The Hockey Player's Heart

by Will Knauss

  “So, I need your opinion, which is one of the reasons I’m here. Can you get the… the thing out of the glove box?”

  “The thing?”

  Caleb saw Aaron’s perplexed look from the corner of his eye. “I can’t remember what the stupid thing’s called right now. It’s the only thing in there.”

  Aaron opened the compartment and pulled out the contents. “Paint colors? You want to talk about paint colors?” He sounded as confused as he looked, which was adorable.

  “Did you know there are a couple dozen variations on white? It’s insane,” he said, turning toward downtown. “But I’m curious what you consider white. I mean, is it as simple as what’s labeled white? Or is it Frost or something like Silky White or Polar Bear. It’s important to get it right.”

  It was good that Aaron’s gaze seemed to go only between the fan deck of paint chips and Caleb. He’d picked a weird route to get them where they were going, and so far Aaron hadn’t seemed to notice.

  “You realize you’ve completely lost me. Why are you asking me?”

  “Because your opinion matters.” Caleb pulled into the driveway of their destination. “It’s your vision.”

  Aaron looked out the windshield and then out the passenger window. Caleb was sure Aaron would notice the large Sold sign in the front yard.

  “What did you do?” Aaron’s hand covered his mouth. As Caleb put the SUV into park, he noticed an almost imperceptible shudder from Aaron in the passenger seat.

  He hustled out of the car and around to open Aaron’s door. He couldn’t control his happiness and thought his smile might be permanently etched on his face. “I need a place here, in Foster Grove, and I’m hoping you’ll join me and make this our home.”

  “Oh my God. Caleb. Seriously?” His voice cracked, full of emotion.

  Tears crept out of Aaron’s eyes. He didn’t sound angry. Caleb hoped he wasn’t making a mess. He knew this could go very wrong and only highlight Aaron’s arguments.

  “It’s one hundred percent ours.” Caleb took Aaron’s hand and led him to the front porch. “Now, about the paint color. I had them drop off some samples that we can put it on the trim to see how it looks.”

  The paints and a few brushes were right where Grant had said they’d be. He’d really pulled off some miracles in the past three days, and Caleb was going to give him a giant bonus.

  “Having looked at the book thingy, I think regular white looks really good.” Caleb reached down and grabbed the white, shook it as directed, and opened the container. He laid on a couple strokes of paint to the trim around the front door.

  “What are you doing?” Aaron stood on the porch, still shaking.

  “Trying to get you to pick a color.” Caleb gave him a shy smile.

  “You bought a house.” Aaron’s voice cracked as he looked around. “That’s… I don’t have words.”

  “Some might say crazy.” Caleb set the paint down carefully and took Aaron’s hands in his. “But I wanted to show you how serious I am about us. I want my life to be in Foster Grove, with you… if you’ll have me. I want us to fix this place up. I remember the night we ended up here. You’ve already got great ideas for it—like the trim color.”

  Aaron opened his mouth, as if he were searching for the right words but couldn’t quite find them.

  Caleb pressed on. There was certainly no stopping now. “Come on inside. I’d love to hear more about what you want to do to our home.” He pulled the keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door. He gestured for Aaron to go first and heard his breath catch as he crossed the threshold. The interior was brightly lit given the sunny day.

  “I feel like I’m in a movie,” Aaron finally said. “This can’t be real. Maybe I was hit on the head by a ball during recess or something.” He slowly spun around, taking in the empty room.

  As Caleb had hoped, Aaron’s focus was immediately drawn to the mantel. Caleb joined him, standing by his side at the fireplace.

  “You’re just full of surprises.” Aaron said, picking up the framed photo. Tears fell as Aaron looked at the image of the kiss that had been captured in the park. He carefully set the frame down, jerked Caleb to him, and kissed him hard. Caleb met the kiss head-on, loving its aggressive hunger and how the friction of their beards felt.

  “I love you, Caleb,” Aaron said when he broke away. “I do. I should’ve said it back the other night.”

  They cried, kissed, and held each other tightly.

  “I love you so much,” Aaron said between smooches. “I’m sorry I was so stupid. I should’ve just followed my heart. I’m never going to let you go.”

  “Good. Because I don’t want to be let go. And you weren’t stupid. You were hurt. This starts something new, for both of us. And if you ever feel like something’s not right between us, tell me. I promise I’ll do the same with you.”

  “Promise.” Aaron said, wiping at his damp cheeks as his tears finally began to subside. “You know what else this room needs? That painting of the lake we looked at. There’s no view of the lake from here, but that picture would be—”

  “Perfect,” they said together.

  “Right over the fireplace,” Aaron said.

  Caleb nodded. “Come with me.” He led them to the kitchen, where two plastic glasses sat on the counter. From the fridge he pulled a bottle of champagne.

  “You really thought of everything.” Aaron couldn’t stop smiling.

  “Full disclosure,” Caleb said as he worked on the cork. “The champagne was Grant’s idea. But the rest of it? All mine and all for you.”

  The cork released with a pop, spraying its contents across the kitchen. Caleb poured two glasses, and they each took one.

  “Thank you for taking the leap. I’ll do everything I can so that you don’t regret it.”

  “Thank God you were persistent. I can’t believe what you’ve done today. I look forward to all that comes next.”

  They clicked the plastic together and drank.

  “How did you pull all this off?” Aaron asked, refilling their glasses.

  “I won’t sugarcoat it—money and an assistant can get a lot of things done fast. I’m glad you like it. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to top it.”

  “I can’t imagine how you could. This is beyond anything I could’ve dreamed of.”

  “You make me so happy.” Caleb leaned in and stole a champagne-flavored kiss from the man he adored. He then pulled back so he could look Aaron in the eye. He took a deep breath. “So this is home base, effective immediately. New York is work. You and Foster Gove are home. We can spend the summer settling and figuring out how we want to manage things when next season starts.”

  “I want you to know that I heard everything you said in your apartment, even if I was stupidly fighting against it. I admit I might have looked into some of those relationships you mentioned. There’s this guy who coaches in Pittsburgh but lives in Dallas, and he has a wife and kids. If he can make that craziness can work, you and I can surely find a way.”

  Caleb laughed. “We’re going to be fine. I bet we’ll end up seeing so much of each other that you’ll be like ‘please, give me a break.’”

  “I can’t see that happening.” Aaron said, then took a sip from his glass.

  “Just so you know, I fully intend to ask you to marry me.”

  Aaron coughed and sputtered the champagne that he hadn’t quite finished swallowing. Caleb gently patted Aaron on the back until the coughing fit subsided.

  “I didn’t mean to get you that choked up.”

  “It’s okay,” Aaron insisted, setting the plastic champagne flute aside.

  “I’m not proposing, at least not yet, anyway. Asking you right now, in this moment, wouldn’t be fair.” He took Aaron’s hands in his own. “This is a lot to take in—the house, our new lives together—and I get that, so I’m not going to pressure you. But I want you to know that when it comes to us, I am one hundred percent all in.”

  Caleb waited for
a response, but Aaron remained quiet. He could usually read the emotion in Aaron’s expressive eyes, but at the moment, his expression was frustratingly neutral. Had Caleb misread the situation? Was it all too much? Had his grand gesture backfired?

  “What if I asked you?” Aaron said.

  Caleb wasn’t sure he understood. “Asked me what?”

  Aaron gave an exasperated huff. “To marry me.”

  “Wait a second. Really?”

  Aaron nodded. “These past few days, I’ve had a chance to think about what I want out of life. I realized I was letting things in my past control my future. I was afraid of getting hurt again, afraid to take a chance and truly move forward. I don’t want fear to ever hold me back again. What I want, all I want, is you, Caleb.”

  “It means so much to hear you say that.”

  “I’m one hundred percent all in too. Will you marry me?”

  “God, yes. Of course I will.”

  Caleb grabbed hold of Aaron, wrapped him in an embrace, and twirled him around. He let out whoop of joy, the sound echoing against the bare walls of their new house. A home they’d they make theirs and fill with love. Caleb set him down and took Aaron’s handsome face in his hands, kissing him thoroughly.

  They were interrupted by the buzz of Aaron’s phone vibrating. Caleb’s phone also chirped to life. They ignored them until both phones went off again.

  Aaron pulled back, chuckling. “One guess who that is.”

  “I don’t think I have to.” Caleb took his phone from his pocket and showed Aaron the screen. “She never was patient.” They looked at the screen together.

  One of you better tell me something soon. The anticipation is killing me.

  “Are we keeping this a secret or do we tell her?” Aaron asked.

  “I have no intention of keeping this news under wraps. Do you want to text her or should I?”

  “You can do it.”

  Caleb typed: You’ll have a brother-in-law soon. “Look good?” He showed it to Aaron.

  “Perfect.”

  Caleb clicked Send, put the phone on the counter, and pulled Aaron close so they could get back to the kissing.

  They ignored her replies.

  Epilogue

  “BABE,” Caleb shouted from the living room, “hurry up. The commercial is almost over.”

  “I’m almost done,” Aaron called out as he pulled the bag of popcorn from the microwave and emptied the contents into a large bowl.

  They’d been working on the house together since they returned from Caleb’s championship win. In the lead-up to the championships, Aaron had overseen some of the remodeling of the house—refinishing the floors, fresh paint where it was needed, better kitchen appliances. The painting of the pond that Caleb loved so much hung over the fireplace in the living room. Meanwhile, the scandalous paparazzi picture of their park kiss and the “World’s Best Tutor” trophy had a home on the mantel.

  Aaron turned off the kitchen light and joined Caleb on the couch that had just been delivered that afternoon. Aaron snuggled in close to him, balancing the bowl of popcorn between them, as they prepared to watch Dimitri’s interview. The online live stream of NY1 was the only way to see it in Foster Grove.

  As Aaron reached for a handful of popcorn, Caleb leaned even closer, “I like how that engagement ring looks on your finger.”

  Aaron glanced at his hand and admired the platinum band that now adorned his ring finger. “As it turns out, not only is my fiancé an excellent hockey player, he has superlative taste in men’s jewelry.”

  “Aren’t you a lucky fellow,” Caleb teased, nibbling Aaron’s earlobe.

  “Okay, Romeo, let’s put that idea on hold until after the show,” he said, focusing their attention back to the television.

  “Welcome back to Sports on One. Joining us is Dimitri Stanislov, one of the stars of the newly crowned Stanley Cup championship team,” the interviewer said, introducing Dimitri. “Congratulations. You helped bring the Cup back to New York for the first time since 1994.”

  Dimitri’s smile was wolfish, cocky. “It was an incredible experience lifting the Cup in front of the amazing home crowd after game seven last week, and to share it again with all the fans at the parade just a few days ago.”

  Caleb had secured Aaron and Pam VIP seats for the parade. In the grandstands at City Hall, they had screamed so loudly for Caleb when he stood at the podium, they were hoarse for several days after. It was during that same trip that Caleb signed a new five-year deal with the Rangers because the team wanted to lock in their Stanley Cup winning captain.

  “He loves this stuff,” Caleb said. Dimitri’s confidence in front of the camera couldn’t be denied. “I’d give him all the media interviews, if I could. He really eats it up.”

  “It was an interesting run to the finals,” the interviewer continued as a series of highlights played on the in-studio monitor. “Sweeping Boston in the first round, only to take six games to knock out Pittsburgh for the conference championship. Then it was seven to finally defeat San Jose, and that included three overtime games.”

  “San Jose did not want to go down quietly, that’s for sure.” Dimitri laughed. “Those were intense games, especially on the road. Our team stepped up just a little bit more, and it made the difference. It was thrilling how it turned out.”

  “Let’s shift for a moment and talk about your captain and best friend.” An image of Caleb and Aaron that had been taken on the ice at The Garden after the Rangers win appeared on screen. Caleb was lifting the cup over their heads while Aaron had his arm around him. They were both smiling from ear to ear.

  “Oh, geez, that picture just keeps coming back,” Caleb said, momentarily covering his eyes.

  “You look adorable.” Aaron leaned over and kissed Caleb’s cheek.

  “I’m glad you think so. You’d think the team photographer would make sure I didn’t look like a completely goofball. Look at that ridiculous smile.”

  “Like I said. Adorable.”

  Caleb looked to Aaron and playfully stuck his tongue out, which Aaron responded to by leaning over and kissing it.

  They turned their attention back to the screen as Dimitri spoke. “I couldn’t be more thrilled for Caleb. It’s hard not to be when you see how tremendously happy he is. You saw how he was smiling in that photo.” The image reappeared, and Caleb groaned. “That’s it. Look at that smile. He’s got the Cup and he’s got a wonderful man. My friend deserves all of it.”

  “I’m going to kill him,” Caleb said through a sigh.

  “Aww,” Aaron said, snuggling against Caleb while making sure the popcorn didn’t fall. “But he said you’ve got a wonderful man.”

  “That’s true.” Caleb repositioned himself so he could wrap his arm around Aaron. “I do.”

  “And what are your plans now that the season’s over?” the interviewer asked.

  “I’m taking the Cup home to Denver for an event at my high school and I’ll spend some time there with my family. The most important thing on the calendar, though, is Caleb’s August wedding. I’m honored that he asked me to stand with him. I’m sure it’s going to be epic. Come fall, Caleb and I will also do some speaking gigs to support the You Can Play initiative at a few high schools in the Northeast.”

  “We certainly send Caleb best wishes on his wedding. And we’re already looking forward to what you, Caleb, and the rest of the team bring to The Garden next year. Thanks for being with us, Dimitri. We’ll be right back with more Sports on One right after this.”

  As the commercial started, Aaron reached for the remote and clicked a button to start Netflix. “So, what’s it going to be?” he asked as he clicked through the menu of programs.

  “I’m thinking,” Caleb said as he moved the popcorn to the coffee table, “maybe it’s not a Netflix night after all.” He took the remote from Aaron and placed it next to the bowl. “It might be better if it’s just us.” With a very fluid movement, Caleb straddled Aaron and leaned in for a kiss.
/>
  “Works for me,” Aaron said, his words muffled between kisses.

  JEFF ADAMS has written stories since he was in middle school and became a gay romance writer in 2009 when his first short stories were published. Since then he’s continued to create, often with a hockey player at the center of the story.

  Jeff lives in northern California with his husband of more than twenty years, Will. Some of his favorite things include the musicals Rent and [title of show], the Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins hockey teams, and the reality TV competition So You Think You Can Dance. If forced to pick his favorite book, it would be a tie between Michael Chabon’s The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay and David Levithan’s Every Day.

  Jeff is the co-host of Jeff & Will’s Big Gay Fiction Podcast, a weekly show devoted to gay romance as well as pop culture. New episodes come out every Monday at biggayfictionpodcast.com.

  You can learn more about Jeff at jeffadamswrites.com.

  WILL KNAUSS is a child of the seventies. When he wasn’t twirling around on the playground (like Lynda Carter from Wonder Woman), he wrote stories and performed plays for family members. Enthusiasm for his theatrical presentations varied. Before becoming an author, Will’s work experience ranged from hotel housekeeper to retail clerk. While living in New York, he even worked as a Wax Museum tour guide.

  In 1995 he asked the man who would eventually become his husband on a date. No Netflix and chill for them, though, remember, this was the Dark Ages (aka the midnineties). They went to an actual theater to see the John Carpenter remake of Village of the Damned. They have been inseparable ever since.

  Each week, Will shares his love of gay romance fiction with the listeners of the Big Gay Fiction Podcast, a show he co-created with his husband and fellow author, Jeff Adams.

  Other random facts: He loves Jacqueline Susann’s Valley of the Dolls and Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City. He can answer any question about Bette Davis (he’s that obsessed) and has an ever-growing collection of Wonder Woman ephemera (see Lynda Carter reference above).