by Julia Crane
Rourk swallowed. He knew there was no bringing the baby back. Thaddeus had given him warning, even though he hadn’t wanted to listen at the time.
“I hope so,” he whispered, and tears fell down his face as he cupped her face in the palms of his hands.
Keegan’s mother appeared seconds later, and next to her stood a teleporter. “Oh baby. I’m so sorry. I got here as soon as I could.”
Dropping her hands from Rourk’s shoulders, Keegan turned to her mother, tears streaming down her face. “Mom, I’m bleeding. Fix the baby.”
Her mother leaned down and touched Keegan’s stomach. She shook her head. “It’s too late. I can’t save the baby, she has moved on.” Emerald’s lip trembled and a tear trickled down her cheek.
Keegan stared at her mom, her mouth hanging open. “You’re not even going to try? Try, Mom, please try.”
“I will give you a healing, but the baby is gone. She has already crossed.”
Keegan dropped to her knees and pounded on the earth, her chest heaving up and down as an unnatural wail filled the air. Rourk watched, feeling helpless as Keegan curled into a ball on the ground, screaming in anguish.
He knew she would never forgive him, and he would never forgive himself. Their baby was gone because of him. He had killed his child as if he’d done it with his own hands. The thought made his legs buckle. Thaddeus grabbed him by the arm and shook his head. Rourk nodded once. He had to be strong for Keegan. Push aside his own emotions, and be there for her.
Emerald laid Keegan on the ground and placed her hands on Keegan’s head. Before their eyes the cuts closed up and the swelling went away. She made her way down Keegan’s body, stopping for a long time on her stomach. “I’m sorry, Keegan. You know I don’t have the power to bring back someone from the dead.”
“Anna, what about your mother?” Keegan asked frantically. “She could do it.”
“No, Keegan. The baby was not meant for this world.”
Keegan pushed her mother’s hands away and, stood up, and ran away from them. They all stood there helpless, not knowing what to do.
“Give her a moment,” Thaddeus finally said quietly.
As if on cue, Keegan dropped to her knees again and sat back on her heels. Her cries filled the air. Rourk strode forward and picked her up. He carried her all the way to the truck. The others followed in silence.
After making sure Keegan was resting soundly, Rourk dropped to the chair and buried his head in his hands. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a bag that said Mommy and Me. He stared at it for a moment, and then reached over and grabbed it. With trembling fingers, he reached into the bag and pulled out a tiny white outfit. The letters scrawled across it read World’s Greatest Dad.
Rourk raised the outfit to his face and wept uncontrollably for the first time in his life. He had never felt a pain so great. It felt as if he was being stabbed through the heart and someone was twisting the blade around and around.
He had no idea how long he sat like that. He felt Keegan’s small hand on his shoulder, and he looked up through blurry eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Keegan. How can you ever forgive me? I’ll never be able to forgive myself.”
“Shhh, don’t say that, Rourk. You tried. I tried. We lost. We lost our baby, and we must grieve, but the blame needs to go where it belongs. Squarely on the d’jinn’s shoulders.”
Rourk buried his head in Keegan’s shoulder and the tears continued to fall.
“You would never harm me or Stitch on purpose. I could never blame you.”
Rourk leaned over and wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her face softly. Finally, he pulled away, and blew out a breath. “You’re amazing. You know that, right?”
Her shoulders slumped. “It’s hard to see that right now. I feel so empty. I don’t know how to move on from this.”
“Together. Like always.” Rourk stroked the back of her hair.
CHAPTER 21
Rourk stood in front of the fireplace staring at his reflection in the mirror. Today was going to be tough. It had been almost three weeks since Stitch had passed away. The team was back, and today was the tree planting ceremony.
He had yet to see Angela, Stitch’s wife, or Thomas, his six month old son. He’d tried to visit, but Angela didn’t want to see anyone, which was understandable.
Keegan had also kept herself hidden away in the bedroom. She rarely ate or even showered, and barely acknowledged Rourk most of the time. The only company she could stomach was Athena’s. He didn’t know how to get through to her. Everyone kept telling him to give her time. Emerald had stayed a week in town giving her daily healing which seemed to help a little, but she had still retreated into herself. It scared the hell out of him.
He looked up, surprised to see Keegan dressed and coming out of the bedroom. She looked beautiful in a charcoal grey flowing dress. “I didn’t think you were going to go.”
“I have to.” She said and passed him without another word. Her heels clicked on the hardwood amplifying the silence between them. Gods, he hoped they could make it through this.
She stood by the door and just waited. Rourk grabbed his uniform jacket off the hanger, and crossed the room. He reached out and touched her arm, but she yanked it back as if she’d been burned. He closed his eyes and let his hand drop.
“Keegan, we need to talk about this. We can’t keep going on like we have been. We could make an appointment with a therapist.”
“Now Rourk? Seriously? We’re about to go to a memorial for your best friend. Now is not the time to talk about our relationship.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.”
“We should go.” Keegan said as she opened the door and strode out. Her perfume hung in the air causing his chest to tighten.
Rourk followed behind her and opened the door to his truck for her. Her skin brushed his and the familiar hum was a reminder of how he had failed her. He was her chosen, he should be able to take away her pain.
The tires crunched on the gravel as he backed out. They drove in silence, and not the comfortable kind.
Once they arrived at the memorial park they walked across the lawn to where a group was already gathered. Miniature American flags and flowers blew in the breeze around the other trees. The memorial was a somber reminder of the lives given for their country.
“Rourk.” Angela came up behind them when he was lost in his thoughts.
“Angela, I’m so sorry.” Rourk said and cleared his throat.
Angela threw her arms around him and the baby squished between them. “That’s nonsense. You have nothing to be sorry about. We all know the risks in this profession.” She pulled away and wiped away her tears.
“You didn’t have to say that. Thank you.” Rourk reached out and touched Thomas’s chubby cheek. He was a spitting image of Stitch.
“You want to hold him?” She held the baby out and Rourk looked startled.
“No. I might break him or something.”
“Break him? You better lose that ridiculous mindset quickly. Stitch told me the news.”
Keegan reached over and pulled the baby from Angela’s arms and walked away, but not before Rourk saw the tears fall down her cheeks.
Rourk looked down at the ground. “We lost the baby.”
“Oh my god. I had no idea. I’m really sorry to hear that.” She looked over at Keegan walking around with the baby. “I really put my foot in my mouth didn’t I? Stitch used to tease me that I always said the right thing at the wrong time.”
Rourk shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “He talked about you guys all the time.” Rourk said, not knowing what else to say.
“Probably not half as much as he talked about you guys.” She sniffled. “Oh Rourk, I’m a mess. I can’t stop crying. Everywhere I look around the house I see Stitch. I smell him in the bedroom. When I open the pantry I think of his favorite meals. His clothes are everywhere. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this.” She paused. “I mean look at Thomas. He’s going to gro
w up and look exactly like his daddy. How am I going to look in his face and not break down?”
“I wish I knew.” Rourk said blinking back tears of his own.
A couple of the guys walked up and Rourk hugged her again. “I’ll go get Thomas. You can call us anytime and you are always welcome in our house.”
Angela squeezed him back and then turned her attention to Jamison.
Rourk came up behind Keegan. He raised his hand to touch her arm but dropped it. “I’m sorry I should have let her know before hand.”
The baby had his hand curled around Keegan’s finger. “I’m glad you’re alive Rourk.” Her voice cracked.
Rourk wrapped his arm around her shoulder pulling her close for the first time in weeks.
They made it through the ceremony with lots of tears.
Once they arrived back home Keegan threw her arms around Rourk. “I’m sorry I pulled away. You’re hurting as much as I am.”
Rourk’s heart quickened. He closed his eyes and relief flooded his body. He had been so worried those words would never leave her lips. He touched her face gently, holding her gaze and relished seeing her desire for him showing clearly in the blue-green eyes he loved so much.
His lips brushed hers and his knees felt weak when she didn’t protest, but leaned into the kiss. She kissed him back desperately—filled with emotion and urgency. The room seemed to spin around him.
“I love you, Rourk Kavanagh.”
Rourk swallowed hard. “I love you, Keegan, more than anything.” His voice was rough.
Keegan pulled at his shirt, and Rourk helped and tossed it to the floor. Keegan ran her warm hands across his back. Rourk groaned; he could never get enough of her touch.
Arm in arm they stumbled to the bedroom, discarding the rest of their clothes along the way. Rourk was worried it was too soon, but Emerald had insisted Keegan was physically healed. The emotional scars would take longer.
Keegan pulled him down on the bed on top of her. The feel of her warm flesh on his made it hard for him to breath. He ran his hand up the length of her thigh and she sighed. He loved the sounds she made. Her lower lip touched the curve of his ear. Gods she drove him mad.
One of his hands trailed down her chest and Keegan’s eyes widened and she tensed up.
Rourk’s hand dropped and he looked at her eyes full of concern. “Keegan?”
“It’s nothing I’m fine.” She pulled his head back towards hers, but he pulled away.
“Did the d’jinn?” He tried to control his breathing, but he felt like he was going to loose it. His heart hammered in his chest.
“No, no he did not. He wanted to, but I escaped. Now please just kiss your wife.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked. Just the thought of that demon laying a hand on his wife was enough to make him want to find him in the underworld and kill him again. Slowly this time.
“What I want is my husband. It’s been much too long. Almost four months since you went overseas.”
Rourk drew a relieved breath, and felt his body relax.
“Thank gods.” He whispered. “You’ve been through enough.” His finger tips traced her jaw.
Keegan kissed him so deeply he felt consumed by her. Hell, he was consumed by her. They spent the rest of the afternoon making up for lost time.
“You’re making me sleepy.” Keegan mumbled hours later nuzzled against him.
“You haven’t been sleeping well. You should take a nap.” His face was buried in her shiny mane of hair. He loved the smell of her.
“About that vacation” she said sleepily.
Rourk smiled. “Where are we going?”
“I need to get out of here for awhile. It still hurts so much. I think it’s time we went back to Tennessee. Spend time with our families, and start making plans for when we build on the property dad gave us.”
“I’d like that.” Rourk stroked her hair and watched her chest move up and down as she drifted off to sleep. He had come so close to losing her. Just the thought made his chest constrict. He didn’t know what he did to deserve her, but he thanked the gods everyday.
EPILOGUE
Two Years Later
Rourk looked around his house, and a sense of comfort washed over him. He was so happy to be back in Tennessee, back home where he belonged with his elfin brothers in arms, and close to his family members. His heart swelled with pride when Keegan waddled out of the bedroom, holding her back the way pregnant women did, with her hand resting on her round belly.
Twins. He shook his head in wonder. Perhaps it was the gods’ way of making up for taking their daughter from them. His throat tightened, and he swallowed hard, but the tightness would not go away. There was not a day that had gone by in the last two years that he had not thought about the daughter they lost.
Part of him understood it was not his fault. It was the action of the d’jinn. He’d gone over it countless times in his mind, and as much as he hated to admit it, he would have done the same thing if given the chance. As an elfin warrior, he had a duty to uphold.
Stitch had been his friend. His brother. It still tore him up that he’d died trying to help him, but Rourk knew any of them would have done the same for each other.
“Rourk. Can you help me? My parents, Thaddeus, and the rest of our crazy family will be here soon, and we’re nowhere near ready.”
Rourk shook his head to get back in the right state of mind. “Of course, what do you want me to do?” His face softened into a smile.
Ever since the pregnancy, Keegan had turned into a mother hen. She wanted to be in charge of everything. Losing the baby had been hard on her, and she’d spiraled for a while before she brought herself out of depression and stopped blaming herself. She thought if she had been braver, the baby wouldn’t have been under so much stress, and would have lived. Her mother’s healings helped, but the loss of a child was something you never got over. He knew there was a part of his soul that would always belong to the daughter they would never know.
She threw her hands in the air. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Rourk. How am I going to feed all these people? And did you see my attempt at a cake? It’s pathetic. Thaddeus will surely make fun of me.”
Rourk crossed the room in three long strides and wrapped his arms around her. Her belly pressed against his stomach. He could feel little feet kicking away. Kaden and Fallon. A boy and a girl. Neither he nor Keegan could bear to use his mother’s name. They would always think of the lost baby as Caitria.
The Celts believed that twins held special powers. He could only imagine what they had in store for them. He knew one thing for sure, their life was about to get a whole lot fuller.
Rourk pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “The cake is perfect, and Thad will love it. Hard to believe he is turning eighteen. Seems like just yesterday I was chasing him through the woods as a twelve-year-old boy,” Rourk said wistfully.
Keegan relaxed in his arms and her head dropped to his shoulder. “You’re right. Sorry, I’m over reacting. I sound like my mother.” Keegan giggled. “I used to tell her to chill out when we had gatherings, that no one cared if everything was perfect. And here I am doing the exact same thing.”
They spent the next hour preparing for the party.
The door bell rang, and Katrina, Drew, Merrick and Mackenna filed in. They had all grown so much. It still took him by surprise. It was a reminder to enjoy every moment they had with their elfins once they arrived, which would be any day now.
After them it was Brigid, John, Keara, and little Jon. Keara was a sight. Almost five foot, eight inches, mocha skin, pink cheeks, green eyes, and pointy ears. Next year, she would turn eighteen. Everyone was curious to find out if she would have a chosen or not. She was the only half-elf they knew of. Rourk’s eyes met Keegan’s, and she smiled. For Keara’s sake, he hoped she did. Everyone deserved to find their other half.
Finally, grandmother, Thaddeus, Richard, Warrick, and Emerald came in last.
/> Thaddeus had grown into quite a young man, just like everyone knew he would. He had grown into his powers, and accepted them. They didn’t seem to be as heavy a burden as they once were. So wise. The gods had picked well when seeking a vessel to hold so much raw power.
Rourk pulled his brother- in- law into a hug. “Happy birthday.”
Keegan nudged Rourk aside and reached up to hug her brother. She laughed when her belly bounced off him. Thaddeus lowered his hand to her stomach. “These two are very special.”
Keegan narrowed her eyes at him. “Don’t even start. We don’t want any hints or pressure. We just want them to have a happy childhood. Like we did.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything.” Thaddeus looked over her shoulder and sniffed the air. “Is that lasagna I smell?”
He veered off to the kitchen. The noise level rose considerably with everyone trying to talk at once and catching up. It was great to have the whole family back together. The doorbell rang, and Rourk let his father in. They nodded at each other, and Keegan practically bowled everyone over to throw her arms around her father-in-law. They had formed a special bond. It was nice to see his father so happy. He was really looking forward to being a grandfather.
They sat around the table and stuffed themselves. After they ate, Keegan stood up and shooed them all outside. “Go run and play, burn off some of that food before we have cake and ice cream.” They didn’t have to be told twice.
Rourk couldn’t keep his eyes off his wife. She was literally glowing and had never looked more beautiful. She thought he was just saying it to make her feel better, but it was true.
She reached over to turn on the kettle and grabbed her stomach.
Rourk’s heart lurched. Not again.
“Mom.” Keegan said her eyes wide with panic.
Emerald jumped up and ran to her daughter’s side. She placed her hand on her round belly and smiled. “It appears the little ones would like to share their birthday with their uncle.”
“I told you they were special,” Thad quipped with a grin.
“Now? Today? It’s not time. I still have two weeks.”