by Amy Cross
The priest takes a deep breath. "Is the child still alive?"
"Of course he is," I say with contempt. "What do you think I am, some kind of monster?"
"No," the priest says quickly. "But... I... What are you?"
"I'm a werewolf," I say. "There. I said it. I'm a werewolf. I'm an angry werewolf. How does that fit in with your beliefs, huh? Are there werewolves in the Bible?" I smile. I have total control over this little man. His mind is shot to pieces. "You men of God know nothing of the world," I continue. "The cruelty that is perpetrated every day by you humans, against... against my people. If only you knew, if only you could comprehend one per cent of the horror that happens outside this church every single day".
"You're right," he says. "I don't know... I don't know anything about this. But you must not kill people, and you must return the child. Do you understand? What you have been doing is wrong. It's inhumane".
"I'm not human," I say. "So by definition, I'm inhumane. But I'm not cruel, and I don't kill children. So that's one of the main ways that I'm not like you filthy creatures".
"The child..." he stammers.
"I'll return the child," I say. "Just as soon as the humans return all the werewolf children they killed at Old Avalon". I smile. "What, you don't know about that? The massacre of the werewolf children isn't in your history books? How fucking convenient". I can feel the anger boiling inside me, bubbling up. "I guess that's the only way you pathetic creatures can sleep at night. If you knew what your species had done all those years ago, how your soldiers came and killed the children, cutting off their heads and grinding up their bodies and burying them in hallowed ground... If you knew all that, if you'd seen it, would you ever be able to sleep again?"
The priest stares at me in shock. "I don't believe -"
"What?" I snap back at him. "That humans would do something so cruel?"
"Absolutely not," the priest says.
"Then you're a fool," I say. "Because it happened, and it was... It was unnecessary and cruel and... At least when humans kill other humans, it's remembered. The Holocaust. The terrorism in New York and London. The deaths of thousands of soldiers and civilians in Afghanistan and Iraq. Those deaths are remembered. But when humans kill werewolves, it's covered up, it's kept out of the history books. It's a dirty little secret that you think you can keep forever".
"You cannot blame all of humanity for the actions of a few," the priest says, stuttering slightly. "You cannot blame all of humanity for the sins of a few men".
"No," I say, trying to remain calm. "But I can blame all of humanity for allowing these things to be ignored. Forgotten. Hidden. If you're going to kill so many werewolf children, at least have the courage to admit it. At least record it in your history books. At least know what you are when you look at yourselves in the mirror".
I take a few more steps towards the priest. I'm close now, just a few feet away from him.
"What do you want from me?" he says.
"I want you to prove your faith," I say.
He stares at me.
"If your faith in God is real. If it endures. If it is truly part of you. If all of this is true, I cannot hurt you. I cannot kill you. But if your faith is false, I can and I will rip you apart. Do you understand?"
I can see he's getting ready to turn and run.
"Prove yourself," I say. "Prove you're a man of faith. Prove you're a human worth saving".
The priest closes his eyes. "Dear Lord -"
"Not words!" I shout.
He opens his eyes, shocked.
"Not stupid actions!" I continue. I step forward and grab him by the collar, pulling him towards me. "Real faith. Deep inside. Real, true faith in God. Show me that faith, just for one moment, and I'll spare your miserable life!"
7
As we approach Edinburgh, I spot that old familiar castle high on the hill, lit up against the night sky. I've been here before, when I was much younger, when my family came here for a day while we were on a caravan holiday in Scotland. We walked about the winding streets, going in and out of little shops, just exploring and having fun. Well, they were exploring and having fun. I was just kind of tagging along. Even at the age of eight or nine, I was aware that I didn't fit in. These people who were supposed to be my family, they seemed like stranger, like imposters. If it wasn't for the fact that my father and I look so similar and have such similar personality traits, I'd be convinced I was adopted.
The streets of Edinburgh are surprisingly quiet tonight, though there's plenty of noise coming from the pubs. As we walk along Cowgate, we don't see a single soul out and about. They're all packed into the buildings. It's as if they're scared, as if they've been frightened off their own streets. I guess that's what happens when there's talk of terrorists and killer wolves. No-one wants to be out alone, in case they're killed by... whatever it is that's stalking this city.
"In here," says Duncan, shifting into human form and entering the side door of a pub.
I shift and follow him in to what turns out to be the pool room. There's no-one else in here, but the sound from the bar is deafening. These people who are scared to be out by themselves, they're drinking their fears away. I guess I understand that.
Duncan leans through to the bar and calls out a name. "Alex!" he says, then he comes back into the pool room. He's almost ignoring me now, not looking at me at all.
Moments later, a skinny, tall, youngish guy comes in, and his face lights up with a grin as soon as he sees Duncan. "Mate!" he shouts, and they hug. "Where've you been?" he asks. "There's some fucking weird shit going on here".
Duncan pulls away from the hug. "I heard," he says. "They're saying it's a wolf".
"Aye," says Alex. "It is".
"No way," Duncan says. "It's propaganda from the humans. They're spreading fear".
"That's what I thought at first," Alex says. "But then I heard it. I heard it howling after it had killed. And then there's the Simpson baby that went missing. They fucking saw the wolf, Duncan".
"They're lying," Duncan says firmly.
"They're not," Alex says. He looks over at me. "Duncan, aren't you gonna introduce me to your new friend?"
We shake hands. "My name's Jess," I say, since Duncan apparently isn't going to bother introducing us.
"Nice to meet you," says Alex. "My name's Alex". He glances at Duncan. "Does she -"
"Yes," Duncan says. "She knows about me".
"Cool," Alex says, nodding. He pauses. "Is she -"
"Yes," Duncan says. "She's a werewolf".
"Thanks to Duncan," I say, smiling awkwardly. "So Alex, are you... one of us?"
He shakes his head. "No way," he says. "I'm human as the rest of the people in this city. Well, most of them". He puts an arm around Duncan's shoulder. "Now, I'm guessing you need a place to stay for the night?"
"A room," Duncan says.
"Sure thing," Alex replies. "So... will that be one room, or two rooms?"
I open my mouth to reply.
"One room," Duncan says firmly. He looks at me for a moment.
"Yeah," I say. "One room's fine".
"And just one night," Duncan adds.
Alex nods, clearly aware that something's not quite right between Duncan and me. "I'll get your key," he says, leaving the room.
"Thanks," I say.
Duncan turns to me. "For what?"
"Sharing a room," I say. "It's nice".
"We're not sharing," he says. "I'm sorry, but I have to go and deal with this... whatever it is, on my own. I don't want to be distracted by worrying about you. So you'll get a good night's sleep, and we'll leave in the morning".
My jaw almost hits the ground. Seriously? He thinks that after everything that's happened, I'm going to go to bed while he heads out to fight... God knows what? After I went down to the Underworld for him? "No fucking way," I say.
"Key!" says Alex triumphantly as he returns.
"Give it to her," Duncan says dismissively.
Alex holds
the key out. I grab it and throw it at Duncan. "I'm coming with you!" I shout. "I can help! I'm part of this! I'm -"
"Wait!" Duncan says. "Alex, can you give us a moment?"
"Already out of here," Alex says, looking embarrassed as he leaves.
"Listen," Duncan says, "I know I've been... awkward today. And I've been... insensitive".
I stare at him.
"I've been... harsh".
I stare at him.
"Mean".
I stare at him.
"Awful?" he asks tentatively.
I sigh. "You're treating me like I'm... like I'm... still a human".
He nods. "Because deep down, you feel like you are still a human, don't you?" He waits for me to answer, but I don't have anything to say. "Jess, it's okay," he continues. "It takes time. You're struggling your identity, and that's totally understandable. It's just... while that's happening, there are times when I need to... do things alone. This is one of those times. Do you understand?"
I stare at him, looking deep into his eyes. I feel like he's treating me as if I'm the little woman who has to stay at home when there's danger outside. I wasn't that kind of person when I was human, and I'm not that kind of person now I'm... whatever I am right now.
"Fine," I say. "I'll stay here. But if you're not back by dawn, I'm coming to find you".
He leans down and kisses me briefly on the side of the face. "I'll be back before dawn," he says. "I promise. And this time tomorrow, we'll be on the estate. We'll be in... a place where we can be what we want to be. What we're supposed to be. Wolves. All the time. All day. All night. Just wolves". He smiles as he looks into my eyes. "There's that expression again," he says. "Fear. Jess, if you don't want to abandon your human side, that's fine. But it might cause problems".
I look down, not sure what to say. I want so badly to want what Duncan wants. And the thought of being a wolf part of the time is exciting. But completely abandoning my human side? That's something else. That's something... scary.
"Back before dawn," he says again, turning and leaving the room. I stand there, watching him leave.
Finally, Alex comes in. "Let me guess," he says, a faintly amused look on his face. "He's gone out to do the dirty work and left you here to play house".
I nod.
He smiles. "You gonna do what he says?"
"Course not," I say. "Okay, I've got to get going. I need to stick to his tail".
I grab the key from the floor and head to the door.
"Hey!" Alex calls out. I turn. "Well..." He seems uncertain for a moment. "When I told Duncan that it's a werewolf that's causing all this trouble in Edinburgh, he didn't believe me. But trust me. I'm right. It really is a werewolf. I've fucking heard it. I've met people who've seen it. And... I can just tell. It's a werewolf. God knows why or how, but it really is".
"Okay," I say.
"And Duncan won't like it," Alex adds. "The idea that a werewolf could behave like that, it'll shake Duncan".
"I have to go," I say, and I hurry away. Once I get outside, I spot Duncan hurrying along the street. He's still in his human form, which I guess is wise in a city where people are already terrified of wolves. I rush after him, making sure to keep far enough behind that he won't know I'm here. I don't know what Duncan's plan is, but I need to be there for him if he finds out that the creature causing all this trouble really is a werewolf. Then again, I've seen Duncan's rage, and I'm not sure I can do much to control it. I just wish I understood it better.
8
It's dark now. Sitting in the back of the church, with the priest's blood all around my mouth and on my hands, I stare at the empty room. Moonlight streams in through the stained glass windows, and the whole place is eerily quiet. Nothing moves, nothing stirs. The door remains unlocked, but no-one has come to check on the place, or to see why the priest has not returned to his home. No-one cares about anything in this place.
There was a part of me that had hoped the priest would prove me wrong. That he would summon up the faith from somewhere, that he would reach a moment of realisation and that he would show me his pure and genuine heart. But no. He failed. His faith was a show, an act of obsessive tradition. I have met priests who had real faith. They are among the only humans I trust and respect. And it is this trust and respect that makes me hate the false priests all the more.
I stand up. Still in my human form, I step into the patch of moonlight that lights up part of the room. On the floor before me, the remains of the priest are strewn about. I really ripped him apart, even though I chose not to eat him. I was fuelled by pure rage, by pure anger... and by a desire to understand how it feels to kill an innocent. After all, if I am to take on the humans, I must learn to think like them. I must learn to know their experiences, to recognise what it is like to do the things that they do. They killed innocents, so I must kill innocents. Now that I have done so, I have begun to understand everything. I have peered into their dark hearts.
It is time to leave this church. It is time to go to the heart of this city and rip apart every human I find. Only then, when the truth about this violent world is presented to them, will the humans understand how their civilization has been built upon the blood of the werewolves. And then they will face two choices : either they will accept their own evil and embrace their cruelty, or they will turn against their leaders and seek peace. Either way, their world is about to change forever.
Standing there in the middle of the church, I raise my arms and look to the ceiling. I am going to save the world.
9
Duncan walks and walks through the dark, lonely streets of night-time Edinburgh, and I have no option but to follow at a discreet distance. I'm pretty sure that he hasn't realised I'm here. He probably thinks I'm sulking back at the hotel. But I can't let him be out here alone, and I won't let him force me to sit at home like a good little girl while he goes out to face danger. Also, I don't really trust him when he's in this frame of mind. I'm worried he might do something stupid that makes things worse.
After a couple of hours, things seem desperate. Duncan cuts such a forlorn figure ahead of me, his silhouette moving from shadow to shadow. This seems like such a lonely, pointless quest. He's determined to prove that there's no werewolf terrorising the people of Edinburgh, yet I can't help remembering what Alex said... What if there really is a werewolf doing all these things? I'm not sure Duncan can handle it if Alex turns out to be right.
Suddenly there's a scream. Somewhere in the distance, but not too far. Duncan immediately starts running, and I run to keep up with him. Moments later there's another scream, a blood-curdling cry that seems to fill the night. Keeping track of Duncan, I follow him into a dark side-street where we find a shocking sight: a man has a woman forced against a wall, and he's ripping her clothes off while holding a knife to her neck.
Duncan immediately races to the man and pulls him away, then slams his head directly into a wall. There's no struggle, no fight, just a sickening crunch as the man's skull collapses, and then Duncan lets him drop to the ground. Smooth, quick and clinical, it's a completely unequal fight, and it's over in seconds. Then, almost in slow motion, part of the man's head seems to fall off, and a pool of blood starts to gather across the dark ground.
Duncan stands over him. He hasn't even broken a sweat.
I run to try to help the woman, but she's already gathered her things and run off into the night. Chasing after her seems like a lost cause, especially now that Duncan is looking directly at me.
"You followed me," he says.
I nod. "I was worried about you".
He sighs, then he looks down at the dead man at his feet. "This isn't the guy," he says eventually. "This isn't the one who's been faking the werewolf attacks. This is just..." He kicks the man's body. "This is just some opportunist who thought he'd take advantage of the quiet streets. Typical fucking violent human". He looks at me. "Go back to the hotel, Jess. This is -"
"What?" I ask. "What is it about this that mak
es it so impossible for me to be involved? It's none of my business? Too dangerous?"
"You're not a wolf yet," Duncan replies. "Not fully. You're still... halfway. I don't know if you can handle things like this yet, I don't know your limits. I can't ask you to risk your life like this, to -".
"You're not asking me," I say. "I'm choosing to do what I think is right".
Duncan's about to reply, when there's another scream nearby. A softer scream, more muffled, and male, but still a scream of pain and fear. Then another.
We head along to the next street, trying to locate the source of the noise. Then we hear a third scream, but this one sounds more like a death rattle. We run to the next street corner, and that's when we see it: in the middle of a small street, a man is flat on his back in a patch of moonlight, his chest being ripped apart by a wolf.
"It's him!" I shout, racing forwards.
The wolf looks up at me. It's so dark in this street, I can't make out the wolf's features, but I can tell it's staring at me. It's a strange, eerie moment as I come face to face with something that is in the process of killing. The wolf turns its head slightly, and I see that pieces of the dead man's flesh are hanging from the creature's jaws. It's a horrific, but also kind of noble, sight.
I suddenly realise Duncan isn't with me. I turn and see that he's rooted to the spot, just staring at the creature.
"Come on!" I shout to him.
He just stares. It's as if he can't believe what he's seeing. He was so sure that stories of a killer wolf were propaganda spread by humans, but Alex was right: it's a real wolf, killing indiscriminately on the streets of Edinburgh.
I turn to look at the wolf. There's a moment when nothing happens, with the silhouette of the other wolf just staring at me. And then, with no warning, it turns and it runs away.
"Duncan!" I shout, but Duncan still doesn't do anything.
I shift into my wolf form and take off after the other wolf, following it through a series of dark streets. It's a fast creature and I can barely keep up as it leaps over walls and tries to lose me by bolting through dark alleys. But I stay on its tail, just about, even when we run past a pub with people outside and they shout at us, one of them even trying to grab me.