“What do you mean? I don’t have a deal.”
“You want something. Why else would you come here? What is it? Money?”
“I think you’ve definitely had too much to drink.” Her hands fidgeted with a string on her jeans while she actively avoided eye contact with me. I couldn’t help but notice how red her cheeks were still and how damn cute she looked when she was flustered, even if she did plan to use me for… whatever it was she was planning.
“I’m not really all that drunk. I might have been playing that up just a little.”
She leaned forward, letting her forearms rest on her legs. “Ash, listen… I don’t want anything from you. I just didn’t want you to go through what you’re feeling alone.”
I wanted to be skeptical of her, but the sincerity in her voice was hard to ignore. Well, color me a dumbass. Maybe she was there just because she was concerned about my well-being.
“I’m sorry… I thought you wanted…”
“It’s okay,” she said, interrupting me. “I get it… Really.”
Dragging my hand through my hair, I sighed. “I didn’t really want to be alone. I know that’s what I said, but it’s not what I wanted. You can go if you want. I’d understand since I was a douche to you just now, but… please, stay. For a little while…”
“Of course I will. Wait, are you drunk or not.”
I brought the tips of my index finger and thumb closer together. “Just a little.”
We sat in silence while we both chowed down on some more pizza. I stole glances of her out the corner of my eye here and there. I’d thought she was hot as fuck before, but the fact that she seemed to care about me for no other reason than because she simply cared made her that much more attractive. She didn’t treat me like I was rock star extraordinaire. Even if she felt that way about me, she didn’t make it obvious. The desire to be myself strengthened when I was with her.
CHAPTER 10 – LILA STEPHENS
Walking through the double glass doors of the funeral home made my stomach lurch. The stale smell of the place hit me more than anything else, stirring up memories from Edie’s wake and funeral that I’d tried not to think too much about. There’s something eerily familiar in every funeral home I’ve ever been to. I don’t know if it’s a specific scent or just the overall feel of coldness and death coating the air, but I always get that same stomach jumping feeling no matter what.
As I tried to make my way down the hallway and into the main viewing room, I was stopped almost immediately by a man in a dark blue suit with a receding hair line. He flashed me a business professional smile that exposed a row of yellowed teeth behind his thin lips. “Excuse me, ma’am, this is a private viewing,” he said, holding his hand up.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, genuinely thinking I’d made a mistake. Tori had told me I could come and how she thought Ash would appreciate it, but maybe she was wrong and I wasn’t welcome. “I didn’t realize. I thought it was open to friends as well as family,” I said, putting on my best professional voice.
“It is, but I can’t just trust your word when the deceased is related to such high profile clientele. I’m sure you can understand that we can’t allow anyone to waltz in off the street. Things would quickly get out of hand.”
“Yes, of course, I understand but my best friend is Tori Tabor… Matty Tabor’s wife. I’m sure you know who I’m talking about.”
“Yes, I’m well aware of the Tabors… They should have told you a specific phrase the family chose to limit the amount of people coming in. Do you have that phrase?”
“No, I don’t.”
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave if you don’t have the password. It’s nothing personal. You understand?”
I nodded and turned to leave. What could I do but text Tori and hope she knew the damn phrase. Who knew you’d have to have a secret password to get into a funeral? It would sure be nice to throw it in that guy’s face that it was okay for me to be there, but I had to get ahold of her first.
“She’s with me,” Ash said, his voice bidding me to turn around. “That’s the only password she needs.”
I don’t know where he came from, but I was glad he was there. Time slowed as I turned around, drinking in the sight of Ash. I didn’t think it was possible, but he became even more gorgeous than he was before. A grey button down shirt and black dress pants clung perfectly to his body, accentuating all of his best parts. A few wisps of hair that had escaped the band tying his hair back at his nape framed his face, accenting the angle of his jawline. I had to remind myself right then that I was at a funeral home and needed to respect the dead.
The man in the dark blue suit stepped aside and said, “I do apologize, Mr. London.”
Ash motioned for me to join him. I smiled at the man as I passed him. If I’m being honest it was a little more I told you so than I’d intended it to be. He smiled back, but it was that same generic one that was all business. I was all too familiar with it because I’d perfected my own over the years.
“I hope I’m not intruding.”
“Not at all. I’m glad you’re here.” He bent his arm and pointed his elbow toward me in an invitation to take his arm. Who was I to say no? My hand slid around the soft material that covered the hardened muscle beneath.
“Where were you anyway? You just appeared out of thin air.”
“I was in that room right there,” he said, pointing to an open door that led to a small room that had a couch and a couple of chairs in it. “Thought I heard your voice, so I came out to see if it was you.”
“How is everything? Are you holding up okay?”
“I haven’t really been in there yet. I’ve been hiding.”
“Are you ready now? I’ll go with you up to the casket if you want.”
“You’re too sweet to me, Lila,” he said, glancing down at me. “Will you just sit with me for a few minutes first?”
“Sure.”
He led me back into the small room and closed the door behind him. “I don’t want to see anyone right now. Hopefully a shut door will keep them all out.”
“You can’t avoid everyone forever. You know that, right?” I sat on the end of a white couch.
“I do. It’s not really everyone I want to avoid. It’s just the one… My brother,” he said as he plopped down on the couch beside me.
“Oh… Bad blood?” I asked, shifting my weight to accommodate the fact that he was crowding me a little. Not that I minded too much. I’d found myself oddly relaxed around him right then. None of my usual anxiety I tended to have around men presented itself. I think maybe I’d already started to trust him by that point and just hadn’t recognized it yet.
“You could say that.”
I was curious but left it at that. If he wanted me to know, he’d tell me on his own. Nosiness was not a good quality to have when you’re dealing with such high profile clientele as the man in the suit had said.
“You’ve really not seen your dad at all?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I went through the door to the room where he’s at, but I didn’t get close. I only saw him for just a second before I came back in here.”
“I’m so sorry, Ash. I know this is hard. If I could do anything to ease the pain for you, I would.”
“That’s the fucked up thing about it. I don’t hurt. I feel strangely… calm, I guess?”
“Numb.”
“Nailed it… That’s exactly what it is.”
“It goes away eventually, trust me, and that’s when you’ll need to be around people. Don’t push everyone away when the pain starts to settle in, okay?”
“I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. I like to be alone most of the time as it is.”
“I get that. I have two, maybe three, people I can stand to be around for the most part. I sometimes wish I had more, but I make do.”
“Will you add me to that list?”
“Maybe you’re already on there.” I looked up at him th
rough my lashes. He leaned closer, his lips lingering only a few inches away, just as the door flew open.
“There you are,” Tori said. “I wondered what happened to you.”
I turned away from Ash, leaving him hanging as I began to speak. “I got stopped by some guy that works here wanting me to give him a password.”
“Shit!” Tori slapped her hand to her head. “I completely forgot about that. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. Ash saved the day,” I said as I stood up. Standing seemed like the perfect thing to do. Things had the potential to get too serious between Ash and me if we stayed where we were. Getting hot and heavy with someone in a funeral home wasn’t my idea of a good time. Getting hot and heavy with someone outside of a funeral home wasn’t really my idea of a good time most of the time either, though I found myself softening to the thought when it came to Ash.
Ash leaned back against the couch and watched me.
“What’s going on in here anyway?” Tori asked with a slight grin on her face.
“Nothing,” Ash said. “She was keeping me company until I grew the balls to go in there.”
“Have they descended yet?” Tori asked.
He nodded and stood. Walking over to me, he took my hand. I glanced at Tori and she gave me that look she gives me when she knows what’s up and wants to talk about it as soon as humanly possible. I suspected there would be some kind of bathroom break or coffee run in our near future.
As we walked down the hallway, a group of people standing near the entrance to the viewing room moved aside. I got the feeling everyone was giving Ash a wide berth, and I just couldn’t understand why. Weren’t most of these people family members or friends of some kind? Why did they all seem to avoid him? He certainly had a presence about him that could keep people at arm’s length, but surely these people knew him well enough to know that he didn’t truly want to be left alone. Didn’t they care that he was hurting, even if it wasn’t consuming him at the moment? Geez, he just lost his dad.
Entering the room, we walked up to the casket. Ash squeezed my hand and took a deep breath. He held himself together surprisingly well. I didn’t necessarily think he’d break down like he did in front of me a couple days before, but I figured there would be at least a few tears shed.
A moment later, a man came up to us. He was almost as tall as Ash, though the scowl he had on his face distorted his could-be handsome features.
“Ash…”
“Chris…”
“I don’t have enough in my account right now to pay the funeral bill. Take care of it, will you?”
“I’ll take care of it, just like I always do… But can we please not discuss it right now? Come over tonight and we’ll get it all figured out. This isn’t the time or the place.”
“Yeah, I’ll be right over. Can’t wait,” the man said with pure sarcasm dripping from his words.
“Since you’re here, I’d like you to meet my friend, Lila.”
Chris’ eyebrows pinched together as his lip curled slightly. “I’m not interested in meeting the flavor of the week.”
Ash’s jaw clenched. “Please excuse my brother. He’s acting like an asshat, as usual.”
“Yeah, I’m the asshat. Because clearly I’m the one who decided to bring a fucking groupie to our father’s wake. How tasteful of you…”
“Fuck you, Chris. If you had even half a clue… I think you need some sense knocked into you.”
Anger raged inside of me, but I kept it below the surface. Clearly, Ash had enough of his own rage to contend with at the moment, and I had no desire to fan the flames. Giving a stranger, Ash’s brother no less, what for was beyond disrespectful to the deceased man lying in front of us. I dropped Ash’s hand and said, “I’ll go. I didn’t mean to cause any problems.”
“Lila, wait…” I heard Ash say, but it was too late. I’d already turned the corner and was on my way out.
CHAPTER 11 – ASH LONDON
“I ought to knock the fuck out of you like I did when we were kids.” I said.
“You could try,” Chris said as he cocked his head to the side.
I stepped to my younger by three months stepbrother and peered down at him. “You know absolutely fuck all about my life. Why don’t we step outside where we can properly discuss this?”
“Sure thing.”
Every set of eyes in the room stared at us as we left the building. Only a couple were brave enough to follow, mainly Matty and Dax. Thank fuck Sara wasn’t around or she’d have throat punched both of us for cussing in front of our father’s corpse.
“What? Are you going to fight me now? At Dad’s wake? I know it’s probably hard for you to comprehend, but the whole world doesn’t revolve around you, Ash.”
“I never said it did, and I’m not going to fight you. I’d like to knock you on your ass, but I like to think I’m a little more civilized than that. I just want to tell you some things without a hundred people eavesdropping, and you’re going to listen.”
Chris shrugged and leaned against a wall. “Fighting would have been more fun, but whatever.”
“First of all, my lady friend was just that. A friend who stepped up to be there for me when no one else did.” I saw Matty and Dax back away and slink back inside. Yeah, that was meant for them, too. I know what I said, but people who truly have your back should be there for you no matter what even if you say you don’t need them. “At least Sara called. You certainly didn’t care enough to check on me, did you?”
“When was the last time you checked on me? Or him, for that matter? Why do I owe you anything?” Chris straightened his back and arched his eyebrow.
“I tried to call you, but you ignored me like you always do, and I talked to Dad way more than you realize. I might not have been able to visit recently, but I still checked in on him. I didn’t bother to check up on you during that time because you’re a dick, and maybe you do owe me something. When was the last time you had a job? Hm?”
“I have a job.”
Yeah, Chris had a job. A very sporadic job when he was able to get up and coming bands to hire him as a promoter in the LA area. It helps when you have your brother’s name to drop to a bunch of eager kids who don’t know any better.
“Okay, let me rephrase that, when was the last time you had a job that supported the lifestyle you’re living? You can’t stand me being your brother yet you use my name anytime you think it’ll gain you something. My money is just fine, too, isn’t it?”
“That’s just it. You’re not my brother. He always favored you, and you weren’t even his, so why shouldn’t I be compensated for putting up with that my whole life?”
“That’s enough of that. You hear me? He didn’t favor me. He treated us both the same. It’s not my fault that my father died when I was little or that your mother died, too, and our parents found each other. I was lucky to have such a man step up and raise me. You were even luckier because he was your biological dad. Mom and Dad loved both of us the same as they would have if we’d been both of theirs from the start. What do you think he’d say about us acting like a couple of bratty kids right now?”
“He’d bitch me out and tell you to keep up the good work even though if it weren’t for you, Mom would still be here and he wouldn’t have been so goddamn miserable the last few years.”
“You know what? I’m not going to listen to this bullshit again from you. Do you really think I don’t blame myself? Do you really think I haven’t gone over it and over it a thousand times in my head? If she hadn’t come to see me in Philadelphia, she wouldn’t have been in that accident. There is nothing you can say to me that I haven’t already said to myself over and over again.”
“Yeah, because it’s always about you and how you feel.”
“Have fun at your pity party, Chris. I’m done. Don’t ask me for another goddamn dime. If I’m not good enough to be your brother, then I’m not your benefactor either. And keep my name out of your mouth next time you try and sucker someon
e into hiring you.”
That was about the time I decided I couldn’t deal with any of it anymore. It wasn’t my dad lying in that casket. It was only a shell. My dad would always be with me, and I chose to step away from all of the judgmental eyes that would be watching me and monitoring every move I made. The ones not judging me were nothing more than leeches who thought I owed them something for all of my hard work. Fuck all of them. The only comfort I took was knowing that one person in the world had my back.
CHAPTER 12 – LILA STEPHENS
“Hey, wait!” The familiar voice of my best friend caught my attention. I turned to see her hurrying down the street after me. “Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Chris is such an asshole. Don’t pay any attention to him, okay? You’re fabulous, and he just doesn’t know you well enough to see it.”
“I know that had nothing to do with me, but I wasn’t trying to be insulted so I bailed. Tell Ash I’m sorry, please?”
“Why don’t you tell him?” she asked, linking her arm with mine as she began to try and lead me back to the funeral home.
I dug my heels in and put on the brakes. “So much nope on that one.”
“Probably for the best anyway. When I left, those two were headed outside, and that just can’t end well.”
“Oh, Lord, please tell me they aren’t going to fist fight at their father’s wake…”
“Maybe, maybe not… So, tell me,” she said as we both sat down on a nearby bench. “What was that I walked in on, hm?”
“Nothing.” I sucked at my bottom lip and looked away. “He just wanted me to sit with him.”
“Really? Because it looked to me like he was about to kiss you.”
“Is that what you saw?” I giggled.
“I’m so flippin’ excited, Lila. You two both deserve to be happy, and I know you’ll make beautiful babies.”
“Whoa! Slow down there, lady. We don’t even know each other all that well, and you’ve got us having babies already.”
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