Kate was being hard on him and I wished she would let up a little.
“No, nothing,” I said.
“Look. We’re all on the same page here,” he said. “I do want to hear about anything you think is important regarding Nathaniel because I think everything will help. I want us all to work together.”
Kate inhaled, but then smiled. It was a real smile for the first time that night.
“Good. I’m glad you realize that it’s not silly to use Abby to help catch him.”
“Okay, good,” he said. “I’ll keep you updated with anything that comes in. I promise.”
Dr. Mortimer stared out at the sunset while Kate finished her espresso.
“So how’s that new boyfriend of yours?” he asked.
I was surprised at the question and Kate looked flustered for a moment. She put down her cup and paused, struggling to find the right words.
“Oh. Colin,” she said, trying to sound casual. “He’s good.”
I could tell that Kate was wondering how he knew about Colin as her eyes rested on mine for a moment.
“You’d like him,” she added.
Dr. Mortimer smiled.
“I’m sure he’s a nice guy. Good. Good for you.”
I figured he just wanted back into our lives, one way or another. And maybe by accepting that Kate had moved on, we could all be friends again.
I waited for her to ask if he was seeing anyone, but she didn’t. We stared at couples and kids in bright shirts walking along the path. Kate’s phone buzzed and she stood up and answered it, walking over to the grass as she talked. Dr. Mortimer asked the waitress for the check and handed her his credit card.
“Thanks, Dr. Mortimer,” I said. “Dinner was great,”
“My pleasure. I hope we can do this again. More often, I mean.”
He stood up and stretched.
“I promise you,” he then said. “I’ll find him. And he’ll be held accountable for all the terrible things he’s done, regardless of the police department’s theory.” I could see the hurt in his eyes, the betrayal he felt. Embarrassment, too. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I nodded.
Kate finished her conversation and joined us again as he signed for the bill. She thanked him for dinner and they said goodbye. I saw those crazy bands of white energy shooting out around both of them. I gave them a moment and walked over to the edge of the river, looking for Jesse. It was an old habit.
I didn’t know why, but it seemed like he should have been here with us. A sharp sadness jolted through me. I wiped a tear that had slipped down my cheek, pulled down my sunglasses, and turned back toward Kate and Dr. Mortimer, who were making awkward small talk.
“Maybe we could do this again before the summer is over?” he said.
“Yeah, maybe so,” she said.
I gave Dr. Mortimer a hug goodbye, holding on a little longer than usual.
I didn’t know what my story was. I started the dinner happy and somehow I ended up sad.
I loved Jesse more than ever. I loved him across life and death and the murkiness between our worlds. I knew that we belonged together.
But I wasn’t sure if I would ever see him again.
CHAPTER 9
I was always a little lost on Saturdays. I never worked on the weekends and there was no soccer either. Kate was usually out, at the newspaper or with Colin, and the house was quiet and empty.
I decided to start running in the park where Jesse and I used to hang out. I didn’t want it to make me sad or anything, but I figured I could work on my speed for soccer and look for him at the same time.
It was a nice afternoon and not too crowded. The running path I was on looped around the park before disappearing into the forest and coming back out at the swings. It was half a mile and I planned on starting with four laps.
I had put together a good running playlist on my iPod and turned up the volume. Wolfmother pulsated through my ears as I picked up speed. I ran past some kids, past the “fitness boot camp” group that was working out with weights on the grass, past the dogs playing in their gated area. I scanned the basketball courts, watching some boys in the middle of an intense game.
I flashed back to when Jesse and I went to a Portland Trail Blazers game with his dad. We were just kids then and had nosebleed seats and ate too many hot dogs. But it was fun and Jesse talked about it for weeks after.
“You’ll be coming to all my games, right?”
I laughed. We were still in elementary school and he had just started playing basketball in the afterschool sports program. He was kind of short back then, too.
“Come on, Abby. I’m talking about when I sign my contract. Of course, I’ll be on the Spurs so you’ll have to move to San Antonio. But I’ll buy you some cowboy boots if you come along with me.”
I smiled.
“I’ll need a swimming pool too,” I said.
“Deal,” he said.
It felt good to be able to run. Sometimes it was hard to believe that a little more than a year ago I had trouble just walking to the Jeep. There were so many days that I was sure that I would never be able to run or play soccer again.
And now I was doing both.
I started thinking about my plans for September, when the river guide job was done. Kate said I could probably work part-time over at the newspaper on the features desk as an assistant. She had a friend who was the editor of that section and had offered me a position if I wanted it. I would be in charge of the calendar section, checking dates of events and making sure everything was correct. It would be a tedious desk job, but I felt I could do it if it came down to it.
Ty and a few others taught skiing up at the mountain and asked if that was something I would be interested in. But I knew I wasn’t ready for the slopes yet. My balance wasn’t there, I could tell. I really liked their lifestyle though, going from one fun job to another, depending on the season.
I thought about the guides and how much they were always smiling. They really loved what they did. They were outdoors and interacting with people and even though they didn’t make much money, they were the happiest people I’d ever been around.
That’s what I wanted. I wanted to find that. Something I loved doing so it didn’t even feel like I was working. I was pretty sure that the newspaper job wasn’t going to be like that.
But I didn’t really know what I liked to do. I liked soccer and running and river rafting, but I couldn’t think of any sort of career that would involve those things. I mostly knew what I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to be inside at a cubicle, and I for sure didn’t want to be in a classroom.
I looked up ahead at the cluster of trees I was about to run through. It was dark in the forest, covered in thick shadows. Weak sunlight cascaded through the branches up above. The shade felt good though. I was hot and working up a good sweat.
I looked up ahead and stopped.
She stood in the distance just off the path, lingering in the trees, staring at me with those razor sharp eyes.
Chills shot through my body. Again.
I pulled out my ear buds, trying to catch my breath but never taking my eyes off her. Her white dress blew behind her. She looked exactly the same as she had that day on the river, her wet hair matted down around her head and gown, that same dead expression. Her face was stark white with large, dark circles surrounding those piercing eyes.
She stood there, waiting. Waiting for me.
A gust of cold air slammed into me. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. She kept staring, refusing to let go of my eyes.
I shivered as I backed away slowly before turning around and taking off back to the park. I ran as fast as I could, back to the sun, back to the people playing on the grass. Back to normal. I didn’t stop until I got to the Jeep, didn’t look back until I was inside with the doors locked.
She hadn’t followed me, but I needed to get away. I quickly started the car and drove out of the parking lot. With my
heart still thundering in my chest and my body shaking, I weaved down the street and headed home.
That was twice now. Twice that I’d seen her.
No other ghost in the past year had done what she was doing.
She was stalking me.
CHAPTER 10
I was glad the house was still empty when I pulled up.
I was shaking as I stood in the shower, letting hot water rain down on me. I hoped it would wash away the dark feeling. There was something awful about that ghost, something horrifying.
She carried with her the same darkness I used to feel. That darkness from the lake.
I stayed under the water for a long time. When I finally came out, the bathroom was like a sauna with dense steam hanging thick in the air. I wrapped myself in towels and a robe and headed over to my computer.
I had told Kate about those others that I had seen on the streets and I would tell her about this one too. Just not yet. I didn’t want her to worry. Also, if she knew I’d seen the ghost on the river she’d want me to quit my job.
For now, I needed Claire’s opinion.
I had found Claire on the internet six months ago when I wasn’t getting anywhere on my own in my search for Jesse. I had a sinking feeling that he was getting farther and farther away from me and I needed to know what had happened to him. If he was okay. I knew he wouldn’t leave me if he had a choice. I wanted to know whether he was gone for good or if he still was out there. Needing me.
I felt kind of stupid looking for a medium online. There were thousands of them, all willing to help in exchange for a credit card number. But I wasn’t a fool. I knew that most of them were fakes. Most of the sites I visited left me with a bad feeling, and I knew they were taking advantage of sad, desperate people. So I kept looking, hoping to find one real one who could help me. One was all I needed.
It had taken a few weeks to find her. But when I did, it felt right.
Claire was a single mom who lived in London and who always had “the gift” of seeing spirits and dead people, according to her website. I didn’t know what it was about her, maybe just a feeling. But she was the only one I contacted.
I knew that Kate and Dr. Mortimer and Dr. Krowe would say that it was just proof that I still hadn’t accepted Jesse’s death and that I needed more therapy. So I didn’t tell anyone about what I was doing.
I wrote to her to see if she could help me. And when I told her that I had seen and talked to Jesse for months after he died, she believed me. She told me it happened like that sometimes, that sometimes spirits stayed around because they weren’t ready to let go.
We never spoke on the phone, only through email or instant message. She said she wanted to help because I had an “interesting energy” and that she would like to work with me. She never did end up charging me for anything either.
I didn’t know what she was talking about. But I was excited. Maybe it had something to do with what Jesse had told me at the lake, that we were in betweeners. I didn’t really care about any of that though. I just wanted to find Jesse.
But Claire couldn’t find Jesse either. She was asking her guides for help and calling out to him across the frozen land of the dead, as she put it. She told me not to give up hope, that there was still time and that maybe there was a reason he hadn’t been in contact with me.
But she also said something else.
Claire warned me to prepare myself. Jesse may have moved on.
I took the towel off my wet head and entered her site. She always had a new message on her page. Today’s message was about how we were all eternal beings and we would one day be reunited with our loved ones who had died.
I typed out a quick note telling her about my encounters with the ghost and what she looked like. I also wrote about how she scared me and asked how I could get her to leave me alone.
I didn’t know how long it would take for Claire to write back. She was usually pretty fast, but she did have a full time job and two little kids. And then there was the time difference between Oregon and England.
I closed my laptop and sat back, checking the clock. I had a few hours before the concert. I yawned and realized I was exhausted. I dried my hair and got into bed, falling fast into a deep sleep.
CHAPTER 11
By the time I left for the concert, I felt better. I hadn’t heard back from Claire, but that was okay. That dark feeling that had followed me home from the park was gone and I was looking forward to getting outside and being with people.
Ty was waiting by Red Robin for me. It was funny to see him in his regular clothes because they were exactly the same as his guide clothes. River sandals, a T-shirt, and shorts. The only change was his hair. It seemed fluffier or something.
“Hi,” he said, smiling. “Good to see you. You look really nice.”
I was dressed casually, but I had on capris and a tank top with dressier shoes. I put on a little mascara and lip gloss, so I must have looked a little different.
“Good to see you too,” I said.
Swarms of people passed us carrying bags and blankets, heading to the amphitheater.
“Please, allow me,” Ty said, wrapping his arm around the strap of my beach chair.
“Thanks.”
We followed the crowd and headed to the concert. I loved this venue. It was a great place to listen to music. There was a large, grassy area with a big stage up front. I had seen Lyle Lovett here with Kate a few years back and Death Cab for Cutie with my high school soccer team before my accident.
We walked through the gates and handed over our tickets. The river slid by on the right. There were already two canoes and a few kayakers anchored to the little sand island in the middle, waiting to hear the concert for free.
Most of the lawn was already filled up with people and blankets and chairs.
“Amber got us a spot up front,” Ty said. “She got here hours ago.”
I nodded. I had that fluttery nervous feeling but couldn’t figure out why. It wasn’t the same feeling I had with the ghost. It was something else. Then it came to me. Ty had asked me out to dinner a while ago, and I had never answered. With everything that was going on, I had forgotten.
“Want some ice cream?” he asked. “My treat.”
“Yeah, that would be great,” I said.
He nodded and got in line. When he returned, he held up an ice cream sandwich and a drumstick.
“Pick your poison.”
“I’ll take the sandwich.”
We stood by the fence, eating, staring up at the stage. A few roadies were setting up for the opening act and testing the sound equipment.
“So what did you do today, Abby Craig?” Ty said. “Something exhilarating, I hope.”
I finished chewing and thought about the ghost. It was exhilarating, but probably not in the way he meant.
“Not too much,” I said. “Went for a run. Had a nap. You?”
“Smith Rock. I’m learning how to rock climb.”
“Wow,” I said. “That sounds fun.”
“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to do it. It’s beautiful out there. Have you been?”
I nodded my head.
Smith Rock was about 30 miles northeast of Bend and had amazing sheer cliffs, rock walls, and deep river canyons. It was a popular area with climbers from all over the country. There were hiking trails as well, along the Crooked River. Kate and I had gone with Mom when we were kids.
“Yeah, I’ve been once, but it was a long time ago. We did the hike to the top. I remember my legs burning because it was so steep. We saw a rattlesnake, too.”
“I love it out there,” he said.
We tossed out the wrappers.
“Let’s go find the gang,” he said.
I tried to summon my courage. I didn’t want to just not say anything. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
“Hey, Ty, about that dinner,” I said, sounding a little too rehearsed.
He paused for a moment looking at the ground before meeting my e
yes.
“I was wondering if you’d forgotten. You know, that I asked. Then I thought maybe you were still mad at me about the river thing, when I threw you in.”
“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that,” I said. “I’ve just been busy lately. And I had to think about it.”
That sounded stupid. I felt my cheeks getting prickly hot, no doubt turning six shades of red. This was ridiculous. My heart was fluttering like hummingbird wings, quivering strangely in my chest. I kept going, though. I had to explain things to him.
“It’s just, well, I was involved with someone for a long time. A real long time. And now I’m not, but I still really care for him. I guess it feels a little too soon. But I wanted you to know, if it wasn’t for that, I’d love to go to dinner with you. I mean, I think you’re great. Really.”
I looked away for a moment, breathing in the soft evening air and trying to relax. Ty smiled, his bright energy dancing around like fireflies captured in a jar.
“Hey, I understand.”
We started walking over toward the blankets to get our seats.
“But, you know, I was just thinking it would be a dinner. Just as friends, I mean. Can’t we do that?”
We walked up the grassy aisle and over toward our group.
“At least think about it,” he said. “And if you decide to come out with me, I promise to leave the engagement ring at home.”
He laughed and I punched him lightly in the arm.
“Hey, there they are,” Amber yelled when she saw us.
It was a great spot on the lawn, just a few rows back from the stage. Everyone was already there, plus a few others I didn’t recognize, sitting on blankets and beach chairs among bottles of wine. Amber did some quick introductions.
Ty set up our chairs and I sat down, waiting for my heartbeat to settle back into a normal rhythm and for the music to take me away.
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