I sucked in a deep breath, stepped out from under the awning that covered the front door of the school and began my trek home. The rain beat down on me as I started up the road leading to my house. I was surprised by just how cold each frigid drop felt against my skin as it fell from the sky. I hadn’t dressed appropriately for such a drastic temperature drop. I’d barely made it halfway home when my teeth began chattering. My soaked t-shirt and jeans did nothing to ward off the chill that had my body trembling. I hugged my arms around my waist, trying to get any semblance of warmth I could, but it was useless. My feet were numb, my fingers were tingling, and I was pretty sure my lips had turned blue.
This sucks! I was really starting to despise Sommerspoint.
When I heard the sound of a truck approaching from behind me, I stepped to the side of the road as best I could so it could pass, trying not to slip and slide along the soft shoulder.
I kept my head down, embarrassment heating my cheeks as I silently prayed that whoever was passing wouldn’t recognize me. ‘Drowned rat’ wasn’t really a good look for me. I listened closely to the sound of the tires on the road and to the shift of the engine, hoping the driver of the truck would just keep going, but of course I couldn’t have been that lucky.
“Freya?” The chill that ran down my spine just then wasn’t from the cold. I kept walking, thinking that if I didn’t acknowledge Parker, he’d just move along. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what he’d had in mind. I could see his truck in my peripheral vision, creeping along next to me as I kept walking. “Freya, get in the truck. Let me give you a ride home.”
Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Out of everyone who had to drive by as I walked home in the rain, why did it have to be the strange boy who seemed to evoke emotions in me that I’d been trying desperately to ignore?
“I’m f…f…fine,” I stuttered as I tried to suppress a shiver.
“You’re not fine. You’re freezing. Just let me take you home.”
“I s…said I’m f…fine.”
“Your lips are purple, Freya. Stop being so difficult. If you don’t get in the truck, I’ll just keep driving alongside you. Imagine how much fun that’ll be. All those pissed-off drivers trailing behind me, honking their horns, all because you’re being stubborn.”
Damn it. He had me there. It was as if he knew how much I hated drawing attention to myself and he was using that against me. My eyes were narrowed into slits as I made my way around the hood of the truck, scowling at him the entire time. I jerked the passenger door open and climbed in, slamming it closed more forcefully than necessary.
“You know,” Parker started as he put the truck into gear and began driving. “You have a real messed-up way of showing appreciation.”
I kept my focus pointed out the passenger window as the heat in the cab of the truck finally began to ward off the worst of the chill. A twinge of guilt at how rude I’d just been kept me from making eye contact. With the exception of his behavior at the beach and his cockiness at school, he hadn’t really done much else to deserve my bad attitude. I wasn’t typically a rude person. It was just that with everything I had going on in my life, coupled with the strong, unwanted reaction I seemed to have to Parker, I felt like I was losing control. The grip I had on my life was shaky enough. Each time Parker looked at me with those expressive eyes, I felt like it was slipping further from my hands.
“Sorry,” I murmured. The warmth of my breath as I spoke hit the passenger window, causing it to fog up. I kept my gaze on the abstract pattern as it grew smaller and smaller before finally disappearing.
“Wow,” he replied dryly. “Your enthusiasm just brought a tear to my eye.”
At his sarcasm, I finally turned my body toward him and threw my hands up. “Jeez, I said I was sorry. What more do you want?”
He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “How about a little sincerity? You know, I didn’t have to pull over and give you a ride. I could have just let you freeze to death.”
“If I remember correctly, I didn’t ask for a ride in the first place. You basically bullied me into your truck.”
“Unbelievable,” he grumbled under his voice. “Are you always such a ray of freaking sunshine?”
“Nope.” I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled sardonically. “Just with you.”
I could see the muscle in his jaw ticking as he glared out the windshield. “Lovely.”
We remained silent for the rest of the drive. A few minutes later, Parker pulled up to my house and shut off the engine. “You really don’t like me, do you?”
I pulled the strap of my bag over my shoulder and took a deep breath, prepared to give him the God’s honest truth. I could only hope it would be enough to get him to back off. “Look, I appreciate the ride, really, and I’m sorry if I acted like a bitch. Don’t take this personally, but I’m not looking to make any friends, okay? I didn’t even want to move to this stupid town. I just want to get through this year and get the hell out here. I’m not looking to make any connections along the way. I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
His dark eyes narrowed as he studied me again, sending a disconcerting shiver down my spine. I hated how he could do that. It felt like with just one look, he saw every one of my secrets.
“You didn’t seem to have a problem getting to know that redhead in our English class.”
It was my turn to narrow my eyes, only I did it in disgust. “That redhead is Stella. You’ve know her since you were little kids. You’d probably remember her if you pulled your head out of your ass long enough to bother thinking about someone other than yourself or one of your followers. You’re missing out; she’s a pretty awesome person.” I shoved the door open and stepped out, delivering one last parting shot before slamming it shut on him. “Thanks for the ride, Parker, but do me a favor. Next time you see me walking along the side of the road, just keep driving.”
I didn’t bother to look back at him as I ran through the rain up to my house.
My cellphone rang as I climbed from my truck to collect the mail. It was something I made sure to do every day after I got home from school. I’d grab the mail and rifle through, making sure there was nothing in there that could possibly set my mom off. After crumpling the pamphlet for a local swim camp and shoving it below my seat, I grabbed my phone and checked to see who had just called. A groan of annoyance rumbled up my throat at Cassidy’s name on the screen. That girl was really starting to become a problem. No matter how many times I told her we were never going to be a couple, she still refused to get it, even after I pulled her aside after lunch and told her to keep her hands to herself in public. It was long past time to end our little friends-with-benefits arrangement. It wasn’t working for me anymore.
I tossed my phone into my backpack and threw my truck into drive, heading up the driveway to my house. I said a quick prayer as I pushed the front door open, hoping that today would be a good day.
“Mom, I’m home,” I called as I dropped my stuff by the door and headed for the living room. She was laying on her side, stretched out on the couch with the TV on mute. She didn’t move as I slowly walked around the side. Her red-rimmed eyes were focused on the silent television set as she sniffled and wiped at the tears on her cheeks. At least it looked like she’d managed to shower.
“You okay?” I asked softly as I knelt down in front of her, moving her dark hair off her forehead. She pushed herself up and gave me a small smile.
“Yeah, honey. I’m okay. Just a little emotional.”
My brow quirked skeptically as I studied her. “You sure?”
She stood from the couch and attempted to brush the wrinkles from her clothes. “Yeah, baby. I’ll be fine. Today was an okay day. You need to stop worrying about me. I’m going to start dinner. Why don’t you go get washed up?” She walked from the room, leaving me with no other option than to do as she said. She wasn’t great, but I’d seen her much worse. Over the past few years I’d learned to take what I could get, and if
Mom insisted she was all right, then I was going to leave her be.
As I headed for my room, Freya’s earlier words came back to me. The memory of her looking at me with such distaste, like I was the king of all assholes felt like a lead weight sitting at the bottom of my stomach. She had no problem calling me out on my less-than-stellar behavior, and I was ashamed to admit it, but she was right. I’d allowed myself to get so lost in the lives of the people around me that I’d lost a part of myself along the way—the part that made me a decent human-being. I didn’t want to live like I had been for the past three years. I was done. But more than that, I wanted to prove Freya wrong. I wanted her to see that I wasn’t the person she thought I was.
A smirk spread across my face as I fell back onto my bed and began forming a plan in my head. Proving Freya wrong was going to be a lot of fun.
A few nights later, I sat on my bed flipping through one of our old photo albums, looking at pictures of my mother. She’d always been crafty, and our bookshelves had been full of handmade albums she’s spent countless hours on. When we’d unpacked, I hadn’t bothered putting any of them on the shelves in our new living room. I’d kept them neatly stacked in my closet so I could go through them whenever I started to really miss her. My father hadn’t said anything, so I’d just assumed he’d forgotten all about them.
Each picture of her smiling face brought with it a memory that sent a twinge of pain straight through my heart. I gazed down at the picture of us at the beach standing hand in hand at the water’s edge, staring out at its beauty. I was ten years old when we’d taken that family vacation, but I remembered it like it was yesterday. I smiled through my tears as I recalled that day so vividly.
“Always watch the sun set, Freya. No matter how busy you are, or where you are, always take the time to enjoy the sunset.”
I looked up at my mom as she stared peacefully out at the water. “Why? What’s so special about them?”
She turned her head smiled softly down at me. “It’s the kind of beauty only God can create, sweetheart. Nothing in life can compare. You’ll never see anything as beautiful as the scattered colors that float across the sky. Every sunset is like a watercolor painting God made just for you. It’s a gift, but sometimes people get so busy they forget to appreciate what’s given to them every day.”
She reached down to stroke her fingers across my temple, tucking a piece of loose hair behind my ear. “I don’t want you to go through life so busy that you forget to look up and enjoy what God’s created for you. Even if it’s only for a second. Each and every one is special. Nothing in life is guaranteed, Freya. You can’t predict how many days you’ll have on this Earth, how many more sunsets you’ll be here to see. I want you to make me a promise. Always watch the sun set, baby girl.”
I turned from her to watch as the sun dipped down like it was falling into the ocean. “I promise, Mommy.”
I wasn’t able to fully grasp what she was telling me back then, but as I looked down at the picture her words came back to me, and I understood what she’d been saying. She might have run out of sunsets, but I could still make sure to take in as many as possible, enjoying every one enough for the both of us.
“Is that one of the old photo albums?”
I turned my head, surprised to find my father standing in the doorway of my room. I was so lost in old memories I hadn’t heard him arrive home.
“Yeah.” I reached up with one hand and brushed the tears from my cheeks.
“So this is where they’ve all been,” he said, a shadow of a smile on his lips as he took in all the old, handcrafted albums scattered across my bed. “I was wondering what happened to them in the move.”
I closed the book in my lap and ran my fingers over the cover lightly, somewhat saddened that my father’s appearance had cut my time with my mother and our memories short. “I didn’t think you’d notice.” I watched as my finger trailed a random pattern across the front of the album, refusing to meet my father’s eyes as I added, “I didn’t really think you cared.”
The feel of the mattress sinking as Dad sat down drew my attention to him. His hands lay in his lap as he stared off into space as if he was picturing my mother in his head. It was the first time since she’d passed that I really took the time to look at my father. His dark hair was smattered with more gray than it had been months back, the wrinkles around his eyes and lips more prominent. Dark rings circled under his plain brown eyes, giving them a sunken appearance. He looked tired…older.
“It’s not that I don’t care, Freya. I just can’t…”
“Cope,” I finished for him when he went silent, unable to find the right word.
“Yeah.” He sighed. “I guess you could say that.”
More tears pricked at the backs of my eyes as I turned away from him. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I hadn’t received a single second of comfort from him so far, and I refused to let him see me hurting. I’d been handling the pain alone for months by that point. “I’m tired. I think I’m going to call it a night. Was there something you needed?” I asked.
His shoulders drooped as he turned and smiled at me sadly, making sure to keep his eyes steady on a spot over my shoulder. “No, honey. I don’t need anything. I just wanted to see how school was going.”
My stomach knotted at his endearment. I wanted so badly to believe the moment was going to be a defining one for the both of us, that things were going to finally start looking up, but I knew better. Months later and my own father still couldn’t bear to look at me. He was drowning in his grief while I floated along in my own with no rescue in site. Nothing was going to change. Despite his detour into my bedroom, his expression and body language made it clear he didn’t want to be there.
“Fine, I guess,” I answered with a small shrug.
My father didn’t bother hanging around any longer. Standing, he brushed at a piece of imaginary lint on his slacks. “Well, I’ll let you get some sleep. Good night.”
“Night, Dad.”
He made it to the door before he looked over his shoulder. “I love you, Freya. Very much.” His voice broke at the end as his eyes shined with unshed tears. “I’m sorry.”
And with that he was gone. I pushed the albums aside and curled up in my bed. I cried myself to sleep that night, letting the weight of my tears pull me under, providing me with an escape from my lonely life, even if just for a little while
The next morning, Stella met me at my locker with a bright, cheerful smile on her face. “Freya!” she shouted, causing my already-pounding head to throb incessantly. The previous night’s tears might have helped to sleep, but they had caused puffy eyes and an aching head by the time the sun came up. I was in store for a miserable day. I could feel it.
“Shh,” I whispered.
“Oh, my God. Are you sick? You look like crap!”
I shot her a glare and started the process of opening my locker, turning the dial then whacking the door to get it unstuck. “Thanks a lot.”
She gave me a tiny smile and shrugged. “Sorry, but it’s true. Your eyes are all puffy and red. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I told her as I reached into my locker for my book before shutting the door. “Just had a long night. Let’s get to class.”
Thankfully, she didn’t ask any more questions as we walked into Mrs. Wilkins’ classroom. We took our seats and I couldn’t help but notice Parker hadn’t made it in yet. However, his little friend Brynn was there, already giving me the stink eye. Although I’d managed to go a few days without any more unwanted attention from Parker, I hadn’t managed to get on Brynn’s good side. Each morning, she looked at me with the same expression of contempt painted on her face.
“What’s her problem?” I whispered to Stella as I leaned over to take my notebook out of my bag.
She leaned closer to me after peeking around to make sure no one was watching. “Brynn is Cassidy’s best friend. That whole crew thinks Parker is Cassidy’s property or something. I guess she s
aw how he’s been looking at you and didn’t like it.
Great, just what I needed, some band of Barbies putting a bullseye on my back at the very beginning of the year.
“All the guy did was talk to me,” I told her. “That’s it. We aren’t even friends.”
Her expression held a combination of skepticism and concern as she said, “Well, either way, I’d be careful if I were you. Those girls can be really nasty when they put their minds to it. And trust me, that’s pretty much all they put their minds to.”
“Well, that’s just perfect. The last thing I need is to be on their radar.”
“Oh, sweetie, I hate to break it to you, but you’re already there, front and center. With how Parker acted around you that first day, it’s all anyone can talk about.”
I opened my mouth to tell her there was nothing between the two of us when Parker came walking into the classroom just before the final bell rang. I tried not to look, but my eyes had a mind of their own as he sauntered through the room like he owned the place. I held my breath as he walked past, sliding into the desk right behind me. It didn’t do any good. That strange pull I felt every time he was around hadn’t lessened any since the evening before.
“Hey, Stella. How’s it going?” My bewildered gaze shot over to Stella, stunned that he spoke to her after not having a clue who she was just days before. When I turned to look at my friend, she was wearing the same wide-eyed expression I was.
“Uh…hi, Parker. I…I’m good.”
“Awesome, glad to hear it.”
Mrs. Wilkins began talking from the front of the room as Stella gawked at me, her face screaming what the hell was that? All I could do was shrug.
My attention was pulled to the people behind me when I heard Brynn hiss at Parker. “What the hell’s wrong with you? Did you hit your head or something? Since when do we talk to white trash?”
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