That was it for me. There was no one else out there. She was the one I longed for, the one I’d wished for, and she threw me away like I was a piece of trash. I was used to being used for various reasons by women. That I could deal with, but this? This was foreign territory for me. She’d managed to climb over the walls I’d built around myself—the real me. I’d let her, too. That’s how much I wanted to believe we could be happy together.
I’d initially looked at her as a challenge, but quickly grew to care about her. My feelings for her were genuine, and I didn’t know what to do with them now that she was gone. Should I fight for her or let her go? Maybe she would come around in time.
I’d planned on asking her to come with me on our next tour so she could experience what life on the road full-time with me was like, but now that was shot all to hell. I didn’t even want to go on tour. The thought of having her there by my side was the only thing making it bearable. I was burnt out on the whole rock star lifestyle and was ready to say fuck it all and become a hermit for the rest of my life.
I made up my mind that night that I was not going to waste any more time on partying or random women. I wasn’t into it anymore, and I could no longer fake it. Ash London would perform but I’d leave him far behind as soon as I walked off stage. I would resist drowning my sorrows in alcohol and women, even if it meant wallowing in my misery alone without Lila.
After the tour was over, the band was going on an indefinite hiatus.
CHAPTER 28 – LILA STEPHENS
I raced to meet up with Tori for a much needed spa date. This date had been in the works for quite some time, and I needed it more than ever. I hadn’t talked to Tori for more than a minute or two here and there in weeks. She’d been busy with planning a book release party for a friend of hers, and I’d had my own shit going on. It had been a week since I broke it off with Ash. It was time to confide in someone, and Tori was the best woman for the job since I could talk to her in person. It was times like those that I wished Paige was closer so I could get her point of view and advice, too.
We checked in and took a seat in two pedicure chairs situated next to one another. I opted to go with black polish for my nails. I wasn’t feeling very peppy and wanted something to match my mood.
“So how are you and Ash getting along?” she asked.
“We’re not,” I said.
“What’s going on? I thought things were heating up between you two.”
“It all went to shit when we had the “ex talk” and I found out he’s a cheater. I won’t go through that again if I can help it.”
“I’m sorry, sweetie… I shouldn’t have asked. I thought things were good.”
“Don’t be sorry. I was gonna fill you in on everything today anyway. I didn’t really want to talk about it before. You know how I do…”
“Did you leave your bed at all?”
“A few times, but not much.”
“You should’ve called me. We could’ve had a sleepover. I would’ve kept you company.” Tori reached across the space between our chairs and rubbed my arm. “He did cheat on her, but I know for a fact she cheated on him, too. Not saying that makes it okay because it’s not, but it’s not like he cheated on this great saint of a woman. They were clearly over with by that time, and everyone knew it.”
“How do you know she cheated?”
“I saw her out with some scuzzy drug dealer looking dude around Bryant Park, and they were making out pretty heavily.”
“He said he thought she cheated but wouldn’t admit to it.”
“Yeah, because I told him what I saw, and rumors started to fly even before that.”
“I still don’t think I can look past it because I could never trust any man that should have been important in my life, not my father and not any boyfriends.”
“I guess I shouldn’t expect you to say yes then,” she said as she shifted in her seat.
“Yes to what?” I asked.
“The guys have another set of tour dates coming up, which I thought you would’ve known about, and I was hoping we could go to the shows in Myrtle Beach to surprise them.”
“Why Myrtle Beach?”
“I don’t think they’d expect it since it isn’t close, and they’re playing two shows there with a night off in between.”
“I do love it there.” Memories of trips to Myrtle Beach as a child and teenager with Edie filled my mind and brought with them a brief moment of happiness.
“Just think about it, okay? We can go do girly things and have a great time, or we can just float along in the lazy river and drink fruity cocktails. You can completely avoid Ash if you want.”
“I’ll think about it and let you know.”
* * *
I gazed out at the beauty of the Atlantic Ocean through the plane window as we made our descent into the Myrtle Beach airport. I could almost hear the waves crashing and smell the saltwater in the air. Myrtle Beach was one of my absolute favorite places, and it was a good bit warmer that time of year than New York. That’s the only reason I’d agreed to go, or at least that’s what I’d told myself. It had been years since the last time I visited, and I missed it terribly.
I opted to get a condo at the same place the band was staying after Tori had told me she could take care of it for me. I thought it’d be best to get my own room. I doubted Tori and Matty would want anyone interrupting their time together, and I certainly couldn’t stay with Ash. I hoped to avoid him as much as possible, which would be easier to do if I could hide in my room if need be. I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in over a month, and was in no hurry to do so.
The condo was supposed to be an ocean front unit with a balcony, and I couldn’t wait to relax and listen to the ocean. Listening to the waves crashing always helped me to relax and clear my mind.
After we picked up the rental car, we drove to North Myrtle Beach to the House of Blues where Ferrum was playing later that evening instead of checking in at the hotel.
The guys were already at the venue getting things set up and doing sound checks. The stage area was closed to the public while this was going on, but after Tori flagged down one of the band’s security staff, we were allowed in. After a few minutes we found Matty, who seemed to run a full on sprint toward Tori once he saw her. She leapt onto him as soon as he got close and clung to him for several seconds. They had a deep love for one another that made my heart ache just a little.
I was able to avoid Ash before the show started, though I had no doubt that word had spread of our arrival and he knew I was there. I’d gone out front to find a good place by myself with the crowd to watch the show just to be sure I didn’t see him face to face. I could’ve stayed back stage to watch, but my chances of running into Ash—or falling into him—increased the longer I was back there.
My palms began to sweat the closer it got to show time. I was nervous about seeing him perform because I wasn’t sure I was prepared to deal with whatever feelings might pop up once I actually saw him.
The lights finally went down, and the band entered the stage. Slow, ominous music echoed through the venue as they took their places. The lights came up, and they launched into a fast paced song that got the crowd worked up in no time.
As I looked at Ash, I saw that there was something different about him. He had been so energetic and really interacting with the crowd the last time I watched him, but this time, he was distant. Staying in pretty much one spot, he barely moved. There was very little banter with the crowd or the band, and the passion in his voice when he sang was gone. His voice was still spectacular, but it wasn’t the same.
I could only manage to sit through three songs before I decided I’d had enough. I had to find Tori, and tell her I was leaving. Seeing Ash was not easy and my first instinct was to run, as usual.
Making my way backstage, I spotted Tori sitting in the lounge area and went over to her.
“I think I’m gonna go back to my room now.”
“No! Please stay,” she
said, pulling me down into a chair beside her. “I’m sitting here all by myself. Just stay until they’re done, then you can go.”
“It’s better that she goes. Mr. London doesn’t want to see her,” a woman, standing just behind Tori, with her dark hair pulled back, exposing a tattoo of a humming bird on her neck. Her lips pursed together causing the ring in her lip to jut forward as she peered at me.
Tori whipped her head around to face the woman. “Yeah, okay, whatever. He can go fuck himself if he feels that way.”
“And you are?” I asked, wondering who this person was to him. It was probably a little rude of me, but this chic was the first to be rude when she took it upon herself to butt in on our conversation.
“My name is Marissa. I’m Mr. London’s tour assistant. It’s my job to make sure he’s comfortable and has everything he needs, and you being here makes him uncomfortable.”
“Well, Marissa, if he doesn’t want to see me, he doesn’t have to. I’ll just go.”
“No, you won’t,” said Tori. “Stay. She has no authority over you, and don’t you give her any either. Run along, Marissa.”
The woman hastily walked away, shaking her head, and no doubt muttering obscenities about us both.
“I’d like to yank that ring out of her lip. I can’t stand her,” Tori said, shaking her head. “I can’t stand it when she’s around.”
I felt bad about bailing on Tori again, much like I had the last time I came to a Ferrum show with her, and I decided to stay. I didn’t much like the idea of not being welcome though I shouldn’t have been surprised. Now I needed to not only avoid Ash, but that Marissa chic, too.
I sat there with Tori over the next hour, keenly aware that the set was dwindling down. Anxious to get to the hotel, I was ready to leave after the show was over, especially since I’d learned there were apparently instructions that I was to be nowhere near Ash. Sometime during the last song, the backstage area began to fill up with various people, mostly scantily clad women looking to get in good with the band and Ash. I would break if I saw him with someone else. We weren’t on good terms, and he was free to do as he pleased, but that didn’t mean I wanted to witness it first-hand.
I stayed for another twenty minutes or so before deciding to make my exit. Just as I stood, I caught my first glimpse of him off stage just as he disappeared through a side door. He carried a bottle of what appeared to be water, which was odd given he’d admitted to drinking for his nerves when he performed. It was probably Vodka in disguise.
Time to go. I wasn’t going to stick around and risk getting close to him. I quickly left the building and hopped into the rental car only to get stuck in traffic for quite a while. I finally made my way to the hotel and check-in went as smoothly as it possibly could.
“What brings you to Myrtle Beach tonight?” The front desk clerk asked with a thick southern drawl. “Vacation?”
“My friend and I came down from New York. Her husband is in a band that’s staying here. She wanted to surprise him, and I tagged along.”
“How sweet is that,” she exclaimed.
“Yeah, it is,” I said while trying to stifle the sadness in my voice. I was happy for them, I really was. I just wished I wasn’t there by myself, and had it been under different circumstances, I wouldn’t be. What woman doesn’t like long walks on the beach with someone special? And here I was, destined to spend the remainder of my time cooped up in my room alone.
“I have a room all set to go for you. You’re in 1706. There is a restaurant and snack machines on the sixth floor. The restaurant is open until around 2am every night. There is also an ice machine there as well as on all the floors. The indoor pool is located on the first floor, and you can get to the outdoor pool, lazy river, beach access, and hot tub from there. Enjoy your stay!”
“Thank you,” I said as I turned and wheeled my suitcase behind me.
I entered the elevator and wondered what the room would be like. The pictures online were beautiful, and I was hoping they weren’t an exaggeration of what the rooms were really like. There was nothing worse than expecting an immaculate room only to find out it was really a smelly shit hole that you didn’t even want to take your shoes off in.
The elevator slowed and stopped at the sixth floor, but I wasn’t surprised since the receptionist did say that was where the food was. As the doors opened, I didn’t make eye contact with the giant man beast stepping onto the enclosed box.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How is he here? I was sure he would still be back at House of Blues partying into the night. Miss Marissa’s hoity-toity ass trailed right behind him, and I knew then that she was a person that I didn’t want anything to do with. Yeah, maybe we’d had a bad first meeting, but the general bitchiness pouring off of her did nothing to impress me.
“Well, this is certainly awkward Miss Stephens,” he said as he entered the elevator with a to-go bag from the restaurant.
“That it is…” The elevator suddenly started to feel as if it were closing in on me. It was much smaller than it had been seconds before, I was sure of this. I wanted to kick my own ass because for a split second I felt bad for him. I still cared about him and if seeing me was distressing to him, I didn’t want to put him through it. I quickly snapped back into my own discomfort. “Sorry you had to see me,” I said rather bitchily as I glanced at him in time to see his jaw clench.
Marissa stood as far away from me as possible and avoided eye contact. We rode to our destination in an awkward silence until we both exited the elevator—on the same floor. The universe was apparently having a great laugh at our expense because our rooms were right next door to each other. Fucking hell.
“Have a good night. I’ll be in all night if you get bored.”
I nodded and opened the door to my room just in time to see Marissa smirking at me as she followed closely behind him. If I were a violent person, a throat punch would’ve been thrown in her direction just then.
I was so ready to turn around and take my ass back to the airport. Why didn’t I stay somewhere else? I should’ve known I’d be put with the other band members’ rooms when I’d agreed to let Tori take care of booking my room.
My gut told me all along that I couldn’t completely avoid him, but I hoped maybe I could. I might as well try to enjoy the rest of my stay. It’s only a few nights. I can do this. I’ll just stay holed up in my room. All I really need is the sound of the ocean from the balcony anyway, and I can always order in when I get hungry.
* * *
A knock interrupted the silence in my room later that night. I peered through the peep hole, not knowing who might be standing on the other side. To my relief, it was Tori and Matty.
“You gettin’ settled in ok,” Matty asked after I let them in.
“Yeah. This room is so nice. The bed is comfortable, too.”
“Ours looks identical to this. Hey, are we still going to Broadway at the Beach tomorrow? This one hates to shop, so it’ll be just us.”
“We can do whatever you want tomorrow as long as it isn’t band related stuff. No offense, Matty.”
“None taken. Believe me, if I wasn’t contractually obligated to do band related stuff, I never would.” Matty shifted uneasily and brought his hand up to scratch behind his ear. “I know I’m probably not supposed to ask this, but have you noticed Ash? He hasn’t been drinking this entire time, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of you. Do you plan on seeing him at all?”
Taking a deep breath, I said, “I don’t think so.”
“He didn’t even stay and party after the set. He came back here almost immediately. That’s what he’s been doing. He finishes the set and heads to the hotel or back to the bus. No alcohol, no women, nothing.”
“No women, but Marissa you mean…”
“Trust me, he’d rather get kicked in the balls than get it on with her,” Matty said, chuckling.
“If you say so… I’m glad he’s not drinking so much, but that’s not really our problem, so it doesn’t
really change anything.”
“Fair enough. I had to bring it up. He’s closer than a brother to me, and I felt like I should say something.”
“Well, we better let you get some sleep. Call me when you get up and we’ll make our plans,” Tori said as she carefully eyeballed Matty. I knew the look all too well. She was telling him to shut his mouth without saying a word.
“Will do. Goodnight, guys,” I said as I offered a quick wave.
I was dreadfully tired, and was ready to get the day over with. Tomorrow would be a new day, and I kind of wanted to forget about most of the one I’d just lived.
CHAPTER 29 – ASH LONDON
“You really should go down to the radio station tomorrow and give them a quick interview. You could do a quick interview on one the local news stations, too.”
“I’m doing fuck all tomorrow, Marissa,” I said. It took everything I had to not follow Lila to her room, but she’d made up her mind about me and that was that. I was content to keep to myself on the one day off I would have for the next week.
“Ash… You can’t just stay in your room because she showed up. She won’t be bothering you. I made sure of that.”
“What do you mean? You made sure of what?”
Marissa tilted her chin up and said, “I told her you didn’t want to see her.”
“Why the fuck would you say that?” I narrowed my eyes at her and restrained myself from losing my shit. Who the fuck did she think she was… sticking her nose in my business like she fucking owned me or something.
“It’s my job to make sure you’re taken care of, and if I have to make sure someone doesn’t pester you, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“Get. Out. Now,” I said through clenched teeth.
“But…”
“No…” I said, putting up my hand in disgust. “You crossed a goddamn line,” I said as I pointed my finger at her. “Get out. I don’t want to see your face the rest of the tour. Take your ass home because I don’t want you here.”
“That isn’t up to you. You’re not the one who hired me.”
Take Me On (Take Me Series Book 1) Page 18