“You’d be amazed at what a chicken I am.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cam and Scarlet returned from their short honeymoon, looking happy and relaxed and very much in love. Luke joined everyone in greeting them with handshakes and hugs. Tessa bounced with excitement as Cam and Scarlet enfolded her in their arms.
Luke watched Maggie embrace her sister and brother-in-law with genuine affection. But as they began unloading gifts from a large duffle bag, her face changed. They placed a mountain of Christmas presents under the already present-laden tree in the dining room. Harper and Ethan had been adding gifts to the tree ever since they put it up.
He didn’t think anyone else noticed the subtle change in her demeanor. He only had because he was attuned to her every movement and emotion and facial expression. She made an excuse about needing to check on dinner and escaped into the kitchen. Luke followed her, concerned.
Maggie’s back was turned to him as he entered the kitchen, her head bent and her hands covering her face. She looked vulnerable and small, and very, very sad. Luke’s heart clenched. He put one hand on her shoulder, unable to stop himself from touching her. “Maggie, honey, what’s wrong?”
She startled at his touch and stepped away, wiping her eyes as she put some distance between them. “Nothing. Something in my eye.”
“Yeah, there is. They’re called tears.” He gently turned her to face him. “Tell me what’s wrong. Maybe I can help.”
She shook her head and looked away. “There’s nothing you can do.”
“Try me.”
She briefly lifted her gaze to his before turning away again, but not before he saw the bleakness. He cupped her chin and gently forced her to look at him. Her dark eyes were huge and shiny with tears. She put her hand on his arm but didn’t push him away.
“You can trust me, Maggie.”
She raised her eyebrows at that, as if she didn’t believe him. Her distrust stung, but he supposed he deserved it. “If you tell me what’s wrong, I won’t tell anyone. I promise.”
She shook her head. “Celeste will be back soon. She borrowed Harper’s truck to go to Brainerd for some Christmas shopping.”
“She won’t be back for a while.” He waited, holding his breath.
She stared into his eyes with a puzzled expression. “Why do you want to know?”
Because I care about you. Because when you hurt, I hurt. Because I hurt you once and I’ll do anything, everything, to make up for it.
“Because I don’t like to see you unhappy. C’mon. Maybe talking about it will help.”
She closed her eyes. “It’s stupid.”
“No, it’s not. Not if it’s making you cry.”
She opened her eyes once more, and he was relieved to see some of her old fire in them. “It is stupid. It’s been hard enough to watch Harper and Ethan pile presents under the tree, but then Scarlet and Cam added their gifts…I saw all those presents, some of them for me, and it made me feel so completely… inadequate.”
He brushed the soft skin of her cheek with the pad of his thumb to wipe away a tear. “Why?”
Her eyes were resigned, hopeless. “Because I can’t return them. I don’t have any money. Other than some candy I made, I have nothing to give.” Her laugh was bitter. “Even the candy is made from ingredients I used from the lodge’s kitchen.”
He fought the urge to take her into his arms and hold her. “You don’t have any money at all?”
“Actually, I’m in the negative. I owe about fifteen hundred dollars on my credit card. I’ve been making the minimum payments for the last few months to keep afloat, but as of this morning, my bank balance is one dollar and twenty-seven cents.”
“How did you get into such a crunch?”
She looked away. “It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got time.”
To his surprise, she smiled at that. But she shook her head. “No, you don’t.”
“Maggie, please.”
This time, he couldn’t stop himself from pulling her into his arms. She held herself stiff, and he held his breath, afraid she’d push away. But then with a sigh, she relaxed against him, her head against his chest and her arms loosely circling his waist.
“It started in culinary school,” she began, her voice so quiet he had to strain to hear her. “One of my instructors took a special interest in me. He told me how talented I was, how good my ideas were. I was so flattered to be singled out like that.”
Luke smoothed his hand over her hair, struggling not to reveal his growing unease. He could guess where this story was going but he said nothing, wanting her to tell it in her own way.
“We started a secret affair, or at least I thought it was secret. He was very handsome and charming and even though he was nearly fifteen years older than me, I thought we had something special.”
“What happened?” he asked when she fell silent.
She clutched the material on the back of his shirt. “His wife contacted me. Seems he had a habit of having an affair with a new student every year. She told me he picked the neediest, most easily seduced girl.”
He hugged her a little tighter. That didn’t sound like the Maggie he’d known. Even as a girl, she’d been strong and able to stand up for herself. But she’d also been young and trusting, and no match for an accomplished liar and cheat.
“I was appalled. There’s no way I would have slept with a married man if I’d known. Especially a married man with two kids. I broke it off immediately.”
“Good for you.”
“Yeah, good for me.” She gave a choked laugh and pushed away from him. Reluctantly, he let her go. “He didn’t it take it well. Apparently, he was used to being the one ending an affair. He started criticizing my work in front of my classmates, and marking my assignments harshly and unfairly. But I couldn’t complain to the school because he said if I did, he’d flunk me and tell them I was the one who came on to him.”
“Bastard.” Luke could barely contain his rage.
“I thought about quitting, but I knew how much Harper had sacrificed so I could go to school. She was running the lodge and caring for Grampa single-handedly, and somehow she’d managed to pay my tuition. I couldn’t bear to disappoint her.
“So, I toughed it out and graduated – barely. But every job I applied for in the kitchens of high-end restaurants, they’d call the culinary school and the instructor would tell them that not only was I a mediocre chef, I was difficult to work with. I got passed over again and again.”
“Did you ever tell Harper or Scarlet what you were going through?”
“No. Grampa died soon after I graduated, and Harper had enough on her plate. And Scarlet had her own troubles. Around then, she called off her wedding, the second wedding she’d cancelled. She was going through a lot and I didn’t want to burden her.”
Luke didn’t trust himself to speak. Her sisters would have done their best to help her if they’d known, no matter what was going on their lives. At the very least, they would have provided a shoulder to cry on. But Maggie had been too proud.
“I finally found a job as a head chef with a new restaurant because I was willing to accept a wage far lower than the industry standard, and the owners were willing to take a chance on a rookie chef. But I soon discovered this new venture was doomed from the start. They controlled purchasing and hiring of staff for the kitchen, and they created the menu. I had very little input.”
From experience in the hotel industry, Luke knew the responsibilities of the head chef included purchasing food and creating his or her own unique menus. They also hired staff they believed would be a good fit in their kitchens. The arrangement she’d entered into was unusual.
“I worked hard, I really did. But the menu the owners created was uninspired and the portions small. We didn’t have enough staff in the kitchen or servers in the restaurant, so service was impossibly slow. Word got around, and business fell off dramatically. And when it did, the owners blamed me. They sai
d my food was the problem. The restaurant closed a few weeks later. Finding work was even harder then.”
“What did you do?”
“I had no choice but to go to work in fast food restaurants, sometimes two or three at once. They weren’t as choosy about who they hired.”
“Fast food restaurants aren’t known for their high wages.”
“No, they aren’t. I didn’t make much more than minimum wage, but I managed. At least till I got sick.”
His stomach dropped. “You were sick?”
“I got mononucleosis last winter. Even after I was feeling better, my employers wouldn’t let me back in the kitchen because they thought I might still be contagious. I was off work for over eight weeks and maxed out my credit cards.” Her chin wobbled but she held back her tears. “I had to sell my mother’s antique diamond earrings to a pawn shop to make rent.”
He wanted to shake her. If she’d reached out to her sisters, to his mother, to someone, they would have helped her. But she’d been too stubborn and too proud.
She must have been so alone and scared. And desperate. He remembered how much those earrings had meant to her. She’d worn them the first time they’d made love. They were made of gold and had several diamonds in the design. They were the only physical connection she’d had to her mother, and she wouldn’t have parted with them unless it had been a last resort.
Luke didn’t know if he could do anything about the earrings, but he could help with her current money situation. “I’m going to speak with Ethan and Harper as soon as possible, and we’re going to start paying you a salary.”
She grabbed her apron from a peg near the door, drying her eyes with one corner before slipping it on. “I’m a part owner, not an employee. I can’t do that.”
“Who says? You’ve been working hard for months and you deserve to be paid. Now that Harper and Scarlet are married, they’ve got financial support. You’re the only one left to fend for herself.”
She lifted her chin, a gesture he remembered from her youth. She was going to be stubborn. “If my sisters aren’t taking a salary, neither am I.”
“Fine. Then all three of you will start getting regular paychecks.”
She stared at him, her lips parting slightly. “Where’s the money supposed to come from? We haven’t even opened yet.”
“Ethan’s putting up the seed money. He’ll have to fork over a little more.”
Maggie turned away and began taking bowls and utensils from the shelves. “No. I don’t want them to know how bad things are for me financially. Or how I got to this point.”
“We don’t have to tell them. I’ll say I think everyone should start taking a regular salary.”
She said nothing as she pulled ingredients – flour, white sugar, brown sugar – from the pantry and set them on the stainless-steel island. After retrieving eggs and butter from the fridge and placing them beside the flour, she braced her hands on the island and looked up at him. “Do you think Harper and Ethan will go along with the idea?”
“I think I can make a good case.”
“Without telling them the whole truth?”
“Would it be so awful if they knew?”
“Yes!” Her chin lifted at that stubborn angle once more. “I don’t want them to know.”
He put up his hands in surrender. “All right. I won’t say a word. I’ll stick to the line about it being time for the lodge to start paying the three of you.”
Her shoulders visibly relaxed. “Okay. It would be nice to start drawing a salary again.” She bit her lip, her gaze veering away from his. “When do you think I could get my first paycheck?”
Luke breathed a sigh of relief and did a few quick calculations in his head. “As long as I can add all your information to the payroll system in the next day or two, you’ll be paid on the fifteenth of December.”
Maggie blew out a breath, then offered him a smile. “I could do a little Christmas shopping.”
Would she have said anything at all about her financial difficulties if not for wanting to buy Christmas gifts for her family? Whatever the reason, he was glad she’d confided in him. And he was happy he was able to help. “We can go into Brainerd together. I want to get a few gifts, too.”
“I’d like that.”
Her tremulous smile abruptly gave way to tears. He covered the distance between them in two strides, taking her into his arms and kissing away the salty tears from her cheeks. “It’s okay, sweetheart. Don’t cry.”
She clutched at his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“Shh. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
He kissed her, his mouth finding her soft, sweet lips. He meant the kiss to be brief and comforting, a gesture to let her know he was on her side. That he was always on her side.
Something inside him snapped the instant he heard her soft moan, felt her arms slip around his neck. Desire roared in his ears, making him pull her hard against his body. She responded with a fervor of her own, moulding herself against him as if she wanted, needed to get closer, was desperate to join their bodies together. Her small hands caressed his shoulders, his back, his buttocks. His need for her spiralled out of control. He slid his hand inside her sweater and palmed her breast, reveling in the sweet weight of its perfection. The hard, puckered nipple declared she wanted him as much as he wanted her. She gasped and pushed herself into his hand, giving herself to him.
“Maggie, I’m back—Oh!”
Maggie abruptly ended the kiss and pushed away from him, her mouth swollen and her eyes glazed. A stricken expression quickly replaced the passion in her eyes, as if she were embarrassed, or worse, ashamed. “Celeste, I—”
“I’m sorry. I’m going to put my shopping away. I’ll see you later.” Celeste left the kitchen and closed the door quietly behind her.
Maggie’s breath was uneven, her frantic gaze landing everywhere but on him. He cupped her chin and made her look at him. “Why are you acting as if we’ve done something wrong?”
Her dark eyes flashed. “I’m not. We didn’t.”
“Damn right, we didn’t.” He dared to take a step closer. “We’re grown up now.”
“Yes, we are. But that doesn’t mean that sleeping together for old times’ sake is a good idea. You’ll be leaving. Again.”
“Yes.” He tried to remember why going back to California was so important, but his brain was too full with thoughts of her in his arms.
“It… it hurt when you left before. I don’t want to go there again.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and let go of her chin. He wished he could tell her the truth, tell her why he left, but that would only hurt her more.
And make her hate him.
“Neither do I.”
She let out a shaky breath. “I care for you, Luke. I probably always will. But my life is here now and yours is in California. It’s no one’s fault, just the way it is.”
No one’s fault but mine.
He turned and walked to the door. “I’ll talk to Ethan and Harper about the payroll as soon as I can.”
“Thank you.”
Luke left the kitchen and grabbed his jacket from the closet near the front door before heading outside. He welcomed the strong gust of cold wind that stole his breath. Maybe the north wind could blow the guilt from his heart.
Because in ten years, nothing else had been able to accomplish that feat.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Luke made coffee in his mother’s kitchen and waited for it to brew. The short wait gave him the opportunity to steel himself. Every time he visited his mother, he had to put on his protective armor. She grew thinner and more frail looking by the day, but she never complained. She always had a smile for him. Perhaps the smile was her armor.
When the coffee finished brewing, he poured himself a cup, added a little milk and brought it to the living room where his mother was seated in her wheelchair chatting quietly with her nurse Paula.
Paula rose as he came into the room. “I’l
l leave the two of you to visit. I’ll be changing the sheets on your bed if you need me.” With that, she disappeared down the hallway leading to his mother’s bedroom.
“How are preparations for your Christmas open house going?” his mother asked.
“Good, I think. Maggie and Celeste have been baking up a storm. Ethan’s clearing a spot on the lake for skating, and we’ve arranged for Jim Fisher to give hayrides with his heavy horse team. As long as we don’t get forty below weather, we should be fine.”
“Sounds lovely. I remember how Miranda’s father used to clear snow from the lake so we could skate. We had so much fun.”
“We’re hoping people have fun skating during the open house.” He cleared his throat. “Mom, do you remember a pair of antique earrings Miranda owned? I think they were gold, with diamonds. Maggie inherited them.”
A brief smile flitted across Abby’s face. “Yes, I remember them. Miranda received them as a gift when Maggie was born. That’s why she inherited them.”
“Would you happen to have a picture of them?”
His mother thought for a moment. “I think I do. Why do you need a picture of the earrings?”
He hesitated, but there was no way he could keep this from her if he wanted to find the earrings. “Maggie pawned them.” He gave a brief account of how she’d had to sell them at a pawn shop.
Abby shook her head. “The poor, stubborn girl. Why didn’t she come to me? Reese and I would have helped her.”
“She’s too proud, Mom. She didn’t want anyone to know she was in trouble, and she still doesn’t want anyone to know. She wouldn’t be happy if she found out I told you.”
“Then I won’t say a word. What do you plan to do?”
“I’m hoping to get them back for her. I’ll check pawn shops in Minneapolis and see if I can find them.”
“And if you can’t?”
Luke shrugged. “Then I guess they’re lost forever. Don’t tell Maggie I’m looking for them. It’s a longshot at best, and I don’t want to raise her hopes.”
“All right.” She pointed to a bookcase across the room. “There are some old photo albums on the bottom shelf of that bookcase. Can you bring them to me?”
Truth and Solace Page 17