want his soothing right now. I want my Trent back. I want the man who smiled genuine smiles at me. I want the man who held me and loved me with everything he had. I don't want the monster I created when I ended us. I knew he would turn back to drugs. I knew it would kill him to lose me, yet I still did it. I broke his heart, and I murdered him in the process. I could’ve gotten him help. I could’ve tried harder, but I didn't.
"It's okay, sweetheart. I got you. We'll fix this. It's all right," Gunner continues to soothe.
“Gunner! Let her go for a minute and help me break this the fuck up, dammit!” Evan shouts again.
Mac screams at Trent, the crunching sound of his fist hitting his face repeatedly surrounds me. I beg and plead for Mac to stop beating him, but the words aren't coming to life. They're hidden underneath the sobs and the chattering of my teeth for no one to hear. The ringing in my ears drowns Gunner out, and I sag in his arms.
I'm defeated.
Gunner doesn't let me look at the two of them. Instead, he spins me around, keeping me safely tucked inside his arms, protecting me from what I’d see if I continued to watch.
I know it’s bad. I can hear Trent gurgling on the blood that’s undoubtedly filling his mouth. I hear every noise his body produces. Moans, tears, shouts, pain—I hear it all. I feel it all, and I let it consume me. I let it embed itself into my mind, my heart, and my soul. I let the hate I know he feels for me live inside me. I welcome it, knowing this is how it should be. My heart aches inside my chest, the cracks Trent made before now turning into full grown separations. That's what happens, my heart separates. The pieces of it tear apart, leaving me empty and cold.
"I need him, Gunner! Make it stop! Please! I love him! Evan! Please! Do something!" I plead through my cries.
Neither Gunner nor Evan answer. Gunner just pulls me into his chest tighter, letting me pound my fists against it. He takes my beating because as much as I love Trent, Gunner loves me the same. He’s sacrificing his body to help my heart. I want to appreciate it, but I can't feel a damn thing.
“Nobody move!”
Everyone freezes on the spot. I stop beating on Gunner's chest, turning my head to face the three police cars surrounding us. Evan mutters a fuck under his breath. My eyes dart between the weapons they have pointed at us until I notice the red lasers stop on Mac and Trent’s bodies.
Please don't.
Oh, God.
Please don't do it, officers.
“Ma’am, are you okay?” one of the officers asks me.
I can’t answer him. I think I’m in shock. I watch Mac and Trent being placed in handcuffs. Evan tries to talk to the police officers, while Mac keeps his head down, cursing profusely to himself. But Trent’s gaze settles on me. His face is unrecognizable. Blood covers every inch of him. He's beaten and bruised, and I know he blames me. I want to say something, but when I meet his eyes, I see sorrow and regret
in them. Even through the blood, I can see his tears. He's crying. He knows this isn't what was supposed to happen. He knows we were meant to be together for the long run, and he knows my heart will always be his.
Before I can tell him it’s going to be okay, the officer drags him toward the cop car next to Gunner and me, slamming him into it roughly. I wince in Gunner's arms, my tears never ceasing. Gunner rubs my back, repeating the same thing in my ear for only me to hear.
"It's going to be okay, Shay. I promise. It's all gonna be okay."
He has no idea if it's going to be okay. Nobody does. This is something out of our hands entirely, and it's the worst feeling ever.
I love you, Trent. Goddammit. I love you so much. Why did you have to do this to us? We could’ve been happy. I need you.
“Do you have anything on you I should know about?” the officer asks Trent while patting him down.
Trent turns his head to me again, holding my eyes with his own. The look in his eyes is making me sick. That look shatters what's left of my heart. I know this is it. Something bad is going to happen. Something worse.
Trent grits his teeth, blood spilling from his lips still. He mouths, "I'm sorry,” and I grasp viciously onto his silent apology. He knows what's going to happen. It's like a warning for what's yet to come. My fingers go numb from squeezing Gunner's shirt. I feel his shirt wet with my tears, and the blood I've pulled from him.
"This has to happen, baby," Gunner says into the crook of my neck.
He knows exactly what's going to happen right now, and this is his apology for it too. He's apologizing for what Trent is going to do to with what's left of me. He's apologizing for his best friend destroying me.
“Front left pocket,” Trent confirms, gritting his teeth.
The office reaches into his front pocket, producing a small bag of white powder. My heart constricts on point knowing it’s cocaine. My knees give out. I fall to the ground, Gunner going down with me. He doesn't let go of me as I lose my breath. I don't cry. I gag. I empty the contents of my stomach on the ground, and then I sob. I sob with so much power; my body is begging me to stop. It's sore, and the shaking taking over is causing me more harm than good. I watch through the spots clouding my vision as the officer slams Trent down on the hood of the police car, reading him his rights.
Mac and Trent get put into separate cars while Evan stands next to us. They're both covered in blood, Trent covered in his own, and Mac covered in Trent's. Gunner and I are the only ones who are clean. We’re in our own bubble. We’re floating in the air, watching from a distance as two best friends destroy each other. We’re safe here. No one can harm either of us in our personal haven. It's wrong.
One of the police officers asks if I need medical attention for the bruises on my arm, but I don't answer. I can't take my eyes off Trent through the window of the car. He's watching me too. We're not letting the other go without a fight. I'm sorry, he mouths to me again, and I accept it, forcing a small smile, and nodding my head toward him in a chin up motion. I love you, he mouths again, and I mouth it back.
Gunner talking to the officer who was asking me questions a minute ago pulls my attention for a moment. I hear him telling the officer Trent didn’t put them there.
Thank you, Gunner. I love you too.
As the police cars pull away, Gunner and I are left in the dark. He never lets me go. He never tells me to stop crying. He just keeps me in his embrace, showing me the love I need right now.
"I love you, Shay baby."
I nod against his chest, letting him stand us up so we're not sitting in the dirt any longer.
"I love you too, Gunner." I manage to speak.
I’m left alone with only my thoughts. It all happened so quickly, and I still haven’t had time to process it. I feel my chest starting to constrict, shortening my breath with it. I grab my throat fiercely trying not to choke on the tears spilling onto my cheeks, but it’s no use. The tears come in floods. They come powerful and on a mission. I lean against my car, my body involuntarily sliding down the door until I feel my ass hit the dirt. Gunner stands in front of me as the cruiser pull away. He kneels in the dirt, grabbing my face in his hands, and he kisses me. He pours himself into the kiss, showing all of his cards at the fucking poker table, and what do I do? I cry.
“Shay, get up, baby. You’re coming home with me tonight. You’re not staying alone tonight.”
“I can’t, Gunner! I have to get Abby! She’ll have no idea where I am!” I shake my head, protesting.
“Abby can stay with us, Shay. We’ll swing by and pick her up. Ya need to go with Gunner. You really shouldn’t be alone.”
“No. I can’t leave her!”
“Shay, it’s okay. Abby knows Sierra and Evan. We’ll call her when we get you calmed down. I promise,” Gunner convinces.
I look at Evan, his expression nervous.
“Okay,” I stammer.
Evan gives me a slight nod. He looks at Gunner, who’s still wrapped around me, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Gunner, ya think you can give me a ride quick? Mac drove, and he has his keys …”
Gunner lets out a sigh, removing one hand from my waist to rub it over his face.
“Fuck, Evan,” he growls.
“Shay, can you go get your things from the club and wait inside until I get back?”
“I’ll just come with you guys.”
“No. Abby doesn’t need to see you like this. I’ll be fifteen minutes. Just get your things from the club and wait inside. I’ll come in to get you when I’m here. Okay?”
I lean my head back, looking at him, but I don’t answer right away.
“Shay, did you hear me? Please wait inside until I get back.”
He stands us both up from the dirt, keeping a tight grip on me all the while. My legs shake under their newfound weight. Cuts from the rocky parking lot burn fiercely, but I keep on going. I compose myself enough to turn to Gunner for the first time since Trent and Mac were taken away.
“Fuck, baby. Look at you!” he shouts, and I cringe.
My nerves are shot, and his loud voice hurts to hear. I can’t get past watching him get taken from me. I know he was gone before, but now there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
At Gunner’s reaction to my appearance, I skim my fingers over my face, feeling my lip swollen. My fingers coat with a layer of blood as I bring it down. Why am I bleeding?
“Dammit! You must’ve been chewing at your lip this entire time, Shay! It’s bleeding pretty bad, and you’re fucking shivering. Here,” he insists, pulling off his hoodie and putting it over me.
He takes me in his arms, pulling me into his chest again. I accept his warmth. I’m cold. Everything is freezing. He places a kiss on the crown of my head before ushering me to the back door of the club. We stand toe to toe, my head lowered toward the dirt. Gunner hooks my chin between his fingers, lifting my face to meet his stare.
“It’ll be okay, Shay. I promise. I’ll be back in fifteen. Not a minute later. You gonna be all right until I get back?”
A new tear slips down my cheek, my arms wrapped tight around my body. With a small nod and a sniffle from me, Gunner leans down placing his lips on mine. The feeling confuses me. His kiss disgusts me, yet it comforts me. I don’t want to enjoy it. I’m not his. I belong to Trent Wallace. His forehead leans against mine, his breath labored and jagged. He brings his other hand to my cheeks, making sure our eyes don’t stray.
“I’ll keep you safe, Shay. He won’t do this to you again.”
He pulls away, taking quick steps toward Evan. The farther he gets from me, the colder I become. I’m numb. I know I should appreciate Gunner’s promises, but I don’t want them. I don’t want his promises. I want Trent’s promises. He made such big promises, only to destroy them. How could I be so stupid to think this wouldn’t backfire? Trent and I were never going to make it out alive. I knew this—so did everyone else. They all watched from the sidelines while my life shattere
d. They tried to warn me, but they didn’t try hard enough.
I place one hand on the door behind me, turning to it. With a deep breath, I turn the knob, hearing the music from the club spilling into the still night.
“Well. Well. Well.”
The door slams in front of me while hands grip my throat. I panic, scrambling to break free from the chokehold. My hands fly to my throat, clawing at the fingers cutting off my breathing. I strangle out a cry, only to be choked harder. My eyes burn under the loss of air while my fingers claw at the cause.
“Feisty like always, aren’t we? You’d think you’d learn, but you never do, Shay. I thought I figured you out after all these years,” the voice laughs.
That voice. Why does that voice sound so fucking familiar? Between my ears popping and my blood rushing, I close my eyes attempting to figure out who it belongs to.
Oh, God! Bruce! Oh, God!
I claw harder, using my heels to kick at his legs. I have to get away from him. He’ll kill me, dammit. I should’ve known. He laughs louder the harder I struggle, knowing I figured it out. There’s no way I could forget his hands on my throat. It’s been embedded in my mind since I walked out on him. I know from firsthand experience the damage he can do.
Bruce rips me back from the door. He loosens his grips on my neck, and with a shove, I fall to my knees. The rocky dirt scratches my knees, blood trickling down my leg. His hand wraps in my long black and red hair while he pulls my head up by it.
“I fucking told you to stay away from that asshole, Shay. I didn’t wanna have to do this shit, but you left me no fucking choice,” he whispers in my ear.
A shrill of terror bubbles from my throat as he drags me through the parking lot. My hair is wound so tight around his hand that I can feel the strands ripping from my scalp in bulk.
“Fuck!” I scream.
My skin burns from the assault of being dragged. I try to dig my heels into the ground, hoping for once that things will go my way. I just need to get leverage in this parking lot and then I could get away. I slam my heel back into the dirt, watching it snap in half. Fuck!