by S. A. Wolfe
“And I am in awe of Lauren and Leo and their marriage,” Cooper continues. “I could never do this.”
I could never do this. That’s the only thing I hear before Cooper sits down, and the quartet begins performing the first waltz. Leo takes Lauren’s hand and walks her to the dance floor.
“Carson!” Jess hisses in an angry whisper.
Carson looks over at us with concern and then quickly heads into the space between our tables to stand in front of Jess.
“Why are you feeling up my wife?” he asks Emma who has her hands in the back of Jess’s dress.
“She’s trying to reposition my boobs,” Jess snaps. “Just stand there, Carson, and block people from seeing us.”
“You’re what?” Carson is completely mesmerized as Emma fumbles with the cutlets and Jess struggles to keep the front of her dress from falling down.
“I look like one of Picasso’s freaky three-boobed women. These rubber chickens fell out of my bra, and the whole dress is collapsing,” Jess explains.
While Carson leans over the table, tall and broad enough to hide us from view, I stand and begin stapling Jess’s zipper again.
Dylan and Cooper both jump over their table like cowboys swinging over a fence. They jog over to see what all the excitement is about.
“Hey, it’s our turn,” Dylan says. “We have to get out there and dance, boys and girls.”
“Just a second, honey,” Emma says as I give Jess one last staple in her back and she adjusts her bra.
“Jesus. What’s going on here?” Dylan looks as captivated as Carson with our wardrobe adjustments that look more like an erotic strip club dance.
“Two seconds,” I say to Dylan. I glance at Cooper, but then look away and take extra time putting away the staplers and our bags to gather the whirlwind of thoughts racing through my mixed up brain.
I was completely excited to show off my dance moves with Cooper, but his words, “I could never do this,” keep resonating through me in a sickening way.
Cooper comes around the table to my side and holds out his hand. “Ready?”
With the others already gliding across the dance floor around Leo and Lauren, I take Cooper’s hand and he sweeps me into the waltz. As he leads me gracefully through the other couples with powerful moves that make me feel like I’m floating, I keep my eyes fixated on our clasped hands.
“Your toast was very funny. Lauren really enjoyed it,” he says finally to break the silence.
“Hmm.” I keep looking at our hands and other couples.
“Why won’t you look at me? What’s wrong, Imogene?”
“I don’t want to mess up the waltz. A lot of people are filming this.”
“This is the last one and then the DJ comes on. Do you plan on looking at me then?” he asks.
Right then, “Dyslexic Heart” starts blasting, and Lauren bops by us, singing along with the song like a spastic groupie. Leo’s arms are flailing about and Cooper has to pull me aside from a flying fist.
“I forgot that Lauren planned on playing a bunch of her parents’ old tunes.” I put on my best fake smile.
“Then let’s show these goons how to dance.” He takes my hand and drags me to the middle of the crowded dance floor.
“Imogene!” Cody intercepts us and Cooper frowns.
Cody still looks like a hunky high school jock, and I can tell Cooper is sizing him up.
“Cody, wow. Nice to see you,” I say flatly.
“Hey, do you mind if I cut in and dance with her?” he asks Cooper.
“Actually, yeah. She’s not available. There’s a table of women over there, waiting to be asked to dance.” Cooper nods with his chin.
“Seriously?” Cody chuckles. “Imogene and I go way back, and—”
“Great. We just missed the fun song.” I stand between the two men as The Human League comes on.
“Slow song,” Cooper says. “Sorry, buddy, you’ll have to catch up with Imogene later.”
Cody scoffs as Cooper pulls me in for a snug embrace.
“Cody, snag a bottle of champagne, and I’ll meet you at the fountain lobby. We can talk then,” I say over Cooper’s shoulder.
“Sounds good!” Cody slaps Cooper’s back before he walks away.
His expression grim, I feel Cooper’s arms loosen as though he’s about to turn and throw a punch at Cody’s head. I press my hands hard against his back to hold him in place.
“What the fuck was that, Imogene?”
“Watch your language. We’re at a wedding. He’s an old boyfriend who asked me for a dance. Big deal.”
“I hate him already.”
“It was years ago. He’s from my high school days. Get over it.”
“Why aren’t you all over me? What happened between the church and the reception? You’re acting strange, like you’re mad at me. And I’m not the one in a room full of exes. Yeah, I saw Jeremy.”
“It’s not my fault these guys are here. Lauren and Leo invited them.”
“I don’t care about those guys. What’s going on with you?”
“Shoot. I like this song,” I say as The Duhks’s “Annabel” starts playing. “And you’re ruining it for me.”
“Me? Why?” he growls.
“Did you mean that? What you said during the toast, that you could never do this? Never get married?”
Cooper shrugs. “Yeah. I never saw myself as the marrying type.”
“And you still feel that way?” I’m not hiding my anger.
“Why? Are we getting married?” he asks, equally angry.
“No. We’re dating. At least, I thought we were.” I push away from him. “You know what? I don’t want to have this argument here on the dance floor. In fact, I can’t talk to you right now. I’m going to go cool off.”
“I’ll go with you, and we’ll talk some place more private.”
“No. Really. I need to be alone,” I snap. As I turn to walk away, I feel a loosening sensation on my back as several staples pop and the fabric gives. “Kcuf!”
“Imogene!” Cooper grabs my arm and turns me back around to face him. “You’re being childish. Come with me and we’ll talk this out now.”
“Childish? You really know how to win me over. I can’t talk to you. I’m pissed as hell and my dress is shredding … Soon, I’ll be pissed and naked.”
Cooper takes off his tux jacket and swings it around my shoulders. “Wear this. Please,” he says calmly with a tight jaw. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I don’t want to piss you off. Why don’t you go sit down with Lois and Archie, and I’ll give you twenty minutes to calm down, then we’re talking.”
I open my mouth to say something; however, I struggle to think of a single word that doesn’t make me feel like a fool. Instead, I storm off the dance floor and wade through the dining tables until I spot Archie and his entourage. There are two open seats between Lois and a woman sitting next to Archie, so I plop myself down in the chair next to Lois and pull the lapels of Cooper’s tux around me.
“Oh, no, is the dress a goner?” Lois frowns. “I noticed all the girls are wearing the men’s jackets. Did your backside make a big showing?”
“Something like that.”
“That didn’t stop them from dancing. Why are you sitting here with the old folks?”
“I suddenly lost interest in dancing.” I take a sip of champagne from an unclaimed glass and notice two distinguished looking older men across the table in a very serious conversation. “Are those your dates?”
“Yes. The silver fox is Ben. He’s my date. Nice, right? The tall, dark, and handsome one came with Eleanor. He’s Steven, a widower and very successful in some kind of retail franchise.”
“How do you manage to meet men? Women my age complain about it all the time, and somehow, you and Eleanor always find these nice, available guys.”
“We’re more resourceful.” Lois finishes off a glass of water. “We make a point to
go to as many social functions as possible, whether it’s a funeral or a bake sale at the library. I met Ben at a swanky cocktail party at Mohonk. I had an appointment at the spa there when I stumbled upon his group of friends. Next thing you know, he’s asking for my phone number. Eleanor met Steven at the gas station. How’s that for dumb luck? So where’s your handsome date?”
“He’s around here … somewhere.” I fling my hand in the air.
“Why do you young women use every party as an opportunity to create unnecessary drama? Is it part of the chase? Does it really make it more fun?” Lois regards me with a serious frown.
I shrug. “Sometimes things don’t become obvious until we’re in the middle of one of these massive social functions. Sometimes we’re stupid, and …”
“You’ve had a disagreement with Cooper.” Lois sighs and sits back in her chair.
“Yes.” I cross my arms and slouch in my chair.
“Stop pouting. I hate when grown women do that. It’s so unbecoming.”
“You’re so understanding I can’t stand it.”
“You are at your best friend’s wedding and have a wonderful, young man who lavishes great attention on you. What do I not understand?”
“Did you hear his toast?” I say in a shrill voice that makes others glance over at me.
“I thought he was absolutely adorable.”
“Well, I must have missed that part,” I snipe.
“Do you see that woman on your other side, the one Archie can’t take his eyes off of?” Lois asks in a low voice.
I turn to my right to get a better look at the attractive woman I noticed earlier.
“That’s Emily Weston,” Lois says.
I shake my head. “So?”
“Before she was Emily Weston, she was Archie’s Emily. The Emily.” Lois smiles as my eyes go wide.
“You mean the woman we thought was a myth, a farfetched story Archie made up?”
“That’s the one. She broke his heart fifty years ago and married someone else, and Archie said he’d never get over her.”
“So what is she doing here?”
“Her husband George died six months ago, and Archie ran into her at some county planning meeting, save the rain forest or something.”
“We don’t have a rain forest.”
“You know, one of those public meetings to stop development on someone’s land or some owl’s tree. They ran into each other, went out for lunch, and they’ve been together ever since.”
“That’s wonderful. I’m so happy for Archie. What luck.”
“Right, like the luck you had at my party,” Lois slips in, “hooking up with Cooper.” She smiles.
“We didn’t hook up at your party, and since when do you say things like that? My mother doesn’t even use that expression.”
Lois shrugs. “I’m more hip. And I did see Cooper carrying you off that night.”
“I believe I was unconscious at the time, so it doesn’t count.”
“Imogene, I wish you would understand that loving someone doesn’t have to be impossible or even difficult, unless you are looking for reasons to make it impossible. I’m not saying everyone is worth loving, but you did find someone good. I hate to see you foolishly waste time on being upset over some silly tiff.”
“Who says it’s silly?”
“Me. You’re sitting at the geriatric table instead of dancing with that handsome, young man.”
“What if the love isn’t equal?”
“Love is a bitch if you love someone who can’t give you what you want. And time is cruel. It goes too fast when you’re happy, and it seems like an eternity when you’re miserable. Love and time are both cruel bitches. They’re also necessary.”
“Then I’m screwed either way. Why do I bother talking to you about this?”
“Because you’re the dumb broad that is fighting with her boyfriend in the middle of a party. You couldn’t wait until it was over?”
“Do you ever give any advice that’s helpful?”
“If I have to be responsible for giving advice, I want four hundred dollars per hour and a good bottle of Scotch.”
“Perfect.”
“Imogene, you have two options: love the person you love and live with the compromise, or you can find someone else to love. The options aren’t complicated.”
“It sounds very difficult to me.”
“Imogene.”
I look up to meet the familiar voice.
Jeremy.
“Oh, sweet Jesus H. Christ,” Lois says. “That’s my cue. Ben, let’s dance! Everyone, let’s hit that dance floor!”
“You’re leaving me?” I ask pleadingly.
“I’ve helped you enough. I need to go live my life.”
And, just like that, the whole table of seniors evacuates and leaves me alone with Jeremy.
“Would you like to dance?” he asks me.
“Not really.”
He looks different—better, healthier, thinner—as if he’s been exercising in the Southern California sun. His hair is cut shorter, the curls completely gone, and his face looks more defined.
“Can I sit with you?”
“Sure.” I’m not making this easy for him, and why should I?
He unbuttons his suit coat and sits down. He even dresses better than when he was with me. “You look really nice,” he says shyly. “Beautiful as always.”
“Huh. You look good, too. Guess the new job worked out really well for you.”
He nods and looks uncomfortable. “Imogene, I’m really sorry.”
“That’s nice, but you’re a year too late.”
“I still have to say it. I owe you a huge apology.”
“Save it, Jeremy. We’ve both moved on.”
“But that’s just it. I didn’t want to leave you. I thought I’d get settled and come back and …”
“No. No, you don’t. I spent a lot of time being angry at you. I think I hated you for at least six months after you moved away.”
Jeremy nods. “It was my fault, and I want to fix it.”
I look at him like he’s crazy. “What?”
“I was getting a new job and thought I could convince you to come out once I was doing well.”
“You hurt me. You never called. We’re over and done with forever. You get that, right? We haven’t spoken in over a year, and since you weren’t away fighting a war or imprisoned in some undisclosed location, that means we have been over for a very long time.”
“How do I explain this?” Jeremy mutters to himself and then gives me a wounded look. “I didn’t break up with you, Imogene. I was just hitting the pause button.”
“I’m not a kcuffing DVD player, you wanker!” I stand up and the chair falls back. I really want to slap him, but he already looks confused and scared, so I bolt from the table and run right into Cooper’s chest, my lipstick making a perfect imprint on his white dress shirt.
He looks down at the mouth-print I branded him with and then regards me with a weary smile. “How is it going with the ex-boyfriends?”
His tie is gone and his shirt collar is open, revealing one of my favorite parts of his body. Who am I kidding? I love every part of him, and he seems to be oblivious that his little toast gave me a huge sucker punch.
“It’s a nightmare. I’m having the worst time. I’m going to ask someone to give me a lift home.”
“Ah, no you’re not. You’re coming to my place tonight, remember? We need to talk.”
I push by him and keep walking, but in a split second, he’s by my side with his arm around my waist. In the next instant, there’s hollering from the dance floor as Lauren launches her bridal bouquet over the heads of a crowd of jumping women. The bouquet flies right over everyone’s head and smacks Cooper in the face.
“Damn!” He palms his injured head with one hand and catches the bouquet in the other.
There’s an audible gasp in the ballroom as t
he eager, single women realize a man caught their coveted flowers. Cooper looks at me helplessly and then at the bouquet in his hands.
“Oh, how ironic!” I bellow angrily, loud enough for everyone to hear. “Give me that!”
I grab the bouquet from his hand and lob it back across the room to the women who scream, jump, and tackle one another for the prize. Kimberly, our cute librarian, jumps up from a mound of women on the floor, holding up the bouquet with a triumphant smile.
I make it to the grand lobby of the hotel and see Cody and his friends hanging out by the fountain. He has a bottle of champagne and stands up from where he is perched on the fountain edge when he sees me.
“Hey, Imogene.” He smiles and holds up the bottle.
“Sorry, Corey. You’ll have to find another woman,” Cooper says as he places his hand protectively on the back of my neck.
“It’s Cody.” Cody looks Cooper up and down as if he’s judging whether to take him on and turn this into a genuine replay of a pathetic high school prom with a drunken fistfight.
I scowl at Cooper and then Cody and keep walking until I’m outside the hotel. Cooper remains glued to my side, silent yet ever so present. We cross through the valet parking zone and head into the large gazebo of the hotel garden. Usually, the gazebo would be booked with another party or a musical group, but the light drizzle of rain has moved all parties to the inside ballrooms.
I wriggle out from underneath his grip and walk away from him to lean against the wood railing, pulling the tux jacket around me. I suddenly feeling naked in my dress that has the consistency of cotton candy.
“This is all because of my toast?” he asks. “Because I was trying to say something nice about Lauren and Leo?”
“It was enough to make me consider that this isn’t as good as I thought.”
“Us? Are you kidding?” He walks angrily towards me. “This is the best I’ve ever been. Being with you, it’s the best.”
“We want different things. I had no idea you were someone who shunned marriage … and family. God, this all makes perfect sense. This is why you’ve been so vague about your family.”
“I didn’t know you were thinking about marriage.” He stands closer and glares at me.