“No, please.”
“Hey, baby.”
Jack’s high-pitched mumble exploded through the phone.
“Who?”
“Jackson ...,” Jack said, but the rest trailed off.
“Hold on a minute.” She pulled the phone away from her ear and covered the phone with her other hand.
“I’m sorry, but if Jack doesn’t speak to you tonight he is going to die.” She rolled her eyes.
I held out my hand.
“Hey, buddy.”
“Jackson. Where are you?”
“I’m with your mom. I had to come by her office to sign some papers before heading off to camp.”
“You saw Mom and not me?”
“We’re working, kid. You know, work before play.” She rolled her eyes at me, and I rolled mine right back. “And if you would go check, I sent you an email about an hour ago.”
I pulled the phone away from my head as Jack dropped the phone. It sounded like he kicked it and then I heard typing.
“Oh, okay.” He sighed. “So come over tonight.”
“It’s late and aren’t you supposed to be in bed?”
“This is special; Mom won’t mind. For a minute?”
“Okay, let me ask her.” I covered the phone with my other hand. “You mind if I come by for a minute?”
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
“Okay, buddy. Mom said okay. We’ll see you soon.”
“Yes. Okay. Cool!”
I followed Carrington. It was a twenty-minute drive through town. I spent the entire drive talking myself out of how good Carrington looked. She exuded confidence and she looked so mature and put together. She wasn’t the innocent girl I had met in college. She seemed to have gotten over her past; but some things she mentioned tonight made me think she hadn’t quite gotten over everything. Maybe she pushed it down further.
My biggest regret was not fighting for her back then. She held so much pain and resentment over what Josh, her ex-boyfriend and Jack’s father, did to her. The sadness consumed her. Even today, I sensed it under the surface of her confident demeanor. The difference between now and then, she had years of practice pushing it down and out of the way.
Carrington pulled into the driveway of a two-story Spanish inspired home on a corner lot. The place had the traditional Phoenix desert landscape of cactus and rocks. I stepped out and the stuffy air disappeared as the night temperature dropped. I walked up the driveway to meet her. Jack threw open the front door and jumped off the porch heading right for me.
“Jackson.”
I bent down and picked him up. I squeezed him tight and he giggled, which made me laugh. He had grown. I put him down and ruffled his sandy blond hair. He had his father’s hair.
“Hey, Jack. It’s so good to see you.”
I looked up and Carrington watched us with a slight smile on her face.
“You really moving here?”
“As of today, I am an Arizona Cardinal.”
“That’s so cool.”
“Yeah, it is.” I stood up and he put his arms around my waist and I rested my arm on top of his head. “You’re getting tall.”
“Come in and see my room.”
I checked with Carrington, and she nodded.
Jack grabbed my hand and pulled me up the porch steps and into the house.
As soon as we entered the house, Jack dragged me upstairs. It went by too fast for me to process anything on the first floor. The top of the stairs opened into a game room with a couch on one wall and an entertainment center with a mounted flat screen on the opposite wall. Controls from an Xbox game laid strewn on the floor, I had to sidestep them as we headed towards his bedroom.
He flipped on a light and colors assaulted my eyes. He’d decked the room out in equal parts Charger and FSU memorabilia.
“Wow.”
“Mom and I went a little overboard.”
“Your mom did this?” I surveyed the room. I thought she would have avoided having so much of me staring her in the face every day.
“We collected stuff over the years.”
“Well, I guess we need to get you some Arizona Cardinal stuff now.”
“No, that’s okay. I don’t need this stuff anymore. You’re here now.” I smiled and hugged him.
God, I love this kid.
He did more for my ego than any touchdown ever did.
***
Carrington Olivia Butler
Jackson stayed upstairs with Jack for a while. They both came back down all red faced and smiling. Jack was wheezing a little, but he was so happy, I didn’t want to spoil his fun by reminding him to calm down. They were so cute together.
“Okay, J. Say goodbye to Jackson. It’s time for bed.”
“Oh, Mama.”
“Hey, man.” He put his arm around his shoulder and gave him a quick squeeze. “Listen to your mother. I have to go anyway.”
“Have fun at camp.” Jack said as he let go and headed toward the stairs.
“Brush your teeth and I’ll be up in a minute.”
“Can I show Jack our backyard and our mountain before he goes?”
“No, Jack. You can show him next time.”
“Night, buddy.”
Jack turned back and gave Jackson one more hug.
“Jackson David Butler. Go to bed.”
“Okay, but one more thing.”
“No more things. Go.” I stomped and pointed up the stairs. My face remained firm, but I could feel Jackson trying not to laugh, which made me want to laugh.
When he made it up and out of earshot, Jackson and I couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Shh,” I said and waved him out to the porch.
I stood on the porch and stretched my arm behind my back and took in a deep breath. I loved the cool nights in Arizona. It made the day’s heat bearable.
“He is exactly the same.”
“I know, right.” I turned to Jackson. “He misses you.”
“I miss him, too.”
“You know, I don’t think I ever thanked you for making the effort. You know, to stay in his life. It really meant a lot to him. A lot to me.”
“Well, I take my godfather duties seriously.”
I smiled and sat down on a step. Jackson sat next to me.
“You don’t have to thank me, I’ve loved that kid all his life. Despite what happened between us, I wasn’t going to let that change. Thank you for letting me see him.”
“You’re welcome.”
“It would have been nice to see you during some of those time, too.”
“I know. At first it was just too hard, but then I wasn’t sure if you wanted to see me. You were pretty angry at me.”
“Yeah, I was.”
I turned to face him to defend myself, but he looked so handsome and sweet sitting next to me on my porch, any anger I felt earlier disappeared. I studied the contours of his face, his strong jaw with a hint of stubble, his perfect proportioned nose and his lips. The side of his lip turned up at the corner and I wanted to lean in and kiss that spot. Did it feel the same? Taste the same? Would all the years we spent apart make being with him feel familiar like going home or would it be exciting, different, and new?
If he turns towards me, I'll find out for myself.
He didn't.
I hid my disappointment. I didn't want him to leave. He started down the road of what happened in the past, but then dropped it like it was nothing. It was the past.
I used to fantasize that one day I would open my door and Jackson would be standing there. He would pull me in his arms and kiss me and remind me how good we were together, but that never happened.
“I better head to the hotel,” he said. He reached out and grabbed my leg and gave it a squeeze. If he thought it would be a neutral place to touch me, he was wrong. I froze. I reached for his hand, but he stood up and stretched. I rubbed the spot where he touched; let it seep into my nervous system as goose bumps broke out on my skin. He headed down the walk
way and I studied his backside. It hit me, the difference between Jackson then and now. Now, Jackson was a grown man.
Halfway down, he turned and smirked. He’d caught me checking him out. I tried to avert my eyes, but something about the way he stared at me held my gaze. He licked his lips, and I did the same, waiting for him to do something … anything to break the tension. I was ready to admit what had been building since he walked into that conference room. I blinked and smiled.
“God, Carrington.” He ran his hands through his hair. Something I watched him do thousands of times before and I realized he was the same Jackson in so many ways. I exhaled in relief. “You look so beautiful.” He paused and started walking backward toward his car. “It’s good to see you. I’ll talk to you soon?”
He gave me a slight wave, turned, got in his car, and drove away.
I choked on my own spit, not realizing I hadn’t taken a breath in the last five minutes.
I made sure Jack got to bed okay and got ready for bed myself. I had missed calls from Kayla. I climbed into bed and called her back. She answered and spoke before the phone rang.
“You’re still in love with him.”
“What?” I sat up in bed and looked at the phone.
“You are still in love with him.” She said emphasizing every other word.
“Wait. What are you talking about?”
“You didn’t call me.”
“I’m sorry. Did you take a crazy pill today? Speak so I can understand.”
“Jackson gets traded …”
“Yeah.”
“To the city where you currently live …”
“Kayla, speak in complete sentences.”
“If it was no big deal, you would have called me and told me, but the fact you purposely tried to avoid the topic like you always do means you’re still in love with Jackson Latre Mitchell.” She sang his name like it was a nursery rhyme.
“And this pleases you somehow.”
“Of course, because you and Jackson are finally back together again. No more stupid, lame, idiotic, stubborn, unromantic excuses allowed.”
“You see. That’s why I didn’t call you. I have dinner with Jackson and you have us picking out china patterns and ignoring the whole reason we didn’t end up together in the first place.”
“You had dinner with Jackson? You saw him already?”
Shit, I guess there was no way for her to know that already.
“Uh-huh," Kayla said.
I pinched the back of my hand, to stop myself from freaking out. A habit I picked up in the last few years. It was harmless. I checked with my therapist. She agreed.
“Uh-huh what?”
“You see him, you have dinner and don’t call me.” She sighed. “You’re still in-”
“Kayla, stop saying that.” I groaned and slid further down in bed.
“Uh-huh.”
“I’m hanging up. Bye.”
“Wait. No don’t hang up. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
“So, what happened?”
“Well, I’ve told you before that our firm represents the Cardinals. Adam had me meet with him to go over his contract and make sure he signed it before he reported to training camp tomorrow.”
“Doesn’t Adam know about your history?”
“I don’t think so. He knows about Josh and me, but that’s about it.”
“How did he look?”
“You’ve seen him on TV.”
“That not the same. How did he look?”
“He looked good.”
“Good?” She sighed. “Jackson Latre Mitchell has never looked good. He is the finest man on the planet.”
“Oh, thanks.” Kayla’s husband Jamie spoke in the background.
“Present company excluded, sweetie.” She said and I heard a muffled exchange, but it didn’t sound like their usual so sweet it hurts type of banter. She returned to the phone. “So, how did you feel seeing him again?”
“I don’t know. Part of me felt angry and then it was nice and then he said something and I said something and we got angry all over again.”
“Yeah, well, point proven. If you didn’t still care, it would have been two old friends catching up.”
“At times it felt like that, too.” The thought of what it would be like to kiss him entered my head, and I had to shake my head back and forth to get it out.
“Do you think he still has feelings for you?”
“I don’t know, but he did tell me that I was beautiful.”
“That’s it. Weak line. ”
“No, he came over to see Jack and we were sitting on the porch and he got up to leave. He squeezed my leg and told me I was beautiful.” My heart melted.
“Oh, my God. Did you run and jump in his arms after that?”
“Well, no.”
“No? Well, how did you leave it?”
“He kind of paused and then said he would talk to me soon … and left.”
“He’ll talk to you soon. What does that mean?”
Jackson had a knack for saying the right things at the right time. He would make a statement or a gesture that, even seven years later, would make me warm and giddy. I could conjure up a wink or smile that he threw my way and I would be high for the rest of the day. After I told him that we shouldn’t see each other, he respected my wishes because he knew it was what I needed to do to stay sane.
But things were different now. We were different now. I had no clue what he thought anymore.
“Kayla, I don’t know. It means … he’ll talk to me soon. I mean, the man is reporting to training camp tomorrow. He is trying to win a job on a new team. He doesn’t need any distractions. I can’t sit here and analyze every words of every sentence, I’m exhausted.”
“Okay. Will you answer one question and I promise to leave it alone?”
“You won’t leave it alone. I know you, Kayla Griffin.”
“Okay, but I will try. I won’t bring it up again unless you bring it up first.”
“Okay, what’s your question?”
“When you saw him, what was the first emotion you felt?”
I laughed. Leave it to Kayla to get right down to the heart of the matter. I thought about it and one word kept flashing in my head in hot pink neon lights.
“Lust.”
Kayla giggled, which turned into a cackle. She came undone. “Good night, Kayla. Love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Wait-”
I hung up before she could say another word.
Before turning in, I flipped on the television and answered some emails on my laptop.
I looked up when I realized they were talking about Jackson. A highlight reel of Jackson played in the background as the announcers discussed the trade.
“I think this is a good move for Arizona. They need something like a quarterback controversy to give them a spark,” one former player turned sportscaster said.
“The quarterback controversy isn’t going to help that defense. They were twentieth in the league last year in stopping the run.”
“That’s because all teams did was run on them in the third and fourth quarter. Teams didn’t have to outscore the Cardinals. They needed to score last with the Cardinals.”
“Well, all I know is the Arizona sports landscape got a boost on the attractiveness scale with the addition of Jackson Mitchell.” The token pretty blond girl on the set chimed in.
Bitch, keep your eyes off my man.
I shut off the television and laughed at myself as I drifted off to sleep.
I dreamed about getting in a catfight with some faceless blond and Jackson standing on the sideline smiling and nodding his head. I woke up in a cold seat and cursed the television, Jackson and Kayla for having the power of suggestions over my mind.
I wasn’t ready for my life to be all about Jackson Latre Mitchell.
CHAPTER FOUR
Jackson Latre Mitchell
I drove around for an hour trying to find the team
hotel. I couldn’t remember the name and the battery on my phone died. I checked into a hotel close by, plugged in my phone and collapsed until my phone rang the next morning and woke me up.
“Jackson, thank God. Where the hell are you?” Michael asked.
“Good morning.” I groaned and sat up rubbing my eyes.
“You didn’t check in last night. Where are you?”
“My phone died, and I was too tired to wait for it to charge. I checked into a hotel.”
“Some intern said you went home with a girl from the law firm. You got back with Carrington already?” Michael shuffled some papers.
“No, I don’t work that fast.”
“Yeah, because there is no way you would be putting yourself through that again.”
“Put myself through what exactly?” I stared down at the phone.
“I’m just saying, considering what happened between the two of you.”
“How do you know what happened between the two of us? You weren’t there.”
“I know. You’re right. I’m sorry I brought it up. It won’t happen again.”
I rubbed my face and swung my legs over the edge of the bed.
I dated a few girls over the last four years. When I say dated, I mean I slept with a few girls and allowed them to tell their friends that they were dating an NFL quarterback. No relationship lasted longer than a season at a time, a fair arrangement. I tried not to get involved with anyone at all. I made that mistake before and it bit me in the ass. The only reason I gave my last serious girlfriend in college a shot was because I thought Carrington and I had no hope, but then she showed up and I fucked it all up.
Over the last few years, I held out hope that somehow Carrington and I would end up together. I figured we would run into each other sometime and remember our initial attraction. Having a serious girlfriend would put a wrench in my fantasy.
Besides, I wasn’t attracted to easy women. I liked my woman complicated and difficult. Must be the reason why I still loved Carrington. I never met anyone more complicated than Carrington Olivia Butler.
“You want me to send someone to come get you?”
“Michael, I am more than capable of finding my way to practice now that my phone works.”
Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) Page 4