by Shona Husk
“So am I.” She looked at him for a moment, and he saw the old heat in her gaze. She wanted him, even if she was trying to pretend that they were nothing more than old friends.
He wanted her to fall in love with him again, to believe that they could save the world together. He needed to believe that was possible and that with Jacqui everything would be perfect. Because if he let himself think of the alternative—that he’d end up like his father—he’d abdicate in a heartbeat, condemning two worlds to Sulia’s rule. Yet when he looked at Jacqui and saw the life in her eyes and the smile on her lips, he didn’t want to change that. He didn’t want to take her to Annwyn and expose her to all the corruption while hoping she’d be all right. He didn’t want her to lose her soul to save both worlds.
Yet he couldn’t see another option except choosing someone else, and his heart wouldn’t let him choose anyone else. He wanted it to beat for a reason, not just because it had to. Jacqui had broken it and yet it still beat for her.
He closed his eyes for a moment and wished he wasn’t the Prince. Maybe he was overthinking things and worrying too much. He opened his eyes and smiled at her. He had to believe that she loved him. Even if she had insisted they have dinner on a boat knowing he didn’t like water. Her lips curved in a small smile that had once meant only one thing. If she asked him to come home with her, would he?
He wanted to. His blood burned. The raw lust hardened his flesh, and for a few moments, he forgot about the boat and the water and Annwyn. It was just them. He covered her hand with his and then brought it to his lips; he needed to taste her, to feel her skin against his. He wanted to be alone with her, and yet at the edges of his mind, he knew he was rushing. The salt air was on her skin, but he didn’t care. She was watching him, and she hadn’t pulled back.
The boat touched the pier, and he resisted the urge to jump straight up. He’d kept it together this long, and he could last a few more minutes. It really wasn’t that bad, except for the rocking motion—and the knowledge that if he fell in, he’d sink to the bottom and drown. He didn’t release her hand as they stood, and they walked hand in hand off the boat, caught in the tide of other passengers.
Stepping on the pier was sweet relief.
Halfway along, he stopped and drew her closer, so the heat of her body invaded his. He needed her. His body ached, and his skin craved her touch. He brushed a strand of hair off her face, his fingers caressing her skin. His thumb touched her lip, then he leaned in and kissed her—properly this time, so there could no doubt about how he felt about her. Her tongue flicked against his lip as her arms went around his neck. It was all the invitation he needed to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer, so their bodies connected. He didn’t care if anyone else saw.
Her breasts pressed against his chest. As she sank into the kiss, she moved her hips against his in a tease that sent shivers down his spine. He’d dreamed so many times of being in her arms again that he didn’t want to let go, not even when the kiss ended and they were nose to nose, their breath mingling.
“That wasn’t supposed to happen,” she said, but she was breathless and smiling, her fingers brushing the back of his neck.
“I know. But I’m glad it did. I missed you.”
“I missed you too…do you have to rush off?” Her fingers paused for just a fraction and there was a catch in her voice.
He swallowed and knew if she asked, he would follow. “No.” His voice was husky, as if he could no longer fight the desire.
“Did you want to come back to my place for a drink?”
No was the smart answer; he had things he needed to do in Annwyn, plus the longer he spent with her, the greater the chance they could be seen together. But he couldn’t say it. His heart was beating hard and his body was screaming yes; his shaft was pressed against her in a way she had to have noticed. And then what? What happened tomorrow? Were they good or was this just for old time’s sake? Think about it in the morning. “I’d like that.”
He eased his hands off her hips so they could separate and find a cab.
While again the cab ride was silent, he could almost taste the tension and anticipation. Her hand rested on his leg, her fingers always moving, inching higher. He wished she’d just touch him and run her hand over his shaft instead of hinting.
They stumbled out of the cab and up the front stairs. Before she could get the key in the door, he pressed her against the door and kissed her hard, his body against hers. It had been too long since he’d been with her—years felt like centuries. He wanted to rediscover everything.
She moaned against his lips. Her hands slid around him and gripped his hips, her fingers kneading into the muscle of his butt. He wanted to ask if she was sure—but she was meeting him every step of the way. He took the key out of her hand and got it in the lock. They managed to get through door and close it again before stumbling down the hallway. She kicked off her shoes as she went. His shirt was half-unbuttoned by the time they reached her bedroom and closed that door behind them. That was when they paused. In the pale light that filtered in from outside, they looked at each other, both breathing hard.
Her lips were parted and her eyes dark with lust. He undid the rest of his buttons while she watched, her gaze flicking from his face to his body. Her tongue darted over her lip as he let the shirt fall to the floor. Then he toed off his shoes, undid the top button on his jeans, and took a step closer. She stepped back and her legs hit the edge of the bed, so she sat and beckoned him forward.
Who was he to refuse?
A couple paces and he was able to kiss her again, drawing off her top then easing her back onto the bed. She wriggled back to give him room, and as she did, he took off her skirt. She’d put on matching bra and panties for their dinner. Red and lacy. She’d have never worn something like that when he’d first known her. He traced up her leg, letting his fingers relearn the texture of her skin.
Instead of continuing to undress her, he knelt on the bed and moved over her. Taking another kiss, he let his hips sink against hers. He really wished he didn’t still have his jeans on. He was harder than he’d been since…well, since he’d last been with her. Her hands slid down his back. He kissed down her neck and lower, to the exposed curve of her breast. She arched her back, pressing her peaked nipple toward his mouth, so he obliged.
His tongue caressed the lace, then he drew the peak into his mouth. Her fingers scraped up his back and dug into his scalp as if to keep him there. He moved his hips against hers, enjoying the little movements of her body and the sounds of lust locked in her throat. He had never forgotten them, and hearing them again was better than any music on either side of the veil.
Her hands glided over his skin and her hips lifted to meet his, tempting him to do more, faster. But he didn’t want to rush the first time. He wanted to be able to remember it as the moment they got back together, when everything had started going right.
Slowly he kissed down her body, enjoying the taste of her skin. His finger brushed over her mons and between her thighs. The lace of her panties was already damp. He slid his fingers beneath the lace to feel the slickness of her skin. Her hips jerked at the touch, but she didn’t pull away as his fingers glided over her delicate folds and pressed into her.
He lowered his head for a taste. She was sweeter than fairy wine and definitely headier than the nonalcoholic drink. He wanted to be burying himself in her and rejoice in being back in her bed. Back with her.
“I want you,” he murmured as he worked his way up her body, kissing, tasting, teasing. Tonight was going far better than he’d let himself dream.
“I know.” Her voice was soft and her breath danced over his skin. Her fingers traced over his skin to his jeans, then she hesitated. She blinked, and he could see a shadow cross her eyes. “Do you have condoms?”
“No.” He drew back, a sinking feeling dragging desire further away. Fairies never worri
ed about contraception. He should have remembered, but he hadn’t expected it to get this far. “The odds of you getting pregnant are so small.”
“Yeah…that didn’t work out so well last time.”
Last time they used condoms, until he’d told her what he was. He’d also stopped pretending to be human around her. Yet that was exactly what he was doing tonight—trying to be human. It wasn’t going to work. Not when she could see through any glamour he tried to cast. She had to accept him as he was, not for how well he could fit into her world. That didn’t mean he was ready to give up tonight. “It took more than once.” She gave him a look, and he immediately regretted saying that. The distance was growing and he could feel her mood cooling. “You don’t have any?”
“No. Usually, I don’t invite anyone home. You can’t magic some up?”
Felan raised one eyebrow. “No.” But he wished he could. He needed her. With Jacqui he could lose himself for a few precious moments. He wished he’d never opened his mouth. If he’d said nothing, then maybe she wouldn’t have called a halt.
She closed her eyes. “I can’t do this. It’s too much too soon.” She opened her eyes, the lust gone and replaced with something colder. The shadow of fear was back. She pushed at his chest and he rolled off her, not resisting even though he didn’t want to put any distance between them.
He took a breath, tried to find calm, and failed. “You invited me home.” What did she think would happen? Felan stared at the ceiling instead of looking at her. He couldn’t look at her without wanting to kiss her and more. There were other things they could do, and he was half tempted to suggest something, but he didn’t want to push. He shouldn’t have accepted her invitation. He should’ve walked away after the kiss and left her wanting more. Now she was turning him away. He rearranged himself and tried to think of something other than sex and how much he wanted her.
“I know…I didn’t think. You make me stop thinking.” She leaned over him and placed a kiss on his cheek. “But I can’t risk getting pregnant again after last time.”
How could he tell her that to become Queen of Annwyn she’d need to be pregnant when that was the one thing she wanted to avoid?
His fingers threaded into her hair, not wanting to lose contact. “I get it.” He did, but it didn’t make it easier. This is what drowning felt like. The air he needed was so close, and his lungs were burning—yet he drew a breath anyway. He turned his head and looked at her. “Will it happen again?” Would they lose another baby because it was growing in the wrong place? Would he lose Jacqui? He wouldn’t survive that.
“Probably not. But I don’t want to risk a baby right now. You can’t come back and expect to pick up as if no time has passed and nothing happened.”
“You don’t want to pretend we can.” He smiled and let the back of his knuckles graze the side of her breast. He wished he could erase those years and make everything the way it should have been, but no one had that power. Not even the King of Annwyn.
She swallowed and blinked slowly as if she were fighting to resist. “I do. But I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Perhaps I should go.” He didn’t want to, not now when they were actually talking and kissing and…and she didn’t want a baby. There was so much more he needed to tell her about Annwyn. He should have said more on the boat while she couldn’t run from what he needed to say, but what they had was still too fragile.
“You don’t have to.” Her touch lingered on his skin. She’d just pushed him away and now she was inviting him to stay. The ground beneath his feet kept shifting and he couldn’t work out what she really wanted.
True, but he couldn’t stay either; otherwise, his erection would never go down. “Yeah, because we’ve always managed to sleep in the same bed and do nothing. We could do something?” He smiled and let his fingers trailed up her thigh.
Jacqui’s cheeks turned pink and she drew away. “It’s not that I don’t want you…”
Felan sat up. He kissed her shoulder blade and then her neck, torturing himself but enjoying it at the same time. But the heat of the moment had died several minutes ago. It was best to let it go. Sometimes it was better to lose the battle so you could win the war. “Maybe it’s better this way. You’re right; it’s too fast.” He had to force those words out and make it sound as though he meant them while hoping she’d change her mind.
He needed fast. He could almost hear the clock ticking on his time left as Prince. And yet he couldn’t sleep in Jacqui’s bed while still keeping things from her. The truth was on the tip of his tongue. They could talk tonight and solve it all…except the only thing he saw happening was him getting tossed out the door and being told never to come back. He couldn’t risk that. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of her skin. He didn’t want to destroy the magic of tonight with the truth. He wanted to give their love time to strengthen before he tested it. Tonight had proved that it still existed, and that had to be enough for the moment.
She tipped her head back. “You always knew what to say.” Her cheek curved. She was smiling.
No, he just knew what not to say. “Not always.”
Sooner rather than later, he was going to have to tell her everything and hope she was willing. But the uncertainty was there. She might want him, but she still didn’t want Annwyn, no matter how much Annwyn needed her. He couldn’t bring himself to use trickery to get Jacqui on his side. And when he only had two days to go, what would he do then? He didn’t like the answer that echoed his father’s words—she’d grow to love Annwyn.
He moved away and buttoned his fly. His heart was still fluttering and his blood was still hot. He wanted her—he had never stopped wanting her. All he’d done was fool himself that he’d stopped loving her. He ran his hands through his hair and then glanced across at her. Where did they go from here?
Nowhere tonight.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He stood and grabbed his shirt off the floor.
Jacqui stayed on the bed and watched, the hunger still in her eyes. That just made it harder to leave. Perhaps he should stay. It was tempting, better than going back to Annwyn, but even if he did stay, they weren’t back to where they had been. She’d said that. At the moment, all they had was lust—while that was plenty in Annwyn, it wasn’t what he wanted with Jacqui. Slow was better.
“What are we doing, Felan?” She crossed her legs, giving him a glimpse of her lace knickers.
He hoped he’d get a chance to take them off her another night. “Reconnecting? Seeing if the attraction is still there?” Seeing if she was still the one who could save Annwyn with him?
“I think that’s obvious. I meant—”
“I know what you meant, but I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. Here or there.” It was funny how clear everything was and how he had planned how it would all go down, and yet, when it came to the pointy end of the sword, all of his deals and plans meant nothing if he couldn’t get a Queen. And the Queen he wanted had just kicked him out of bed. He drew in a breath and looked at her. “Tell me what I need to do to make it right.”
She just looked at him. “I don’t know.” Then she slid off the bed and pulled on her skirt. “I’ll show you out.”
He bit back the sharp retort that it wasn’t necessary as he shoved on his shoes. “Thank you.”
The walk back to the front door was much more subdued. For a moment they stood on the front step. He shoved his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching out and touching her.
“Thank you for dinner. I hope you enjoyed it.”
“Only for you would I get onto a boat.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips and drew back before it became something more. He still hadn’t told her that the Queen needed to give her soul and be pregnant with an heir, as children couldn’t be conceived in Annwyn. And once she had no soul, she wouldn’t be able to conceive his child anymore. One parent needed a soul. That was
the reason fairies needed humans. But that was a conversation for another day. He could imagine her horror at hearing that now.
He turned and walked down the steps without looking back. He didn’t want to know if she was watching because if she was he might be tempted to turn around and stay. He could go without; this wouldn’t be the first time he’d walked away. However, he’d have much rather stayed and sealed their reunion, even though he wasn’t keen on the condoms. It went against everything he’d always believed. If a child happened, it was a blessing. The odds were already against her conceiving in such a short amount of time. He knew why his father hadn’t asked for the return of the cup of life. His father saw through Felan’s careful sidesteps and half-truths and knew how unready he was to be King.
He walked back to the cemetery to return to Annwyn. He knew the rules there. And while he’d like Jacqui to be with him, he couldn’t do that to her. They had time to get it together. He’d give her as long as he could. It was all he could do. He let go of the magic that let him be seen.
He’d barely crossed the threshold into Annwyn when the Hunter approached. Taryn looked grim as she handed him a note.
Mortal paper and mortal handwriting. No fairy would write with such a crass hand—if they could write at all.
Meet me in the grove. I will be waiting.
“Sulia? How long ago?”
Taryn raised her eyebrows. “Do you know how hard it is to judge time here?”
He did, but Taryn had been raised in the mortal world and had only recently come to Court and more recently been made Hunter. She was used to the mortal obsession with keeping an eye on the time. “Yes, but I’ve been in the mortal world checking on the damage.”
“Everyone knows that’s not all you’re doing.” Taryn looked at him closely. He was still in jeans and a shirt. As long as they didn’t know with whom, that was fine.