by Cherry Kay
“What makes you think we won’t work out together?” David asked her, his tone angry this time.
Did she say something wrong? It was only the truth, and they deserved a bit of it. They didn’t start off well in that island, with their secrets and demons.
She shrugged. “This. I guess it’s this,” she said, spreading her hands out in front of her. “We’re not compatible.”
He snorted. “Because we argue? Because you’re stubborn, and a lot of times, a pain in the ass?”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re too stubborn.”
“And you think you aren’t?” Caryn scoffed. “You think you’ve got the whole world figured out because you’ve got an IQ everyone else is dying to have? I’ll tell you what, you’re stupid, and you’re emotionally stupid.”
He opened his mouth, but no words came out.
“Gotcha,” Caryn said, “I’m grateful we’re here, I really am, but I don’t want to be subjected to whatever issues you want resolved. You won’t get that from me. I’m here for my baby, our baby. It’s time we both grew up, don’t you think? I feel like we’re still in that island, stuck in our little paradise of misery and deceit, and false happiness.” “I was happy,” he said, clearing his throat. “I was happy you were there. I was happy you came into my life. That was the only moment I ever felt real happiness since I left Cali.”
It was Caryn’s turn to be at a loss for words. His eyes bore the truth. His voice bore the truth. It shook just a little, and she could see he was trying to keep himself steady. She looked up to him, stepped in closer to his face.
“I never wanted you to leave. I wanted you to be with me,” he said. “You were the real paradise there.”
*
She was paradise there, he thought. He had hidden himself away from the many people, damaged and distrustful, and he hadn’t thought that it would be Caryn to be the definition of paradise.
“My favorite Christmas was that morning, with you,” he said, finding it difficult to look at her.
He saw the look on Caryn’s face, and for a moment, he thought she was going to burst into tears. Instead of that, she simply nodded, biting her lips together.
“And I’d like to add more to those favorite memories. It’s Christmas Eve tomorrow,” he said, “would it be too much if I asked you and Emilia to spend it with me? My family as well? It’s a family thing, sorry.”
“I’d almost forgotten what it was like to have a family…” she said softly, looking out at the window. “Until Emilia came along. We made each other happy, in the simplest way possible. You- you’re adding to the family we already have.”
“Do you mind?”
“I don’t,” she said. “Even if I’m supposed to, right?”
“We have a lot to work on,” he said tentatively, “but I’m willing to do what it takes to work on myself, work together, and work for Emilia…” He looked at Caryn, hoping for that positive reaction from her.
“Words are fine, actions are better, and I think you’ve done your fair share.”
“You’ve done just that, you know,” he said, shifting his footing. “Single motherhood isn’t easy.”
“You’d know because?”
“Ironically, my mother’s foundation supports teen and single mothers from prenatal care up to birthing,” he told her. “There’s also an organization I care for that helps orphans. I’m glad Emilia didn’t end up in one.”
“I couldn’t bear that. I don’t think I can live with myself if I did. I mean, have you seen how she looks? I- well, we, we made that,” she said, smiling.
David found himself grinning. “Yeah, we made Emilia, alright.”
“So, what now?”
“What do you mean? You’re already here, you have a job waiting for you, Emilia will be well cared for.” “I meant us,” she said, looking at her feet.
“Us,” he repeated, sinking back onto the couch. How was he going to say this without becoming too forward? Us. The word was hefty, as large as commitment needed it to be, wanted it to be. He had been readying himself since the day he had brought flowers over to her little cottage… now, he felt that he wasn’t. When would he ever be ready? Caryn had been a gift to him, wasn’t she? As was Emilia. “We’re making progress,” he said with half a smile. “We’re not fighting now.”
“What do you plan for us?”
“I thought you didn’t want me bossing you around,” David said.
“No, it’s just- we need direction. If you’re not in this, how can I be in this?”
“Things like this need time,” David told her, carefully choosing his words. “And I’m willing to spend as much time on this as you are. A relationship is a two-way street, after all.”
“Two-way street,” Caryn murmured. “You’re not willing to do this with me. You’re afraid. You’re fine being a parent, but not as—"
“Your partner? I’m Emilia’s father, I should have a good relationship with you,” David intoned.
“You’re making this sound business-like again,” she said, bitterly.
“I’m trying, Caryn,” he sighed. “I really am. I’m just so bad at this.”
“Stop thinking about how bad it’s going to be, or we’re never going to fix this,” she said.
“There’s nothing wrong with us. Maybe”-“
“Maybe it’s you,” she interrupted, “Maybe it’s me. Whoever is at fault, here we are again, arguing.”
David took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “I really want this to work.”
“That’s why I asked. How else was I supposed to know what’s in your head? I don’t know you well enough.”
“That month wasn’t enough. You’re right. We’re two effed up people who made a mistake, a beautiful mistake, mind you--”
She huffed. “I don’t believe this. I quit my job, I moved halfway across the country, just to hear this?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way!”
“How else am I supposed to take it?” she told him, standing up. “I have no one here, Emilia and I are alone--” “You have me,” his voice said, loud and true. He stood up, and faced her. “You have me.”
*
Christmas with his family was almost dreamy, she realized. Their home was decorated sparsely, but the air was festive, there were mimosas and a table heaped with food, apart from the fire that danced merrily in the hearth.
She hadn’t entered a home this large since… since the island, and she hadn’t entered a home this homey since… the last time she saw her father. She almost shuddered, but she carried on, with Emilia in her arms.
His family greeted her warmly, as usual, and they did their best to put her at ease, even if they didn’t have to. The DNA test results weren’t out yet, but they wanted her here, they wanted Emilia here. Did David tell his family about the two of them? What had happened? And what was about to, however vague those plans were. His promises had landed her here, in California, in a strangers’ home, strangers that wanted her to be a part of their family.
They took turns carrying Emilia around, taking photos with her, teasing her and she laughed, touching their faces, cooing and salivating, while Caryn was told to take her time with dinner. David ate beside her, and it made her feel self-conscious.
“You’d better eat greens, my mom’s watching you even if it looks like she isn’t,” he told her.
Caryn nodded, forcing a forkful of salad into her mouth. Dinner was equally healthy and filling, she realized later on. Charlotte made her drink a tiny bit of sparkling wine, just a tiny bit, she insisted, much to David’s consternation.
“Oh, come on, Dave, that wasn’t even going to get to her gullet,” Charlotte huffed.
It was an easygoing dinner, and there were no weird questions. David’s family was not only kind, but tactful as well. David excused himself for a phone call, as the rest of the family lounged on couches facing the veranda still taking their turns holding Emilia, while Caryn found herself sitt
ing on a separate couch with his mother, Jane.
She could hear the waves below, and she was glad she wore a sweater. California winters were colder than she remembered.
“So, Caryn,” Jane began, “Tell me about yourself.”
This caught her off guard. She had thought they were going to talk about Emilia, at least. “There isn’t much to know.”
“Let’s start with your family?”
“Emilia’s my only family.”
Jane’s eyebrows rose. “No parents?”
“My mom died early. My father- well, I haven’t seen him since he remarried. My mom was an orphan. She had no family, and then she met my father, and… you know.”
“Where is your father now?”
“New York. But I never got the chance to see him, and vice versa.”
“So, you write?” Jane asked her, calmly shifting the topic.
“Yeah, well, I used to, until two days ago.”
Jane laughed. “You’ll be starting after the New Year. It might not be at par with your skills, but it’s a step for better things.”
“I really appreciate you doing this for me, you didn’t have to.”
“David was adamant about bringing you here. He wants Emilia close.”
Caryn nodded. “Of course.”
“And you as well,” Jane added.
Caryn looked up to see the playful smile on Jane’s lips.
“I take it that it was love at first sight for David when he saw you?”
Caryn shook her head. “I wouldn’t really know,” she said, not wanting to blush. She desperately hoped she wouldn’t.
“I think it was,” Jane said wistfully. “He’s been a secret, and awkward romantic. Caryn, David might seem difficult at times, but he has a good heart, in all aspects, even with that history, before we became a family.”
“He- he told me about it, a little.”
“And?”
“And I know what it’s like to be abandoned. I couldn’t do that to Emilia, David couldn’t, the moment he found out…”
“Emilia has the best parents for her, then,” Jane concluded. The doorbell rang, and everyone looked up, not expecting a visitor at past ten in the evening. “David?” Jane called. “Can you get that?”
“I’m on it. Did you invite anyone else?” David asked from across.
“No,” Jane replied. “Sorry,” she said, facing Caryn, “Had to shout a little.”
Caryn smiled. “Let me just get Emilia. I hear her getting fussy.”
The moment Caryn walked for the lounge area, was when David opened the door a few feet away from her.
“David,” someone breathed out, a female voice.
Caryn looked up to see David’s eyes wide open. The person took another step, holding onto David’s arm.
“What are you-?” David was cut off, as the woman kissed him on the lips.
Caryn gasped audibly, loud enough for David’s siblings to hear it. They looked up, and then sideways.
“Oh god,” Daphne said.
David pulled back, and then he saw Caryn looking at him. She suddenly felt deaf, and dumb. She fumbled, excusing herself, grabbing Emilia from Charlotte’s hold. She wanted to get away from here. She saw the blonde, leggy, and attractive woman take a step forward to face everyone in the house. Was this her? Was this Amanda?
Blood left her face, and she realized that Amanda had come back for David…
“Caryn,” David called out. “It’s not--” Caryn heard Amanda gasp, and she couldn’t bear to look at the woman who had suddenly come to claim David for herself. This wasn’t happening, not on this night, not when she had thought everything was coming up in roses.
“I need to get out of here,” she whispered inaudibly, embracing Emilia tightly in her arms. “Please.”
Without another word, Caryn backed away from David’s sight.
“Caryn!” David cried out to her.
She ran from the lounge area, out to the veranda, and down a flight of stairs, not knowing where else to go, but to the beach.
The Final Chapter
It had taken all of seconds for Amanda to realize she had invaded David’s personal life, and it had taken her seconds to realize that David had a baby. It couldn’t have been anyone else’s. David looked mortified, confused, and helpless.
“Why are you here?” he demanded to her.
“David- I thought--”
“You thought wrong. I already forgave you, you didn’t need to show up here,” David said, his eyes in panic. “Damn it,” he muttered.
“I’m sorry, I--”
“Amanda,” Jane greeted her calmly, “what brings you here? Can I offer you anything?” she asked, steering Amanda past David, and past his siblings who looked pissed, more pissed than David was. “Come to the kitchen, let’s have a drink.”
“Where did she go?” David uttered out.
“Out, on the beach, in the sea, I don’t know,” Charlotte said, irritated. “Why the hell is she here?”
David looked distracted, as he walked out the balcony, looking for Caryn and Emilia. It was a cold night, surely Caryn wasn’t that thoughtless of their daughter. He saw nothing but blinking lights from a distance, and other homes with their holiday décor.
“David--” Daphne began.
“I need to find her.”
“Should I call 911?” Warren asked, his eyes concerned.
“No, I’ll find them.”
“It’s dark,” Cody said.
“I’ll find them,” David said, “she’s with Emilia. She can’t have gone that far.”
“David, she took her bag with her. For all we know, she’s gotten a cab or something.”
“I’ll find them,” David insisted.
“Can you deal with her?” he asked his siblings, nodding towards Amanda.
“Mom can deal with her,” Daphne muttered, clearly disliking the uninvited guest.
His brain was still fogged up, shocked from Amanda’s unsolicited kiss and arrival. He remembered her asking about second chances, and he hadn’t thought about it until now. His heart was solely concentrated on Caryn, no matter how hard he had tried to ignore it. A year wasn’t enough to get over her, and he was glad he hadn’t.
Tonight was supposed to be a happy occasion. He had more or less plotted out the events, he had wanted to ask her out on a date, a formal one this time, and leave Emilia for an hour or two with his parents the following day. The plan had crumbled, and he couldn’t find it in himself to admit that he had ruined things entirely, because he hadn’t been able to read the signs, that Amanda was begging for a second chance. So, she still loved him? It didn’t matter, whether Amanda truly did, or if she was just doing it for security. What mattered was he find mother and child, and find her rational in the least.
He grabbed a pullover and walked out of the house, amid his sisters’ protests, and his father’s. He tried calling her phone, but she couldn’t be reached. It took David an hour to walk back and forth the sandy shores of Laguna Beach, only to realize Caryn had left the area the moment she had gotten out of the house.
“I don’t need drama in my life,” he told himself as he walked back to the house.
“Well?” his mother began, as soon as he entered the living room. “Did you find them? The baby?”
David shook his head, knowing he had messed up big time. Of course, Caryn would never forgive him. He had taken all of her trust, and thrown it all away the moment Amanda came.
“She left, when mom explained it to her,” Cody told him.
“You should’ve seen her cry. She finished all the Kleenex,” Charlotte said, still annoyed that it ruined their Christmas Eve. It was almost twelve midnight, and David grabbed his keys.
“Don’t go, David. It’s almost Christmas,” Charlotte added.
David shook his head. “I need to look for them. I need to know they’re safe.”
“I’m sure they are,” Jane said soothingly. “You need rest, we all do. How about me and you
r dad help you first thing in the morning? Emotions are running high, I don’t think it’s best--” “You don’t know her the way I know her,” David replied. He walked up to his mother and kissed her on the cheek. “I need to find Caryn, mom. I need to find my family.”
Moments later, David drove down the coastal road, wondering how on earth he had survived that long without Caryn in his life. I shouldn’t have let you go, he thought, I should have looked for you, I should have.
He couldn’t live without Emilia now, and he couldn’t live without Caryn. He had been too stubborn to accept the signs- that he was in love with Caryn, and he had hoped she would have been too. The look in her eyes earlier still haunted him, and he cursed and stepped on the pedal, hoping that Caryn was where he thought she was: the penthouse.
*
Caryn slept in a hotel that night, lucky enough to find a cab cruising the streets. She looked at Emilia, who was swaddled in clean hotel sheets, and she wondered if she had done the right thing. It was no overreaction, was it? She had been hurt, hurt beyond recognition. I should have gotten used to this, she told herself. Her she was, envisioning that she had her own nuclear family this time, if only things worked out the way she imagined.
Realization after realization poured in. While everything was for Emilia, she had to leave some pride for herself, too, which she did tonight. It was that flight or fight response, and with a baby in tow, she was in no mood to fight. She fought for her independence, she fought to survive. Why didn’t she fight for him?
You let the people you love go, it was what my father did, and at least I wanted to believe that…
David had told her he wanted to create more happy Christmas memories with her around. She wasn’t gullible to believe that. She knew it was true. The David she had recently become reacquainted to had subtle changes that only she could pick up. Jane was right. It had been love at first sight for her.
She hadn’t felt that way for anyone yet, and she hadn’t felt that way for anyone until then. She had left her heart on that island, afraid that she would never feel so deeply for anyone else. She never did. David had always been in her mind. Caryn had thought fate intervened for her, that she should meet him. It shocked her, and yet it disturbed her, to know that she still felt the same way, even after a year. She couldn’t sleep a wink, even if the hotel was comfortable. She was using his money, still using the cash he had transferred- but she didn’t feel the least bit guilty.