“I really am sorry. You probably think that was highly offensive, sexist, and racist, but honestly, it was plain old stupidity.”
“Well, I can deal with stupidity.” I laughed. A coach called Jackson’s name, and I turned and found Jackson’s eyes on me. His coach called him again before he realized and he went back to practice.
Now, what's that about?
When practice ended, Jackson grabbed a towel and headed over to our side of the field. Rebecca attempted to corral the group, but Jack and I waited for Jackson. She looked at Jackson as he approached. I gave her a don't death stare and she turned her attention back to the group and left us alone.
“Hey.” Jackson bent over and hugged Jackson. “I didn’t know you were coming out today.”
“Yeah, it was a last-minute thing. I’m escorting some law students.” I leaned in and Jackson laid a butterfly kiss on my cheek. His lips barely touched me, but the contact stopped my heart. My reaction freaked me out. Again, something so small blew way out of proportion in my mind and it had me doubting myself. How can this man affect me after all these years apart?
Jake spoke a mile a minute and covered the fact I had not said another world. I didn't trust myself to speak.
“Cool. You guys around for bit?”
“Yeah, we get to eat dinner with you,” Jack said.
“That’s great, buddy. You want to come out and watch me work routes with Towson?”
“Can I, Mama?”
Jack looked up with his puppy dog eyes while Jackson looked down with the same expression.
“Okay, but you stay out of the way and do what Jackson tells you, okay?”
“Okay, come on, buddy. We’ll meet you at dinner.”
I turned away, but Jackson reached out and touched my arm. Again, I was rendered speechless. A chill ran up my spine as his hand ran down my arm and he squeezed my hand. My head tilted up to catch his eyes staring. Before I could say anything he turned to follow Jack who had already taken off down the field.
What the heck was that?
My speech returned, but now my head ached. I needed to stop analyzing every single teeny tiny gesture. I hated not knowing. I wanted to know. I deserved to know. Patience was not one of my strong suits.
Jackson had consumed my thoughts since the moment he walked back into my life. I couldn’t recall what I used to think about before—my mind played every word, touch, and smirk over and over in my head like it was some grand puzzle for me to solve. This was my life.
I followed the tour around the stadium but didn’t pay attention. As Rebecca brought us to the owner’s suite, her exaggerated exuberance from everything related to the stadium faded away as I looked down over the field.
I imagined sitting up here watching Jackson play. Being a part of his life and my life revolving around his. Living in two seasons, in season and off-season. I pictured spending Sunday at the game and sharing in his wins and losses.
Was I ready for that kind of life?
I really didn’t know much about Jackson anymore. I couldn’t decipher his looks and touches. I had no idea how he handled wins or losses. He and I had grown apart and I couldn’t fathom it, considering how close we were in the past. I held onto this image of Jackson back in college when he gave up easy and normal to love me. Back then he had no doubt it would work out, but I pushed him away. Maybe I was kidding myself into thinking he even wanted me again.
I wiped my face and joined the group as we shuffled out of the suite.
“That was exciting, wasn’t it?” Rebecca said as we gathered in front of the elevator.
Exciting was an understatement.
As we walked into the dining hall, I spotted Jackson at a table on the other side of the room. He looked up as if he felt my gaze. Typical Jack, he stood at the head of the table and entertained them all. I smiled at Jackson, but on the inside my stomach clenched and I had trouble catching my breath.
I needed some air.
***
Jackson Latre Mitchell
I found Carrington sitting on a bench outside of the stadium with her head in her hands.
She looked fine. She wasn’t crying or having a panic attack. I wondered if she still experienced those episodes like after the attack. I shook the memory out of my head and walked over to her, making my steps loud on purpose. I didn’t want to scare her.
“Hey, you okay?” She snapped her head up and glared at me. I ran my hand through my hair and crossed them over my chest. I pictured myself in my head and thought how stupid I must look. I dropped my hands.
She stared and while pinching the skin on the top of her hand, she laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re just as uncomfortable about this whole situation as I am.”
“Is it that obvious?” I walked over and she slid down the bench and made room for me to sit down. Our legs touched and I wanted to reach out for her, pull her to me, and make her remember how good we were together.
“Really, are you okay?”
“Well, I’m not having a breakdown in case you were wondering.”
“I didn’t think that.”
“I needed to get some air.” She exhaled. “Seeing you, seeing you with Jack is going to take some getting used to.”
“He is such a great kid. You should be proud of how you’ve raised him.”
“Thank you. You don’t think he’s weird?”
“What do you mean weird?”
“Like he’s a little too normal, too well adjusted.”
“No, he’s great.”
“I don’t know. I keep waiting for the ball to drop. I mean look at who his parents are, were.” She bit her lip and I put my hand on her knee. “I’m sorry. I still don’t know how to say that.”
“Have you told him about Josh?”
“No and he hasn’t asked either, which is even more strange.”
“Kids don’t question stuff unless something’s missing in their life. He obviously doesn’t miss having a father.”
“It’s only a matter of time.” She moved her knee away from mine, and I removed my hand and ran it through my hair.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“Are you still mad at me?”
I waited for her to answer, but she didn’t say anything and I panicked.
“No.” She turned to face me, “But-”
“No wait. No but. Just leave it at no and let’s move on from there, okay?”
She smiled and stared off into the parking lot.
“I wish it was that simple.”
“It can be. We don’t have to make some grand declaration of devotion. We can hang out together. Get to know each other again. Start over. ”
“Start over?” she asked. “After everything we have been through? The shit we have said and done to each other; you think we can start over?”
“We can try.”
“So we hang out.”
“Yeah, you know, go to the movies. Hang out at your place. Help me find a place.”
“And if someone asked me what’s going on between us, I say …”
“We’re just hanging out?”
“Just hanging out, huh.”
“Yeah, exclusively hanging out.”
“Exclusively?”
“As in we only hang out with each other.”
“You sure about that.” She stood up. “You just moved into town. I’m sure there is a line of Phoenix girls waiting to get a piece of Jackson Mitchell.”
“A line, huh?”
“Yeah, and the women here are aggressive.”
“Oh, yeah.” I stood up.
“And kind of slutty.”
“Well.” I scrunched my brow and stepped closer. “I guess I owe it to them to get out there and see what the city has to offer, right?” I willed myself not to laugh at the disappointed look on her face. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to kiss her.
“I guess, if that’s what you-” I didn�
�t give her a chance to finish. I snaked my hand around her neck, tilted her head up, and my lips landed on hers. It felt familiar and nice, but at the same time exciting and new. At first, she didn’t kiss me back. She reached up and grabbed my wrist and pulled them from her neck as she stepped out of my grasp. I smiled, stepped with her as I pulled on her hair as a warning to not even think about.
She wasn’t convinced, yet.
I reached down and grabbed her other hand, interlaced our fingers while grabbing her bottom lip between my teeth and giving it little tug, coaxing her into a deeper kiss. She moaned.
I twisted her arm behind her back with my other hand, and pulled her closer. She opened her mouth and my tongue took it as an invitation to explore. I deepened the kiss, but something was off. My mind raced trying to figure it out before the moment ended. This kiss was like the most important kiss in the history of kisses. It could not end until it was perfect.
Then, it happened.
She grabbed the collar of my shirt and stood on her toes at the same time her tongue glided over my lips and I let out a moan. I needed a hint that she wanted this as much as I did. She gave it to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I pressed into her. I was two seconds away from picking her up and having her amazing legs wrap around my waist, when ...
“Yo, Mitchell. Where’d you learn that move?”
“Yeah, I don’t remember that in the play book.” Two of my teammates chuckled as they headed out the stadium.
Damn.
Carrington pulled away and turned her back. They continued toward the parking lot, laughing their asses off. I looked down at Carrington, and my heart skipped a beat as she smiled up at me.
Even though it ended way too soon, her smile told me all I needed to know.
I laughed as I kissed her on the forehead and led her back into the stadium.
I had left Jack with the group, but when we came back, he sat across the room talking to a couple of my coaches.
“Oh, my God. The kid makes himself at home anywhere.” Carrington said as we watched Jack telling some story and having my coaches crack up.
“I’ll go get him.”
Carrington grabbed my arm.
“Can we take this slow and keep whatever is happening between us,” she paused, looking for the right words, “between us for now. I don’t think either of us needs any undue distractions at the moment.”
“Do I still get to kiss you?”
“When we are alone and not in front of your office.” She dipped her head and said, “Oh yeah.”
CHAPTER SIX
Jackson Latre Mitchell
I played if off, but the fact she wants to keep our … whatever, quiet, threw me. Not that I wanted to announce it on the video board, but why keep it a secret? After everything, she still made everything difficult.
I hugged her goodbye when they left, but a few days passed and no word from her.
I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to check on her. See how her day went. See how all her days went. Hell, I wanted to hear her voice, but I was chicken shit about what I would hear. When I used to call her, back when we were friends, her voice made me smile. The way she said my name felt good. Like I knew seeing my name on her caller ID made her day better. She did the same for me. To the point where I would be disappointed for a minute when it wasn’t her calling my phone. Now, I let out a sigh of relief when I looked at my phone and it wasn’t her. I didn’t have the time, patience, or energy to pursue her.
That’s what I told myself daily, but in reality, I didn’t want to hear her rationale about why we shouldn’t be together.
I spent a lot of time working with Towson after practice, but with him on the first team, when I got into the game, the second team guys weren’t as sharp or precise with their routes. It made my throws look inaccurate. By the time I adjusted, my time was up. The first preseason game, I played well. Not as good as I hoped, but good enough.
I expected to hear from Carrington the morning of the game. Back in school, I looked forward to hear game day pep talks. I settled for a call from Jack. While I enjoyed hearing from him, it wasn’t the same.
After the game, I got a text message.
Carrington: Congrats on the game.
I took a while to answer. I didn’t know how to respond. I wonder how long it took her to come up with it. The next day I replied.
Jackson: Thanks.
The Monday after the first preseason game, Coach named me starter for the second. Towson and I had developed our timing and quick rhythm due to the extra work after practice. Even thought I was excited about playing, I couldn’t get Carrington out of my mind all week. I wanted to invite her and Jack to the home game, but would she even want to go?
As the week continued, my work in practice grew more unstable. Towson and I became automatic, but not so much with the other guys. I knew I wouldn’t be successful unless I spread the ball around. Thursday after practice, Towson and I started our extra work, and a few guys stayed out to watch, but none of them joined.
It sucked they chose to watch this session. I couldn't throw for shit.
When I overthrew Towson for the fourth time, an easy up and out, he stopped and headed back to the line of scrimmage, but not in position, he headed straight for me.
“You letting that shit get in your head out here. What’s it going to be like at the game?” Towson asked as he tossed the ball back. He threw it underhanded, but with some aggression.
“It was one throw. I’m good.”
“Seriously, you’re going to give me the ‘it’s one bad throw’ excuse? Forget it. I’m done.”
“Dude, where you going?”
“If you’re not here, why should I be here?”
My head dropped and I shrugged my shoulders. My brain wasn’t in it. I felt sorry for myself. It wasn’t one thing. It was everything. New team, new guys, new situation, and add my confusion over Carrington on top of all that and I wasn't handling any of it well. I wanted to go back to the time when I didn’t feel like I had to prove myself to each and every person, at each and every step.
“Towson, wait.”
He stopped and turned toward me. I rifled a pass right at his numbers. He dropped his helmet and caught it. The guy had some good instincts.
He jogged toward me.
“You have to give the guys time to adjust.”
“I don’t get it. Isn’t the goal to get better? Why are they letting some misplaced loyalty prevent them from succeeding?”
“J, what would you do if you were them? You have Brent and Parker trying to secure their position, and two rookies trying to make the team. Maybe if you’d been around during OTAs they would be quicker to see what was going on, but you got here two weeks ago.”
“Why did you pick a side so early?”
“Well, because I’m the best wide receiver in the league.” He grinned. “I need a passing quarterback. It’s purely selfish.”
“Modest, too.”
“None of the greats are?”
“Good point.”
“Is this all about the guys?”
“Oh, we’re sharing now?”
“Listen, I’ll put up with whatever girly shit we need to if it gets my quarterback back in the game.”
“You married? Have a girlfriend?”
“Married? Are you serious? I’m twenty-two.” He grinned, “But, yeah, I have a girlfriend.”
“How long you two been together?”
“Four years.”
I looked up surprised.
“Yeah, I know,” he said and shrugged his shoulders. “Why?”
“You can’t relate.”
“Try me.”
“You ever met someone who you wanted to be with and they wanted to be with you, but you still can’t find your way together.”
“This is some serious romance novel type shit.”
“Shut up." I swatted him on the shoulder. "I’m serious.”
“We talking about the cutie with
the kid.”
“Carrington, yeah. We’ve known each other for eight years. We knew we wanted to be together from the first minute we meet, but I fucked up and it didn’t work out and even now, when nothing is preventing us from getting together, it’s still not happening.”
“Have you asked?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean. Have you asked her to be your girl?”
“It can’t be that simple.”
“Wouldn’t it be funny if it was?” He stood with his hands on his hips grinning. “What’s the worst that could happen? She says no and then you’re no worse off.”
“We’re not in elementary school. It’s a little more complicated than will you go steady with me.”
“Yeah, of course, but it has to start with a decision, which is simple, and then you work out the complicated stuff after that.”
I looked at him with wide eyes. His chest puffed up like he laid some wisdom on me.
“You want to run some routes or you have more girly wisdom to impart on me?”
“Yeah, that’s probably all you can handle for now. We’ll get into more in our next session.”
He shoved the ball in my stomach. “Ugh.”
He ran back to get his helmet and got set.
“Hut.”
Towson took off and ran straight down the sideline. I placed the ball in front of him, and he caught it in stride for a touchdown.
It is simple.
After practice, I had a few hours until curfew so I drove over to Carrington’s house. I should have called first, but I didn’t want to give her the chance to make an excuse or say no.
I stood on the porch and rang the bell. She peeked around the corner and ducked back into the kitchen.
She knows I saw her, right?
A minute later, she came around the corner with a fake smiled plastered across her face and my heart dropped.
This wasn’t easy, but all I had to do was ask her a question.
“Hey,” she said as she opened the door.
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Uh, Jack here?” That wasn’t the right question.
Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) Page 6