by S. J. Lynn
“It’s my business when she’s been hurt enough and here you are acting like a dumbass.”
I jumped to my feet and got in his face. “What the hell do you know about any of this.”
“Luke.” Neale grabbed my shoulders and sat me back down. “I see you started without me,” he said as he ordered a Guinness.
“I couldn’t wait.” Ernie finally poured me another glass and I eyed him as I downed the stiff drink.
“What? You and Ernie fighting now?” Neale asked.
“He’s trying to stick his nose into my business and asking questions about Maggie.”
Neale took a swig of his beer. “Maybe he’s just concerned, man. They used to be friends.”
Used to be friends. Like I cared.
I raised my shot glass again.
“Whoa, have you even eaten yet? How many have you had of those?”
“Um…” How many was that again?
“Okay.” He waved Ernie off. “You’ve had enough, my friend. Come on. Talk to me.”
“I messed up.” I ran heavy hands down my face.
“How?”
“He wanted me to give her the letter from the beginning.”
“What are you talking about, man?”
“The letter he gave me.”
“Yeah?”
“There was another one inside…for her!”
Neale placed a hand on my shoulder. “Okay, calm down. You said there was another letter for her, and—”
“I was supposed to give it to her upfront, before…before we got close.” I laughed. “And it just makes a whole hell of a lot of sense to do so.”
“Are you guys…” Neale left the question hanging.
“Together? Yes, which…God, I’m an asshole. Another.” I raised my glass to Ernie, who looked at Neale. “Another,” I said again. Neale must have nodded because Ernie didn’t move a muscle until he peeked at him again.
I downed the shot, pissed at what I was doing. This wasn’t me anymore—getting wasted and forgetting about everything else, everyone else.
By the time the shot kicked in, I was done for. I vaguely heard my cell ring on the bar, when Neale picked it up and answered it. He was talking to someone, but I couldn’t make out whom.
“Ernie,” Neale said. “Get him some water.”
***
Maggie
I was going out of my mind. It was after seven, and Luke still hadn’t showed. He had to have known what today was. Everyone knew. And I wanted to be mad at Luke that he wasn’t there, but I felt I knew him, that there was no way he’d purposely not show up. Something must have happened, I realized.
I jumped off the couch and wiped my eyes. I searched his name in my contacts and pressed send. The phone rang and rang until finally he picked up.
“Luke?”
“Uh, no…it’s Neale.”
Why was Luke not answering his phone? “Is Luke there? Is he okay? He was supposed to come over tonight and…” My mind was running away with me.
“He’s with me. He’s safe, but you might want to come down here.”
My stomach dropped. “Where are you?”
“At the bar in town.”
“I’ll be there soon.”
He was at a bar? I tried not to read more into it, but why he was at a bar and not there when I needed him the most tugged on my heart.
It was packed and I left my bike at the side of the building. The bar reeked of heavy smoke. I searched the crowd for Luke and eventually spotted Neale sitting at the bar with someone slouched next to him. He spotted me and came over.
“Hey, Maggie,” Neale said.
I peered over his shoulder and got a better look at the sleeping stranger. His broad shoulders were unmistakable. “Is that Luke?”
“Yes.” Neale put his hands in his pockets and rocked back once on his heels, his shoulders drawn forward. “That’s why I called you here. He’s not doing too well. I wasn’t going to answer your call, and he’ll probably beat the crap out of me later, but I thought you needed to be here.”
“What’s wrong with him? Is he upset over his dad?” I felt selfish wanting him all to myself when he’d just lost his dad less than three weeks ago.
Neale grabbed the back of his neck. “I’ll let that be between you two. Come on.”
He led me through the rowdy crowd where Luke was passed out. I’d never seen him like this and was shocked due to his one-beer rule.
Ernie was working at the bar and caught my eye. He seemed upset, and didn’t say hello. I ignored him and focused on Luke, gently touching his back to let him know I was there.
“Luke. It’s me, Maggie.”
He only mumbled.
I glanced at Neale who shrugged, and I asked, “Should I call his mother? Maybe she would know what to do.”
“No, don’t call Paula. Luke wouldn’t want her to see him this way. It’s bad enough I had to call you, but I had to do something.”
I rubbed Luke’s back, thinking that would help rouse him. “Baby? Honey, you need to wake up so we can get you home. Okay?”
He mumbled again and cracked an eye open. “Maggie?” he asked, trying to sit up. “Shit, Neale.”
Neale shot me an I-told-you-so look.
“Come on. Let’s go.” I tried to help him up, but Neale had to step in after paying Luke’s tab.
Between the two of us, we managed to get him inside Luke’s truck.
“Thanks for grabbing my bike, Neale. I’ll let you know how he’s doing later.” Luke was already passed out again.
“Okay. Thanks for coming, Maggie. He doesn’t do this anymore. I just feel you should know that.”
I smiled. “I know. Thank you for answering my call.”
“Not a problem. I’ll wait for your call. Later.”
“Yeah. Thanks again. Bye.”
The whole ride home, my thoughts were running wild. What had changed between last night and this morning, and now? I believed Neale that this wasn’t like Luke, and knew Neale wanted to tell me the reason but felt it best not to. Maybe Luke and me as an item was too soon. Obviously more was going on with him that I didn’t know about and I felt lost on what to do.
I put the truck in park. “Luke, we’re home.”
He opened one eye and grabbed his head. “My head hurts.”
“Think it might be from all that drinking you did?” I hadn’t meant to sound mean, and my tone shocked even me.
As if he suddenly realized I was with him, he faced me. “Oh…Maggie, I—”
“Shh.” I reached over and rubbed my thumb over his cheek. His eyes closed briefly before glancing back at me. He frowned. “Let’s just get you inside and talk about it then.” I hopped out and went around to get his door.
“I got it,” he said, nearly stumbling to the ground.
“Put your arm around me.”
He listened and after many times almost falling myself, I got him inside and onto the couch. He was out before his head hit the pillow, and I took his shoes off and brought his legs up so he could stretch out. I kissed him on his forehead and headed upstairs to shower before sending Neale a text. I wouldn’t get anything out of Luke then anyway with how drunk he was.
This was not how I envisioned spending the anniversary of Josh’s death.
***
I awoke to the sound of a door creaking. Luke came in, a deep frown on his face. I checked the clock. It was nearly three in the morning.
“Luke. Are you—”
“Come with me.”
I didn’t ask. I just did as he said, hoping to find out what had him so turned around. He took me to his room.
“Sit, please.” He opened his bedside drawer and took out an envelope with his name written on the front. “Did you bring me home?”
His question surprised me. It was the last thing I expected him to ask. “Yeah.”
He sighed and shook his head before sitting next to me. He started opening the mysterious envelope. “There was a girl that I loved si
nce I was just a boy…”
Knowing he was going to open up, I shifted and scooted myself back on the bed to see him better.
“I never stopped loving her, actually.” He half laughed. “But she was a curious creature that didn’t pay any mind to most things around her. Well, she ended up dating a friend of mine. It was hard, but I—” He shrugged. “What could I have done?”
I was lost in the story, my heart breaking for him. Who was the girl?
“Anyway, he’d ask me to do things with them, but I never did. Always found an excuse to back out because I didn’t want to see the two of them together, happy.”
“Aw, Luke.” I went to touch his arm, but he removed my hand. I was stunned.
“It’s not what you think,” he said before taking out what looked like a note. From her? “You’ve probably wondered why I—aside from tonight—choose to not drink more than one alcoholic beverage.”
“Yeah, I have.”
He nodded and took a deep breath, slowly letting it out. “One night, God, I don’t even remember why, but I decided that, to hell with it, I wanted to drink—which I told you I did sometimes for stretches at a time…and I did that night…but I didn’t stop.” He cleared his throat and swallowed. “I was supposed to work that night at the fire station.”
He looked at me and I shook my head, not understanding where he was taking the story.
“There was a…a bad fire. There’s never one here,” he said so faintly as if to himself, and I could barely hear. My stomach twisted in knots, refusing to believe where my mind was taking me. “Earlier that night, the chief had called Josh—”
My hand flew to my mouth and I shook my head, the tears giving in. “No.”
“And he was just being a good friend who was worried about me.”
I couldn’t breathe and felt like I was going to faint.
“He called Neale to come and get me, and he went in my place.”
I used both hands now, unable to control my sobs.
“Your fiancé died, when it should have been me.” He opened the letter and placed it on my lap. “I received this sometime after the funeral. I left for Texas shortly after.” He stood. “I’ll be at my mom’s. I’m sorry, Maggie.”
He left without another word, and I stared at the door, wishing he’d come back.
Chapter 19
Luke
I went into work at noon, still groggy from the night before. Mom didn’t even know I was at her house, but she’d realized I was there in the morning. I told her what had happened, and she was disappointed, but no more than I was with myself.
I didn’t want to leave Maggie. Hell, I’d already skipped out on her—though not intentionally—when she needed me. But I didn’t feel she’d want me around, and the letter Josh had written her was for her to read in private. I wasn’t taken that away from her, too.
“Hey, man,” Neale said as I worked the bench, lifting weights.
“Hey,” I said.
“You want to talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Maggie was pretty upset—”
I let the weights fall on the rack and I got up, going to the refrigerator to grab a bottled water. “Well, you shouldn’t have called her.”
“I didn’t call her. She called you because she was worried that you hadn’t shown up to her place.”
“I know, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault.” I tossed the bottle in the trash and leaned against the counter. “She hates me, man.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I killed Josh—”
“You say that one more time and I’ll kill you. You didn’t kill anyone. It was a freak accident, and, yes, it was unfortunate.”
I walked past him. “I need to work.”
“You aren’t heading over to the festival?”
“No.”
“But isn’t Maggie going? I thought she was making pies?”
I shot him a look.
“Just saying. Besides, don’t you think you should go and check on her?”
I walked out of the break room and into the garage to test the apparatuses. Neale followed.
“Maybe later,” I said, appeasing him. If I were her, I’d want space. And selfishly, I needed to keep busy.
“Well, your mom called again. She’s worried about you.”
“I spoke with her this morning. I went over last night.” When he didn’t say anything, I glanced at him. “What?”
“You—never mind, man. I’ll be at the festival. Want anything?”
“No. Thanks, though. You guys have fun.”
After an hour of doing all I could, I sat in the chief’s office, looking over paperwork in his ‘unfinished’ pile, when a call was received—a house fire at 292 Riverdale Lane.
I jumped to my feet, the sirens blaring, suited up, and raced to the apparatus. All the guys came rushing in. Neale, Ernie, Greg, and Mick hopped on board.
“What’s the word?” Neale asked.
“House fire on Riverdale,” I told him.
“Now we’re talkin’,” Greg said, and I shot him a look in the mirror. His smile fled.
“You see Maggie?” I asked Neale, trying to go for a casual tone.
“Yeah. She was there.”
“How was she?”
“Seemed like she didn’t want to be there. Looked sad.”
I silently cursed. I’d messed everything up with her, when she was the only woman I’d ever loved…ever would love.
“So, what you’re going to do,” Neale said as we cut down Parker Street, “you’re going to kill this fire, and then you’re going to get your girl like out of some damn chick flick, and get down on your knees to beg.”
I glanced at him. “Didn’t know you were so soft.”
“There are a lot of things you don’t know about me.”
I went to ask him what they were when a cloud of smoke caught my eye. “Shit.” I hit the gas harder and raced to the front of the house. “Alright, men, mask up. Act quickly. But remain calm. Let’s get anyone out that’s in. She’s a big one. Go!”
My eyes immediately zoned in on a little bike with training wheels. I shouted to Neale, “Keep the fire at bay. There’s possibly a child inside. I’m going in.”
The flames were blazing on the bottom floor toward what appeared to be the kitchen. I quickly assessed the situation, but was unable to process all the details. With the bottom floor clear of life, I raced up the steps.
“Someone up here?” I came to the bathroom first. It was clear. A bedroom off to my right was also clear.
The smoke was starting up the stairs. “Hello?” It was faint, but I heard a noise in the other room. I had to hurry. The door was shut, so I busted it down and rushed inside. A little girl was crying over in a corner. As I drew closer, I saw that it was Amy. Where were her grandparents?
“Amy.”
She poked her head up.
“It’s Luke. Where’re your grandparents? Are they inside?”
“I don’t know.” She coughed.
Shit. “Alright. Come with me.” I reached for her. “I’m going to get you out of here.” I lifted her in my arms and went to the landing. Flames were everywhere surrounding us, and I didn’t know if we’d be able to go back down.
“Luke, I’m scared,” Amy cried.
“I know, honey. Everything will be alright.” I grabbed my radio attached to my jacket. “Neale?”
“What’s up, bud? Talk to me.”
“We’re trapped. We can’t get downstairs. How’s it going outside? We’ll need a ladder.” I ran to the window and peeked out spotting Neale. “Top floor, your right.”
“Got it. Flames are out of control. On my way with the ladder.”
I put Amy down. “Amy, I need you to keep your head out the window. Try not to breathe the air in here. Got it?”
She nodded. Neale was over with the ladder and I grabbed it, bringing it to us.
“You got her? I need to find the grandparents,” I t
old Neale. He gave me a thumbs-up and I shot out of the room. Another bathroom was a room over. The grandmother lay unresponsive on the floor. I rushed to pick her up and brought her to the window where Amy was. She was no longer there and I thanked the heavens Neale had gotten her out so fast.
I radioed in. “I have the grandmother. Need assistance. Possibly one more to go.”
Mick climbed the ladder.
“Got her?” I asked.
“Yes, go!”
Without hesitation, I took off at a sprint. The flames had crept up the side of the house and I had to dive through. It was getting too hot in the suit, so I knew the flames were out of control downstairs.
“Hello! Can you hear me?” With only this room left, I searched everywhere. The closet, under the bed…nothing. The flames were bursting through the walls.
“Luke, get your ass out of there!” Neale shouted through the radio.
“The grandfather is still inside. I need to get him.” I pushed through the flames once more, their liquid heat heavier than before. I had to find him. I had to…for Amy, for Maggie, and for Josh. Even me.
“Luke!”
“I’m sorry, man. I have to try.”
“Luke! I swear to God—”
An explosion went off.
***
Maggie
I didn’t want to come, but I had to for the girls’ dance routine. Caroline had agreed to come earlier in the morning to take all my pies in, so I could sleep a little longer. After yesterday, I was completely drained and stayed up most of the night with Josh’s letter clutched to my chest. I’d memorized every word and every curve of the stroke of his pen.
My Dearest Maggie,
I hope to God this letter never has to find your hands. If so, that means I’m no longer privileged to be in your life. It’s the night I proposed and while you are snuggled up in my lap, beautifully dreaming of our wedding, I hope, I’m thinking of our future. Even writing about this makes me want to wake you just so I can look into your loving eyes…see you smile.
I’d be ignorant not to assume the job I do on a daily basis isn’t a dangerous one. I’ve had many close calls, as you know. If a fire should ever find me and take me with it, I pray you not let it taking my life claim your beautiful spirit and love for life. Grieve for me, but only for a little. Frowning causes wrinkles, and you’re too perfect to have them so young. Yes, a poor attempt at a joke.