Fuck.
“Me, Brendan and Sammy were pulled out of the car. Me and Bren seemed fine but Sammy was bleeding too much. She died in my arms while we waited for the ambulance.”
“Babe,” I say before we both fall into silence. I feel the front of my shirt becoming wet and there’s no doubt she has tears streaming down her face as she thinks about the worst day of her life.
“I came out of it unscathed but Brendan suffered damage to his spinal cord and was paralysed, he’s been in a wheelchair ever since,” she explains as her voice cracks once again. “I’ve never forgiven myself if we didn’t go out for my birthday…”
“Don’t, Elle,” I demand. “You can’t put the blame on yourself like that. It was an accident and could have happened to anyone.”
“I know,” she sighs, “But no matter how much logic there is, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m here and they’re not.”
“It’s called survivors guilt,” I explain. “I got it after my dad died. I kept telling myself that I should have been around more and looked out for him, if I had known his heart wasn’t doing so great, I could have helped, we all would have.”
“Did it go away?” she questions.
“No,” I tell her. “I don’t think it ever will.”
She lets out a sigh and I know her mind is going straight back to her lost family so I do what I can to keep her talking. “Tell me about Brendan.”
“He’s a survivor. One of the toughest guys I know,” she says as her voice takes on a tone filled with pride. She then goes on to tell me about his rehab and how he has this massive chance of being able to walk again. She then explains how going to his appointments was where she first discovered her passion for physiotherapy which also explains why she didn’t want to answer my question that first time we met.
I realise that for the past eight years, she has basically had to be a parent to Brendan. She went through the worst thing any seventeen-year-old could go through and then immediately had to take on the responsibility for caring for her brother, which I’m sure would have come with all sorts of medical bills and the fact that she’s put herself through college as well, tells me she has had to work her ass off for everything she’s got.
It finally makes sense to me, why she keeps turning me down. She had said that she can’t risk her job and I got that but I didn’t understand just how serious she was and what was on the line but knowing just how far she’s come and what a strong woman she is, only makes me want her more.
Now I just have to prove to her that being with me isn’t going to be a risk. There’s nothing for her to lose here, only something great to gain but I that’s something she’s going to have to work out on her own.
The second she started talking about Brendan, she couldn’t stop and it’s clear just how much she loves him. I could stay in this spot and listen to her talk for hours but when she finally runs out of things to say, she snuggles in deeper and looks up to meet my eyes. “Thank you,” she murmurs. “I really needed that.”
My heart swells as I look down into those beautiful eyes. I press a kiss to her forehead, wishing it was her lips. “Go to sleep.”
With that, she closes her eyes and drifts off into a peaceful sleep, wrapped in my arms.
Chapter 12
Elle
The sound of birds chirping seeps into my unconscious mind and has me waking from one of the best sleeps I’ve had in over eight years.
Warmth consumes me as my eyes open to realise I’m still in this silly little tent, on an air mattress and tucked safely in the arms of the most amazing man I have ever met. I can’t believe that he was able to give me the courage to talk about my family but somehow, he did. Maybe it was knowing that he had suffered his own loss and would better understand. I don’t know, but whatever it was, it has made me feel a million times lighter.
I’ve never been able to do that before. I mean, sure I’ve spoken with heaps of therapists who thought they could break me out of my depression but I doubt they had ever lost their family in one big hit. They would never have understood which is why I stopped seeing them.
Of course, I’d spoken with Brendan at lengths because he was suffering the exact same loss but he’s my brother and I’ve always needed someone outside my inner circle to talk to. It helped when I found Jaz. We cried and cuddled but there was something different about opening up to Logan.
At least now he’ll understand why I’ve been so standoffish with him. Well, he would mostly understand. I don’t think he could possibly realise the kind of debt I’m in after having to support my brother through his recovery, put myself through college and still live.
I was able to sell my parents’ house which helped a lot but that money only went so far.
I lived with my aunt and uncle for a little while to be close to Brendan and finish high school but then I went to college. Things got so much harder but we were strong and made it work.
Now we’ve come out the other end. I’ve got this amazing job with the possibility of a promotion. Brendan is back in rehab with the possibility of walking again, though, that, of course, comes with its own set of bills but I just don’t care. The weight of college and finding a good job is off my shoulders and now all I have to focus on is getting Brendan better…. Oh, and keeping Logan at arm’s length.
He did say last night that he believes my job is safe but how could he possibly know that? It’s a nice thought and would mean that I could maybe give this thing with Logan a go. I mean, it’s becoming startling obvious that he isn’t the player I thought he was. I mean, I bet he has had his moments in the past but something tells me he’s serious when he says ‘I’m different’ but then, doesn’t every guy say that?
I just can’t get past the fact I was able to talk to him… Something inside me clicked and it felt so right. That’s not something I can ignore, right?
His arms pull tighter around my waist and breaks me out of my inner thoughts. I find my back pressed up against his chest with his scent wrapping around me and I absolutely love it.
“How’d you sleep?” he murmurs in a sleepy tone.
I turn in his arms so I can look up at his handsome face. “Better than I have in eight years,” I admit.
Emotion shines bright through his eyes. “You don’t know how happy that makes me,” he says.
In a flash, he shifts his weight and pulls me with him. I find myself underneath him with his arms caging me in and his lips firmly against mine.
My traitorous body instantly comes alive with his touch. My arms wrap around his back while my skank-ass hands find the hem of his shirt and slide up his warm skin, taking in the hard muscles of his back.
God. I should be worried about my damn morning breath but for some reason, I’m not. All I can think about is what’s the quickest way to get my legs out from under him and up around his waist.
I succeed a little faster than I thought possible and feel his erection through his pants, pressing down into me. Holy shit, this feels good. I moan like a needy bitch and push my body up into his.
He grinds down into me and I can only imagine how amazing this would feel minus the clothes. Every last thought of why I shouldn’t be doing this is completely gone from my mind, even more so when his hand slides up my shirt and caresses my skin before moving up and exploring my breasts.
I’ve fooled around with other guys before but never has it felt like this. His lips move down to the soft skin on my neck and once again, I find myself arching up into him. Wow. This is incredible. With his lips on my neck and his erection grinding into me, I start to feel that familiar pull, a feeling I’ve never once experienced with a man, only ever by my own fingers and the glow-in-the-dark toy under my bed. All this and I haven’t even taken any clothes off.
Speaking of…
My fingers latch around the fabric of his shirt and I pull it up. He helps me pull it over his head and the second it’s gone my eyes begin roaming. His body is absolute perfection, clearly, one tha
t comes from years of training and I can’t help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now.
I need more and it’s as if he can read my mind. He pulls my jumper over my head and then my shirt before moving down my body and sucking my nipple into his mouth. An electric shot goes straight through my body and down to my core. “Oh, my god,” I moan but he doesn’t stop there. He looks up at me with hooded eyes before his hand slides down my body and into my pants.
“You’re fucking perfect,” he murmurs as his fingers start rubbing little circles into my clit and the need to scream comes over me but I manage to hold it in. The last thing I need is the forty or so people in the surrounding tents to know what’s going on in here.
“Logan,” I pant as I get closer and closer to the edge.
“That’s right, babe,” he says as he comes back to my neck. His fingers move down and slide into me which is when he really pushes me to the edge.
The closer I get the fast he moves and it’s not long before I explode around him.
“Holy shit,” I pant as I try to catch my breath. Logan’s lips find mine once again but rather than the intense, needy kisses from before, it’s now slow and full of passion.
“When are you going to realise we’re perfect together?” he murmurs with his lips moving against mine.
“I already have,” I tell him honestly.
“It doesn’t change anything, does it?”
I shake my head ever so slightly. “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I just… I can’t.”
“I’m not about to back down,” he warns me.
“Is it selfish of me not to want you to?” I murmur as I look up and meet his eyes.
“No, babe,” he chuckles before coming down and kissing me once again. “You’ll be mine sooner or later.”
“You’re so sure of yourself,” I laugh.
“Yep, because one of these days you’re going to realise that all your excuses are bullshit.”
“What?” I demand as I press my hands to his sculptured chest and push him up off me. I sit up in front of him waiting for an explanation. His eyes instantly fall down to my very exposed chest. “Ugh,” I groan as I try to cover up with one hand while the other searches around for my top.
“You’re scared I’m going to hurt you,” he says in an accusing tone.
“Aren’t you?”
“No. I’ve already told you, you’re mine and I don’t intend on letting you go anytime soon, so could you please stop putting your shirt back on?”
“Logan,” I groan.
I don’t get a chance to finish pulling my top on before he tackles me back to the bed. “Look,” he says, holding me down to make sure I’m listening. “You’ve had a lot to deal with over the past few years, that much is clear and I get your reasons for not wanting to lose your job. You haven’t had it easy and you’ve worked your ass off to make it this far but I don’t believe that us being together is going to compromise that. You already know I want to be with you and it’s pretty damn clear you feel the same way.”
“I don’t know, Logan,” I say as my eyes begin to water. He’s completely right. I do want to be with him, so freaking bad but I don’t know if I can take the risk. He’s so believable when he says he isn’t going to hurt me and I truly want to believe it but more so, if I do anything to cost me my job, Brendan and his chances of walking are gone. “I need to think about Brendan, he’s all I’ve got left.”
He lets out a sigh as he drops his forehead to mine. “It’s ok,” he soothes as he wipes away a tear. “I get it but just so you know, Brendan isn’t the only one you’ve got now.”
I know it goes against everything I’m telling him but I can’t help myself. I reach up and lock my lips against his. I close my eyes as he kisses me back but it’s different now. I can basically feel the disappointment radiating out of him and I want to hate myself for bringing this incredible man down.
Why do I have to ruin everything good in my life?
Logan pulls back and gently rests his head against mine before getting up from the bed. “Where are you going?” I ask as I sit up.
“I need space,” he tells me as he reaches down and grabs his shirt before turning and facing me with fire in his eyes. “I’ve seen the way you look when you come and I want to see it again, so if you keep kissing me like that, I’m going to fuck you so hard that you won’t be able to walk for a week.”
Holy shit.
Maybe I do want that.
My breath catches as my bottom lip gets bitten. Wow, I can only imagine the pure ecstasy of getting fucked by a man like Logan. Shit, I’m supposed to be a good girl with values, not a skanky whore whose excited about the possibility of being fucked by the man who could potentially ruin everything for me.
But… it would be so good.
“Don’t look at me like that, Elle,” he warns. “You’re making it too hard to walk away right now.”
Without another word, I lay back down in bed and pull the blanket right up to my chin and watch as he walks out of our little tent. Shit. What kind of mess am I getting myself into?
I get myself presentable and run a brush through my hair so it doesn’t look like I was just fooling around with the star player of the team.
I head out of the tent with my toothbrush and toothpaste in hand and search around for a bottle of water before disappearing out into the trees. Desperately needing to pee, I squat down behind a tree and pray that I’m far enough away for nobody to see.
Hearing voices close by, I quickly finish and pull my pants back up before I get caught by a bunch of extremely hot guys with my pants around my ankles. Satisfied that I haven’t been caught, I double check my shoes just to make sure I didn’t pee all over myself.
Excellent. I can do this camping shit. I take all the time in the world brushing my teeth and stroll back to the campsite feeling a million bucks… well, apart from the fact I haven’t showered but waking up in Logan’s arms and having a ground-breaking orgasm would make any woman feel on cloud nine.
I find the guys inhaling their breakfast and take a seat beside Logan. “Where’d you go?” he asks as he finishes off an egg and bacon roll before handing a plate to me.
“Thanks,” I say as I take the plate from him. “I was brushing my teeth if you really must know,” I say with a smirk before getting stuck into my own breakfast.
“What are your plans for the day?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I say with a shrug. “Probably washing and cleaning Louie’s cage, to be honest.”
“Wow, living the high life,” Jax murmurs as he tries not to smile at his own wit.
“Tell me about it,” I grunt.
“You can do it tomorrow,” Logan says. “You’re coming to my place.”
“Um. No, I’m not,” I scoff. “Besides, I work every other day and Louie isn’t going to clean his cage himself.”
“Fine,” Logan says with a look in his eyes that I’ve come to recognise as myself walking into a trap. “Spend the day with me and then I’ll come back to your place and help you clean the stupid cage.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “You wouldn’t have the first clue how to clean a bird’s cage.”
“This is true,” he says with a sexy glimmer in his eye. “But I can look after Louie while you do it.”
“Louie is capable of looking after himself,” I shoot back.
“Ahh… if that were true, he wouldn’t need you to clean his cage.”
“You’re such an idiot,” I laugh.
“So, that’s a yes?”
“Fine,” I groan.
Chapter 13
Logan
I try to concentrate on the road before me as I drive Elle back to my place, only she has her head turned out the window, exposing that beautiful neck to me. A neck that I so desperately want to run my lips over again and again.
I got a taste for her this morning and I know that no other woman is ever going to do it for me again. She’s it for me.
; If only she weren’t so damn stubborn. I get where she is coming from though, being a hussy and sleeping around with the guys on the team is a risky move and one she would have to suffer consequences for but management wouldn’t have a problem with it if we were in a proper relationship.
Sure, dating someone you work with is always frowned upon but I feel like we would skip the whole dating thing and jump straight to a serious, committed relationship. I don’t want to date her, I want so much more than that. I want to truly be with her. I want to be her partner, her rock, her everything.
Fuck, I sound like a needy schoolgirl but this is all new to me. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. It’s always been about sex and if the girl was good, I’d keep her around her a week or two but the second she started to think there was even a shot at a future with me, I’d cut her lose.
But not with Elle. She is so unbelievably different. The moment I saw her, I knew I wanted something more, sure, I hadn’t figured out what that ‘something more’ was but now, I know for certain.
I’m going to fall in love with this woman and I can’t fucking wait.
I turn into my driveway and I watch as her eyes widen in surprise. My place isn’t really what you’d expect for me. Most people assume I have a fancy apartment in the city, which don’t get me wrong, I do, I actually have a few of them but I rent them out.
My actual home is out on a huge piece of beautifully landscaped land, very similar to my parents with the tree-lined driveway leading up to the house which happens to be slightly bigger than what any human could possibly need but when I had it built, I had in mind that this would be my forever home, the home I raise a family in, I just hadn’t expected to find the woman of my dreams quite so soon but now that I have, I can’t wait to convince her of that.
“What the hell is this place?” Elle questions from beside me.
I grin over at her. “My place,” I say.
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