“Is everything okay?” I asked tentatively. “I mean, aside from the episode you just told me about?”
“Honestly? He’s not happy that I’m going to your wedding. He thinks I should just send my assistant. Since this is our first Christmas together, he thinks we should be spending it with our families.”
I couldn’t even pretend he was being unreasonable. In his position, I wouldn’t have wanted my boyfriend spending five days with his ex and her family. “You know, if you want to send Tracy in your place, we would totally understand, hon.”
Riley shook her head firmly. “I’m going because I want to go, not just out of professional obligation. You guys are my friends. I’ve known Nex since he was in elementary school and I was in high school, for crying out loud. How could I pass up the opportunity to see him get married?”
My heart sank when she swiped at the tear gliding down her cheek.
“I can’t deny I always assumed Brody and I would walk down the aisle before his youngest brother.” She reached into her designer purse for a tissue and dabbed her eyes so she wouldn’t smear her eye makeup. “I always thought when Nex got married, we’d be there together, smiling at each other from across the aisle as we recalled our own wedding day.”
Wow. It was just starting to hit me, what I was asking of her. Expecting her to be there on our wedding day, given her history with Brody, was stretching the boundaries of friendship to their breaking point, even if we were paying her to plan our big day.
“God, as much as I want you there, you really should send Tracy in your place. This isn’t fair to you or Brody.” I’d already expressed my concern about having Riley there to Nex, but he insisted his dumbass brother had made his own bed, now it was time for him to lie in it.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Riley said, collecting the file folder containing our photos and shoving them in her purse. “I’m going to be at the wedding because I want to be there. I’d never forgive myself if I bailed on you guys.” She leaned down to kiss my cheek. “I’ll see you at the airport tomorrow, girl. Get your rest tonight. I have a feeling it’s going to be a long five days.”
As I watched her sprint out of the bakery on five-inch heels, I suspected Riley and Brody were the only ones who wouldn’t be sleeping over the next several days.
Chapter Two
Brody
“I still can’t believe Riley’s going to be at the wedding,” I groaned, tossing back my third shot of scotch. “How the hell am I supposed to get through the next five days knowing she’s sleeping right across the hall?”
Mackenzie walked into the room, eyeing me then her husband as she leaned against the doorframe. “You know I love you like a brother, Brody, but sometimes you can be a self-absorbed jerk. This isn’t about you. It’s about Jaci and Nex. They both love Riley and want her there.”
I could always rely on my sister-in-law to give it to me straight. That’s why I loved her. “At least she’s not bringing the boyfriend,” I muttered. “I guess I should be grateful for small favors, huh?”
“And what if she were?” Mac asked, fisting her hands on her hips. “You would just have to deal with it. I don’t get you. You don’t want her, yet you don’t want anyone else to have her either.”
“I never said I didn’t want her.” I didn’t just want her. I craved her. Every. Damn. Day.
“Oh, excuse me,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You want her in your bed, but that’s it, right?”
I looked to my brother for help. “What?” I said, gesturing toward his wife. “You’re not gonna tell her to back off?”
Ryker grinned. “I know better.”
“You’re a lot of help,” I mumbled.
Mac’s expression softened as she stepped closer and sat on the edge of my armchair while she wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “All I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is to see you happy. So why are you standing by while the only woman you’ve ever loved falls in love with someone else? It doesn’t make sense.”
My entire body tensed as I curled my hand around my empty glass. I refused to allow myself to believe Riley loved that guy. If she did, that meant it was really and truly over for us. “Has she told you she loves him?”
Ryker sighed as he stood, reaching for my empty glass. “I have a feeling you’re going to need a refill for this, man.”
“Alcohol is not the answer,” Mac called after her husband. “He needs to man up… before it’s too late!”
“Is it too late?” I asked, looking up at Mac. “Is she in love with this guy? Tell me the truth. I can take it.”
“Are you sure about that?”
No. “Yes.”
She gave me a soul-searching look before she shook her head slowly. “Honestly, I don’t know. She hasn’t said one way or the other. My gut is telling me no, but I’ve been wrong before, honey.”
I couldn’t believe she was wrong this time. “I know she still loves me. She can’t be in love with him.”
Mac grabbed my chin, the way I’d seen her do with her teenaged sons a hundred times. “Sometimes I just want to smack you upside the head. What is wrong with you? You’ve made tens of millions of dollars, Brody. You’ve got the title. What more is there to prove?”
I’d been asking myself that same question a lot lately, but I couldn’t come up with the right answer. “I love what I do. Why is that so terrible? Most people spend their whole lives searching for something they’re passionate about. I’ve found my passion, and I don’t intend to give it up for anyone or anything.”
“Fine,” Mac said, pushing off the chair. “Then maybe the next wedding you’ll be attending is Riley’s!”
Ryker stepped out of his wife’s path as she stormed out of the room. “What did you say to get her so pissed at you?” my brother asked, handing me another drink.
“She thinks I’m an idiot for not putting a ring on Riley’s finger. She wants me to buy the house in the suburbs, the minivan, get Ri knocked up, and…” The image of her pregnant with my baby flashed through my mind as the taunt died on my lips. “Your wife just wants me to be someone I’m not, someone I’ll never be. Like Riley.”
“That’s not fair, and you know it,” Ryker said. “Riley’s the only woman who’s ever loved you for you, man. She doesn’t care how much money you make. She’s not impressed by the bling. She doesn’t wanna drive your fancy cars or hit you up for a loan, like all those gold diggers you’ve tried to replace her with. She loved you long before you had a dime to your name, and she’d still love you if it all went away tomorrow.”
That’s why this hurt so much. Riley was the answer to every prayer I’d ever whispered in a weak moment. We’d met during the grueling months when my mother was dying of cancer and I wouldn’t have made it through that without her. She held my hand during the service, let me cry in her arms when we left the cemetery, and kissed me when I needed a distraction from the pain.
“I love that girl,” I whispered to my brother. “Every night, I fall into bed and see her face beside me on the pillow. A woman laughs and it’s her laugh I hear…” I shuddered. “Every hand I feel on my skin is hers. Every time someone whispers in my ear that they love me or want me, it’s her voice I hear.”
Ryker let out a breath as he stared at me. “How many other women have there been since Riley?”
I tipped my drink back, punishing myself with the burn. “Too many.”
I wasn’t proud of it. I was ashamed of it, in fact. But ever since I showed up at Riley’s place after she’d just rolled out of bed with her doctor boyfriend, I’d been hell-bent on erasing that image from my mind the only way I knew how—sex. I consoled myself that she wasn’t the only one getting some. I was too. The only difference was she was with one special someone every night while I found nameless, faceless women in different cities.
“And… is that making you feel better? Is it making this any easier? Because from where I sit, you’re on a path to self-destruction, and I’m not going to lie. It scares th
e hell out of me, watching you do this to yourself.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I asked, draining my glass before I plopped it down on the table beside me. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. You’ve always been a surly son of a bitch, but lately, you’ve been taking it to a whole new level, man. And I worry, not just for your sake, but for Cole’s too.”
The mention of my youngest nephew made my gut twist. We’d always been real tight, but lately I’d even been shutting him out. “I would never do anything to hurt Cole. You know that.”
“I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt him,” Ryker conceded. “But that kid idolizes you, bro. And not only that, he worries about you. He can see there’s something wrong, that you’re shutting down. Not just on him, but on all of us.”
Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any worse, my brother found a way to pour a little more salt in the wound.
“Listen to me,” Ryker said, leaning forward. “Whether you like it or not, Cole looks up to you. He’s been watching everything you do for years now. He tells all of his friends that his uncle’s this world-famous poker player who travels the world.”
I swiped a hand over my face as I tried to figure out where Ryker was going with this. “And you don’t want him to think his uncle is some skirt-chasing deadbeat who drinks too much and…” I couldn’t even finish that statement, because it made me think of our old man, the last person in the world any one of us wanted to be like.
“Cole grew up with Riley around,” Ryker said, his voice raspy. “When you guys broke up, he was too young to really know what happened. He just knew that you changed after that. He told me not too long ago that he didn’t want to get serious about a girl because he saw what it did to you when Riley dumped you.”
“Shit,” I whispered, swiping a hand over my face. “I had no idea he felt that way.”
“You’re going to be spending some time with him over the next few days,” Ryker said. “Do me a favor. Talk to him. Set him straight. I’m not saying I want him to get seriously involved with anyone—I think he’s way too young for that—but when he does meet someone special, I don’t want him to be afraid to go for it either.”
“I hear ya. I’ll talk to him.” Except I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him. How was I supposed to convince my nephew that it was safe to fall in love when I didn’t believe that myself?
***
Riley stepped on the private plane my brother chartered to take us to Colorado, and she took my breath away, just as she did every single time I laid eyes on her.
She had the figure of a swimsuit model but the disposition of a first grade teacher. She was sweet and kind and nurturing… the kind of woman who’d make an amazing wife and mom someday. Too bad she’d never be my wife or the mother of my children.
“Hi,” she said softly, smiling at Cole, who was seated beside me. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How’ve you been, honey?”
Cole blushed, mainly because he was at that age where he still got embarrassed every time a gorgeous girl singled him out. “I’m good. You?”
“I’m okay.” Her light blue eyes slowly drifted to mine as she nodded her head. “Brody.”
“Ri.” This would mark the first time we’d seen each other since that day at her place, when her lover opened her door, both of them half-dressed and flushed from exertion. “Where’s your boyfriend?”
It was her turn to blush as she claimed the only available seat on the plane, directly across from me. “He couldn’t make it.”
“Gee, that’s a shame.”
She rolled her eyes. “Are we really going to do this here, Brody? Can’t we pretend to be mature adults for the next five days, for Nex and Jaci’s sake?”
My gaze landed on the happy couple, who were curled up at the back of the plane, cuddling under a blanket with her head on his shoulder. They looked so happy it made my gut clench, remembering a time when Riley and I had felt that way about each other.
“How are the folks?” I asked, still unwilling to reach for a neutral topic of conversation.
My nephew, who was probably a lot smarter than I was, popped his earbuds in his ears and selected a song on his iPod before tipping his head back and closing his eyes.
“Do you really care how they are?” she asked, her lips curling into a reluctant smile as she pulled a bridal magazine from her carry-on.
“Not really,” I admitted, flashing a quick grin. “I was just trying to be polite. Do they still hate me, by the way?” Not that I cared. Trying to impress Riley’s upright parents had never been high on my list of priorities.
“They never hated you,” she said, drawing it out. “They just didn’t approve of your lifestyle. There’s a difference.”
I’d given up trying to impress people years ago, so their opinion of my choices barely registered anymore. “But I’m willing to bet they approve of the new man in your life, don’t they?”
Her father was a chiropractor, her mother his office manager, so they would undoubtedly feel right at home sitting down to dinner with Stephanie, as I liked to call him.
“They all get along just fine,” Riley said, pretending to skim an article before turning the page.
“I don’t see a ring on your finger, so things can’t be progressing as quickly as you’d hoped, huh?”
Riley glared at me while my brother Gabe shot me a disgusted look from across the aisle. “Why don’t you lay off her and get some sleep?” Gabe asked me. “I don’t think you’re firing on all cylinders today.”
“It’s okay, Gabe,” Riley said, leaning over to pat my brother’s arm. “I can handle him.” She squared her shoulders as she looked me in the eye. “Actually, Stephan has expressed an interest in marrying me.”
“Happy now, dumbass?” Gabe muttered, shaking his head at me.
I felt short of breath, as though I’d been chasing a car for miles and couldn’t catch up. I swallowed repeatedly, trying to find the courage to ask whether she intended to accept his proposal.
“Excuse me,” she said, standing. “I think I’d like to use the restroom before we take off.”
“Are you crazy?” Gabe asked, leaning forward. “You’re driving her right into his arms.”
“She was there long before I got a say in the matter.” I crossed my arms, mimicking my nephew’s position, with my head tipped back and eyes closed when I felt someone kick me hard in the knee. “Ow!” I sat up, rubbing the sore spot as I scowled at Gabe. “What the hell did you do that for?”
“This may be your last chance to spend any time with her. Are you really gonna waste it trying to antagonize her because you can’t get over the fact she’s sleeping with another guy?”
“How would you feel if you were in my position?” My stomach turned as I imagined her making love to him, pleasuring him the way she’d pleasured me. The thought of it made me sick.
“I’d like to think I’m too smart to throw away a girl like Riley because of my goddamn pride.”
“Why is everyone giving me such a hard time?” I knew I deserved it, but these were my brothers, my family, and it seemed they were loyal to Riley, even though she’d broken my heart by dumping me for someone else. “Why are you all treating her like the innocent victim?”
“How many years were you with that girl?” Gabe asked, tossing his iPad in his backpack.
We were freshmen in high school when we met. Way too young to know what love was, yet somehow we took one look at each other and just knew we belonged together. “On and off for over twenty years.” Though we’d been more off than on in recent years.
“Over twenty years,” Gabe repeated. “More than half your life. And that’s the way you treat her? You think she deserves that? She was there for you when Mom died. She was there every damn time you got into trouble. She went to every football game you played. She was the reason you got that football scholarship. Without her, you wouldn’t have gone to college.”
I wouldn’
t have gone because when the scouts came calling, I didn’t want to leave her. She’d been the one to convince me our relationship could survive anything, even a lengthy separation. I’d believed then we were invincible, that nothing and no one could tear us apart. Now I knew better.
“I don’t know what you want from me,” I said, spreading my hands. “I didn’t even want her here!”
Riley stepped out of the restroom and walked down the aisle just in time to hear my little proclamation. She looked at me, her eyes filled with pain, before she turned to face Nex and Jaci. “Maybe he’s right, you guys. I don’t belong here. The plane hasn’t taken off yet. There’s still time for me to call my assistant and—”
Nex jumped out of his seat, brushing past Jaci as he hauled me out of my seat. “Outside. Now!”
The stunned flight attendant said, “Mr. Steele, we’re getting ready for takeoff.”
“This won’t take long,” Nex assured her. He led me away from the plane before shoving me hard. “Are you trying to ruin my wedding?”
“No,” I said, feeling the punch of guilt. “You know I would never do that.”
“Look,” he said, pointing in my face, “I would do anything to make Jaci happy. I’m trying to give her the wedding of her dreams and Riley is helping make that happen. She has been nothing but supportive of us, and if you’ve got a problem with her being here, maybe you should leave!”
I gaped at my kid brother, unable to believe what I was hearing. We’d always been as thick as thieves, vowing we would never let a woman come between us, yet he was telling me he didn’t want me by his side on one of the most important days of his life?
“You really don’t want me there?” When he didn’t respond, I said, “Fine! Screw you, asshole!”
He slapped me upside the head so hard my ear started ringing. “If you think that, you’re stupider than I thought. It would kill me not to have you there. But I won’t have you ruin this for Jaci. She hasn’t had it easy, man. This wedding is about proving to her that dreams can come true, and I’m determined to make every last one of her dreams come true.”
Steele Brothers Christmas Page 2