“Let me decide what’s fair,” he said. “I can handle it. That works for me now.”
He looked at me for a minute.
“Let’s just hang out together and see what happens,” he finally said.
We sat in silence and finished our drinks.
“Okay, Abby Craig,” Ty said as we walked back to the cars. The night air was cold on my face. “I’ll be around. How about you call me if you feel like it? We can go see a movie or take a walk. I’m a pretty good goalie too, if you want to get in some practice. You just let me know.”
He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. He still smelled of that tropical lotion that he rubbed on his skin all summer.
“Okay,” I said, smiling. “Deal.”
I watched as he walked away.
CHAPTER 45
Kate pulled out her suitcase and threw it on the bed.
“You know, normally I wouldn’t mind, but he’s been such a jerk lately,” she said.
She was leaving for New York in the morning and the editors had decided that Colin would be taking over her beat while she was gone, which meant he was going to be writing up a lot of the top stories.
We were in her room and I was lying on the floor with her fluffy down comforter over me.
“Let it go, Kate. Who cares? Look where you’re going and what you’re doing. You’re leaving for an interview in New York City.”
She put the three piles of clothes on her desk inside the carry-on. Then she grabbed a few more sweaters and stuffed them in. She was only going for a few days, but seemed to be packing for a month.
“I still have to get the job remember. I’m still up against a lot of people. A lot of topnotch people.”
“I think Annabelle’s story is going to push you right past all the competition.”
“Thanks. Hey, speaking of Annabelle, I called the Portland detectives today. They opened up her case again and now it’s a homicide. I’m really hoping they take a good look at her husband again.”
I had watched Harrison on television. I knew it wasn’t him.
“I don’t think he did it,” I said.
“Really?”
“Just a feeling.”
I sighed and was quiet.
“Abby, finding Annabelle should make you feel really good. You helped them. Both of them.”
“We helped them,” I said. “It does feel good, but I want more. I want them to find out who killed her. I just wish she could have told me who did it. I hate that there’s still a killer out there.”
Kate took another jacket out of her closet and put it on the bed.
“You’re starting to remind me of some of those cops I deal with,” she said. “The ones who have been at it a while, have a heaviness inside that only seems to get worse with the weight of every unsolved case.”
“Hmmm,” I said.
“But these things take time. It’s just the beginning of the investigation,” she said. “I’m hoping they’ll leave me out of it though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I got a call from Bend PD. They heard that I was in Portland, snooping around about Annabelle a week before Daniel took his pictures of the body. They’re a little suspicious and want me to come in and talk to them.”
“Damn,” I said. “You should have told me sooner.”
“This kind of stuff comes with the job. Don’t worry. I’m not worried. If I have to, I’ll tell them I have an anonymous source who tipped me off. But I’m hoping they’ll leave it alone.”
I told Kate I didn’t care if she had to tell them about me, about how I saw Annabelle’s ghost. I was tired of hiding. Maybe it was time to just be who I was and not care what other people thought.
“Just tell them. I don’t care.”
“Thanks, but nobody’s going to believe your ghost story anyway. I’m glad you’re thinking along those lines though. It’s time for you to be comfortable in your skin.”
We were quiet for a while. Kate sat on the suitcase and I helped her zip it up.
“I just wish Ben was in town,” she said.
Dr. Mortimer told her that he was in California at a medical convention for the week and that he might stay on a little longer to visit family.
“Even though we know that someone is watching Nathaniel, I still hate to leave you alone.”
“I’m fine. Really. Don’t worry about that. I have some friends around if I need anything. So if they offer you the job when would you start?”
“Within the month. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
I smiled.
“Kate. If it’s good, I want you to take it. Really. I’ll be disappointed if you don’t.” I looked at her for a minute. “I’m serious. And like you said, you’ll come back to visit. And I’ll come visit too. It’s important to do what we’re supposed to do. You’ve outgrown The Bugler. You need to move on.”
Kate reached over and gave me a long hug.
“And I’ll even keep watering your flowers.”
It was a pretty good joke and I was glad to see her laugh. Almost all her flowers had died in a freak early frost the week before.
“Thanks, Abby. It means a lot that you’re supporting me.”
We said goodnight. Her flight was early and I was dropping her off at the Redmond airport in just a few hours.
CHAPTER 46
Shortly after Kate left, I started a new job at Back Street Coffee. I was just working at the counter, but so far it was okay. I liked the people. They were friendly.
Ty had already stopped by a few times. He sat up at the bar and always ordered a black coffee.
Kate had called Wednesday in the afternoon and left a message saying that the interview had gone well. I called her on my break and she told me that they had asked her back for one last interview later in the week.
“That sounds like a good sign,” I said.
I was standing in the alley, wishing I had my jacket. A breeze was blowing right into me.
“Yeah,” Kate said. “It does, huh?”
I didn’t tell her, but I had a strong feeling that she would be offered the job. And I was finally okay with it. I was learning to accept change.
I finished my shift and grabbed my stuff in the back. The owner, Mike, was up on a ladder, hoisting a large burlap bag off a shelf.
“Bye, Mike,” I said, taking off my apron and hanging it up on the rack.
“See you tomorrow, Abby.”
It wasn’t that late yet, but the sun didn’t seem as bright and was already falling out of the sky. It was hard to get used to it, summer slipping away and autumn coming. But some of the leaves were already changing and there was a nip in the air.
I walked down Bond Street and then over to the library to return some books for Kate.
***
It was busy downtown. People were out eating in restaurants and going to the bank and buying jewelry. They were walking their dogs and making deliveries and trying on clothes in the boutiques. They were working and eating and laughing.
And I was dropping books off at the library.
That’s when I saw him.
In the trees by the parking lot, standing there, watching me.
I jumped at first, my heart thundering hard and fast in my chest. My breath disappeared. Tears welled up fast in my eyes.
It couldn’t be him.
But he kept staring as he walked toward me. He was still wearing that damn baseball cap.
It was him.
“Hey, Craigers,” he said, coming in close.
I looked up into his gray eyes. He didn’t look away. I couldn’t move.
Jesse.
CHAPTER 47
I couldn’t stop crying.
He was in front of me.
Standing right there.
I reached out and touched his face.
Jesse.
I was frozen. Confused. Breathless. I couldn’t stop staring at him.
“Craigers, you gotta say something,” he said. “A
nd you gotta breathe.”
He didn’t look any different. He was exactly the same as I remembered.
I was spinning.
“Jesse?” I finally whispered, forcing the words out. “Is it really you?”
“Yeah, it’s me, Craigers.” He gave me a long hug. “Please. I know you’re in shock. But come with me. I need to talk to you and I don’t have much time.”
He took my hand and we walked over to the park, found a bench, and sat down.
“I can’t believe this,” I said.
My head was light. I couldn’t think straight.
“Come on, Craigers, you’ve seen ghosts before. It’s not so crazy.”
He laughed a little, but then was serious again.
“But where have you been?” I asked.
We embraced and I was lost inside him and never wanted to let go. He smelled the same, felt the same. And I felt safe in his arms.
A harsh wind blew into us. It was true. He was real. Jesse was real.
I touched his face again, my fingers sliding down over his lips.
“I remember our kiss at the lake. I love you, Jesse. I want you to know that.”
“I know that, Craigers. I love you too.”
He stood up.
“But something’s coming,” he said. “That’s why I’m here. There’s a darkness gathering around you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know exactly,” he said, sitting back down. “You don’t see it, do you?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t.”
Two women walked by with a little dog.
“Is it Annabelle? Is she coming back?”
“Let’s walk for a while,” he said.
I smiled as he took my hand and pulled me up. It was the same Jesse. Never able to sit for long. I was surprised he didn’t have his basketball.
We walked alongside the river. He put his arm around me and pulled me tight as we headed over to the bridge, the wind blowing dead leaves into us.
“I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too, Craigers,” he said. “But I had to leave.”
“I know,” I said. “I figured they wouldn’t let you stay. It killed me, though.”
Jesse was quiet. We walked up to the middle of the bridge and looked out at the river. It was windy, but we stood watching the ducks swim by, watching the trees blow.
“I’m sorry, Craigers. But it was the only way.”
I inhaled, the air stinging my lungs. The sun was nearly gone now but there was still a lightness in the sky.
“Wait,” I said. “What do you mean, it was the only way?”
He looked at me, his sad eyes large.
“You needed to move on. You couldn’t live your life being in love with… with whatever it is I am now. I had to leave.”
I pulled my hand away.
“You’re saying you had a choice?”
Jesse was quiet. I started shivering. It was cold. And what he was saying made me feel even colder.
“I did it for you, Craigers. I did it because I love you.”
I looked up at him. Anger, hot and quick, shot through me.
“That’s not love. Leaving isn’t love, Jesse.”
We stood apart, quiet. I tried to calm down.
“It was for the best,” he said, moving closer. “And it wasn’t easy, Craigers. Do you know how hard it’s been, being away from you? Do you know how much I love you still? But there wasn’t a choice. Not a real one anyway. You can’t give your life over to a ghost. Staying away was the right thing to do. I did it for you.”
I moved a few steps away.
“It’s been hell without you here. You’re saying you left me on purpose, that you could have stayed?”
Jesse played with his hat, pushing it down tight on his head. I walked off the bridge and he followed.
“Craigers,” he said. “It’s like I told you back at the lake, you don’t need me anymore.”
“How could you say that? I’ll always need you.”
My face was hot with fury, the tears flowing from my eyes. I walked up ahead of him. He could have been with me this whole time. But he had chosen instead to break my heart.
I turned around. I wanted to hear his explanation, I wanted to hear why.
But he was gone.
Again.
I ran, ran until I couldn’t think anymore. Ran up a steep hill, ran until his voice was pounded out of my mind and I only heard my hard breathing in the night air.
I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t care. When I stopped, I stared out at the lights twinkling in the city below me and screamed.
I tried to push him out of my mind. He left me when he didn’t have to. He had decided our future and had taken that choice away from me.
I would have loved a ghost. And I would have loved him forever. I would love him forever.
“Damn it, Jesse,” I whispered into the darkness.
When there were no more tears left, I started back. I walked in a daze down the hill, past the bridge, and then to the Jeep.
I didn’t see Jesse in the parking lot.
And I didn’t want to.
CHAPTER 48
It took me a few days to realize that Jesse was right. My anger was gone and replaced by a searing guilt that kept me up at night. I was wrong for getting so angry at him for doing what was best for us. Maybe one day we could be together, but not now. I couldn’t be in his world and he knew it was wrong to stay in mine.
I had acted like a child.
I was glad that I had the job and was working a lot of hours. It helped me get my mind off everything.
I wanted to see him, even if it was just once more.
Only to say that I was sorry.
***
I looked for him over at our park in the morning and then at the library on the way to work. On my break, I walked around downtown hoping to bump into him. I whispered my apologies in the wind, hoping they would reach his ears even if he didn’t come back.
I knew now that he still loved me and that it must have been hard to stay away.
I also realized too that I hadn’t completely healed from the accident. I still had to let go of Jesse’s ghost. That would be the last and hardest part.
I wandered back over to Back Street. I still had 10 minutes left on my break and sat outside at one of the tables and checked my phone. Kate had called and left a long message saying they had taken her out sightseeing and she had seen the Statue of Liberty and the World Trade Center Memorial.
Jack Martin had called too, reminding me about our indoor game that night.
I inhaled and ignored my jittery stomach. I stared at the numbers on my phone. And then I called Ty.
He didn’t pick up, but I left a message inviting him out to dinner on Friday night. My treat.
I walked back in and finished my shift, feeling a little better.
CHAPTER 49
I drove over to the indoor soccer arena thinking about the plastic turf. In our last game, I had gotten a nasty burn when I was pushed down by a crazy girl with long hair. This was the first season I had ever played indoors. It was fun and all, but nothing like real soccer.
I turned on Empire and pulled up to the large warehouse. It was nice seeing the familiar cars in the parking lot. I zipped up my jacket as I walked toward the doors. The stars were out, bright in the cool black sky above.
It was an easy win, 3-1. I scored one of the goals with Tim’s help.
Jack handed out Gatorades to celebrate the win. I finished most of it, grabbed my stuff, and then headed out.
My heart raced as I looked out in the parking lot. Jesse was by the lights. He had come back and I had another chance.
“Jesse,” I said, running up to him.
He smiled when I looked back up at him. He still didn’t look like a ghost.
“I’m so sorry,” I said. “I totally overreacted. It’s just that I’ve missed you so much.”
�
�I know, Craigers,” he said, looking at me. “I understand. You have to know that I did it because I love you. More than ever.”
“I know that now,” I said.
“But I’ve come back for another reason.”
“What?”
“The black energy—”
Cars drove by, their headlights like spotlights.
Jack suddenly walked up.
“Good game,” he said. “Good night.”
He didn’t see Jesse. I could tell. I smiled. But when I turned back, Jesse was gone.
I knew he would come back. And when he did, we would figure it out. We would find a way to make it work.
***
The Jeep wouldn’t start.
I tried it again as Jack walked back over.
“That doesn’t sound good. What’s up?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It’s not starting.”
“Probably just the battery. Let me grab my cables.”
The parking lot was nearly empty now and Jack moved his truck over to the Jeep. He hooked up the two cars and we tried to get it going. But it still wouldn’t turn over.
“Let me try one last thing,” he said.
He fiddled with something else as the last car left. But it was no use.
“I’ll run you home, Abby,” he said, smiling. “No big deal. We can come back with a new battery in the morning.”
“Okay,” I said. “That would be great.”
CHAPTER 50
It must have been in the Gatorade bottle that Jack handed to me after the game.
I had been in and out of consciousness for hours.
“I feel sick,” I mumbled.
“You’ll be okay, Abby. Just relax. That’s the best thing you can do for yourself right now.”
I was in the backseat, tied down. Jack was driving. It was dark. Dark and empty.
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