by Debra Kayn
She peeked outside and found Anders standing at the railing on the landing. Grabbing her coat off the hook, she bundled up and stepped outside.
Holding a cigar between his fingers, he looked over his shoulder. "You shouldn't be out here. It's cold."
"Neither should you. You're not wearing a coat." She stood beside him.
He puffed on the cigar and looked out at the cabins. She put her hands in her pockets. Her skin remained sensitive to the cold.
Having never gone through what Anders had in the past or forced to make the choices he had in his life, she struggled with talking about how she felt toward his situation. It was only when her dad mentioned at lunch how he couldn't imagine how an associate managed to deal with Stage-4 cancer because he hadn't walked in his co-worker's shoes that her own feelings regarding Anders resonated within her.
No one had a right to judge another person based on their actions if they didn't know the reasons behind those choices. While he'd given her a glimpse of what happened to him and the terror that continued to follow him, she suspected the reality was more than she could handle.
To know that he'd lived and breathed the terror since he was young and despite the depressive outlook on his situation, he'd survived. Not only that, he'd survived and became a successful and deeply aware adult.
A loving man toward her.
Over the last several days, she grew more grateful that he had Quint, Will, and Mark in his life and though the circumstances of their friendship were unimaginable, he'd had others who understood him. It saddened her that he'd lost Joney and Two-crow, and she'd dealt with her own guilt knowing if she could've stopped Mac from taking her, Two-crow might still be alive.
"I miss us," she whispered, blowing a cloud of condensation in the cold air.
She hated not having him to talk with. He'd become the first person she ever fully opened her heart to and not having him available to hash out her feelings left her lonely.
Anders leaned over and braced his elbows on the railing. "I owe you the time to think about—"
"If I love you?" She turned sideways to face him. "One thing I've always admired my parents for was sticking to the vows of their marriage. The whole promise to stay together for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. Those are just words to some people, but my parents took it literally. That's my goal when I think about what I want in a relationship. I want that one person who owns my heart for a lifetime."
He inhaled deeply, not saying a word. But, at least he listened.
"The last few days I've thought of leaving you, and that's bothered me."
"I wouldn't blame you," he said.
Humbled by his honesty, she moistened her lips. "If I had met you and you told me about your past, promising that it's behind you, I could've looked forward to the future with you."
"But, you know my life won't be that way. Even standing out here, I worry that you're outside and anything could happen. You don't need that shit in your life." He puffed from the cigar and stubbed it out on the railing.
"You don't deserve to live this way either." She waited to see if he would say more and when he remained silent, she continued. "I do love you."
He closed his eyes an extra beat. She needed him to say it back. To assure her that through everything his feelings hadn't changed. That she was worth fighting for as much as he fought to stay alive and keep his friends in his life.
"Are you waiting for me to tell you if I'm going to the police with what I know? She stepped closer. "Does your love depend on if—"
"Il." He exhaled harshly tossing his cigar to the landing. "I would love you if you walked away right this minute and told me you were going to the police. I would love you if you cut my heart out. Don't you get it? You walked into my life, sang songs with words that spoke to me. I don't know what in the hell I'm doing when it comes to having a relationship, but I do know I love you. I will always love you."
She sobbed, taking her hands out of her pockets and planting them on his chest. "I can't leave you."
"Then, don't." He cupped her face. "Stay with me. Let Stone Lair be your home and love me, and let me love you, no matter how bad I am at it."
She shook her head emphatically. "You're wonderful at it, and I want that, too."
He captured her lips. She shivered, overwhelmed with the need to show him how much she loved him.
Anders broke away and stepped back, reaching for the door hand. "Let's get inside."
She walked through the door, and he picked her up, kissing her again. Stroking his tongue, she clung to his neck as he took her to the middle of the room and set her down.
He dropped to his knees in front of her, untying her shoelaces. She unzipped her coat.
Looking up at her, he gently pulled off her sneakers. She fumbled with the button on her jeans. He pushed her hands away and helped undress her.
Despite being out in the cold, his fingers were warm against her skin. Her breath hitched, and she caressed his hair, swiping the strands off his forehead. The thought of losing him had struck terror inside of her.
Nothing could break her love for him. From the moment they met, something clicked inside her, and she knew he was the one. The one man she'd love for her whole life. Through the good and the bad.
He stood and unbuttoned her shirt. She held on to his hips. He had too many clothes on. She wanted nothing between them.
"I'm on birth control," she blurted.
Undoing her bra, his gaze heated. "Nothing between us?"
"Nothing." She smiled, stroking his face.
Her breasts hung free with nothing to hold them.
He picked her up and placed her on the bear skin rug. His wet mouth captured her nipple. She cried out in pleasure and sank her hands in his hair, holding him to her, never wanting him to stop.
They'd worked through the pain that would've broken up many other couples, and while her heart should've rejoiced in solidifying their relationship, she doubted that she'd ever lose the desperation that left her obsessing over him.
He was that important to her, and when she loved someone, she loved completely. She'd work every day to make sure they stayed strong as a couple. Anders deserved to have someone fight for him. Love him. Stay with him.
He shifted to the other breast and lowered his hand between her legs. She moved with his finger and shuddered when his touch rolled over her clit. The suction from his mouth left sparks in its wake.
She trailed her hands over his broad shoulders, tugging on his shirt. The heat coming off him warmed her. Or, maybe it was his mouth on her or his finger in her or his weight on her.
He slipped his thumb inside her, stroking her hard and fast. Her back bowed, and her legs trembled. Delicious pressure rocked her insides. She panted, moving her pelvis with the rhythm of his hand.
She slid her hand between his face and her breast, breaking him away from her nipple. He raised his gaze and locked on to her.
"Take your clothes off. I need you to be inside me. I want to feel your skin." She ran her hand down the front of his neck, his pulse wild and untamed. "I need all of you."
He removed his hand from between her legs and stood. She caught her lip between her teeth. He was such a beautiful man.
Deeper and more emotional than she'd imagined.
Stronger and more determined than he needed to be.
The scar on his arm, still pink and new, was only one of many on his body and his heart. She flashed her gaze to his face. He would be reminded of his past every single day. The bites that marked his arms. The bullet that threatened to take away his life. Every time he looked at her, he would know that life was precious and dangerous, and she hoped she was strong enough to give him the support that he'd need to live his life with her.
Naked, he kneeled between her legs and placed his hard cock at her entrance. Lights flashed in her vision, and she closed her eyes, arching her neck.
Instead of plunging inside of her, he slid in
slowly, withdrawing, and little by little inched his way in. She stretched at the fullness. Her muscles spasmed, holding him tightly. Losing patience, she cried for more.
His head came up. "You're okay?"
"As long as you don't touch my feet." She smiled softly. "You make me feel wonderful."
He moved slowly inside of her, grinding against her clit on each downstroke. Hypnotized by the muscles bulging across his chest and his strong arms keeping him hovered above her, her core tightened. The buildup consuming her, she thrust up, meeting his body with each plunge.
"Damn," he said, deepening his voice on a growl. "You feel...perfect."
Her lungs constricted, and she panted. Her toes wanted to curl, and she hooked her ankles behind his thighs wanting no pain to distract the mountainesque climb her body took as she grew more and more aroused.
Anders lowered himself to his elbows, holding her head, and captured her mouth. The sweet slip of his tongue over hers brought out the moan curling inside of her.
She tried to stop her body from desperately seeking release, but the buildup of an orgasm controlled her whole body. Her eyes closed as all her senses centered between her legs.
"Il," he said against her lips. "Come on me."
She opened her eyes. The effort closed off the scream of pleasure that stopped mid-throat. Her entire body unraveled in a shattering release.
It was during that suspended moment, Anders came inside of her, and they became one. Nothing hidden, nothing unresolved, and every little piece of him belonged to her.
Epilogue
Five months later ~
Quint stood by Joney's cross on the top of the mountain holding the urn. Anders held Iliana's hand, keeping her by his side. It was the first opportunity since the snow melted for them to put Two-crow to rest.
The pain of losing him no less today than it was the night they'd found him murdered by one of the last two men alive who was responsible for ruining the lives of six boys.
"He'd want us to do some chant about the sky or some shit," muttered Will.
Mark held a rifle at his side. None of them were taking a chance of someone following them today.
"He knew what he meant to us." Anders held Iliana tighter.
Mark sniffed. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we return you to the earth."
Quint held the urn in front of him and raised his brow in appreciation. Anders had no idea where Mark had come up with that saying, but it was a good one. Two-crow would've appreciated the sentiment.
Will moved forward. "Let's do it."
Anders stepped in line with the others. Quint unscrewed the lid, his shoulders broadening.
"Sorry, man," whispered Quint, staring down at the ashes.
Anders closed his eyes and lowered his chin. Two-crow lived a hard life, and he couldn't have found a better friend. A loyal brother.
"Amazing Grace..." sang Iliana.
He opened his eyes. Iliana continued singing. Quint tipped the urn, and the gray ashes of Two-crow were set free. No more hiding. No more fear. No more guilt.
Iliana sang of grace, fitting for the man who'd survived more years than any of them dared imagined, and still it was too short.
The acoustics, created by the landscape, made her soft words vibrate in Anders' hollow chest. He remembered the boy who'd planned to escape to the mountains in hopes of freedom. The boy who'd sworn to protect them all.
The man who'd unfortunately never found true happiness.
Two-crow would join Joney, and though hope was hard for him to find, he had a feeling they were together now.
The husky, emotional tone of the song combined with Iliana's love wrapped around them all. He stood on the edge of the mountaintop with those he loved and had become his family.
Iliana softly finished the song and leaned her head against his arm, holding his hand with both of hers in support. He tried to swallow, but his throat refused.
Quint screwed the lid back on the empty urn and walked away from the edge. Anders and the others followed with Will breaking away from the group and going to his truck. He returned carrying a cross, similar to Joney's monument in height and size.
A non-descript, roughly-made cross to withstand the elements of the Bitterroot Mountains to mark the spot where the dead laid for the living.
The pounding of the hammer against the wood echoed over the mountain peak. Birds scattered from further down the side of the canyon, squawking at the interruption.
Iliana wiped her cheeks and sighed beside him. His chest pounded as he stood and looked at the two crosses. While they never had the opportunities to share the good times, they shared the bad—and nothing bonded two people tighter than when they had to depend on each other. There was a deeper level of understanding that needed no words.
Quint stepped back and joined the others.
"We go on for Joney and Two-crow." Mark turned away and walked to his Jeep.
Will looked back, following Mark with his gaze. "It's almost the summer season. Everyone needs to take care."
With summer came the tourists. They all owned businesses that relied on catering to non-locals. Everyone coming into contact with them was a stranger. They wouldn't recognize a threat until it was too late.
Anders nodded in agreement and led Iliana to the Hummer. He had more to lose now that he had someone he was responsible for and would stay diligent.
There were still two men alive who wanted them all dead. Their troubles weren't over.
Opening the passenger door, he went to lift Iliana up onto the seat and instead found her hugging him tightly around the waist. He quaked inside, holding her tightly against his chest. Glad to have her in his life and to share today with, she brought a softness with her gift of song that touched his heart and gave Two-crow a proper sendoff.
She tilted her head and gazed up at him with unshed tears. "I love you, baby."
He kissed her hard, letting the high emotions out. "Love you, too."
The words never came easily. They were foreign and mysterious. But, he was sure that love equaled his feelings. Iliana was an addiction. A part of himself that would never survive without her.
"Up you go." He lifted her to the seat and shut the door.
Glancing back one more time at the two crosses on the mountaintop, he inhaled deeply. Rest in peace, my brothers.
Halfway down the mountain, he navigated a switchback when Iliana gasped and pointed out the windshield. He stopped the Hummer and leaned forward, peering up into the sky.
Two black crows circled above the pine trees, their wings spread wide. He stared in awe until they flew out of sight before continuing down the mountain.
Iliana reached over and slipped her fingers into his hand, and he held on tightly.
Dear readers ~
If you follow me on social media, you know that I live in the Bitterroot Mountains on the Idaho side of the Idaho/Montana border. It was during one of my rides up to the peak in my UTV that I spotted an old wooden cross that inspired me to write the Escape to the Bitterroot Mountains series. For those of us who live here, the mountains are our backyard. We travel by UTVs and ATVs in the summer, and snowmobiles in the winter. We go from small town to small town by one of the thousands of trails on the side of the mountain range. It's common to meet your neighbor in the wilderness while riding, stop and chitchat while standing on a switchback. The Bitterroot Mountains create a lifestyle that we call home.
As the rest of the books in the series release, readers will be pulled into the mountain life of the Bitterroots. Some say it's lawless and filled with danger that comes on two legs and four legs. I say it's a beautiful life where we rely on ourselves, respect the land, and admire what is right outside our door.
And, don't forget, the mountains are home to rugged men!
If you'd like to keep up on book releases, chat with me, and see pictures of life in the Bitterroot Mountains, I would love to have you follow me on social media. I'm on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and h
ave a website.
Love,
Debra
Author Bio
Debra Kayn is published by Grand Central Publishing, Simon & Schuster Publishing, Carina Press - Harlequin Enterprises Limited, and repped by agent, Stephany Evans of FinePrint Literary Management. She has over fifty contemporary novels available worldwide where heroes and heroines come from the most unlikely characters.
She lives with her family in the Bitterroot Mountains of beautiful North Idaho where she enjoys the outdoors, the four seasons, and small-town living.
Website: www.debrakayn.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/DebraKayn
Facebook: www.facebook.com/DebraKaynFanPage
Instagram: www.instagram.com/DebraKayn
Debra Kayn's Backlist
Escape to the Bitterroot Mountains series
Every Little Piece of Him
A Brikken Motorcycle Club Saga series
Chief
Jett
Olin
Thorn
Notus Motorcycle Club series
Hard Reality
Hard Mistake
Hard Drifter
Hard Escape
Hard Proof
The Higher You Fly
Ronacks Motorcycle Club series
...or something
Don't Say It
Rather Be Wrong
Can't Stop Fate
Red Light: Silver Girls series
Blow Softly
Touch Slowly
Fall Gently
Moroad Motorcycle Club series
Wrapped Around Him
For Life
His Crime
Time Owed
Falling For Crazy
Chasing Down Changes
Bantorus Motorcycle Club series
Breathing His Air
Aching To Exhale
Soothing His Madness
Grasping for Freedom
Fighting To Ride
Struggling For Justice
Starving For Vengeance